Chapter Twenty-One
It’s the night before I marry the woman I breathe for. Without her, the Grant I’ve become, the one I’m proud to be, would not exist.
Luna.
My love.
My life.
My everything.
I make myself comfortable in my lonely bed. Luna’s mother demanded tradition, so my lamb is staying with her this evening. It took a lot of begging and a stellar blow job on Luna’s part to get me to agree to such an archaic tradition, but in the end, I’d do anything for her. Even without her beautiful lips wrapped around my cock, although I’ll admit I made out like a bandit. She sucked me, and I fucked the hell out of her. I wanted her to remember me there, between her thighs, all night. Hopefully, she’ll dream of me.
Knowing I’ve been putting off the inevitable, I pull out the box Gretchen gave me months ago. The box contained all the letters she’d written to me over the years. Up to this point, I didn’t feel like I was strong enough to read through them. With Luna’s love, and the fact that I’m going to make her mine for eternity tomorrow, I feel strong enough to take on the burden of my past.
I pull out the first one. Dated the day after she left me. I’ll never forget it because it was Valentine’s Day. A day that should be filled with love was the worst day of my life. Since then, I’ve never celebrated it. This year, I will fill my soon-to-be wife’s world with flowers, chocolates, a fancy dinner, and jewels. Not that she cares about those things. She’d be just as happy if not happier with a picnic in the park, but I want to bestow all beauty on her. Perhaps I’ll take her to the park and gift her a pair of gemstones the color of her fiery hair. Yes, she’d like that much more.
Opening the first envelope, I take a deep breath and start to read.
Grant,
Yesterday was the worst day of my life. I left you behind. Walked away. My God, it feels as though my soul has been ripped right out of my body and replaced with an emptiness nothing will ever fill again. Every step that I took sent a knife through my heart, baby. You must know that.
Grant, your father is a difficult man, my dear boy. I loved him dearly but apparently not enough for him to trust me. I’m sorry I failed. Failed you and myself. I keep replaying everything that happened over and over, trying desperately to find a place I could have done better, tried harder to explain. Your father refuses my calls. He won’t listen to reason, and he won’t back down.
I’m scared, Grant. Scared of what he’d do to me, your unborn sister, and the man he thinks I’ve cheated on him with. Right now, I can only hope and pray I’ll be able to get through to him…find my way back to you.
I love you, my beautiful boy. Forever and ever.
Mom
My heart cracks, and tears fill my eyes as I pick another letter at random.
Grant,
You turned ten years old today. Happy birthday, my beautiful boy.
Greta and I made you a cake, even though we know you’ll never see it or taste it. Still, it’s our way to stay close to you. We bake things we think you’d like, imagine that you’re happy, though I worry you’re not. How could you be, without a mother to help guide and nurture you?
I miss you.
Greta is doing well in preschool and eager to start kindergarten next year. Like you, she’s so smart. Both of you got that from you father. He was always the smartest man I’d known. Part of what made me fall in love with him all those years ago.
I’ll write again soon. Just know that I love you and pray every night that one day I’ll be able to see and hug you again.
All my love, forever and ever,
Mom
God, what she must have been going through. Absolute agony. If Luna and I are blessed with a child one day, I know I’ll want to participate in every moment of my child’s life. Since I’ve gotten to know Gretchen over the past few months, I see how the decision my father made all those years ago broke her. I’m happy we’re repairing that relationship now. Family dinners every week…Luna’s idea. It’s worked like a charm to bring me and my mother and sister closer. It’s amazing how, in such a short time, these women I’d never known have become so important to me. Now I can’t imagine my life without them.
My father, on the other hand, is a completely different story. Luna tells me that I’ll have to set aside my anger and forgive him someday. She says it’s unhealthy to hold resentment in your heart. Only, I can see no other way. He stole thirty years I could have had with my mother and sister. I don’t know how to forgive him for such cruelty. Perhaps Luna’s right. Regardless of what he’s done, I still love and care for him. It’s just different. At this time, I’m not capable of being in his presence.
Since he resigned in his position on the board of Winters Group, the company has thrived. None of us realized the hold he had over the decisions being made. Now that he’s gone, I’m able to truly lead, and so far, our profit margins have risen in spades. The board members are happy. The staff are ecstatic, and the construction of the Berkeley Towers is going smashingly. We should be moved in by next year as long as new problems don’t arise.
Sighing, I pull out another letter farther along in the stack. Based on the date, it looks like around the time I graduated high school.
My beautiful boy,
Seeing you walk across that stage was a dream come true. You’re so tall, a foot above your sister, but incredibly handsome.
Your valedictorian speech made me weep. I know, I know, I’m a sappy mom, but in that moment, I knew you’d be okay. Sure, I could see the cocky confidence your father has bestowed on you, but in your eyes I could see your soul, son. And, baby, it’s beautiful. You are beautiful. I can’t wait to see where you end up.
A mutual friend of your father’s stated you were going Ivy League. What an honor. My son, Valedictorian and an Ivy League college attendee. You must be spinning with excitement.
Greta and I are cheering you on from afar. She’s very proud of her big brother and sad, too, that she doesn’t get to know you. I have to keep talking to her about approaching you. She wants more than anything to have a relationship with you, but alas, I fear for her safety and well-being as well as yours. We’re not a part of your life, and I fear we never will be. At least I know that my son is going on to bigger and better things. Hopefully, leaving all of this behind.
I wish you all that life has to offer and more.
I love you dearly.
Your mother,
Gretchen
Without even taking a breath, I grab another in the stack. Tears pour down my face and wet my shirt. My heart is pounding out of my chest.
Grant,
I am so proud of you! Greta and I cheered so loudly when your lacrosse team won the championships. We’ve attended every home game and have loved seeing your skills grow along with the man you’re becoming. You’re a natural sportsman. Fair, strong, and calculated. Keep up the great work, my beautiful boy.
I love you, forever and ever.
Mom
Wiping my nose and clearing my throat, I suck back a huge gulp of my whiskey I’d poured earlier. The alcohol burns the back of my throat, but it wakes me up. Brings me back to the here and now. This is not a decade ago. It’s the night before my wedding. The night before the rest of my life. Still, I grab the very last one in the stack. I need some closure. The rest I’ll read with Luna. Allow my connection to her to help heal the wounds of the past as we go through them together. For now, I’ll end at the end. The very last one in the box.
My dear son,
Today you graduated college. I have never been happier in my entire life. My son, graduating with honors. I know this is the last letter I will write to you. I now know you are not getting them, and each one returned breaks my heart all over again. Plus, I can’t bear to spend another year receiving no responses. Just know, my beautiful boy, that your mother loves you. Always. Forever. And through the rest of my life, until the day I take my dying breath, I will think of you. Often. Fondly. With more love than I can ever bear to share in person.
I wish you the most beautiful life, Grant.
With everything that I am, I love you.
Your mother,
Gretchen