Chapter Thirty-Eight

Giles

I'M NOT IN THE MOOD to have all these people in my house tonight. Ava got carried away with the invites this time. It's not just our core group of friends and a few stragglers. There are dozens of people I don't recognize here. I wouldn't mind it so much if there weren't a disproportionally large number of guys. 

Drunk, horny, college guys with easy smiles and nonexistent concepts of personal space. And watching how social Julia is with them? How comfortable and unassuming she seems around these strangers? It's all making my jaw clench so tightly my head's starting to hurt.

Since she got home from work, the few times I've talked to her she's seemed nervous and distracted, barely able to meet my eyes. 

I've tried to give her space, knowing her well enough to know she won't be cornered. I'm not a patient person. I don't like waiting. But for her? I've waited longer than I've ever thought possible. And I'd wait longer if that's what she needed.

My friends all know Julia's off limits. But I'm not an idiot. I know I've left the situation open for any other random guy to come in and try to seduce her. 

Just thinking about how turned on she got me last night, how much pent up sexual energy I've gathered over the past two months, leaves me even more uneasy. Because I know, it's the same for her. I know she has to be just as turned on, with just as big of a craving she's dying to satiate.

It's impossible for me to enjoy myself tonight. I brush off anyone who tries to talk to me, unable to focus on anything but Julia. Unable to stop from keeping tabs on whom she's talking to. I'm giving her space but making sure none of these assholes so much as touches her hand.

I know I have no right to act so possessive over her, but I don't care. I'm a selfish son of a bitch. Especially when it comes to her. I want her for myself. I want to be the one that makes her laugh. I want to be the one she gets in bed with and writhes under all night. I want her sexy little voice moaning my name and no one else's.

The worst part is knowing that, despite all the time we've spent together, she's not really mine. Knowing she's free to choose, to decide. Free to have sex with whomever she wants.

My composure barely lasts an hour. I've had enough of spying that sly asshole getting too close to her face, using the loud music as an excuse to talk into her ear. I doubt she even realizes it, they are surrounded by a group of our friends and she doesn't look like she's encouraging him. Still, he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who needs much encouragement.

I walk over to the kitchen area where she stands surrounded by people and slide my hand over her lower back, tugging her toward my side. "Hey, do you have a minute?"

She looks at me, surprised and slightly wide-eyed at my possessive gesture. But that's not what catches my attention. There's nervousness in her eyes that I spotted earlier in the night. It's still there and I don't like it.

I guide her away from the group, one hand clutching the water bottle I've been sipping and the other on her back. As we slow to a stop by the archway to the hall, I realize I have no idea what I'm going to say to her.

"What's up?" she asks, bumping up the casualness so much it just accentuates how cautious she's being around me. 

This upsets me. How she seemed so comfortable talking to a stranger and now she's tensing up with me. Me. The guy she's been sleeping beside every night for weeks and weeks on end. The guy that knows her secrets, her likes, and her pet peeves. 

This ends tonight.

"Are we going to talk about last night?"

"Okay," she says, "but first, I need something from you."

"What is it?" I tilt the water toward my lips. I would be lying if I said I wasn't just a bit hesitant about where she's going with this. There's a strange glint in her eyes. 

Determination. 

"I need condoms--" she blurts out as I proceed to choke on my drink. 

All of the muscles in my arms coil and I fight to remain calm. I'm not sure what I'm looking for as my eyes quickly sweep over her. Maybe evidence someone else has had his hands on her when I wasn't looking. 

"Why do you need condoms?"

She bites her lip and snorts out a nervous laugh. "I'll just feel better being prepared. I just want to keep some in my purse. Why...why are you looking at me like that?"

I don't know how I'm looking at her, I just know I'm pissed off she'd even ask me to help facilitate sex with another guy. I take her by the arm and guide her farther down the hall.

"You threw out all my condoms," I say, anger edging into my voice. I ignore her surprise that I haven't replenished my stock since the night she pulled the very first prank on me. "Who exactly are you planning to have sex with?" The question comes out more forcefully than I intend. 

"Are you serious?" She snorts again, driving my frustration even further in trying to communicate with someone who is obviously not taking the conversation as seriously as I am.

The bathroom door opens behind me and two girls walk past us, glancing to where we stand as they head back to the living room. A second pair of girls goes into the bathroom. And there are a few people hanging around in the hall, looking at the pictures on the walls.

We need privacy. 

I take Julia's arm and guide her down the other end of the hall to my room, shutting the door behind us. She stands there, watching me with uncertainty as I rub the space between my eyes. 

"I'm not giving you any condoms," I say, "just for you to go have sex with some random guy."

Confusion swirls in her eyes along with something else. Something she doesn't want me to see because she looks down. Does she think I'm judging her for wanting to have sex? That's not what this is about. 

Her lips part but I don't allow her to speak. 

"Just listen to me," I say. "I thought I was okay with us just being friends. I thought I could handle it, but I was wrong. And do you know how I know I was wrong? Because the thought of someone else touching you? It makes me want to punch a hole through the damn wall. That's not how a friend would react." 

I bring my hand up, and run my pointer finger over her bottom lip. Back and forth, wondering if she'd turn away from my kiss now. Her blouse is white and long-sleeved. Similar to a thermal shirt, except with a slit down its center that's laced up with a string. It's nothing fancy. If anything, it's overly casual. But the way her breasts fill the shirt is mouth watering. 

My voice growing lower, I go on, "The truth is, we've never been just friends. It's never been that simple." My finger moves along the side of her neck and down the middle of her shirt, grazing the ridges of string that hold the slit of material together. It's so tempting. I want her so badly my bones hurt just thinking about it. I wrap my finger around the end of the string, staring at the loose knot. "You're mine and I'm yours and it's about damn time we stop beating around the bush."

"Giles..." She breathes the word in a low warning that stirs me all the same. "There's no coming back, if we do this."

I pull on the string and the entire shirt seems to loosen at once, allowing me a peek of skin between the lacing. I can't contain a groan. 

"You know that line we've been edging around? I want to take that line...I want to break it in half and I want to throw it aside." I tug harder, pulling the string out of the hoops altogether, until the shirt comes apart and reveals mounds of beautifully tanned skin contained in a black bra. "Julia..." I murmur under my breath. Then I shut my eyes for a second because I know I need to say this in just the right way. "I want to be the one that makes you feel good. The one you think about when you touch yourself." 

I look into her eyes again, not caring if I sound as desperate as I feel, and bring my hand back up to her face, stroking the side of her cheek. Her lips shake under uneven breaths.

She's beautiful and sensual and strong. Her eyes are eager and her smell seduces me like nothing I've ever experienced before. I can't hide how hard I am, and I don't want to. 

I press against her, letting her feel me, and hoping she enjoys the pressure of her soft body yielding to mine as much as I do. 

"You feel that?" I ask. She nods, biting her lower lip as I go on, my voice thick, "I want to make it so that you can't think the word sex without remembering me sliding inside of you. I need to know what you sound like when you come. And I need to know what you feel like, inside, when you do. Tell me you want it, too."

The words barely leave my lips before she takes them into her mouth, keeping my lips parted with her own. 

Her one, simple move detonates everything and leaves no traces of hesitation in its wake. And just like that, my mouth moves desperately over hers.

I never knew a kiss could grab hold of me and pull me straight down a rabbit hole. And now I know, without a shadow of a doubt, it would've been impossible for this kiss to happen before tonight without me exploring every other part of her body.

She breathes out a low moan that travels down my spine. Her hands tug on my shirt, pulling me closer even though I'm already flush with her. 

I don't stop kissing her. I can't. She tastes faintly of lime and tequila and she feels like getting drunk. I smell her breath and I taste her sighs. Her body in my arms, so soft and warm. It makes me battle an insane urge to rip her clothes off and push myself inside her where she stands. I will myself toward control, because there's no way I'm letting this night end in a careless whirlwind.

I move us backward toward my bed, without breaking our kiss. When she hits the edge of the mattress, she pulls her mouth back from mine and looks at me. 

"I didn't ask for condoms to be with anyone else," she says. "Just you. So, you asked me if I want this?" Her hand lowers to my waist, curling over the waistband of my pants. She undoes the button of my jeans and slides her hand inside. I suck in a breath as warm fingers wrap around my hard cock. Her words come out in a shaky breath. "The answer is yes."