Cecilia
When I came through the lobby and saw Cindy, she darted right for me. Meg, who introduced herself after the exchange, tried to hold her off. I wanted to hear what she had to say. I regretted not getting to Jameson before I learned the truth. I needed him to know I wanted to help him.
We sat on a chair across from his desk. He curled me into his lap and held me. I kissed his jaw, inching as close as I could to him. I missed him more than I realized. I’d been too upset to process just how much I needed his presence.
“You were on your way up before you knew the truth,” Jameson said. “I thought I’d have some convincing to do. I didn’t expect you to come to me on your own.”
“I came to a realization today. A few of them. I needed to see you.”
“I’m glad you’re here.”
“I saw Conrad today.”
“Here?” His body tensed.
“No, in the park. It was coincidental.”
“Somehow I doubt that.” He stroked my hair looking more stressed than when I arrived. “He was here a few minutes ago. He confessed to what he had done to me.”
“Voluntarily?”
“I may have helped but that’s another story.”
“I’m sorry he did that to you.” It was like something out of a movie and I couldn’t help but wonder about all the things that went on in his business. Those were stories for another day. Right now I needed him to know what I came to say. “You must have been sick over whether you had drank or used or had...” I didn’t want to go there. It turned my stomach thinking about it.
“Unprotected sex with a stranger? The thought had crossed my mind. I wanted to believe I hadn’t but the responsible part of me had to consider the possibilities. I would never do anything to put you in jeopardy.”
“Cindy told me she hung out in the bedroom all night while you slept in the recliner. I should have believed you.”
“How could you trust me when I couldn’t remember what happened? The whole thing was messed up.” He gently kissed me and I couldn’t sense any anger directed toward me for abandoning him. “As much as I wanted to trust that I wouldn’t have used that night I was scared out of my mind about what was in my system. Drugs make you do some crazy shit. I would know.” He shifted in his seat, growing more agitated as he spoke. I’d always seen him in total control. Today reminded me of the morning Miles and I found him on the boat. There was a vulnerability about him. One that certainly seemed out of character for him. “The fact that I didn’t remember anything put all kinds of thoughts into my head. I would never cheat on you but part of me was worried that because I didn’t have control over my actions that maybe I did sleep with her.”
“It wouldn’t have been your fault.”
“This whole thing made me realize why I don’t drink or use anymore. After Sam died and I began my journey to get clean, I swore I’d never lose control. I’d never black out again. I don’t ever want to feel that way ever again. It’s horrible not having any memory of what you’ve done the night before. Who you may have hurt. I don’t want to ever hurt you.”
“You won’t.” I hugged him. “Conrad had no right to make you feel that way. You worked so hard for your sobriety. No one should be that demented to make you believe you lost what you’d accomplished.”
“In some twisted way he was trying to coerce me into making him a senator. He wanted me to blackmail his opponents and stop at nothing to make sure he succeeded. He tried to gain some sort of non-existent control over me. He chose the wrong guy.”
“He sounds unstable.” I never had a good feeling about him. “You saved me from him.”
“You were too smart for him. Even if I didn’t show up that night I don’t believe for a second you would have gotten involved with him.”
“You’re right.” I smirked. “I was too busy pinning away for you.”
“You’ll never have to do that again because I’m never going to leave you.” He slipped his hand under the hem of my skirt, resting it on my thigh. “I’m never going to let you leave me either.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I promised. “These past few days have been pure agony. It made me very aware how much you mean to me.”
“Let’s put them behind us.”
“There’s something I need to tell you.”
“Anything.”
“I know what happened on your boat the other day wasn’t what it appeared to be, but if it were I didn’t do a very good job of standing by your side. If you had relapsed I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to help you.” I’d struggled with that thought for days. He was always taking care of me, but was I the right woman for him?
“You’re wrong.” He turned me so I was facing him. “I’m an addict. It took me years to realize that I deserved love and happiness even when I was at my lowest point. When I met you I didn’t think I was the man for you but selfishly I needed to be around you. The more time I spent with you the more I wanted. I walked away because I thought I was doing what was best for you.”
“I told you that you were wrong about that.”
“Now I’m telling you that you’re wrong about what you’re feeling over what happened between us this week. If I had relapsed you did exactly what you should have done if you thought I was in denial. How were you supposed to know that I didn’t slip up? If I had you were right not to believe my story about not doing anything. I was there before. I used to swear to my family I wouldn’t do it again and because they thought they were helping they pretended it was all okay.” He closed his eyes but not before I saw the pain inside them. “The next time I screwed up and got high was increasingly worse than the last. I kept making mistake after mistake, excuse after excuse, promise after promise, until that last night when I lost Sam.”
“I hate that all these painful memories have been brought to the surface for you this week. You don’t deserve this.”
“I’m not afraid of my past. They key is knowing I’m never going to repeat it but on the off chance that I do relapse I need to know you won’t put up with my shit. You have to be strong and not enable me. You did everything you should have done this week.” His green eyes sparkled when he continued. “Even though I was so freakin’ innocent.”
“I can be strong for you, Jameson, but I don’t ever have to leave your side. After experiencing what we went through these last few days, I know that no one or nothing can come between us. I’ll never let that happen.”
“That’s my girl.” He stretched out, holding me close. “It’s been a hell of a week.”
“No kidding.”
“I have an idea.”
“What is it?”
“Do you want to check something off that board of yours?” He grinned. “I can have us on a plane by tonight. You’ll have a tropical drink in your hand by morning and I’ll have your bikini in mine.”
“You want to go away?”
“We are going away.”
“Now?”
“I’ll make the arrangements right now. Then we’ll go home and pack.”
“Can we really do that?” Did people just jump on planes and go to islands? “Don’t you have to plan all that?”
“I have people who will take care of all the details.” He kissed me. “One phone call and we’re on our way.”
“Um... well, I...” I bit my bottom lip.
“What is it?”
“I’ve never been on a plane before.”
“Then you’re a lucky girl.” He traced his thumb along my worried lip. “I happen to have a private jet. We’ll knock off flying and having sex on a plane in one shot.”
“Wait a minute.” I tilted my head and shot him a devious smirk. “Sex on a plane isn’t on my list.”
“It will be after we do it.” He winked. “I promise you.”
“I’m in.”
“Perfect.” He trailed his tongue along my lips. “There’s something I haven’t told you today.”
“What’s that?”
“I love you.” He pressed his lips to mine, taking my breath away as he poured everything he had into that connection. “More than anyone has ever loved another.”
“I know,” I whispered. “I love you too.”
The End