Devastation hits deep, into the very core of my bones, as Eloise unlocks the door to our hotel room and I follow her in.

“Well, it’s not the Ritz …” Eloise trails off, her finger running over the plain dresser of the nicest Best Western in fifty miles. “But, I’m here with you, and that’s all that matters. And I’m very proud of what you just did for both you and your mother back there.”

I just want to crawl under those sheets and give in to the exhaustion threatening to take over my soul. I’m cracked, cleaved in two from having to send my mother to the one place I’ve always tried to avoid for her. For having to see the one person in my life who I know as blood, just completely unhinged. She was a shell of the person I’d once known, a ghost barely living in the shadows of her disorder.

“Thanks.” I pass her, setting my small travel bag down. The rest of my things, which I’d packed up last night after denying I was really leaving school, lay in boxes and duffles in the front hallway of my childhood home. But I couldn’t bring myself to stay there; it repulsed me, made me want to be sick every time I thought about how lonely and cold it was.

So Eloise had suggested we get a hotel room. I was so out of it, that I’d even let her pay.

“Why don’t you sit, love?” She touches my waist, trying to push me over to the bed.

The minute her hand reaches me, my skin ignites. And I know exactly what I need in this moment.

I move like a python striking its prey. One second we’re just two people standing in a shitty motel room, gloom hanging over us, and the next, I’m handling her jaw with reckless abandon, squeezing it too tight as I attack her mouth. 

“Colton … wait …” Eloise struggles after giving in to me for a couple of seconds.

I ignore her, diving back in and shoving my tongue halfway down her throat. It feels good, to only act and not to think. To bury all of my energy into her, to feel the give of her body under my motions.

“Love, you should rest—” She cuts me off again.

“Don’t tell me what to do, goddammit!” I throw my hands up, walking to the other side of the room.

Silence follows, and I know she’s weighing what she should say to me. I beat her to the punch.

“I’m tired of letting things happen to me. Of being a product of my environment, a pawn of the system. I’m so fed up with everything going wrong, with things slipping out of my fingers before I can hold on to them.”

Moving in front of her, I take her hips in my hands, squeezing gently on what I know is smooth and warm beneath her clothes. “For just a little while, I need to be in control. I need to feel powerful, to not think about how my life in shambles.”

It’s honest, and harsh … but right now, it is what I need.

Her long lashes blink for a beat. “So control me.”

I stare at her, trying to gauge whether I can do this. Whether she can take this right now. “I need to use you, Eloise. You get that, right?”

She nods, and it’s a sure movement. Not half-assed, no doubt. “I want to help you in whatever way I can, and if you need to use my body right now, then do it.”

I pause. “Before I control every part of you, use you for my pleasure and to escape, you should know that I love you.”

That cheeky girl comes out to play for one second. “Of course I know that, otherwise I wouldn’t be so willing to give myself to you.”

With that out of the way, I snap back into control. “Take off all of your clothes and get on the bed.”

I see it the minute that the ripple of excitement rolls down Eloise’s spine, and she begins to gracefully, but quickly, get out of her shorts and sweater.

Unbuckling my belt and doing away with my jeans, I pull the shirt over my head with one hand bunched at its neck. I shed my boxers as well. This is not the time for whispered sweet nothings and slow foreplay. I don’t feel like undressing Eloise with my teeth at the moment, or for her to slowly peel my clothing away.

No, right now, I want us skin to skin in as little time as possible, our bodies slamming against each other.

She’s lying on the bed, waiting for direction, and God, she is fucking incredible. Pearly smooth skin, legs for miles, and I want to bite the dip in her navel as her chest rises and falls rapidly. I can smell her arousal, and I want to be balls deep in her about five seconds ago.

“On all fours.” I have to swallow to get the words out, but the control feels good.

It feels necessary, when everything else is slipping away, that I can direct this situation. And that she trusts me enough to let me do so.

That pert ass sticks up at me, and her core drips with the need to be satisfied.

I climb up behind her, my rigid dick poking at the smooth skin of her ass cheek. “I’m not going to be gentle, baby.”

She nods, and I see her hands grip the hotel comforter. Her silence pleases me in some deep way, like she knows that I need her to fully submit in this moment.

With my hands gripping her hips, the skin warm and just a little damp with sweat from her obvious excitement, I feel like the king of the world. She’s serving me her body on a silver platter, and I’m about to feast.

Feeling her smooth globes, my fingers dance up her spine and forward to grab her breasts. I roll each nipple in my hand, not softly, and Eloise sucks in a harsh moan. I don’t grab a condom, don’t even ask her if I need one. Her complicit silence is all the answer I need to move forward, and my cock bobs wildly as I register that I’m going to enter her bare.

It’s the only foreplay I give her. I move my hands back to her hips, and drive in to the hilt.

“Ah!” She cries out, the sound reverberating off of the thin hotel walls.

My cock twitches all the way inside of her, and pleasure consumes me. I love this woman, and I want her to feel good, but right now, this is about me. I see nothing but my blind gratification as I drive into her over and over again. Her screams echo off the walls, my pace punishing and rapid. My chest swells with raw hedonistic pride, the base emotion of a man exerting power over a woman.

The last two weeks play in my head over and over again, and with every disappointment I fuck Eloise harder. I use her, exactly how I told her I would, as my play thing. My pleasure doll, a body to work all of my stress out on.

I’m vaguely aware when she comes for the second time, clawing at the mattress as her body nearly collapses under me. But I just keep fucking, pounding into her from behind until I can’t see straight.

The muscles in my neck tense up, and I haven’t made a noise in the entire time I’ve been ravishing her. I know my orgasm is going to be earth-shattering, that I may be paralyzed by the sheer force of it.

But I give in, jackhammering my hips into Eloise as I feel my come begin to shoot out in jets, streaming into her. The climax takes me by storm, pulling at me and completely bulldozing my senses. I can’t breathe as I push once more into her, stilling myself and letting the sensations bombard me.

After it’s over, after I can suck air back into my lungs, I run a hand over Eloise’s cheek.

It’s a thank you. An assurance that I love her. And a gesture to demonstrate that she is the closest person to me, and only with her will I let myself fall apart.