Jameson
This was awkward. After we had sex, I usually gave her the money and she left. I didn’t have to see her again. That was by design. Everything about tonight was off. I shouldn’t have even been in that bar given my history. I shouldn’t have asked her to come home with me. That was my mistake. One of many tonight.
But shit, if I hadn’t made so many errors regarding her than I wouldn’t have just had one of the best sexual experiences of my life. Looking into her eyes when we connected was more profound than I ever could have imagined. Why hadn’t I thought to do that before? Because, you idiot, you’re not supposed to be falling for her.
When I came back with the envelope, she was cuddled in a ball. Her head resting on the arm of the couch and her legs were tucked into her chest. As I moved closer, I realized she had fallen asleep. She’d put her dress on but left her panties on the floor. Had she done that for me?
I scooped them up, scrunching them in my hand before shoving them into my pocket. I knelt down by her face and gently stroked her hair. “CC.” I tried to coax her to wake. “You fell asleep.”
“Huh?” Her eyes fluttered but she didn’t open them. “I’m really tired. Just a few minutes, okay?”
How could I deny her? I sat on the floor and stared at her breathtaking beauty. She was sweet, witty, and intelligent. It baffled me that she would allow what occurred between us. What motivated her? Until now, I’d forced myself to know little about her. The less I knew, the more unattached we’d be. After tonight, something changed. Seeing her in the bar, having a conversation with her, even having her here in my living room made everything real.
Brushing my fingers along her cheek, I tried to fight the urge to kiss her. She wanted to kiss me a few minutes ago. It would have been so easy to let her, but it would have been wrong. Something was tormenting her and every fiber of my being screamed I was not the man for her. When had I ever listened to my conscience? I did what I wanted. To hell with the consequences.
I stood from the floor, grabbed the throw off the back of the sofa and covered her. Taking a few moments, I watched her sleep before I picked up my phone from the coffee table and went to my study. I was in too deep now. I’d let this arrangement play out far too long. Who was she? Why did she keep coming back? I wasn’t supposed to care but I did. More than I realized I could. Now I had to know who I was dealing with. The dynamics had changed that quickly.
I dialed Meg, my very efficient P.I.. She’d never let me down before and I doubted she would this time.
“Jameson,” she answered. “What’s up?”
“Meg, I need a background check.”
“Vetting a new candidate? You know I love digging up dirt on potential leaders of this fine country.”
“Not exactly.” She was discreet but had an unhealthy obsession with my social life. “There’s a woman I need some information on.”
“A woman? Like someone you want to date?”
“Can you do this fast?”
“You’re not getting married are you?” She snickered. “Because we should have done this check before the prenup.”
I ignored her nonsense. “Her name is Cecilia Keller.” Why am I doing this? “I’ll send over what I have on her but it isn’t much. I need you to do your thing and find out whatever you can on her.”
“You’re not going to tell me why?”
“No, I’m going to pay you an obscene amount of money instead.”
“That works.”
“I thought it might.” I glanced in the direction of the living room. “I’ll email you in a few minutes. I need you to drop everything and get this done.”
“I’m on it.”
“Thanks.” I ended the call.
Sitting down at my desk, I composed an email to Meg giving her the little information I had on CC. Once I hit send there would be no turning back. If I thought I could fight this dependency I was sadly mistaken. I was in too far to stop now. I recognized the signs. Once an addict, always an addict.
***
Sitting on the window seat in my bedroom, I tried to read. I couldn’t concentrate on the words. My thoughts were focused on the gorgeous woman sleeping in my bed. She had been completely out when I carried her upstairs. I could have put her in the spare room, but I didn’t want her to be disoriented when she woke up. Who was I trying to fool? I didn’t want to be far from her.
“Mom...” she mumbled in her sleep.
That was the third time she’d called for her mother. I wondered what that was about.
“Please don’t leave me.”
When she kicked the covers off and thrashed around the bed, I went to her. It was instinctual. I sat next to her, quietly calling her name, trying to wake her from whatever she was experiencing. Her face was tormented.
“No!” she screamed as she sat up and threw her arms around my neck, holding on as tight as she could. “She’s going to leave,” she whispered. “I’m not ready.”
“Your mom?” I rubbed her back as she trembled in my arms. “It was a dream.”
“What?” She let go of me and looked around. “Where? How?”
“You fell asleep downstairs,” I told her. “I thought you’d be more comfortable up here.”
“Why didn’t you wake me?” She pushed her wild hair from her face. “What time is it?”
“I tried to but you were out.” I glanced at my watch. “It’s a little after midnight.”
“I have to go. I shouldn’t have stayed this long.”
She hopped out of my bed but I wasn’t ready to let her go. Maybe I imagined her staying the evening, waking up in my arms, having breakfast with me. What the hell is wrong with me? I set this up as a callous sexual arrangement. I never intended to fall for her. How could I ever expect her to do normal with me?
“I’m sorry I fell asleep,” she said.
“Wait.” I cut her off at the door. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“About what?”
“The dream.” I didn’t want her to leave. “It seemed pretty intense.”
“No.” She shook her head. “It was nothing. I really have to go.”
“I’ll take you home.”
“You don’t have to,” she insisted. “I can take a cab.”
“I told Kirsten I would get you home.” Why couldn’t I just ask her to stay the night with me?
“She won’t hold you to it.”
“Maybe I want to take you home.” I held her hand. “It’s late.”
“I’ll be fine.” She gazed down at our joined hands. “Tonight has been... confusing.”
“That’s my fault.” I backed her against the wall, my hand still in hers. “I shouldn’t have asked you here tonight.”
“Why did you?”
“I’m a selfish bastard.” I chose now to be honest?
“So it was all part of the arrangement?”
Didn’t I make that clear before we left the bar? “Look, CC, it’s –”
“I like it better when you call me Cecilia.” She let go of my hand. “It’s not as intimate that way.”
Fuck! She was giving me some much deserved shit.
“I have to go.” She headed down the hall. “I’ll use the service elevator.”
Going after her was not an option. Not tonight. I needed to get myself together. She had something going on in her life, and I had a strong feeling she didn’t need me as another problem. I’d be doing her a favor if I cut her loose.