Chapter Three
Since he had one last evening to kill before he had to start embedding himself in the play, Griffin decided that he’d see what Chicago’s nightlife had to offer. He dressed in something perilously close to his on-screen outfit—jeans, gray Henley, black leather jacket, black motorcycle boots—and went out to see what there was to see. He had been to Chicago a few times before, once for a vacation when he’d needed to be alone and once for a Hunters convention. He knew a few places he’d like to see again.
His stomach led him to dinner first, and he found a chain restaurant with a rock and roll theme and delicious cornbread. There was a live concert that night, and most of the people thronging the place were there for that act. He was happy to sit in the main dining room, where he could hear the music through the wall and enjoy his food. The darkness of the room helped him hide, and even though he wouldn’t have been angry if a fan had found him, he was perfectly happy to be just Griffin and leave Rick, the character he played on TV, behind.
He had brought along a few copies of the Chicago Stage magazine that had been lying around in his suite, just so he’d have something to look at while he ate. He flipped the pages and found the feature article about him coming to Chicago. Almost embarrassed, he flipped to the next page.
There was an article about charitable works that members of the Chicago theater community were involved in, and normally he would have just skimmed past the page. He wouldn’t have recognized any of the names, and none of the charities were familiar. He was preparing to turn the page when he recognized a face in one of the photographs.
Standing in a line with four women and three other men was a face from his past. Levi Rudd, costume designer extraordinaire, had donated his time and effort as well as the contents of his stash box to a youth theater group in the inner city. There he stood, his arms around two young women with elaborate braids, smiling the happiest smile he’d ever seen Levi wear. It made his chest tighten, and he almost couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t certain if it was the pain he was feeling, or fear, or something more like loneliness. He only knew one thing.
He had been joking, but it had turned out that he was right. Levi Rudd was a piece of his past that had come back to haunt him, and he didn’t know what he was going to do about it.
His appetite deserted him, so he pushed away his meal and dropped an excessive amount of cash beside the plate. He knew what he needed, and exactly what would chase unwanted thoughts out of his head.
There were taxis outside, and he flagged one down. “Rush Street and Michigan Ave,” he told the driver. “There’s an extra fifty in it for you if you can get me there without stopping the car.”
The driver grinned like an adrenaline junkie who’d just been handed the keys to a Formula One race car. He nodded. “No stopping,” he told Griffin. “No problem.”
***
Levi watched three episodes of Hunters in a row, and damn it, he liked the show. He was going to have to get online and watch it from the beginning. Sour that he had been converted to something so silly, he grabbed his jacket and decided to go out for a drink.
He rarely went out alone. Truthfully, he rarely went out at all. Levi had always been shy, the sort of reticent personality who fared badly in bars and at parties. He wasn’t even certain where he should go, or why he was going out at all. He could have stayed in the hotel room and ordered alcohol from room service, but that sounded pathetic. He decided to compromise and went to the bar in the hotel lobby.
The place was a restaurant, club and bar combination, with a vaulted ceiling and walls inset with mirror tiles. Stylized lilies bent over the archway that separated the dining room from the high-top tables, and he wouldn’t have been surprised to see flappers from the 1920’s dancing to jazz music out on the tiny dance floor.
The dining room and the bar were packed with women, almost all of them female and under thirty years old. Several of them wore T-shirts with the Hunters logo on the front, and at least two had exact copies of the leather jacket that Griffin wore on the show. One of the others wore a cap that echoed the one Pete Novak’s character wore, and Levi began to feel like he’d stumbled into a fan convention. His entrance had been completely ignored, which he usually appreciated. Tonight, it made him lonely.
He left before the harried greeter could take him to a table. The concierge station was just to the left of the main doorway, with a uniformed doorman standing behind a gold-trimmed podium. The concierge looked up as Levi approached.
“Can I help you, sir?”
He was almost embarrassed to answer. “Can you direct me to the best gay bar in town, please?”
The other man smiled. “Honestly, sir, I don’t know what makes one better than another, but I can direct you to the most expensive one, which also happens to be the closest. I would assume that if it’s got a lot of high charges, there must be something there worth charging for.”
Levi nodded. “Yeah, okay. Where?”
“It’s called the Starlight,” he answered. “It’s ten blocks northeast of here, almost to the Magnificent Mile. I can call a cab for you.”
He sighed and nodded again. “Sure, that would be fine. Thanks.”
There were taxis waiting for fares just outside, circling the base of the hotel like sharks waiting for fish pieces to be chucked into the water. Levi thanked the concierge, who discreetly told the driver where they would be going. He offered a smile to the driver as he climbed into the back seat.
The car pulled away from the curb, the driver operating the rusty old sedan in total silence. The only sound was the rumble of the barely-maintained engine. Levi saw the driver looking at him a few times in the rear-view mirror, but neither of them spoke to the other until the ride was over.
Levi climbed out in front of the Starlight and paid the fare. The cab immediately filled with two young men from the club, and then he was left standing on the sidewalk, staring at the long line of men and women trying to get past the bouncer who guarded the door. The bouncer, a mountain of muscle in a perfectly-cut designer suit, waved a few handsome couples through the opening in the velvet rope. Levi fully expected to have that rope clicked shut in front of him, but the bouncer hesitated for a heartbeat before he waved him through, his dark eyes scanning Levi from head to toe.
“Go on in,” the large man said. “You make the cut.”
“Thanks,” he said, surprised by how complimented he felt at the approval from this stranger. He supposed that showed how desperate he had become.
The bouncer winked at him, then snapped the velvet gate shut again. Levi answered the wink with a smile and went inside. Just beyond the first set of doors, the Starlight earned its name with a darkened entry hall studded with white painted stars, illuminated with black lights, causing the stars to glow with an unearthly brilliance. He turned in a slow circle, taking in the effect, then continued through the second set of doors.
The rest of the club was painted black and streaked with a rainbow of neon tubes, scattered over the walls and the ceiling. Thumping bass made his heart jump in his chest, and he stood for an uncertain moment, watching the grinding, gyrating mass of humanity on the floor. Beautiful boys entwined together, their hips swaying and their bodies moving to the insistent beat. It was sexy and enthusiastic, and for the first time in a long time, Levi felt like he was alive.
He waded into the dance floor, where welcoming hands pulled him in. He was enveloped in the jumping, pulsing crowd, a part of the whole, belonging in a way he never had before. He knew now why his friends were so insistent that he join them when they went out. This was a place where he could be himself, without fear of the repercussion of bigots or the strain of trying to stay closeted… a magical place where he could be as gay as he felt, and he would be completely accepted, just one more atom ricocheting through the molecular dynamo of music, light and dancing.
Hands landed on his hips, and he felt someone press up behind him. He tried to turn to see who was dancing with him, but he was held still. Soft lips and the bristly thrill of stubble pressed against the back of his ear, and he tilted his head aside to allow the touch. He couldn’t believe this was him, but he also couldn’t believe that it wasn’t, and he resolved to stop thinking for the rest of the night.
***
Griffin had walked to Starlight from the corner, well aware of what it was and what he could expect inside. He hoped not to be recognized on the way inside. Once he got inside, where it was packed with bodies and the lights were dim, he’d be home free. He hated that he had to sneak around, but at the same time, it lent the evening a certain air of subversive sin that he enjoyed.
He dove onto the dance floor immediately, finding the rhythm of the crowd and joining in like he’d been there all day. Most of the dancers were there with partners, but there was one man who was dancing alone. He was a brunette a little shorter than Griffin, who had excellent moves and the best ass he’d seen all week. He slid into the crowd and right up to this nameless dancer, settling his hands on those swiveling hips and pressing in close. The man tried to turn to face him, but Griffin didn’t want to be seen. He prevented the motion and kissed his ear instead, eliciting a shiver. In front of them, a pair of thirty-somethings grinned at him, obviously recognizing him but not making a scene. One of them produced a rainbow scarf, and he accepted it, understanding the offer. Gently, he tied the colorful fabric over the dancer’s eyes.
***
When the blindfold fell over his eyes, Levi almost stopped dancing, but he was already too lost in the moment and the feeling of freedom to hesitate for long. He reached out toward the man who was holding his hips, and a calloused hand grasped his. He was spun around and found himself in strong arms, pressed against a muscular chest. Those soft lips took his, and he surrendered to the kiss, wrapping his arms around the neck of this stranger he was embracing.
The hands on his hips guided him, and they danced together, touching one another in time to the music. Someone patted him on the shoulder and yelled, “Score!” in his ear. He blushed furiously and kept dancing.
Slowly, deliberately, his unseen partner guided him backward, carefully steering Levi and keeping him safe in his arms, preventing him from stumbling. He realized that he was trusting this perfect stranger, and the thrill of it made him breathless. He had never done anything this crazy before. He grasped the other man’s wrists and squeezed, and his partner stopped propelling him gently across the room.
“You okay?” the man asked in a warm voice that was strangely familiar. He nodded wordlessly and allowed the dance to continue.
They left the dance floor, Levi clinging to the sturdy forearms of the man who was guiding him so deftly. He could feel the texture of leather, and he tried to imagine what his unseen partner looked like. Images of a tough man, a man who worked with his hands, rose in his mind’s eye, and he smiled.
He was rewarded with another kiss, which he returned wholeheartedly. His partner moved him backward another step, then another, and soon he found himself stepping out of the noise of the club and into the cool quiet of another room.
He was maneuvered further backward until his shoulder blades bumped against a wall, and then the hands on his hips moved, the fingers teasing open his fly and dipping inside to rub him through the thin fabric of his briefs. His dick twitched in response, and he moaned. His partner kissed him deeply, absorbing his moan and his breath. One hand continued to caress him, and the other ran around his waist to press flat against the small of his back, holding him closer. Levi did not resist.
In this new room, the air was stiller, and he could hear the thudding of the bass line only in the distance. His partner kissed him once again, then slid down his body to kneel between Levi’s parted feet.
“Oh, God,” Levi sighed as his briefs were pulled down to free his balls and swelling cock.
His partner sighed, and his breath tickled the sensitive flesh, making him shiver. Then he felt the first slide of lips and tongue, and he was lost to everything but the feeling.
Whoever his unseen partner was, he was no stranger to the art of giving head. He sucked him down deep, swallowing him until he could feel the other man’s whiskers against his waxed balls. Levi liked to go hairless himself for just this reason - there was nothing in the world like feeling the scruffy chin of another man while he was being sucked.
His partner’s throat tensed around him once, and then he pulled back, gagging slightly. The sound made Levi shiver all over again, and then the wet sounds of sucking and swallowing filled his ears. He tried to cling to the noises as much as he clung to the feeling, the blessed and familiar feeling of being deep inside another man’s throat.
Levi twined his fingers in his partner’s hair, combing through the short, soft strands and feeling those thick locks curl ever so slightly. He moaned as lips and tongue and throat and the faintest brush of teeth conspired to drive him mad with pleasure and desire. His balls tightened, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer.
“Gonna… oh, God… I’m gonna cum.”
His lover hesitated, then said softly, “Do it.”
The response was another deep glide, and his lover took him in as far as he could. He stroked Levi’s taint with a gentle finger, then brushed lightly, so lightly that it was only a tickle. He loved to have his taint touched that way, and his toes curled in his boots as he lost control. He pumped all of his passion onto the tongue of the man kneeling before him.
The power of his orgasm was so great that he nearly lost his footing, but his lover’s strong hands gripped his hips and held him against the wall until he was able to stand securely. He rolled his head back and forth, the knot of the impromptu blindfold rubbing against the wall, and he whispered, “Your turn.”
They switched positions, with Levi spinning his lover like they were waltzing until he was on his knees and his unseen partner was up against the wall. He hesitated, then pulled the blindfold from his eyes.
The room was pitch black. He could just discern the shadow of his lover in the darkness, barely illuminated by the exit sign twenty feet away. He couldn’t see a thing, but he could find his way by feel. He wasn’t a beginner, either.
He unbuckled the belt and unbuttoned his lover’s fly, tugging the jeans down over hips that he confirmed by touch were trim. The thighs were muscular and lean, and he imagined that this man was athletic or a manual laborer, maybe a carpenter. The thought that those hands that had touched him so gently were strong enough to build houses made him shiver. He pulled his partner’s rigid cock free and kissed the dewy tip, intending to savor the moment.
The salty taste, and the feeling of hot velvet over iron rolling against his tongue threatened to get him hard all over again. He stubbornly refused to let his excitement prevent him from concentrating on the job at hand. He prided himself on his cock-sucking skills, and here was his chance to show his partner that he had chosen the right man for the job.
Levi could not take him all, but he sucked him in and moaned against the hot tip of flesh that bumped against the back of his throat. He took as much as he could, pushing out his tongue to massage the underside of the straining cock, the tip just reaching the other man’s curl-flocked balls. As he pulled back, he breathed deeply, taking in the scent of this man, humming to himself at the warm smell of cloves and apples.
It couldn’t have been, but now he knew why it all felt so familiar. He had heard those moans before, felt that tongue, tasted this cock and the nectar of the pre-cum fluid that beaded on the head. He knew this man’s body. Even though it had been years since he’d touched Griffin in the flesh, in his mind, he still made love to him almost every night.
He was suddenly embarrassed that he had lost himself this way, acting so unlike himself by going to the back room with someone he’d just met on the dance floor. He wondered what Griffin thought of him, and it made him hesitate.
“What’s wrong?” his partner whispered, and he knew. He knew.
He couldn’t find his voice to give an answer, so he only returned to what he’d been doing. He remembered every little quirk, the way Griffin loved it when he turned his head just so when he took him in, the way he enjoyed that little wriggle of tongue against his circumcision scar. He heard Griffin gasp when he squeezed his cock and teased the moistened opening, lapping at the drops that formed there. He knew exactly how Griffin liked it.
He went down on him with a vengeance, determined to make him cum, wondering if his old lover realized who it was that he had been kneeling in front of him tonight. He sucked and licked and teased, and he brought his hands into the act, one stroking in tandem with his mouth, the other stroking the puckered opening to his body. He got Griffin trembling and moaning, prolonging the beautiful agony just enough to elicit that gasping, mewling sound of desperate need that he had always loved so much. He pushed his finger deep into Griffin’s body, maybe entering a little roughly, but knowing that his lover wouldn’t mind. He remembered all of Griffin’s peculiarities.
His fingertip found the hard nub that it was seeking, and he stroked it, timing the motion of his finger with the rhythm of his mouth and hand. Griffin’s hands grasped the wall, clawing at it, holding on for dear life as his world shook into climax. Levi swallowed everything that his lover gave, and when it was over, he stood and pressed their lips together. They kissed passionately, tasting themselves on each other’s lips.
“Do you recognize me?” Griffin asked when they finally broke apart.
His lover hesitated, then nodded. “Levi. It’s been…”
“Ten years, nine months and eighteen days.” He blushed. “If you’re counting.”
Levi pulled away, memories of their parting and the arguments that had ended their affair spoiling the afterglow. He tossed the rainbow blindfold at Griffin’s feet.
“This,” he whispered, “was a mistake.”
He put himself back into his pants and headed for the door. He had just put his hand on the knob when Griffin whispered, “Levi…”
He walked out before he could say something he would regret.
Griffin bought a drink and slammed it back. Levi was nowhere to be seen, and the atmosphere that had been so exciting and sensual when he’d first arrived was becoming cloying. He signaled for another double shot of whiskey, which quickly went the way of the first. The bartender leaned closer.
“You okay, Mr. Lawrence?”
He sighed. “Yeah. Thanks.”
“You know, Hunters is one of my favorite shows. I watch it with my boyfriend all the time.” He grinned. “He says Rick and Steve are totally boning between cases.”
Griffin forced a laugh. Fanfic was rife with stories about his character and Pete’s getting it on in a variety of sometimes truly creative and unlikely ways. “Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t,” he teased. “Only their hairdressers know for sure.”
The bartender laughed. “You must hear that a lot, though.”
“Nah. Only when I’m awake.” He retrieved his wallet. “How much?”
“On the house,” the bartender told him. “I’m a huge fan. It’s the least I can do.”
“I appreciate it.” He left a twenty on the counter anyway and gave a lazy half-salute. “Keep huntin’, man.”
The bartender grinned. “You know it!”
He left Starlight and flagged down a taxi, which took him back to the hotel in short order. There were fans staking out the front, so he had the taxi driver take him around to the loading dock. He managed to get into the building without being sighted and went straight up to his room.
Griffin kept the lights off when he came through the door, letting the city lights shining in through the uncovered window illuminate his path to the bathroom. With a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach, he took a shower and came back to the bedroom to lie down and stare at the darkened ceiling.
He wasn’t surprised that Levi had known how long they’d been apart down to the day. Levi had always been sentimental, and he had an uncanny memory for dates and such. When they’d been together, it had been a running joke between them, with Griffin calling him an idiot savant and Levi just calling him an idiot. He smiled ruefully at the memory.
They’d had a good ride for most of the time they’d been together. They’d spent three years in the same apartment, the same bed, the same theater department, sharing the same dreams. Looking back now, he didn’t know exactly what had made him leave Levi behind. It had been a stupid mistake, whatever it was. He had never stopped loving him.
When he’d come into the bar tonight, he hadn’t recognized Levi right away. He’d admired his hair and his ass, but it wasn’t until after he blindfolded him and turned him around that he realized who he was. He should have left right then. He shouldn’t have pursued it, shouldn’t have taken Levi into the back room.
With very little effort, he could practically feel and taste Levi on his tongue, and he couldn’t bring himself to regret his actions. He had missed him, more than he had even realized. Seeing him again had been a gift, and in that moment, when there was no reason to apply the brakes, he let the moment and the heat of the room carry him to the place he’d really wanted to go.
He’d had plenty of backroom hook ups over the years, but the Levi he’d known hadn’t been that sort of man. It was anomalous for him to have gone ahead with it, unlike him to have given himself over to someone he didn’t know. Maybe, Griffin reasoned, part of Levi had already recognized him before his conscious mind could connect the dots. It was tempting to think that his lover’s uncharacteristic behavior was driven by long-repressed desire.
But maybe the behavior wasn’t that out of the ordinary anymore. It had been years, as Levi had already enumerated, and a lot could change in that amount of time. It was possible that Levi had been engaging in casual sex like that for a long while. There was no rule that said he had to be the same shy, conservative guy he’d been when he and Griffin had been dating.
The realization that he probably didn’t know anything about Levi anymore made him deeply sad. He wondered if he’d get the chance to correct that deficit, or if Levi would avoid him all summer. He wondered if he’d be able to touch him again and hoped profoundly that he would. Nobody had ever made him feel the things that Levi could make him feel.
He wondered what Levi was thinking at that moment, and whether he was angry or embarrassed or just annoyed. They hadn’t really parted on the best of terms. There had been a lot of arguments toward the end, and now, for the life of him, he couldn’t remember what any of their bickering had been about.
Levi, he knew, would remember. Levi remembered everything.