Chapter Twelve: Hurt
Misery. That was pretty much the only word for this. She felt terrible, for what she had done, for what was to come, for all the things Sorrin had said. He hadn’t even let her explain herself, not really, but she couldn’t exactly blame him. She’d gone and betrayed him, and she knew that had to hurt. Especially since he’d opened up to her. He’d let her in, and she’d been working for the ones who had hurt him the whole time.
Guilt and shame were warring inside of her, and she was beginning to wish that she’d never gotten out of that cell. Being a prisoner for five months had been terrible, yes, but it hadn’t felt like this. Like she’d had something and then lost it. Like there would never be anything like it again.
More than anything she wanted to go to Sorrin and make things right. She’d throw herself at his feet and beg for his forgiveness if it would get him to listen to her, to hear her out. But in lieu of that, she called her parents.
The amount of crying that happened on her mother’s end was expected, but she hadn’t expected her father to burst into tears. Her sister had apparently left the city and hadn’t come back yet, but they knew she was safe. They were overjoyed to hear from their eldest daughter and to know that she was alright, and Abby took the time to explain everything to them. How she’d been taken, what had happened after that, what was going to happen now.
They were horrified to hear that she’d been a prisoner, and even more horrified to hear how close she'd come to dying if the Caran hadn’t been satisfied with her answer. It was something of a comfort to know that her parents at least seemed to understand that she hadn’t had much of a choice in the matter when it came to doing what the Caran wanted her to do. Abby left out a good bit about Sorrin, seeing as he hated her now and what they’d had probably wouldn’t be relevant again.
They wanted her to come to them, to leave the city and the chaos and make their way to the place where they were safe now, and Abby thought about it seriously for all of five minutes. She wanted to do it, to see her family and to be done with this, but in the end, she couldn't make herself leave. This was a battle, and she was in the middle of it, whether she liked it or not. One way or another, she had to see this through.
"I'll see you once this is all done," she said.
"How do you know that will happen soon?" her mother had asked her tearfully, and Abby could hear the worry in her voice. It must have been hard for her, to have her eldest daughter gone and wrapped up in something so dangerous. Abby would make it up to her when it was all over. Assuming she survived this, of course.
"Because we have a plan. I can't explain too much, Mom, but it'll be over soon."
She ended the call and then flopped back on her bed, resisting the urge to cry again.
God, how had she gotten like this? She still didn't even really know Sorrin all that well, and now she probably wouldn't get the chance to know him any better. Not when it looked like he was never going to speak to her again. She hoped he didn't die in the coming fight. She wanted him to get what he wanted out of this. His revenge, his closure. And then he would probably go back to his planet or to the colonies, and she would never see him again.
For someone she'd only known for a short time, he had carved a place for himself in her heart, and it was hard for her to make peace with the fact that he probably hated her now.
Not that she could blame him.
With no one to talk to or spend time with, being free from her prison quickly became boring. She cleaned her apartment, she did laundry, and she went shopping. The people who were left in the city were all wary and tense; not sure what it meant that the floating city was still there, not trusting when people said that it would be okay.
To them, it was something foreign, and they all remembered when the Camador man had come down and told them that they would have to submit.
People had been taken, and then nothing else had happened. Some probably assumed that the taking of prisoners was the end of it, but as Abby moved through the city, she could see that there were plenty of people who believed something worse was coming. They would shoot nervous glances up at the floating city and then look away, not wanting to be seen even looking at it, apparently. Abby wanted to soothe them. To let them know that there was someone who was going to help, but that seemed like counting your chickens before they hatched.
Sorrin was honorable, and he would still help the fight even though he hated her now, so at least there was that. The rest of it would have to play out before any concrete promises could be made.
She tried not to spend too much time outside. The worry on people's faces tended to make her worry, too, and she still wasn't convinced that the Camadors weren't going to come looking for her. Kaleth had said she would help, but Abby wasn't sure about trusting her. She wasn't as paranoid about it as Sorrin had been, but there was still something about putting your life in the hands of someone who was once an enemy that kept a person a little on edge.
Sorrin would understand. He'd have told her that she should never trust a Camador in the first place, or whatever happened to her as a result would be deserved. They'd bicker about it, and then she'd curl up against him.
God, she missed that. It had only been about a month, but they'd developed a routine that was wonderfully comforting.
He'd hold her when she asked him to, pet her hair, and generally make her feel like things were going to be okay. It was sort of an amazing feat for someone who was so gloomy most of the time. But then, Abby had begun to feel like he really cared, lately. Until she'd ruined everything, of course.
Sometimes when she was lying in her bed, she remembered how things had been. It was only a few days ago, but already she missed the way his hands felt on her. The way he would loom over her in bed, sitting on his knees as he ran those callused hands over her body. She'd be bare for him, maybe a little damp and still warm from her shower, and he'd touch every part of her. Those thick fingers worked wonders on sore, tense muscles, and also brought her pleasure when he stroked her nipples or her neck or the space between her legs.
He knew how to touch a woman, that was for certain, and he'd taken the time to learn how to touch her and make her feel good. Every stroke of those fingers, or his palms, or his mouth had her arching and squirming, making soft noises of pleasure for him that made him hard.
Knowing that she could do that to him, someone who could have anyone he wanted, was amazing. The effect he had on her was mirrored in the effect she had on him, and it was a loop she was happy to be a part of.
She remembered one time in particular, when he'd kissed her breathless on the bed, his hands moving over her body. He'd left a trail of fire and pleasure as he kissed from her lips to her neck and then up to her ear, biting her earlobe lightly before laving the slight sting away with his tongue.
He'd whispered filthy things in her ear and brought her to her climax with nothing but his fingers and his words over and over again. And then, when she'd been worn out and trembling from the pleasure, he'd pushed into her and had taken her slowly.
Abby could still remember the way it had felt, her body over sensitive and drawn tight, and how she'd nearly sobbed when she'd come once more with him buried deep inside of her.
Their eyes had caught and held, and when he'd found his release, he had buried his face in the crook of her neck, softer words whispered now than before.
She thought that was a time she'd never forget. Sorrin made her feel wanted and beautiful and like she could rely on someone to keep her safe and protected without having to sacrifice any of her dreams to do so. He'd made her feel like no one else had ever had before, and now he wanted nothing else to do with her.
It was depressing, and laying around in her bed making herself feel worse by dwelling on (and considering getting off on) old memories was something that was beneath her. Abby had never let things stop her. She'd never let something slow her down for too long once she'd set her mind on it.
There was a battle to win, and even though she and Sorrin weren't united anymore, she wasn't going to drop her end of things. The prisoners would be freed, and the humans would fight with the warriors from space. They would take back their planet.
"We will do it," she muttered to herself, sitting up.
"Do you always talk to yourself?" a curious, lovely voice asked.
Abby nearly jumped out of her skin. She hadn't had a visitor since Sorrin had stormed out almost a week ago, and now Kaleth was standing in her bedroom door looking a strange combination of bored and amused.
"How did you get in here?" Abby demanded, pressing a hand over her galloping heart. "Better question: why are you even here?"
"Human locks are an embarrassment," Kaleth replied coolly. "And I needed to speak to you."
She supposed that was fair. It wasn't like Kaleth had a phone to call her on or anything. But still.
"What is it?" she asked.
"I've reported to the Caran," Kaleth said. She dropped the expression on her face and then shuddered.
Abby's eyes widened. "Are you alright?"
"Have you ever had to lie to the supreme leader of your kind?" Kaleth wanted to know. "I was certain that every second that went by was going to be my last. I was on the floor, you've seen how we must be when we are in her presence, and I lied to her. I fed her a fake plan that you were supposedly coming up with and led her to believe you were still loyal. She could have killed me."
She wasn't blind to the risk Kaleth had taken. For her, for humans as a whole. The way Theolette seemed to run things, it wasn't unheard of for her to murder someone right then and there for giving her bad information.
And yet Kaleth was still standing.
"You did great," Abby said, smiling at her. "You're helping so much."
Kaleth looked startled, like she'd never received praise before. Abby wouldn't have been surprised if she hadn't with the way things seemed to go for the Camadors in general.
"I don't want her to succeed," she murmured, looking away.
"I know," Abby said. "And I appreciate it."
Seemingly caught off guard by this, Kaleth waved an elegant hand. "Just make sure that you and your barbarian are ready for this. It will not be easy to walk into the city and take it. Speaking of, where is your brute?"
"Do you have to call him that?"
"Yes," Kaleth replied, lifting an eyebrow. "He tried to kill me. I assumed he'd have a sword pointed at my face as soon as I walked through the door."
If Sorrin had been there, then that was actually a safe assumption. Abby sighed. "He's not here."
"What do you mean, he's not here? I thought he was determined to become your shadow. Why anyone would want to get that close to a human is beyond me."
"Thanks, Kaleth," Abby said dryly. "And it's just what I said. He's not here. He's..."
"He found out, didn't he?"
Abby didn't even bother to try to hide it. She dropped her head and nodded. "I told him."
"You told him?" Kaleth sounded incredulous. "Even knowing what his reaction would be? Why would you do that?"
"Because he deserved to know," Abby said, shrugging a shoulder. "If he's going to risk his life to do this, then he deserved to know. And I wouldn't want...I wouldn't have wanted things to continue if they were just built on lies."
Kaleth looked at her and then shook her head. "I do not understand humans. Or barbarians. Will he still fight?"
Abby nodded. "He will. This was his fight before it was ours."
"Then I suppose that is all that matters." She hesitated for a moment and then sighed. "The Caran is not someone to lightly make an enemy of, and we have both done it. You do know this will end poorly, do you not? If we do not defeat her, then she will kill us all."
Abby nodded again. She knew. Oh, she knew. "Yes," she said. "But there's no other choice."
Kaleth inclined her head. "Then we will continue as planned."
Yes. They would.