I love to perform. The screams. The lights. The music.
It’s perfection. Everything I’ve ever wanted, and playing this music gig day in and day out is a privilege. One that leaves me with a natural high each and every time I step from a successful show. But tonight . . . tonight blew all others out of the park, or rather, amphitheater. Better than our first paid gig, or the time we sold out in our hometown. Better than opening for Justin Hill. Better than our first headline show. Even better than all the shows on this tour combined. Because knowing Lexi is offstage, watching and waiting, fuels an already manic high. After a two song encore I call the show, ready to go find my woman.
She’s not backstage, so my guess is she’s already in the friends and family room with Bedo. Before the show, he asked us to stop by and shmooze for at least an hour before heading out to dinner. Apparently, some higher-ups in the music world are here and want to be wowed. But if they aren’t impressed with the show we just put on, I seriously question their industry expertise. I get why they want to meet us, though, because we don’t only sell our music. We market Three Ugly Guys as a package—a brand—and when we do it right, everyone makes money.
Our bus doesn’t take off until three in the morning, which leaves plenty of time for me and Lexi to sneak back after dinner. That thought propels my feet forward and I step through the open doorway with a smile on my face. I scan the room packed full of people, but the only person I need to see is missing. The guys come in behind me and the room comes to life at our arrival. Austin slaps my back and pushes me forward, and even though my feet move, my eyes still search for her.
“Trent!” I do a double take as Cora lunges toward me with her open smile.
“Cora?” I haven’t heard from her since the overnighter in Charlotte, and her presence is more than a surprise. “What are you doing here?
“Can’t a girl catch a show with her favorite band?” She giggles and shakes her head at my narrowed gaze. “I’m booked for a part in a music video tomorrow. When I found out you guys were playing, I had to come up early.”
Oh. That’s cool, only I hope she didn’t come here expecting this to be one of our regular hookups. I glance around the room, still not finding Lexi. She’s not here, and I need to locate her. “Hey, by any chance have you seen Lexi?”
“She was watching the show with me backstage, but I don’t know what happened or when she took off. After you played Renegade, I turned around and she was just gone.” She imparts all this with an indifferent shrug.
“Gone. What do you mean, gone?” I reach out to grab her arm until she gives me her full attention.
Cora blinks and rolls her eyes. “I mean gone. Like she left.”
I drop her arm and step back, narrowing my gaze at this woman I’ve always trusted. Suspicion that she’s not being real about where Lexi is and why she took off settles in my gut. My voice grows hard with the tick of my clenched jaw. “What did you say to her?”
“What?” Cora tilts her head as if she’s confused, but she’s a fantastic actress. Is she putting on a performance? It was a mistake sleeping with her all those times. Because it meant nothing to me doesn’t mean she felt the same.
“You said something, didn’t you? I thought you were cool, Cora. I thought you weren’t one of those women who can’t stand to see others happy.”
Her beautiful smile transforms into a scowl. “What the hell are you talking about, Trent? I didn’t say anything mean to her. I was nice. If she’s good enough to catch and keep your attention, she’s a good woman in my book. Stop being a dick and go find her. Maybe she wasn’t feeling well. Not everything is about you.”
God, she’s right. I’m overreacting. That’s it. Nerves gather at my fingertips because something feels off. Lexi should have been here waiting. “I’m sorry, Cora. You’re right. I’m a dick. I’m really sorry. It’s just that . . . She promised to come watch me and I was really looking forward to seeing her.”
“If you’re really worried, I can help you look.” She glances over my shoulder and her gaze lingers on Sean. Or at least, I assume it’s him, since the only other people nearby are the gray-haired investors from some clothing line Bedo’s trying to sign us to rep.
“No. That’s okay. Go. Good luck trying to catch that one.” I shake my head and let loose a chuckle.
“I’m not trying to catch anyone. Just looking to have a little fun. Bye, Trent.” Cora wraps me in a quick squeeze before she struts across the room.
I pull out my phone, disappointed when there’re no missed calls or texts. I shoot one off to Lexi, asking her to call me right away, and head toward the exit.
“Hey, Trent.” Bedo cuts off my retreat and I turn, forcing my expression from a scowl. “There’re some people I’d like you to meet before you take off.”
“Anything for you,” I grit out through my smile.
Bedo’s hand slaps across my back a little too hard. He drops his voice. “Give me an hour, T. One hour and then you can go.”
Time can’t go fast enough.
Finally free from the after party, I ask the guys to wait up before they head to dinner, and then jog back to the bus. Lexi better be there because I’m close to losing my freaking mind. I’ve checked everywhere backstage—her dressing room, the women’s restrooms, and Jax even confirmed she never made it out to sell merchandise tonight. She’s got to be here in the bus. Maybe with a headache or feeling sick. Maybe her mom called. My mind races with the possibilities, but when I bound up the steps into our bus and find her standing in the kitchen, her guitar and notebook on the table, my spine prickles with irritation. She appears to be fine. “Lex, what are you doing? I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”
“I’ve been here,” she says ever so nonchalantly. As if it’s no big fucking deal. As if I didn’t ask her to stay. She turns and goes back to brewing a cup of coffee, her back straight, her movements stiff. What the hell? I don’t know what happened to the Lexi I kissed before the show, but this woman is throwing up fuck you vibes like a professional ice queen.
“You didn’t watch the show.” Disappointment floods my heart, knowing she didn’t want to stay, that I wasn’t important enough. I thought . . . After what we shared . . .
I’m an idiot.
She turns my way and the mug of warm liquid clouds her mouth with steam as she lifts it and blows out through pursed lips. Those lips. Strong. Sensual. Smart. Fuck, I’m getting hard just staring at her.
“I changed my mind.”
My brain hustles to connect her words. “About the show?” My brows knit and for a moment her stony expression drops.
A knock at the bus door as Austin sticks his head inside kills any fraction of vulnerability she was willing to show. “Trent? You coming? Oh, hey, Lexi.” He jogs up the remaining steps.
My eyes are transfixed, studying the woman in front of me while Austin taps an irritating beat against the wall. I don’t look at him and I don’t offer a response. Tonight was supposed to be about Lexi. About us. Even though she hasn’t said the words, I’m not so clueless I don’t realize something has drastically changed. If only I knew what it is so I can fix it.
“Trent, bro. We’re leaving in five,” Austin says again but I wave him away. He takes the hint and goes back outside.
“Lex,” I murmur, a plea, but her eyes are hard when they finally meet mine.
“You should go,” she suggests, her voice devoid of emotion.
“I should go?” I hear the guys outside. Laughter, insults, and boisterous banter makes its way inside through the open door. They’re going out in search of dinner. It’s guaranteed to be a good time, but I don’t want to join them because I’d rather be with Lex. Fuck, it hurts that she doesn’t feel the same.
Lexi drops her stare and sets her cup on the table, sliding into a chair and picking up her pen and notebook. Ignoring me.
“Trent. Let’s go, man!” Sean shouts from outside.
Lexi glances up, pen poised on paper, and her lip ring catches the spotlight above. “Did you need something else?”
“Fuck this.” I almost growl I’m so damn frustrated. Confused. Hurt. “I’m out. I don’t have time for this shit.” I stomp to the door, grabbing my jacket from my bunk on the way. Before I descend the steps, I halt and turn to look over my shoulder. Lexi’s just watching me, smiling as though she knows some joke I don’t. “What?”
“Nothing. Have fun tonight,” she says sweetly with a know-it-all smugness wrapped in her tone.
“You’re a piece of work, you know that?” This time my voice is just as hard, just as cruel. Her smile disappears in a flash and she goes back to that goddamn notepad. “What? Nothing else to say?” I wait for what feels like minutes when it’s probably only seconds. “Fine. I’m going. Remember, this is how you wanted it.” I glare before stepping outside, but she never looks up. Just sits there perfect, and beautiful, and like a fucking stone wall. I can’t break her down. I don’t know why I even tried.
Pushing out into the night air, I round the bus to walk off some steam before finding the guys. The last thing I want to do tonight is get in a cab and be around people, because I know I’m horrible company. A woman won’t make me happy. A bottle won’t make me forget. I’m so caught up in my thoughts I don’t see Iz leaning against the wall at the freight entrance until the end of his joint glows with his inhale.
“Shit, Iz. What are you doing? You almost gave me a heart attack!”
His deep rumble of a laugh fills the night air. “Same thing I do every stop. Find a quiet place to get high.”
“Dude, that’s dangerous and shit. What if no one sees you out here and you pass out?”
“Then I pass out, man. Wouldn’t be the first time.” His face lights up with another inhale.
“That’s irresponsible. We care about you, dumbass. Something could happen to you!”
“Dude. You’re killing my buzz. What crawled up your ass?”
“Nothing. Fucking nothing.”
There’s that laugh again. “That damn girl, huh? Nothin’ makes a man go crazy like a beauty who can shred like she does.”
Part of me wants to argue or deny it, but I’m so fucking pissed right now. Playing tonight on that stage was fucking amazing. Knowing Lexi was watching, waiting for me, it spurred me on with a high that reverberated through my veins. Hands down, it was my best live performance of all time. And to come offstage with her nowhere to be found . . . I was worried. What if something had happened to her? Was she hurt, sick? But no, none of that was true. She was writing in her notebook the whole damn time. Probably didn’t stay to watch more than half the show.
I glance at the ground, to Iz, then the sky. Since there’s no one back here, I let all my frustrations escape in one long shout. “FUCK!”
“Feel better now?” Iz says, his eyes glassy and lids half cracked.
“Not really. I don’t get it, Iz. I don’t fucking get it. We were together for one night, but this has been weeks in the making. More than just attraction. It was more than a one-time fuck. I care about her, and you know me, I keep my circle small. I thought she felt the same, but man, after talking to her . . . I just feel played.”
“Here.” Iz pushes off the wall and hands me his joint. “You need it more than I do.”
I don’t usually indulge, but considering the situation, I have to agree. Pinching the paper-wrapped weed between my lips, I inhale.
I hold my breath until it burns, then hand the joint back to Iz and nod.
“Now.” He sucks it between his mouth while I exhale the smoke in a thin stream. “You need to tread easy with that girl. She’s been through shit. This lifestyle, the one you lead, it’s got all sorts of triggers for her.”
“I don’t follow.”
“Her daddy, I used to party with him, you know.” Iz lifts his chin to study the sky. Stands there with his joint centimeters from his lips. I watch his face, waiting for him to speak, while the sounds of city nightlife fill my ears. Horns honk, engines rumble, tires squeal, and it all comes together in a muted backdrop. Iz doesn’t speak for several minutes and I wonder if that’s all he’s gonna say. If that’s his story, none of what he said helps me understand Lexi better. The only thing that’s calmed my anger is the shared Mary Jane.
I drop my gaze from the sky and open my mouth to say peace out. Before I do, his deep timbre pulls me back.
“She used to come visit when Richie wasn’t on the road. He had this place right on Mission Beach where we’d all stay. Sometimes for days; sometimes weeks. Drinking, smoking, sex. It was pretty hardcore, man. And Lexi’s mom, she’d come by, bring Lex, and disappear for a few days. Lexi was a good kid. Smart as she is now, but when she started getting curves in all the right places, shit got weird.
“There was this one party. It was fucked up, more than normal. We were all trippin’ on acid. Even Richie. Lex was there one minute and then she wasn’t. Only we didn’t notice her gone ’cause everyone was too messed up. ’Cept for Richie’s bass player, Dan. He never touched the hard stuff. Well, he noticed the girl was missin’. Went lookin’ and found her in the bathroom.”
Iz blinks several times, tokes on the joint, and shakes his head.
It sucks Lexi was around that kinda shit as a kid. I can’t imagine watching my mom party or get wasted. She was always larger than our problems, a super woman who worked hard, doing whatever was needed to take care of me. She’d never have left me with someone like Richie for a weekend.
“Shit, man. When Dan went in that bathroom, he found Lexi being held down on the floor by one of his junkie friends with tears streaming down her face. The dude was assaulting her. She was a little girl, Trent. It was fucked up.” Iz shakes his head and goes back to stargazing.
My stomach fills with acid at the thought of what she’s been through. Even without the play-by-play, anger bubbles and grows with every beat of my heart. That shouldn’t have happened. Her mother shouldn’t have left her. Her dad shouldn’t have been doing shit like that, having people like that around. Being a father is a fucking privilege, not a right, and just like that, every bit of admiration I had for the great Richie Sands evaporates, disgust left to reside in its place.
“What happened next? What did Richie do when he found out?”
“Don’t really know. I was too fucked up and missed the whole damn spectacle. All I know is I never saw Lexi ’round his place again.” The joint is nearly done when he meets my stare. “Want another? You can have the last hit.”
“Nah, man. I’m good. Gonna go find Austin and Sean to have dinner before we roll out. You coming?”
“No, thanks. You young’uns talk too much. I’m gonna sit out here ’til it’s time to bounce.”
“Thanks for telling me about Lexi. And for the weed.”
“Anytime, bro. Anytime.”