Joe looked out the side of his eye pleased to see Stuart had finally drifted off to sleep. The pills he’d given him would knock a horse out, but with all the adrenaline that must have been coursing through him it wasn’t a surprise it had taken a while for them to kick in.
He could taste the bitterness of his guilt at the back of his throat. Joel may as well have taken his heart and ripped it right out of his chest before shredding it. Joe could see now why he’d taken Stuart, the fucker must have somehow figured out how important Stuart was to him. He figured Stuart’s body would heal with time, but what about the psychological damage Joel had inflicted? Would they be able to get past it? A conviction filled him that Stuart would never love him after this. Why would he, why would anyone want someone with so much baggage?
Joe swallowed back the sob, blinking rapidly, willing himself to keep it together. He knew where the blame sat, fair and square at his door. Willing himself to concentrate on the road and not on Stuart’s bruised and battered body. His initial relief at finding him alive had worn off pretty quickly with each painful moan and whimper Stuart had thought he’d hidden. That first real look at his face had pulled the rug right from under his feet. Dear Lord, he is almost unrecognisable.
How on earth he could still see through that puffy slitted left eye, was anyone’s business. His once beautiful face was deformed; triple the size, with a colour spectrum that could rival any rainbow. Joe got it big time what Joel had wanted to achieve, steal Stuart’s beauty and wreck his body. He couldn’t stop the swift glance that took stock of all the damage, swollen limbs, a myriad of bruises, raw skin and deep cuts to his wrists. Sucking in a breath, Joe tried to stem the tears feeling them leak down his face as he struggled to hold his anguish in. His mind bombarded him with image and after image of what had to have happened to create all that damage.
Swerving quickly to avoid the fallen bit of wood poking out, Joe cursed up a storm for not paying closer attention. Wiping at his wet face, he quickly glanced at Stuart, relieved he had remained asleep. That would just be about right he’d nearly added insult to injury. Gripping the steering wheel he turned his full attention to the road, satisfied when they eventually managed to get to hospital in one piece.
Joe’s brows arched in concern, spotting the police car as he pulled into the car park in front of the emergency department. Parking next to the entrance he took a fortifying breath before getting out of the car. “Here goes nothing. I hope to God they don’t ask me too many questions.”
Joe went in through the front doors spotting a few wheelchairs, shrugging he grabbed one, hoping they were for this purpose. He quickly headed back out bracing himself, convinced he was going to have a fight on his hands. He figured Stuart would insist on walking, but that was so not going to happen. The fact he had barely made it to the car and by now his body would have well and truly given up the ghost. Stuart would be lucky if he could manage to even get out of the car.
The argument as expected had been pitiful when Stuart had demanded to walk, only to find he couldn’t get more than half a step before is body gave out and he’d collapsed into the wheelchair, crying in anguish. Puffing his cheeks out in frustration Joe sat down next to Stuart’s trolley, ignoring what could only be perceived as a swollen scowl.
Joe watched the nurses like a hawk scurrying around the room they’d put them in. He was grateful they were on their own and not in the four bedded area they had been wheeled through. Stuart had enough people gawking at him without other patients doing it as well.
Joe could feel his will to live drain with every hour that passed. The twenty thousand questions they’d encountered and the several hours of tests and waiting around for results were taking their toll on both of them. Joe could see the exhaustion etch deeper into Stuart’s face with every hour that passed. Why was it taking so bloody long? Had they found something and they weren’t letting on?
He twitched in the plastic chair from sitting so long, his back and ass numbed into submission. Joe stretched his arms up, once again looking at the monitors and equipment bleeping. The room, though not awfully big, seemed to be filled to the gunnels with stuff. Every counter had bits and pieces scattered on them. Cabinets had numerous drawers underneath filled with odd looking equipment that gave him the willies at the thought of what and where they went.
Joe quivered, inhaling deeply. The distinct smell of disinfectant didn’t quite cover the stench of Stuart’s clothes which sat in the bag next to his feet. Booting them further away, he wondered why they didn’t have a bag that sealed that shit away. Joe gave the nurse a questioning look wanting to be distracted. When she avoided making eye contact he slumped into the chair figuring he’d probably pissed her off with his own incessant questions about what the delays were, but they just didn’t seem to be answering any of his questions.
Stuart had been for a CT scan, x-rays, and who knew what else they’d done behind those closed doors. They had taken reams of blood samples, but still he’d had no answers. Seeing the doctor come back through the door, Joe gave up pretending to be calm when the guy roused Stuart from his dose to ask yet another question that he had already answered ten different ways.
“Enough, okay? There is nothing more you can do it would seem? He hasn’t slept or eaten properly for over twenty-four hours. We’ve had enough, we want to go home. Just give me the painkillers and whatever else you think he will need and I can look after him at home. Unless there is something you aren’t telling me?” Poking his chin out in defiance when the confidence he’d aimed for fell short, sounding more like a whiny child. Joe sagged in relief when his non-existent patience was rewarded at the doctor’s next words.
“Yes, you can take him home, but he will need plenty of fluids and rest. I would suggest you give him the medication regularly in the first few days so that he is able to move about, though he may struggle until the swelling goes down. I have referred him to the vascular surgeon as a precaution; to follow up on the damage to his wrists. He has full movement and sensation but when the swelling abates we need to double check for nerve damage. If he has any issues with his genitals or passing urine bring him straight back, otherwise you’re free to go.”
The doctor’s sympathetic stare got on his last nerve, especially when he crossed his legs when speaking about the damage to Stuarts genitals. Joe could only imagine how Stuart felt, poked and prodded, photographed, questioned endlessly. All his dignity removed with every prying thing they had done and said over the last few hours.
Joe gave Stuart a ten out of ten for trying when he observed him attempting to smile at the doctor, though it was hard to tell with lips that resembled a baboon’s ass. Coughing into his hand, Joe tried to disguise the wry chuckle that escaped at his errant thought.
Accepting the packets and the written instructions, Joe tucked them away in his rucksack, desperate to leave. The shed load of drugs they’d given Stuart allowed for him to move a little more freely. Though Joe wasn’t sure which one of them struggled more to contain their emotions by the time they’d reached the car and escaped the hospital’s brand of torture.
Joe got Stuart settled in the car, taking a deep breath he rounded the hood, ignoring the blatant stares of the people milling around the front entrance smoking. The fading light had him looking at his watch, fuck they’d been there eight hours. A heavy sigh filled the car making him glance at Stuart whose head was drooping back on the head rest, fast asleep. Realising too late it had been him sighing, he was glad Stuart had missed it. The last thing he wanted was for Stuart to worry about what he was thinking.
Blindly looking out the windshield at the hospital entrance, he thought about the doctor’s assurances. They went a long way to easing his worries, but what if he wasn’t able to give Stuart everything he needed? He wasn’t a nurse, what did he know about caring for someone with Stuart’s injuries? This wasn’t some random accident, no, this time he’d been beaten to a bloody pulp.
Oh Christ, sucking back his emotions Joe put the car in gear and focused on getting them home. He’d have plenty of time for recriminations once he’d spoken to Aaden. He prayed that would give them back some kind of normalcy, if that was at all possible.
The one thing he knew, he’d do anything in his power to make Stuart see how sorry he was for his part in this fiasco, and show him how much he truly loved him. If it wasn’t enough, well, then he would cross that bridge when he came to it. Sniffing, Joe wiped his nose on his jumper, pretending not to hear the nagging voice that said he would never get over it if Stuart didn’t want him anymore.
Shaking off his negative feelings, he thought about what they would need to deal with Stuart’s injuries which were definitely going to give him some grief over the coming weeks. The doctor had said he’d been lucky not have had suffered any internal damage due to the pounding he’d taken to his stomach and genitals. Joe couldn’t stop the shudder that wracked his body, lucky? Lucky my ass.
The damage Joel had inflicted to Stuart’s body was anything but lucky. He might have had a lucky escape, but the bruising and swelling, hell he’d all but crossed his own legs when they had removed Stuart’s pants. The shocked silence and expressions all around him had spoken volumes. The sheer size and colour of Stuart’s penis and balls had every man in the room pale and wince. The genuine sympathy had nearly brought him to his knees. He felt the weight of their stares as if he had a neon sign stuck to his forehead, flashing ‘this is all my fault.’
Stuart’s whimpers roused him from his pity party, the dash light showed Stuart’s furrowed brow, the deep grooves making him appear older. Joe immediately lifted his hand from the gear stick to gently touch Stuart’s cheek, hoping to soothe him.
“Shush, you’re safe,” Stuart seemed to settle, quieting he drifted back to sleep. The urge to stop and hold him had him looking for somewhere to park. Realising they were closer to home than he’d anticipated, he carried on. Trusting Stuart would stay that way till they got home and allow him to check in with Aaden.
Joe’s stomach roiled thinking about what might have happened after they left. He trusted Aaden to take care of things, but what his mind conjured had his Pepsi Max, he’d drunk earlier, want to escape via the same route it had originally taken. Breathing through his nose he pushed past the nausea, opening the window to let in a little air.
The one and only text he’d received from Aaden, a few hours before, told him nothing, other than it was sorted. What the hell did that mean? The unanswered questions circled around his mind wanting answers. He was desperate for information, but he knew better than anyone what data could be traced on electronic devices so he held back from texting, demanding answers. His knuckles whitened gripping the steering wheel. Viewing Stuart, Joe strained to reassure himself that they were safe. He would get the answers he needed from Aaden, and he would just have to suck it up because he needed them, like yesterday.
Joe pulled into the driveway carefully as not to jolt Stuart, getting out of the car as silently as possible. Easing the door shut, he watched Stuart for a few seconds to make sure he was still sleeping before taking out his phone to ring Aaden.
The urge to protect Stuart, his soul mate, the love of his life, had his emotions sitting like a ball in his chest. Needing some form of action, Joe stirred impatiently, his feet moving without thought as the urge to march over to Aaden’s and demand answers took over. He stopped mid-step heaving a sigh of disgust knowing he couldn’t leave Stuart, not now when he didn’t know what the risks were. Pulling out his phone instead he dialled pushing the phone to his ear a second before Aaden gave a quick acknowledgement. Joe’s eyes were drawn to the house opposite, disappointed to see only darkness, he wondered if Aaden was even inside.
“We’re back, Aaden. Come over so we can talk.” Joe tensed, keeping control of his overwrought reactions when he got a resounding no. Clenching the phone hard, Joe barely contained the urge to throw it. The last 24 hours finally catching up with him, Joe’s leashed temper snapped.
Grinding his teeth, Joe spoke as calmly as he could manage. “Aaden, don’t try my patience, please. I need to know what the hell happened. Are we safe?”
Aaden’s growled response not making him feel much better. “No, you don’t need to know the details. Please leave it for all our sakes. Know with certainty it’s over, once and for all. Go live a happy life with your man. That’s all you need to focus on and not the rest. I’m not going to discuss this further so get over it.”
Joe exhaled yanking his hair in frustration at the finality in Aaden’s tone, having known him for years, he knew that attitude all too well; it brooked no arguments, or none he could win. Knowing he could trust Aaden’s word, he let hope slide into the darkness Joel had left inside him since he’d taken Stuart. If Aaden said it was over then it was. Letting the knowledge sink past his doubt his body released the tension he’d held for too long, collapsing against the car, feeling his legs wobble. Joe felt his remaining energy desert him, slumping against the car as he gave himself a minute to pull himself together.
The next question popped out of his mouth before he could stop it, making him curse under his breath for showing his neediness. “Are you leaving now that the issue is over?” Unaware he was holding his breath while he waited for the answer. Praying it wouldn’t be a yes. His exhale whistled out at the growled no, before the phone clicked off in his ear, making him chuckle. Joe grinned at the blissfully unaware man asleep in Martin’s car. Maybe we still have a chance?
Feeling a little more optimistic, Joe’s energy returned pulling the car door open then leaning in, he softly roused Stuart. “Come on, sleeping beauty, you will be much more comfortable inside in a comfy bed.”
A sleepy slitted grey eye opened a fraction, swelling and bruising making it hard to determine what Stuart was thinking. Fear clutched at his stomach when he didn’t move, Joe waited for whatever was coming with bated breath.
A battered hand lifted, swollen fingers cupped his cheek, unsure what Stuart was trying to convey, Joe went with instinct. Bending into the car he brushed his lips softly over Stuart’s raw mouth, drawing back after a second, not wanting to hurt him. The sigh of displeasure that followed him had longing ignite in Joe’s chest, spreading warmth, making the worries fade.
Joe chuckled at the disgruntled look Stuart aimed his way.
“Come on, you’re in no state for anything more than a hot bath and bed, and maybe a little homemade soup.” Stuart’s attempted flirtatious smile had his breath hitching. Love floored him, leaving him floundering under the weight of his sentiments. Regardless of the bruising, to him Stuart had never been more beautiful than in that moment. Wiping his hand across his face to hide his state of mind, voice thick with emotion, he encouraged Stuart out of the car and into the house.
Joe spent time bathing Stuart, removing the pungent dirty smell, returning him to his original spicy, musky scent of his body wash. Taking extra care to add lavender spray to the sheets, hoping it would help him sleep, he settled Stuart into bed after he’d eaten. His concern growing that whatever torment Joel had inflicted would give him nightmares. His own experiences paled in comparison to Stuart’s.
Snatching his hands back, he resisted the urge to yet again straighten the duvet cover. Watching Stuart snuggle under the covers, the soft words had him glance back to Stuart’s battered face.
“Sit, please.”
Joe did as requested, immediately making sure to avoid any contact with Stuart’s body. Plucking at the loose thread on his T-shirt, he ducked his head down, absently noticing it was damp from the bath water. Joe fidgeted, feeling the tension in his shoulders build, waiting for words that would take away the happiness he’d been feeling for weeks. Losing what he had with Stuart would surely pulverize him. Images danced past his pain, treasurable moments taunting him.
Stuart had crept up behind him only last week while he’d been washing the dishes before spinning him around the room, making him giddy as a schoolgirl. Holding tight he’d laughed as the room spun. They had finally ended up swaying to the music that pulsed from the speakers. Tea lights he’d lit earlier had flickered, casting patterns around the room. Its ethereal glow encased them as the soulful sounds of Rebecca Ferguson filled the air. Stuart’s adoring smile had filled him right to the brim with happiness as did the gentle love making that finished the night in spectacular fashion. He could still feel those precious moments pulse inside him.
His mind yelled at him to break the tension that seemed to stretch as the silence lengthened. Unable to stop himself he cast a quick glance under his lashes, wondering if maybe Stuart had fallen asleep with the pain medication he’d given him before the bath. Okay, he hoped for a reprieve which the blackened, swollen slit of grey was so not going to allow as it focused on him, making him feel the weight of the intensity between them. He could almost feel Stuart willing him to look up, to look at him.
Exhaling, Joe squared his shoulders, bracing himself for whatever was coming, lastly meeting Stuart’s gaze.
“I love you.”
Joe jerked up off the bed, his tumbled rioting mind uncertain he’d heard correctly. His heart tried to convince his head that he had, but his mind was too frightened to hope it was the truth. Pacing back and forth, paying no attention to Stuart his hands raked through his messy hair. The smell of apples wafted, the scent normally calming did nothing.
How can he love me? He’d fucked up royally with Joel, bringing all his shit into Stuart’s life, his home. He’d been fucking kidnapped for shit sake! Stalking back to the bed questions died on his lips as Stuart lay against the navy sheets looking smugly satisfied, even though Joe hadn’t yet declared his own feelings.
Joe spoke, uncertain what he was going to say. “I love you too. I have never said those words to another, only you. You are my home, my life, my soul mate.” The simplicity of words caressed the air between them. His heart knowing exactly what needed to be said, joining them together. Joe all but felt the click inside his heart and mind. The joy of the moment filled him, eradicating the worry and pain.
Stuart opened his arms offering Joe the one place that really felt like home. Taking his time, he moved with caution not lying too heavily against him. The slight wince and indrawn breath had him attempting to pull back, but Stuart held him firmly.
“Keep still, then it won’t hurt as much. Just having you here with me helps. I promise you. Please I need this, I need to know this is real and I’m not dreaming it.”
His croaked words had Joe sniffing back his tears, laying his head on Stuart’s chest needing the contact too, affirming this was real. Stuart’s contented sigh filled the air, allowing Joe to rest listening to the sound of his heart beating, the last of his tension releasing. Accepting the truth of Stuart’s words, he wasn’t stupid enough not to know they had a long road to travel to get through the trauma of the last twenty four hours. Joe nuzzled into Stuart, breathing in his clean scent and letting sleep take him under, knowing if they had each other they could survive anything.