THIRTY-THREE
Belle
Crickets sing on the front lawn as I step out of Cerise’s car. I spent the rest of the day with Zeus, pretending, denying. The two of us seemed content to reject the idea that life would continue after sunset, living in a kind of time-suspended bliss until the room grew dark and we were forced to face the inevitable.
I didn’t want to leave. I reverted back to the spoilt brat of not so many years ago and tossed out my bottom lip as I refused to go. The only thing that made me give in was the hurt in Zeus’s eyes as his patience wore thin. I wasn’t making the whole deal any easier on him by whining about the inevitable.
I was selfish. I still am.
His car idles to a stop on the roadside as I head out to wait for him. I made him come, adamant that today is the day. D-day. The day everything implodes and we find out where the pieces lie after all is said and done. My gut tells me that there would never be a right time to do this. Hell, my shaking hands do too. But as I pointed out to Zeus when he brought up the idea of waiting until I’ve moved out again, continuing to lie when Dad knows something is going on would be simply insulting his intelligence.
If I want to prove I’m the adult I hope they see me as, then I need to act like one. I need to own up to my faults and face the consequences of my actions.
I need to come clean.
“Are you ready to do this?” Zeus offers his hand as he rounds the car to where I wait on the sidewalk.
“As I’ll ever be.” I slip my hand in his, and for a fleeting second, I’m bombarded by a slew of conflicting emotions.
His hand brings memories of comfort in recent weeks, of the thrill of a lover’s kiss. But it also brings the security of a person I look up to, the man who would guide the child across a busy road, or keep her within reach while in a busy public place.
It’s a strange juxtaposition. One I don’t welcome in this moment.
“Are you sure this is the right thing to do?” He frowns, the conflict clear in his eyes.
“Positive.”
He seems unconvinced, sighing out his nose as he looks toward the front door. “I just… I think it would be better to let things settle.”
“What’s really on your mind?”
He looks across at me with apprehension. “Do you ever wonder if they can see something we can’t? I mean if everyone thinks this is wrong, maybe we are going about it the wrong way?”
“Don’t give in to the bullshit,” I snap, frustrated that last night’s fiasco has got to his head. “You love me, right?”
“Always.”
“So do this for me.” I tug him toward the house. “Trust me.”
I honestly can’t pick what Dad’s reaction will be. I hope for understanding, for tolerance, but damn… his daughter and his best friend. I’d be a fool not to understand the implications of that.
I give the nod, my nerves a fluttering moth against the burning light of my heart as Zeus pushes the door open.
Conversation stops within the house, the tail end of my father’s words lost as I step into the doorway, Zeus close behind.
“You decided to come back.” He frowns, eyes darting between the two of us.
Cerise reclines in her seat, wine in hand. “And you brought company. Goodie.”
Holy shit. How the hell did I think I could do this? My stomach clenches painfully, my hands hot and clammy as I rub them over the hips of my shorts. The keys rattle in my left, reminding me they’re hooked on my middle finger.
I step into the room, slowly, and set them down on the coffee table as though giving a peace offering. Cerise eyes me as I back to where Zeus remains, her shoulders rising with a deep breath.
Dad can’t even look at us.
“Should we begin?” Zeus asks, eying Dad.
“Begin what?” he bites back.
“They’re clearly here to tell us something,” Cerise remarks with a little too much glee in her tone.
“Yeah, we are.” Zeus places a hand to the back of my shoulder and guides me to a seat. “And we’re going to talk about it like four adults.”
“Strange,” Cerise snorts. “I only see three.”
And I see my hands wrapped around your neck.
“Cut it out,” Dad snaps as he turns to face the group.
Zeus settles on the sofa beside me, leaving Cerise and Dad in their individual armchairs like a couple of judges presiding over our case. Fitting.
“I really don’t know where I should begin,” I admit.
“How about with the punch line,” Cerise quips.
Zeus stiffens beside me. “If you aren’t going to be helpful, you can fuck off.”
“Watch how you talk to my wife,” Dad warns.
I frown as Zeus voices my exact thought. “You’re divorced, remember; she’s not your wife.”
The two of them stare each other down, the air thick and hot in the room.
“Zeus and I have been seeing each other,” I word-vomit before I chicken out. “Romantically.”
Cerise bursts into a fit of laughter, wine sloshing out of her glass as she leans forward to catch a breath. My cheeks burn, my neck hot as I focus on not letting the tears win.
“Romantically? Is that what you call it?”
Dad sits deathly quiet, head buried in his hand as he massages the bridge of his nose. “You’ve touched my daughter?”
He asks as though to confirm his assumption rather than to accuse.
“Yes,” Zeus says.
He reaches for my hand, bringing it to his thigh. I grip that lifeline as though it’s my only assurance of air, my only promise that I’ll get out the other side of this intact.
Dad doesn’t miss the contact. His eyes zero in on the possessive hold Zeus has on me as his face grows redder. The veins around his temples show as he grinds his jaw. “How long?”
“Four weeks?” I think. It feels like a lifetime since I stole that first kiss in the kitchen.
“So, since you were under my roof.” The barely contained rage is clear in his words.
Zeus takes a deep breath before answering. “Yes.”
“You touched my daughter, under my goddamn roof?” he roars.
“I wanted him to,” I protest. “I started this.”
“He knew better!” Dad hollers, making Cerise jump as he thrusts a finger at Zeus. “Jesus, Belle.” His voice cracks as he shakes his head, face screwed up in disbelief. “We talked about this.”
Zeus’s hold on my hand loosens. He looks at me with a confused frown, yet stays resolute in our plan to discuss this plainly without deviating into a slinging match.
“Neither of us planned this.” He returns his gaze to Dad. “Fuck, John. I tried to deny it.”
“But these things happen, right?”
“Exactly,” I say.
Dad scowls at me, shaking his head. “No, they don’t, Belle. If Zeus couldn’t help himself, he should have walked away.”
“Why?” I yell, “Because I’m young? I’m not a goddamn minor. I’m old enough to decide who I want to be with.”
“He’s like a fucking uncle to you,” Dad protests. “He’s family.”
“Maybe,” I level, “but he’s not blood. And that right there is why you have no right to be against this.”
“I have every goddamn right.”
“He’s nothing but a predator, Belle,” Cerise chimes in.
“You shut your goddamn mouth.” Zeus damn near vibrates with pent-up frustration beside me as he exchanges glares with my mother. “Belle is not a child. Not anymore. You don’t get to decide who she falls in love with.”
“Love?” Dad scoffs. “Is that what you call this… this infatuation she has?” He eyeballs Zeus, chest heaving. “How far has this gone?”
“We don’t need to discuss that,” Zeus says. “The details don’t change the outcome.”
“Tell me, you backstabbing cunt. What have you done with her?”
I push back into the seat as Dad rises to his feet. Zeus drops my hand, standing to meet Dad halfway. “Calm your shit, John.”
“You tell me to calm my shit, and yet you won’t tell me if you’ve fucked my baby girl. Is this how you repay friends? You take advantage of their kids?”
“She’s not a child,” Zeus hollers. “Get that through your fucking head.”
“She’s inexperienced,” Dad counters, pushing up against his best friend.
“I’m right here,” I yell, trying to tear their focus off killing each other. “Stop talking about me as though I’m incapable of making my own decisions.”
Dad’s gaze shifts to me as Cerise kicks back in her seat, a smile on her face. “You tell me then, Belle. How bad is this? Were those morning-after pills really for this Scott kid?”
“Yes!”
“You’re telling me you’re sexually active then?”
“Jesus, Dad,” I shout, pushing to my feet. “Why the Spanish Inquisition? Yes, I’m sexually active. Yes, I’m of legal age to be so. And yes”—I pull a deep breath before setting fire to the world—“I’ve fucked Zeus, and I loved every goddamn second of it.”
Cerise pulls in a sharp breath as Zeus groans. “Shit, Belle,” she murmurs. “You’ve done it now.”
Dad lets loose an animal growl as he arcs his elbow back and then swings at Zeus. I duck on instinct, watching as Zeus twists out of the way and Dad’s fist grazes his jaw. He shunts Dad in the shoulder as he stands straight again, knocking him off balance while I retreat to the safety of the sofa.
“I get you’re angry—”
“You’ve got no fucking idea how far past angry I am.” Dad throws another punch as he recovers, this time connecting with Zeus’s jaw.
His head snaps back, and blood springs forth from his split lip as he staggers his feet to get a more secure stance.
“Stop it!” I lunge forward to intervene, yet Zeus holds out a hand to halt me.
“Leave it, Belle.”
I admit it—I took my statement a touch too far. But shit, is it so hard to believe that at eighteen I can enter into a sexual relationship with a man of my own free will? Why the fuck did Dad have to grill me as though Zeus blackmailed me into it, brainwashed me?
“Got anything to say, big guy?” Dad taunts, staging as though he’s some prize fighter.
“Nothing you want to hear,” Zeus replies.
By the look on Cerise’s face this isn’t anything unusual, at least for their younger selves.
I’ve never seen them argue past the point of a heated discussion. My heart aches at what I’ve done. I knew I risked a lot when I took matters into my own hands and kissed Zeus, forced him to admit the truth of his feelings for me. But never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined how it would feel to actually be in this moment, watching my world fall apart right before my very eyes.
I did this.
I drove my lonely father back into the arms of the woman who broke his heart by stealing away his time, never allowing him his own to pursue another relationship.
I ruined Zeus’s future by selfishly wanting him for myself, damn the consequences.
And who do I have to turn to once I’ve lost them all? Nobody.
I allowed the distance to grow between Kate and I, because I thought I was so much more mature than her. How wrong was I? The way I dealt with this proves how juvenile I still am. I can view the world any which way I please, but nothing changes the fact I don’t have the experience to make sound decisions when it comes to relationships.
I love Zeus. I love my father. I hate that they’re fighting, and I hate even more that it’s over me.
“You’re dead to me.” Dad spits, actually spits, on Zeus.
My lungs constrict, my heart in my throat as Zeus calmly wipes it off his arm and nods. “Fine. I deserve that.”
“You don’t see my daughter anymore,” Dad yells. “You don’t touch her. You don’t come within a fucking inch of her.”
“That I can’t accept.”
My love for Zeus grows as I witness him stand up for what he wants: me. He refuses to back down, even after having lost his oldest and best friend. I mean that much to him. We mean that much to him.
“Are you fucking with me?” Dad asks. “This isn’t up for debate.”
“Neither is the status of my and Belle’s relationship.” He squares his shoulders. “Choose your next words carefully, John, otherwise you may lose more than your best friend by the end of this.”
He opts not to say a thing, instead driving a hard jab with his right into Zeus’s cheek before Zeus catches his left by the wrist mid-strike. Dad roars his frustration as he prepares to go again with his right, yet one carefully placed hook to the jaw by Zeus has my father folding at the knees like a newborn deer.
“Holy shit.” I drop beside Dad to check his breathing as Cerise launches her own attack on Zeus. “What the fuck did you do?”
Dad’s breaths come even, yet fast, as his eyes roll about in his head. Zeus knocked him the fuck out.
“You’ll be okay,” I reassure Dad, coaxing him to lie back. “Just rest a moment.”
He makes an incomprehensible moan and shuts his eyes, giving in to the black.
“You arsehole,” Cerise screams, palms swinging in a futile attempt to harm Zeus.
He holds her off, using his forearms to block her blows as he looks my way. “Is he okay?”
“What the fuck do you think?” I take Dad’s hand, resting my other on his chest to monitor his breathing while I shoot daggers at Zeus. “What the fuck happened to talking about it like adults?”
When it comes to matters of the heart, though, are we ever mature enough to set emotions aside and look at the problem with a purely critical eye?
“Get out of this house,” Cerise demands. “Get out before I find something to fucking hit you with.”
Zeus backs up, worry in his eyes as he lifts his palms. “I didn’t mean to hit him that hard, honest.”
What hurts the most is I believe him. Still, punches like that kill people. “Go,” I murmur. “I’ll talk to you later.”
He retreats toward the door, looking between Cerise and me. “Let me know how he is later, okay?”
“Sure,” I mutter, watching Dad as he drifts with the fairies.
The front door clicks shut behind Zeus, the distant sound of his V8 starting soon after. I shift to my hip, getting comfortable next to Dad while I wait on him to come around. The soft scuff of Cerise’s feet alerts me to her movements as she comes to stand on the far side of Dad.
“He won’t forgive him for this.” Her eyes narrow as she meets mine. “Or you.”
“Of course he will.” Although, given how angry he got, I’m not so sure.
Never, not once in my life, have I seen my father take a swing at somebody. Manhandle a guy out of a party after he’d had too many? Sure. But brawl like a couple of idiots at the pub? Nope.
I finally faced my fear and laid all my cards on the table. Where has it left me? I’m no less confused than I was going in to this conversation. All that’s changed is that Dad now hates his best friend.
Zeus and I are still frowned upon, my mother still hates me, and I’m still at a loss as to what to do from here.
So much for honesty being the best option.