Lupe hugs me again before saying goodbye. I thank Esteban and because saying goodbye to him with a handshake feels too impersonal, I attempt a friendly hug. However, my clumsy, casual hug turns into something else when he wraps his arms around me. It’s unexpected, but not completely unwelcome, and the same strange pull I’ve felt toward him all night makes a reappearance, overwhelming me.

It’s incredibly hard to let go of him.

Warmth spreads across my chest and my blood runs faster in my veins. I feel safe in his arms, the arms of a stranger. My emotions make me feel even more confused.

I try to justify them by telling myself that Esteban was right there with me in my worst time, and that’s why we have this strange connection. We stare at each other for a few more seconds, both in a daze, until Lupe tells us she needs to get back home.

She and Esteban leave and I’m finally alone with my thoughts. I decide not to dwell on their weird exchanges between brother and sister and what might be behind them. Instead, I try to focus on the fact that in no time at all, I found the most adorable place to stay.

There’s a full-size bed pushed in a corner of the room with white linens and a white blanket that looks like one my mom had; one of the few items of her dowry chest that she took with her when she moved to the United States. It’s a white, old-fashioned eyelet blanket, the type they don't make anymore. My mom’s blanket is stashed away in the linen closet of our home in LA. I hardly ever use it, because Brad claimed it didn’t go with the modern décor of our house, and it was “too frilly” for him. 

Now that I’m alone, I can’t help but think about all the little things I let him get away with over the years, since I had to constantly compromise to make him happy. I swallow past the bitterness in my throat caused by my bad memories of Brad and focus on exploring my temporary home. The little kitchenette opposite the bed is a light pine color. There’s a small stove, a sink, a medium-size fridge. I open the cabinets, noticing that there are plenty of pots and pans and utensils. Next to the bed there’s a small desk, and I already have the idea to move it in front of the big window. The bathroom is at the very end of the studio apartment. In the right corner there’s a worn brown leather armchair and a vibrant throw blanket with a geometric, Southwest-inspired pattern draped across it.

I keep myself busy by looking at my new space, but unfortunately, the events of the evening catch up with me. I collapse on the full-size bed, overcome with emptiness.

How did I end up here? How did things get so bad that I made such a drastic decision in such a short time? I turn off the AC and open the floor-to-ceiling window that leads to that little balcony I saw in the pictures. Thankfully, there’s a mosquito net.

The air is fresh and crisp, without a trace of humidity. I can see the faint outline of the mountains even in the darkness and a few stars up in the sky.

A sense of calm runs through me. This is just what I need, I tell myself.

However, doubt creeps inside. I might have been too impulsive. I check my phone and there are no messages from Brad.

He’s always been one to hold a grudge. Whenever we fought, it took days to even start talking to each other again and get over an argument.

I decide to text Lily, my best friend from LA who’s never been much of a Brad supporter. At best, she tolerated him, but recently she’d let me know that she thought I deserved better. Of course, at the time I got a bit defensive, but now I’m starting to see things in a different light. It’s strange how sometimes your friends know what’s best for you way before you’re ready to make the necessary changes in your life.

---

Me: Hey. I need to talk to you about something. It’s important. Are you around?

 

The phone rings almost immediately with the request to FaceTime, and I see her name flash across the screen. It’s been a hell of a day, but just seeing that she’s calling me brings a smile to my face. I shut the window and turn the light on, so she can see me.

“What uuuup?” Lily asks, cheerful. She’s sitting on her couch and has a drink in hand. It’s her routine when she gets home from her stressful PR job in downtown LA. “Where are you, by the way? Weren’t you spending a few days in New Mexico?”

“I am…and actually, it looks like I might be spending a little more time in New Mexico than I originally thought.” My bottom lip quivers, and the strength and resolve I had until now disappears. I start crying. At first it’s just a few whimpers, but when Lily asks what happened, my crying turns into full-on sobbing.

“Honey, what’s wrong? Is it Brad? I’m going to kick his ass!” Lily says.

Stuttering, I tell her, “I-I think I left him. Tonight. I-I don’t know what came over me. I was so sick of his behavior. I couldn’t take it anymore.” I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. I know that the more I cry and get upset, the more I’ll be unable to speak.

“Oh, Ines. Don’t cry, baby. Do you need me to come out there? Do I need to kick his ass? Where are you? Is he with you? Is he gone?”

“He went back to LA. He said he’s going to send me the divorce papers.”

“Is that what you want?”

“I think so. I mean, it all happened so fast. Lily, I don’t know what I’m doing. He’s been an ass the entire time we’ve been here and I’m just sick of him.” I sniffle.

She frowns, the corners of her mouth pointing down. “I’m sorry, darling. I’m not going to lie to you. You know what I think of him. I don’t hate him, but I don’t think he’s the best husband. And I want the best for you, you know? You’ve been through so much in your life already and deserve someone who makes you happy. I know your mother would agree with me if she were still alive. Maybe this is a good thing after all. You need a plan. Do you want to brainstorm about what you should do next?”

After a few minutes of letting it all out, I’m finally able to calm down, and I tell Lily all about how it went down with Brad. I tell her all about the handsome and mysterious Esteban and his sister, Lupe, and I even give her a tour of my new apartment.

My clients knew I was taking a few days off, but thankfully I have my laptop and I can still work on the assignments I have to complete. I will miss my desktop Mac, but for the time being, the laptop will have to do.

When my phone alerts me that the battery is low, Lily and I say our goodbyes but she makes me promise to call her tomorrow morning.

Once again, I wonder if there’s even a remote chance to fix things between Brad and me, and sadly, I can’t find one good reason to stay. Sure, I will miss my home, I’ll miss the comfortable life I had, but I don’t feel an ounce of despair when I think about my life without Brad. I realize I’d become complacent in my marriage for fear of starting over, of letting go.

It might have taken me a while to get here, but I’m beginning to think that maybe starting over isn’t so bad after all.

After crying so much on the phone, my throat is parched. I should have stopped somewhere for water, but I didn’t think about what I might need. I was too engrossed by the magnetism of Esteban and Lupe’s liveliness.

Once again, I wonder what was up with them.

I fish for the portable charger inside my purse and connect it to my phone. I take a credit card, a few dollars, and the keys to the place with me. Locking the door to my newfound freedom, I venture out on my own.