I never would’ve dreamed that two little words could have such an earth-shattering effect on me. As soon as he said the name Ellie Blackwell, everything around me stood still. It sounded so familiar, like it was something that belonged to me, but it was just out of reach. I couldn’t think of anything beyond yes, that is my name, but I knew there was more. My mind started racing, and with each breath I took, a new memory would come rushing back—the very memories that my mind had tried to protect me from, and a feeling of desperation washed over me. I could only remember tiny bits and pieces that would quickly float off in the distance, and I wanted to grab a hold of each and every one of them. I needed to make sense of the confusion that had come with the sound of my name. I needed to know how I ended up at the Satan’s Fury clubhouse, but those memories were still stubbornly tucked away in the back of my mind, refusing to be found. I lowered my head into my hands and sobbed helplessly as Diesel came over and sat down next to me. I knew he was waiting for my response, but I was too distraught to form the words.

He placed the palm of his hand on my back and slowly ran it up and down my spine. “I know you’re scared, but you’ve gotta face this thing head on. You’ve gotta understand the fear for what it is and find a way to get through it. You’ve done it before, but this time, you don’t have to do it alone. I’m right here with you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

I could tell by the sound of his voice that he meant what he said, and I felt a sense of strength knowing that he’d be there by my side. I inhaled a deep breath as I wiped the tears from my eyes and turned to look at him. “I’m Ellie Blackwell.”

“They just showed a picture of you on the news. The reporter said that you’re missing, and so is your husband … Brady. The cops are looking for both of you.”

Brady. My stomach twisted into knots at the sound of his name. For days, I’d been dreaming about him, about the abuse, the torture, and the pain. I’d prayed that it was all just some crazy nightmare, but it wasn’t just a nightmare—it was my life. While there were things I could remember about our apartment, my job at the coffee shop, and the never-ending battles with Brady, there was still so much that I couldn’t piece together. “I don’t know where he is.”

“There are people out there looking for you, including the police. I’d say we should let them know where you are and see if we can find something out about him, but I keep thinking about something Maverick said.”

“What?”

“When they found you out there in the snow, you were barely hanging on. Maverick told me that Cotton wanted to take you to the hospital, but you begged him not to. He said you were adamant about it, but passed out before you could tell them why. Do you have any idea what that was about?”

I tried to think back on that night, but I drew a blank. It was like a chunk of time was simply gone, and I had no idea how to get it back. “No. That part hasn’t come back to me yet.”

“What can you remember?”

“Just fragments of my life … Some seem clearer than others.” I sighed. “I remember marrying Brady right out of high school. I was pregnant and thought I was doing the right thing. It turns out I was wrong.”

While he tried to hide it, I could hear the disappointment in his voice when he asked, “So, you’ve got a kid?”

I felt the tears threatening to fall all over again as I murmured, “No.”

His eyebrows furrowed with confusion. “But … you said you were pregnant.”

“I was, but I lost her after one of Brady’s bad days.” My eyes dropped to my lap. “It was the first time, but it wasn’t the last.”

“So, the dreams?”

Feeling embarrassed and ashamed, I answered, “Yeah. That was Brady.”

The room fell silent as both of us sat there lost in our own world of thoughts. I took a deep, cleansing breath and tried to focus on remembering the parts that hadn’t returned, and less on the ones that had. It wasn’t just that night that I couldn’t remember. There were more empty spaces, more lapses in time that I had absolutely no recollection, and that worried me. The fact that there was still so much I couldn’t remember made me worry that the worst was yet to come. Filled with panic, I glanced over at Diesel, and he looked like he was in another world. I had no idea what he was thinking, but it was clear from his expression that he was upset.

After several long moments, he finally growled, “He did that to you, and he was a fucking cop. He should’ve done everything in his power to protect you and keep you safe, but …”

“There’s no use in trying to make sense of it, Diesel. The whole thing was completely unbelievable. I never dreamed that he would ever hurt me, but the fact was, he did.”

Before Diesel could respond, there was a knock on the door, and Cotton stepped into the room. “Well?”

Diesel looked over to him and said, “It’s true. She’s Ellie Blackwell.”

Cotton raised his eyebrow. “Already knew that. Was hoping you could tell me something more.”

“Wish I could, but she’s not remembering everything yet. Just a few things here and there, and she can’t remember anything about that night.”

“Damn.”

“If it’s alright with you, I think we should hold off before we tell anyone that she’s here.”

“We’ve got some time, but not sure how much,” Cotton told him. “We need to get down to that car and see if it’s hers. Maybe there’s something in there that might give us a better idea of what’s going on.”

Diesel stood up and started towards him. “I’m going with.”

Cotton nodded, then looked over to me. “You sure that you can’t remember anything about that night?”

“No. I really wish I could, but I can’t. You have to know that I want to know even more so than you do.”

“I know, and don’t you worry. We’ll get this thing figured out,” he assured me.

“I’m really sorry about all this. I really didn’t mean to bring trouble to your doorstep.”

“Not worried about a little trouble. Hell, trouble is my middle name,” he scoffed.

I had no idea why this man and his club had taken on my problems as their own, but I would forever be indebted to him—to all of them. “Thank you, Cotton.”

He nodded, and Diesel followed him as he walked out of the room. When they closed the door behind them, I suddenly felt like I’d been tossed into the middle of the ocean, and without Diesel there, my only life preserver had been yanked away. I was treading water, trying to keep my head above as the waves of doubt and despair crashed down around me, and I was drowning in it. I tucked my knees under my chin and wrapped my arms tightly around my legs, trying to keep myself from falling apart. I’m not sure how long I stayed like that. I vaguely remembered Cassidy and Doc stopping by to check on me, but seeing that I needed some time alone, neither of them stayed long.

I spent the entire day in that room alone, wondering about what they might find in that car, and it was well after dark before they came rolling back to the clubhouse. I could hear them talking in the hallway, and I kept expecting Diesel to come to my room, but he didn’t, at least not right away. It was another half hour before I heard a knock at my door, and by then, I was a nervous wreck. Relief washed over me when Diesel stepped into the room. For the first time since he’d gone, I felt like I could breath. As he walked over to me, I noticed that he had a large envelope in one hand and a purse in the other. I knew from the minute I saw it, it was mine, but I had to ask anyway, “Did you find that in the car?”

“We did.”

“So, the car was mine.”

“It was.” As he handed me the purse, he took a step back and crossed his arms as he leaned against the dresser. He shook his head and sighed as he said, “You should’ve seen it. That car was smashed all to hell. It’s a wonder how you made it out of there in one piece.”

“I guess I really was lucky after all,” I mumbled.

“Luckier than you may think.” He held up the envelope as he said, “We found this in the backseat.”

“What is it?” I asked as I opened it.

“Your divorce papers. Looks like you’re no longer Mrs. Blackwell.”

“What? They’re signed?”

“Yep. All the i’s have been dotted and all the t’s have been crossed.”

I’d had the papers drawn up years ago, but when I gave them to Brady, he told me that he’d kill me before he’d ever agree to a divorce. I tried many times over the years to get him to sign them, but he’d always refused, so I was more than a little surprised to hear that he’d finally done it. I quickly skimmed through the pages, and I was shocked to see that Diesel was right. “But how can that be?”

A concerned look crossed his face. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t remember him signing these.” As I held the papers in my hand, an uneasy feeling washed over me, and goosebumps suddenly prickled against my skin, like someone had just walked over my grave.

“I know it’s a lot to take in, but there’s nothing worse than being stuck in a place where you don’t belong. No matter how it all played out, those papers are your ticket out. You’re free.”

He was right. I’d spent years praying for the day when he would finally sign them, and now that he had, I could finally have the life that I’d always wanted—a life that didn’t include him. I gave Diesel a small, yet uneasy, smile. “Okay … I’m free. Now, what?”

“Now, we’re going to see what Big can find out.”

“He’s the computer guy, right?”

“Yeah. He has a way of finding out things that nobody else can.” He reached over and took the papers from my hand, placing them on the dresser behind him. “And while he’s doing that, you and I are going to grab a bite to eat and watch a movie on TV. I figure you could use a break.”

I’d felt like my life was spiraling out of control, and just like that, Diesel made it seem like everything was going to be okay. Like always, he had a way of knowing exactly what I needed. As he smiled at me from across the room, I found myself looking at him with wonder. I don’t know exactly how or when it happened, but I’d grown feelings for him—strong feelings that filled my stomach with butterflies whenever I was around him. He was handsome—my God he was so handsome—but it was his heart, the kindness in his eyes, and the soothing sound of his voice, that I found so attractive. It was all those things that pulled me towards him like a magnet, and when I couldn’t resist it a moment longer, I got up from the bed and walked over to him. My eyes drifted up to his perfect, full lips, and just thinking about kissing him had my entire body humming with anticipation. I needed to touch him, even if it was just for a moment, and from the way he was looking at me, I could tell he felt the same way. “Diesel?”

Electricity crackled around the room as his eyes locked on mine. “Um- hmm?”

“I’m not sure if this is a good idea … you and me, but it just feels so right when I’m with you.”

“It does feel right. In fact, I’ve never felt anything more right.” He brought his hands up to my face, gently running the pad of one of his thumbs across my cheek as he looked down at me with those piercing, green eyes. Everything around me faded away, and in this moment, all my worries were forgotten as I listened to him say, “Angel, you’ve got me all tangled up inside. Hell, I don’t know if I’m coming or going anymore.”

He stood there just staring at me; the onslaught of emotions raging in his eyes stole my breath. My heart skipped a beat when he leaned over and covered my mouth with his in a hungry kiss. It was just me and him, and it was the most incredible feeling I’d ever experienced. The scent of his cologne. The feel of his body next to mine. The soft touch of his lips. It was everything I’d dreamed of and more. His hands dropped to my waist, and a small, needful moan vibrated through my chest as he pulled me closer. The caress of his lips was magic, making me feel like I was floating on air, and even though I feared that I might not ever have this chance again, I knew it couldn’t continue. When he deepened the kiss, sending my need for him to a whole new level, I slowly brought my hands up to his chest and took a step back, breaking free from our embrace. We both stood there gazing at one another, not a word was spoken; we knew exactly what that kiss had meant. The feelings we’d been experiencing were mutual, and as much as we wanted to act on them, they would have to wait—at least for now.

Diesel leaned in towards me, kissing me lightly on the forehead. “How about that movie?”

“A movie sounds great.”

“Great. You find something to watch, and I’ll go throw a pizza in the oven.”

When he turned to leave, I called out to him, “Diesel?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you … for everything.”

“There’s something you should know about me, Lucky.” His eyes grew intense as he said, “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for the people I care about. So, as long as you’ll let me, I’ll be here for anything you need. And I mean it when I say anything.”

With that, he walked out of the room.

While he cooked our pizza, I searched for a movie to watch. We spent the next few hours quietly enjoying each other’s company, and by the time the movie was over, we were both exhausted. As I curled up in the covers of my bed, I asked, “Will you stay … for just a little longer?”

He nodded as he got up and took everything out of his pockets. After he placed everything on the dresser, he settled in next to me as my entire body started to relax. While I prayed it wouldn’t happen, I had an aching suspicion that it was only a matter of time before I no longer had him by my side. My heart sank at the thought, and I found myself inching closer to him. It was like he could read my mind when he lifted his arm and waited as I nestled into his side. As soon as I laid my head down on his chest, he placed his hand on my shoulder and gently trailed his fingers down my arm as I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

It wasn’t long before I was being pulled into a place where I didn’t want to be. I was back in my house, the new house that Brady had bought without even telling me—just like the new car and all his new, fancy clothes. My entire body filled with anxiety when I heard his voice booming through the darkness. Suddenly he appeared before me, and the hatred in his eyes sent chills running down my spine. At first, I couldn’t make out what he was saying. His words were slurred, making it difficult for me to understand exactly why he was so angry, but then I noticed the papers in my hand and everything became clear.

“Get it through your thick fucking head. I’m not signing those goddamn papers!”

“I know what you’ve been doing, Brady.” My back stiffened, and then I did something I hadn’t done in years. I looked him right in the eye and said, “I saw you. I know everything.”

“You don’t know shit,” he barked. “I haven’t been doing a goddamn thing but working my ass off to put food on your table and a roof over your head.”

“For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out where all the money was coming from. I thought you might’ve gotten a promotion or borrowed money from your father, but I never dreamed you’d do something like this.”

He took a charging step towards me, but I didn’t back down. I held my head up and forced myself to look at him as he shouted, “You better think long and hard before you go down this road with me.”

“Oh, I’ve thought about it. In fact, it’s all I’ve been able to think about since those men showed up at the house. They were asking for you, and I gotta say, I got the feeling they were pretty ticked off about something. The funny thing about that little visit … it happened just a few days after I found those drugs and all that money in the crawl space upstairs.”

I’d gotten his attention, and he was utterly speechless as he stood there glaring at me. Using his silence as an opportunity, I continued. “You know, I followed you to work, only you didn’t go to the station. Instead, you went to some alley to meet some guy in a blue van.”

Gathering his wits, he rolled his eyes and grumbled, “You are so fucking stupid. I’m working undercover.”

“I thought of that, but you and I both know there’s no way they’d let you, of all people, have those kinds of drugs and all that money here at the house.”

“You don’t know shit.”

“Oh, really. Well, make a call down to the station. Get Michael on the phone so he can confirm what you’ve been saying.” When he didn’t move, I snickered, “That’s what I thought.

The vein in his neck pulsed with rage as he clenched his fists at his side. “So, now what?”

“Brady, I don’t care about your illegal dealings with these men. I truly could care less. I just want a divorce. That’s it. All you have to do is sign these papers, and all will be forgotten. I’ll walk out that door, and you’ll never hear from me again.”

“You think you’ve got it all figured out, don’t you?” With an angry glare, he cocked his head to the side and asked, “What’s to keep me from just killing you right here and right now?”

He had a point, and I didn’t do a very good job at hiding it. When he saw the doubt flash through my eyes, he reached for me. Panic set in, and as I tried to fight him off, I stumbled. When my hip collided with the side of the table, I heard a familiar clank of metal knock against the hard glass. Hope surged through me as I turned to look down at the table and spotted his gun. With his hands already around my neck, I reached for it, flipping the safety before I pointed it directly at his temple. “Brady, don’t.”

He didn’t move as he mocked, “What are you going to do? Shoot me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” I pulled the trigger back as I continued, “Don’t you remember … I just found illegal drugs and unmarked cash in my house. Now, it’s not your word against mine. Now, I have proof of the kind of man you are, and when I start talking, you better believe that everyone is gonna listen, including your father.”

“No one will believe you, especially him,” he snarled.

“Oh, he’ll believe me. They all will, and there’s nothing your father will be able to do about it. Not this time. This is too big for even him.” I had no idea where I’d mustered up this newfound courage, but I used every ounce of it as I continued to point the gun directly at him. “So, it looks like you have two choices: You can either sign those papers and let me walk out of here, or you can spend the next twenty to thirty years in prison. What’s it going to be?”

With a look of defeat, he lowered his hands from my throat and said, “If I sign these, how can I trust you to keep your word? How do I know you won’t say anything?”

“Unlike you, I’ve never lied to you, Brady.” As I offered him the papers, I said, “I give you my word that it will all be over as soon as you sign on the dotted line.”

He snatched them from my hand, and without reading what was written inside, he flipped to the last page and signed his name. As he tossed them down on the table, he snarled, “There. It’s done.”

Maybe I was feeling overly confident, because I truly thought it was over as I reached for the papers. I’d only taken my eyes off of him for a second, and he used that as his opportunity to lunge towards me as he grabbed me tightly. The safety was off, and my finger was still on the trigger, so when I tried to jerk free from his grasp, the gun went off with an unforgettable pop. I watched in shock as he went sailing backwards, hitting the floor with a loud thud. An all-consuming fear engulfed me, and with my heart pounding against my chest, I woke up with a strained gasp. I sat up in the bed, trying to catch my breath as my eyes skirted around the room. Even though I knew I was no longer back at the house, the memory was still fresh in my mind like it had just happened, and I found myself staring down at my hand. I could almost feel the cold, hard metal of his gun pressing against my palm, and that’s when I knew it wasn’t just a dream.

I’d killed him.

Oh my God. I’d killed him