The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

After spilling my guts to the beautiful girl who now never left my side, I knew I had to change something. What I was doing, stealing, lying, gambling … it was going to catch up to me.

I’d never felt the urge to tell anyone, to expose myself, but something about the way she’d looked at me, as if I was lower than scum, made me want her to see me in the same light she always did before. The secret was out there, no longer trapped inside of my gut, poisoning my organs and making me sick. It had wings now, it had life … there was no going back.

So I had to tell someone … or fix this. I still wasn’t sure how, but every chance I got, I was looking for a way to undo the horrible mess I’d gotten myself into.

Case in point, tonight. A Friday night about a week after Eloise had found my secret money stash, the night of a game that held tournament ranking potential.

I get Mac’s text an hour before tip-off, while I’m sitting in the locker room shooting the shit with my teammates. My phone vibrates and I look down, expecting the instructions but still anticipating the shame that burns a hole in my stomach.

I won’t throw this game.

“Earth to Colton …” Nial throws a towel at me.

I look up, he and Larry are staring at me with goofy smiles on their faces. “Huh?”

“I asked if you watched the new episode of This Is Us?” Larry looks at me.

“Aw man, I can’t believe you guys watch that show … it’s a tear-jerking love fest. No blood, no action … of course I didn’t watch it.” Although I had caught a few episodes when the guys had it on in Keil House, and I had to admit I had paid attention to the storyline. And Mandi Moore was pretty hot.

“Don’t knock it till you try it. First of all, it’s a great family drama … gonna be nominated for all of the awards this year.” Nial nods, as if he’s some kind of film critic. “And it gives you a shit ton of talking points with chicks, because every single one of them watches it. Tell them you relate to Kevin and his confidence issues, his need to be taken seriously as a man, and they melt for that shit.”

“Plus, Randall is funny as fuck. And those little girls are too cute,” Larry agrees with him.

“You guys talking about This Is Us? Jack is the fucking man.” Griffin comes up and fist bumps them.

I roll my eyes, still focused on the threatening demand sitting in bold text on my phone screen. Looking around, I can’t do this to these guys anymore. They’re all honest, hardworking guys … not to mention pretty top-notch friends. I was an asshole, stealing their merchandise and fucking up their season.

I wasn’t doing it anymore. I throw my phone on the top shelf of my locker, signing my death wish not answering Mac. He’s going to bet against Jade Mountain tonight, and I’ll be the reason all of his money goes to shit. But I just can’t do it anymore.

“All right, are we done with the feels? Because we have a game to go win.” I hook my thumb toward the hallway to the gym, and they all laugh as they follow me out to the court.

Half an hour later, and we’re up by twelve and I’m feeling like a fucking god. It’s like my high-tops are on fire tonight, no one can stop me. My passes go exactly where I want them to, I don’t miss a single shot. I can’t slow down, the pace of my game on overdrive. It’s like getting this secret out of the dark box it’s been locked inside of, even if to just one person, has set me free. I haven’t played this well in months.

“Killing it, brother!” Nial runs by me, slapping my ass hard as we run down the court.

Time is ticking, the clock in our favor as we score point after point after point. Our team feels untouchable, like we’re running on water or some other kind of miracle-level shit. This is how we should be playing, this is how we have to play if we want to win a national title.

The seconds tick down, and suddenly fans are rushing the court, the energy with which we just dominated our opponent apparently transcending the hardwood and floating up into the bleachers. I’m scooped up in the madness of it all, cheers echoing in my eardrums and Jade Mountain flags being flung all around.

It’s not until I get back to my locker after scorching my skin in a hot shower to avoid my phone, that I finally check my text messages.

Mac: Wrong move, kid. Wrong move.

Dread sits like a lead bullet in my lungs, making it hard to breathe. Immediately, I text Eloise. Whether or not they know about my girlfriend, I’m not sure … but there is no way in hell I’m leaving her alone tonight.

There is no telling what these guys will do now that I’ve crossed them.