Nearly two weeks passed after the incident with Bram Hawkins showing up at Julia’s house, and she had yet to have that conversation with Elliot. He’d said they were going to talk about it, but it just hadn’t happened. They’d woken up that afternoon after a long nap and had both gone back to their respective works. She’d since submitted her program proposal to three different prospective buyers and was waiting to hear if she had any offers. The Williams brothers were nearly done with her closet and the rest of the upstairs remodel.

She’d thankfully only spent a few nights in that tiny downstairs bedroom before being moved into the guest suite upstairs, which was completely finished. Granted, her clothes were still technically homeless and she was living with much less than she was accustomed to, but it was so much better than it had been. With her office being finished, a bedroom to sleep in, plus what felt like a new beginning in her love life, Julia felt better than she had in years.

Cole, especially, had helped her come out of her shell, stealing her away, once or twice, from the rest of the group, to take her to a movie. He’d taken her to the pool hall to teach her how to play and she’d been hit on by someone at the bar.

Cole had merely turned to the man and said, “She’s with Elliot.”

The man, who was about her age, had taken a long look at her, tipped his beer, and walked away.

“Hey,” she complained.

Cole laughed. “Jules, do you know what it took for me to get Elliot to let me take you out tonight? Like I’m going to ruin it by letting someone hit on you.”

Julia bristled. “You don’t need Elliot’s permission to take me anywhere. You need mine.”

Cole lifted his eyebrows at her. “Julia, I like being your friend, but the fact is, you have a boyfriend. Boyfriends don’t usually take too kindly to their women having male friends, even if those friends are just their little brothers. So yeah, it took some convincing for Elliot to believe that I was just looking to be your friend and yeah, I kind of needed his permission so I could keep the peace between all of us.”

She seemed to consider that for a moment before nodding and taking a sip of her water.

She and Elliot spent most nights together, sometimes at her house and sometimes at his cabin. The weather, now nearing the end of April, had turned warm and they spent a lot of evenings on the porch, watching the stars and enjoying each other’s company. She’d never had nothing to do before. It seemed strange to just spend her days cruising the internet and managing her own affairs. Even Kelsey was getting bored, the lack of work a jarring contrast to the buzz of their former life.

One night, as the end of April neared, Julia and Elliot were cuddled deeply into a plush loveseat on his porch. The night had cooled some, but it was still pleasant to sit and watch the water lap the shore and hear the ducks calling into the night.

She’d started to wonder why Elliot had never pushed her to have the conversation about her father being a famous musician. She was glad he hadn’t pushed because she wasn’t sure what she would have told him a few weeks ago. It had taken her some time to reflect on the situation to even begin to scratch the surface on why she hadn’t told him. She was no therapist, though Cathy had her own opinions on the subject. It was hard to take a step back and look at the things you do and figure out why you do them. She’d really had to look at every angle of that decision to figure out her initial motive and come to terms with it.

She broke the long-standing silence and told Elliot what she’d finally figured out. “I didn’t tell you about my father being famous because it makes me feel like a loser.”

“A loser?” Elliot stilled, beer halfway to his lips. “Why would it make you feel like a loser?”

“Because he’s so cool.” She shrugged. “And I’m—” She took a deep breath. “Well, I’m not.”

In classic Elliot fashion, he took his time digesting her answer. Not judging her right away, whether he felt like she was wrong or right.

“Have you always felt like that?” he asked after a while.

“I didn’t even know he was my father until I was a teenager. By then I was such a freak that it didn’t take much to make me feel worse. And compared to him? He’s larger than life.”

“Yeah, but you’re a genius,” he reasoned. “That’s really intimidating. I bet he feels like an idiot when he’s with you.”

“Maybe,” Julia answered, considering the possibilities.

“You aren’t a loser, Julia, and you aren’t a freak,” he added, pulling her closer to him. “You may not be a rock star, but you’re special in your own ways.”

One thing Julia had learned about Elliot was that he wasn’t one to use a lot of extra words, much like herself. He said what he meant, what he needed to say, and left it at that. He didn’t expound upon why he felt she was special, but she’d experienced him trying to show her many times.

Like when he’d found out about Conquer, a women’s charity she’d founded for underprivileged women trying to educate themselves. Not only was Julia their founder, but she was their biggest contributor, financially and in physical donations, as well. She donated most of her clothing to women trying to make a better life for themselves and interviewing for jobs. There were children’s charities, education charities, and medical charities she donated to, as well. When he’d found out about all the charity work she did, he’d searched her eyes thoroughly, kissed her deeply, and held her long into the night.

There was a weekend Cole had wanted to impress a girl on a date. Elliot had scoffed and told him there was no way for him to impress anyone. Julia had arranged a car for the couple and gotten them dinner reservations at the most sought after dinner club in the city. Elliot had smiled gently across his kitchen island and continued cooking, telling her simply that she was a good friend.

No one had told her that before.

It was almost as if Elliot made all the things she’d been self-conscious about her entire life, just fall away.

Julia now looked up at him in the bright spring moonlight. “You’re special too, Elliot,” she told him softly.

“You think so?” he asked with a smile.

That was the thing about Elliot, his smile wasn’t always big and sometimes it was more from his eyes than his mouth, but she saw it. She knew when his mood was light and when it wasn’t. When it wasn’t, his eyes were dark and stormy—thunderous. But right now, they were light and clear, and there was a slight lift to his mouth.

“I do,” she confirmed. “And I’m a genius so you can’t argue with me.”

“This is true,” he agreed.

“And you can’t argue with me when I tell you that I think it’s time to go inside.”

He pulled her even farther into his arms. “You cold?”

“No,” she said easily. “But I’m ready for us to get in bed.”

“Naked?”

“I hope so.”

He stood and pulled her quickly behind him.

Julia had always read the term making love and scoffed at the idea. Sex was a biological task. She couldn’t understand why anyone would bother to come up with a euphemism for something that was a human function. It wasn’t until she’d actually been to bed with Elliot a number of times that she figured it out. When they were together, making love, that’s exactly what he was doing to her. Loving her in every way he could, cherishing her without words. Certainly, they’d declared their love for each other and she didn’t think that was necessary to the equation. Yes, she cared for Elliot but she wasn’t sure that she was capable of loving another person. Love relied so heavily on trust and even though she trusted Elliot in some aspects of herself, she wasn’t sure she would ever be able to hand her heart completely to him.

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

When they were in bed together he took care of her. Not just making sure she had an orgasm or making her feel good, but he made sure she was happy and comfortable. He always took care of her needs and made that emotional connection with her every time they were together. There was always eye contact and reassurance mixed in with everything they did together, calming and supportive.

That night proved no exception when they stripped off each other’s clothes in mutual exploration, the low light from the porch casting shadows along their skin. Julia had never experienced the feel of cotton-jersey sheets before sleeping in Elliot’s bed but now she luxuriated in the feel of the fabric beneath her. She welcomed him into her arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. As usual, making love with Elliot was an intense and passionate experience. He was happy to let her take control and have her turn on top before rolling them over again, and by the time they finished, the sheets were tangled around their feet and her heart was tangled in his.

* * *

A few days later while the master closet was getting its final touches, including a crystal chandelier and a granite countertop for the dressing table/island in the center, Kelsey interrupted Julia while she browsed H-Surf for interesting investments.

“Julia!” Kelsey rapped on the desk to get her attention.

She was instantly alert at the look on her assistant’s face. “What is it?” Julia warily stood and asked.

“Your grandmother is here.”

Immediately, her palms started to sweat and her heart raced. She hadn’t seen her grandmother in years. The mere thought of her grandmother coming into her home and critiquing her sanctuary left Julia feeling not just on edge, but reluctant to let her in. She remembered her father’s words about her grandfather being sick.

“You can show her in,” Julia told her with a nod.

Kelsey look surprised at her easy permission, but ever the dutiful aide, did as she was asked. Julia looked down and wished she was wearing something nicer. Her black skinny jeans, no matter where she’d bought them, as well as her vintage, striped boat shirt, made her feel small and young. When confronting her family, Julia wanted to feel powerful and untouchable.

She heard the clack of her heeled shoes coming up the walkway and the stairs of the porch.

“Dreadful,” Julia heard her grandmother murmur.

Emily entered Julia’s sanctuary the way she might have an overflowing port-a-potty. Her lip curled in disgust as she held her hands up toward her chest, as though touching something may have transferred a disease. She was tall, thin, and glamorous, her hair perfectly salon blonde and styled to utter perfection. She was dressed in an ivory silk suit, which suddenly struck Julia as so strange.

In the last few months, Jim Williams had visited his sons at her house and each time it was a loving, yet casual experience. There were no pretenses about who was wearing what and there was certainly no pressure to be anything other than themselves.

“Julia.”

Julia stood rigidly behind her desk while Kelsey ran up the stairs. To hide, most likely.

“Emily,” Julia answered robotically, still caught off guard by the sudden intrusion.

Her grandmother looked around the room in repulsion. “Jonathan said you moved to the country but I wasn’t expecting it to be so rustic. Honestly, Julia, everybody who’s anybody is talking about you right now and you’re hiding out here?”

“This is my home,” Julia told her flatly, her heart pounding in her chest, beating a steady staccato of anger and anxiety. “What are you doing here?”

“You have the ability to make your home anywhere. You could live in any city, anywhere. You have the most beautiful apartment in the best city in the world. You’ll have to explain to me why you’d want to live here of all places, Julia, because I just don’t understand.” She didn’t give Julia a second to explain. “Do you have any idea how much selling the company upset your grandfather and I? They call you a recluse, Julia, did you know that? Someone asked me if you had mental problems and frankly, I didn’t know how to answer them. You had the opportunity to make something more out of that company and you let someone else take the reins. Your grandfather even tried to help by taking over but you blocked him there too.”

Julia stared across the desk, not surprised at any of the accusations Emily hurled her way. Over the course of many years, she had become used to that kind of berating.

Emily took her granddaughter’s silence as a cue to continue. “Your grandfather is concerned about you. We heard from Sam Walters that you had some kind of nervous breakdown and we think you might need serious help. I’ve come to ask you to come with me so we can take you to see Dr. Peters.”

Dr. Peters? They wanted to take her to see a child psychologist? She was twenty-five years old.

“No,” Julia ground out in frustration, unable to find any other words to express how she was feeling. She’d had a day a while back that had really stressed her out. Honestly, she’d had about a year’s worth of bad days that had led to a very messy, very ugly, and very public anxiety attack.

Not a nervous breakdown, just an anxiety attack.

Her grandmother was staring at her, eyebrows raised, looking expectant. Julia wasn’t sure what Emily was expecting, possibly an apology or explanation, but she wasn’t going to get it.

“I heard grandfather was sick.”

“I came here to discuss you and your illness, nothing more and certainly nothing less.”

“I don’t have an illness,” Julia defended.

“That is not what I heard. I can see, just by looking at you, that the rumors are true. You’ve stopped eating and you’re depressed. I can see it. And we all know what happens when you get depressed, Julia.”

Julia clenched her hands into fists to stop the shaking. The irony was that her phobia of being poisoned came directly from the Louziers. The added inference to her long-ago suicide attempt was a cheap shot, nothing more, a low blow that her grandmother would use to her advantage if she could.

“I’m not sick. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m not seeing your therapist. If you have nothing else to say to me you’re free to leave.”

Her heart was racing and a knot had formed in her throat. What had she ever done wrong? 

There would be no figuring it out in the moment. That moment was to be dedicated to getting her grandmother out of her house before the woman saw her cry. Julia would never allow her to see that weakness in her.

“Do you really think we’re going to let you drag our good name down with you while you make a fool of yourself?” Emily stepped closer to Julia’s desk and hissed at her in a low voice. “I will not let that happen. I have worked too hard, for too long, to let you bring us down now. If I have to lock you away, I will. So help me, Julia, I will have you committed and throw away the key if you think—”

“That’s enough.” Elliot’s firm voice came from directly behind her mother. “It’s time you leave, ma’am.”

Emily’s eyes narrowed in Julia’s direction before she spun to face Elliot. Julia couldn’t see her face, but she could imagine the look she was sending Elliot’s way and knew it was full of haughty disgust.

“And you are?” She sniffed.

“I work for Ms. Hawkins,” Elliot explained. Technically, it was true and Elliot didn’t give any further clarification, like the fact that he was her contractor or that he was basically her boyfriend.

“And you think you have the authority to ask me to leave?” Emily’s arrogant laugh grated Julia’s nerves.

She was so thankful Elliot had come down and called a halt to her grandmother’s tirade, but she never wanted him to see the weak side of her. The little girl that still couldn’t find her way out of her family’s line of hateful fire. There were so many things that Julia had managed to conquer in her life, yet her grandmother still made her body tremble with fear and anxiety. Even now, she stood behind the protection of her desk, quivering with the need to flee, holding back what felt like a waterfall of tears.

“I do.” Elliot nodded, not an ounce of fear or intimidation in his gaze. “And I’ll ask you one more time before I physically remove you myself. It’s time for you to show yourself out.” He pointedly held his arm out toward the front door and when she didn’t move he growled menacingly, “Last chance, lady.”

Emily took one last look at Julia and without saying a word, turned on her heel and stalked out of the house. Elliot didn’t look at Julia until they both heard her grandmother’s car drive away and when he turned to face her then, his pewter eyes were watchful, penetrating the gossamer barrier of protection she had left.

She wondered how much of her shame he could see, how close to the surface it was. Her throat clogged with emotion, humiliation, and embarrassment.

“Julia,” Elliot murmured gently.

Not knowing what to say or how to be brazen about the disgusting display her grandmother had just put on, Julia fled down the hall and shut herself in the downstairs bathroom. Breathing hard, still trying to hold back a flood of tears with her palms, she pressed her back to the wooden door and slid down to the floor.

She was a success. She knew that, she really and truly did. She thought about the things that her grandmother had said to her and wondered when she would ever be enough for them, when her accomplishments would finally mean something in their eyes. She’d just sold a company for eleven billion dollars.

Billion.

Not to mention the fortune she’d earned from the site in the past few years. She was worth roughly twenty-four billion dollars and still, they wanted more from her.

There was a gentle knock on the door.

“Julia.” It was Elliot, speaking quietly, his voice muffled as he talked through the door. “Let me in.”

She didn’t answer, just tried to take a deep breath and force the emotions to pass.

“Please,” he urged.

Let him in? Didn’t he see what happened when she let people in? They got to witness the ugliest side of her life. They got to see what a sniveling weakling she really was.

“Don’t let her do this to you, Julia.” Elliot’s voice came through the door again, gruff and firm. “Don’t let her tear you down.”

But she was right about some of it, wasn’t she? Julia thought as those ridiculous tears leaked out the corners of her eyes. There was something wrong with her. People weren’t afraid to eat. They just weren’t. She knew that her fear had taken over too much of her life and that she needed help; she just didn’t know how to get it. When there were people in her life so willing to see her as weak, she didn’t know how to take control and help herself.

But she also knew not everyone in her life felt that way about her. She knew that Kelsey, Tucker, Cole, and especially Elliot were on her side.

“Let me in, baby.” Elliot’s quiet plea confirmed her thought.

She turned the knob behind her and scooted to the side, letting Elliot in. He entered and found her sitting on the floor. Closing the door behind him, he lowered himself to sit across from her and for a few seconds they just looked at each other. She counted a few gray hairs on his head, mixed in with the black, and wondered idly if eventually his hair would all be gray.

“I hate your grandmother,” he told her plainly.

She took a deep breath and was inclined to agree even if she didn’t say it aloud.

“I’ll never be enough for them,” Julia said quietly, admitting something aloud that she’d only ever done to herself.

As she’d come to expect, Elliot made things easier for her, quietly considerate of the things she confided in him. “Why do you still want to be enough for them?” he asked. “Aren’t you happy with you?”

Julia took a moment to consider his question and knew he was right. She was, for the most part, happy with herself. She’d studied hard and in turn worked hard. She’d made money and had been extremely successful. She just didn’t know how to explain to him that even though she knew that he was right, her need to be accepted by her family was cripplingly strong.

“I am,” she told him. “I just…” She shrugged and looked away, wiping another tear that leaked out.

Elliot scooted just close enough to grab her and pull her into his lap. “Don’t cry, baby,” he whispered as he kissed her hair. “Don’t let her walk into this amazing place you built and ruin it for you.”

“Place you built, you mean?”

“Technically, yes, but you found this house and saw the potential. You went out of your way to find the best contractors you could to do the work. You made the plans and made them happen. Julia, you made this place your home. You can’t let her come in here and ruin that. We all worked too hard for that.”

He was so wise. Not just book smart or street smart, but wise about life, his advice always thoughtful and personal. She appreciated that about him and was thankful she’d opened the door.

“Thank you.” She pressed herself deeper into his embrace. “I needed to hear that.”

“You need to believe that, not just hear it,” he told her firmly. “And I don’t give a fuck what that lady says; if she tries to have you committed like she said she would, I’m going to go apeshit.”

“I wouldn’t put it past her,” Julia admitted, wondering how she was going to head her grandmother off in that respect. “Thank you,” she choked. “I’ve never had anyone stand up for me like that before.”

She felt his chest expand beneath her. “Don’t thank me.” His voice was gravely and gruff. “I’m going to keep standing up for you, whenever you need it, so you might as well get used to it.”

“Someday, I need to stand up for myself.” Her admission was soft and in her mind, shameful.

“We’ll stand together then,” he corrected without another thought. “I know what you need right now.”

Julia adjusted herself on his lap so she could turn and look in his eyes. “What’s that?” she asked.

“I can’t tell you, but we’re going to get out of here for a while and I know just the thing.”

* * *

An hour later they were on a small boat, in the middle of the lake, at Elliot’s cabin, and Julia was getting her first fishing lesson. She, listening attentively, while Elliot explained about her reel and bait, then about her bobber and setting the hook. He stood behind her and showed her how to cast her line and then demonstrated the aforementioned hook setting.

After the lesson, there wasn’t much talking at all. In their usual fashion, she and Elliot sat together, enjoying their mutual silence. Her entire life she’d felt so disconnected from everyone. Elliot seemed to understand that it just wasn’t that easy for her, and so he’d obviously altered his approach in their relationship. Where previously he’d tried to get to know her through interrogation and conversation, he was now building her trust with his confident silences. He’d become observant, waiting for her cues, which when she thought about it, was so out of the ordinary in terms of what she thought she knew about men. She’d expected most men to be arrogant and pushy.

“One of these days, I’ll stop expecting you to be something you aren’t,” she told him out of the blue.

He smiled slightly toward the water, never taking his eyes from the end of his line. The lake, from the center, was more beautiful than she’d first given it credit for. The leaves on the trees had appeared in early spring and each cabin on the shore was surrounded by lush forest. Every time she came to Elliot’s lake, she understood not only more about why he chose that particular spot to make his home, but about Elliot himself. It was quiet and peaceful; she imagined him exploring the forest and the lake in his spare time.

A few minutes later, when she didn’t elaborate on her earlier statement, Elliot commented, “What is that you expect me to be?”

Not sure how to explain, she decided that starting at the beginning would be best. “I thought you were awful when I first met you. Hot but awful.”

He laughed under his breath. “I thought you were a rich snob. Hot but snobby.”

“I was just reacting to how you were acting. I was caught off guard,” she defended her actions from that morning when she’d woken up to a houseful of strangers.

“I know, and I was reacting to not getting to buy the house. Then I saw the plans you had and thought you were a materialistic rich bitch that would hate living in a small town, drop the renovations, and then dump the house.”

She considered how fond of his grandmother Elliot was and imagined how heartbroken he would have been if she had torn apart the house for no other reason than just having it done. “I fell in love with the house when I first pulled in the driveway,” she admitted to him. “I felt drawn to it.”

“Like it was home,” he finished for her. “That’s how I always felt about it, too. But I apologize for being awful.”

“I guess I like awful.”

“Ha ha,” he said, straight-faced.

“I’m kidding,” she said, though she thought he knew that. “I’ve always felt lonely. Even when I’ve been with other people. Separate. Disconnected from everyone. But then I met Cole.”

“Cole,” he scoffed. “You’re going to give Cole all the credit?”

“Cole deserves some credit, Elliot. If for nothing else, he brought you to me.”

He quickly shifted his gaze to her, a look of disbelief on his handsome face. “Why Julia Hawkins, did you just say something mushy?”

She shrugged a shoulder and looked away.

“I guess I need to thank Cole for that too,” he said. “Although, as an older brother, it will be pulled reluctantly from the depths of my soul.”

“You love him,” Julia countered.

“Damn straight I do,” Elliot said without hesitation. “He’s always been the one to make everyone else feel comfortable. Tucker was a little too shy, but Cole always talked to everyone. He’s the one that made me feel at home when I first got fostered by the Williams.”

She considered that. “That’s what he did for me too. Made me feel at home. Comfortable, I guess.”

“Cole’s good like that,” he agreed.

“But then, that night when you followed me home from the pizza restaurant…” He nodded at her reminder. “It was like you were a whole different person. You confused me.”

“You confused me, too. Here I was, acting like a jerk because I thought you were living on such a high horse, above us all, when I find out you’re just like the rest of us.”

“I’m not sure what happened that night to change anything.”

“I realized that I knew nothing about you. It wasn’t fair of me to judge you without getting to know you first. And then—” He stopped short.

“Then what?” Julia prodded as she sat up straighter.

He shook his head and the look on his face was so earnest. “Remember when I kissed you on the head before I left?”

She nodded but hadn’t needed the reminder. She’d been so caught off guard when he’d done that.

“I don’t think I’ll forget the look on your face for as long as I live.” He looked away, like he was embarrassed. “Not just the surprise on your face, but the vulnerability, like you forgot to put that wall back up between us and I knew then, that you and I are so much alike.”

“You think we’re alike?” she asked, not agreeing at all. Elliot was determined and strong.

“I think you and I had similarly difficult childhoods, but we ended up in very different places. I was lucky and ended up in a loving and stable home. I was given two loving parents and a grandmother who taught me what real love was supposed to feel like.” He looked her way. “You ended up someplace different completely, but, I don’t think it’s too late for you to learn what real love feels like. I think you deserve that, Julia.”

Was he saying he was going to give her real love? As bold as she usually was, as easy as it was for her to ask questions, that particular one wouldn’t cross her lips. But she thought about what he said.

Was she deprived of love? Was her life shaded by the lack of love she’d been shown her entire life? Did she even know how to love someone? If she did, did she know how to be loved in return? 

Just then her fishing pole dipped suddenly, pulling away from her, and Julia squealed.

“Set the hook! Set the hook!” Elliot yelled as he maneuvered himself next to her, the boat rocking underneath them.

Julia reeled in like he’d taught her and it felt like she did it forever. By the time she pulled the fish into the boat, she was out of breath. Elliot grabbed the fish right in the mouth and held it up so she could see it. His smile was wide and he beamed with what she thought might be pride.

“Good catch, Shorty!” he congratulated her enthusiastically, took the hook out of its mouth, and tried to hand the fish to her.

“Ew!” She pulled her hand back automatically.

He thrust it toward her again with an indulgent laugh. “Come on. Quit being such a girl. Look what you just caught!”

Julia thought it was hideous but Elliot was right. She’d done that. She’d caught that. She was proud.

“Come on. Grab it here and here.” He pointed to the places where she should hold it. “Hold it up. I want to take your picture.”

And she did it. She took that fish, held it up, and smiled proudly like it was the biggest fish ever caught in that lake. Elliot took her picture and smiled back at her, then grabbed the back of her head and pulled her in for a rough kiss.

In just a few hours, Elliot had restored the self-confidence the visit from her grandmother had cost her. Sometimes it took days or even weeks to get there, but Elliot had it cut to hours, because in that short amount of time, she’d not only learned something new, she’d done something she’d never done before, and enjoyed it.

Julia felt a newfound sense of confidence, not just in her intelligence or her business, but in herself. She knew, without a shadow of a doubt that she would get better. She was choosing herself and for the first time in a long time, that felt absolutely right.