I tried to concentrate solely on sifting through the many bags of decorations with Lincoln and Phoenix, choosing the themes for each tree, but I kept stealing glances in Edge’s direction where he worked with the other men.
Ghost and Torque delivered the smaller of the trees into a corner of his master bedroom, while Miss Catherine slept, oblivious to what was going on downstairs. Lincoln and Joel’s tree was set up in the front entrance waiting to be decorated.
A couple of hours later, the huge tree Edge and Lethal had cut down, was now standing in all its glorious enormity decorated in a rainbow of colors. It looks simply magnificent with the lights wrapped around it, all lit up and so pretty.
My bandaged hands may have prevented me from being able to place decorations on the tree, but I still had a lot of fun from the couch, even if I didn’t get to physically place any on the tree, except for the big star on the top.
With Edge and four of the guys assisting and a ladder, I got to place the star on top of the tree. I was put up on Edge’s shoulders and he climbed up a couple of rungs of the ladder so I could reach the top of the tree. I only had to bring my bandaged hands together to hold the star and once in position, pull them apart for it to sit on the top securely. The three men stood around me and Edge, ready to catch me, but Edge had me, he wasn’t going to let me fall. He said I weighed like a piece of paper. Being pregnant it probably wasn’t the smartest move, but I was safe. If Edge had fallen, then Viking, Lincoln, Hazard and Blueblood, the four tallest men, had my back. If Doc Evelyn and Boxer had been awake, they may have had something to say about what I did, but they weren’t. And I couldn’t stop smiling the whole time I was putting the star on the tree.
Maybe over the next few days I can manage to put some decorations on the other trees.
Edge, Drill and Viper had stayed indoors to help decorate the tree, because the ladder had to be used at times. They also put up decorations around the great room, with Phoenix’s guidance and a lot of good humor from her. These bikers weren’t the type of men to decorate a tree, but they did it for me and that completely thawed any of the fear I had being around them.
The other men were outside putting up lights, which I was quietly excited to see switched on tonight.
Joel had been busy on his computer the whole time sitting in one of the matching chairs, a pleased-with-himself look on his face. Every time I looked over at him, he would wave and grin.
Billy arrives in the great room, and he hasn’t even taking off his big winter coat. Snow covers his beard, before it melts away with the warmth from the fire. He walks straight up to Joel with his hands on his hips.
“Dude, do you think you have enough?”
“What?” Joel spreads his hands wide. “It’s Christmas, the season to be jolly and silly. It will be all worth it.”
“What will be worth it?” Edge’s curiosity gets the better of him.
“All in good time, my friend… all in good time.”
“Really, that’s all you’re gonna say, my friend?” Edge’s arms are crossed in front of his chest as he eyes Joel up, an eyebrow kicked up in question.
“Yep! Or you could just walk outside, and don’t race back inside and ruin my surprise, yeah?” Joel calls Edge his friend. When did this happen?
Edge looks over at me, sees the confused look on my face and actually smiles this big ear to ear grin. It looks good on him.
“Babe, he thinks he is Santa Claus. It will be dark soon enough. If you can wait to find out, I can.”
“I can wait,” I tell him, even though I really am curious to what is going on outside.
Lincoln leans into me nudging my arm gently.
“I’ve missed you, Whisper. Joel and I are really glad we get to share your first Christmas with you.”
“I’ve missed you too.” I link my elbow with his. “You, Boxer and Miss Catherine are my family and you are all here with me. That means a lot to me.” I lay my head on his shoulder. Lincoln makes everything a little easier when he’s around. “I’ve missed riding with you, the freedom.”
“When you’re good as new, we can rectify that,” he says, so sure of himself. But he doesn’t know I’m pregnant. I haven’t had a chance to tell him, yet.
“She ain’t getting on a bike unless it’s mine and she’s behind me. Especially not in her condition,” Edge calls out across the room where he’s untangling a string of lights. “Don’t trust anybody else driving ‘cept me, where Whisper and the baby are concerned, and—”
“Whoa…whoa…whoa!” Lincoln and Joel both raise their voices in perfect timing, overriding anything else Edge needed to expose of my personal situation.
Lincoln turns to me, his eyes sweeping my body, eyes virtually bulging out of his head as he looks for signs of me being pregnant. He looks around at everybody in the room and nobody is freaking out. Now he’s getting really confused by the way his brow is almost rolled right up into his hairline.
“Did Joel and I hear Edge, correctly? Honey, are you… were you, did somebody force… you’re pregnant?” Lincoln’s spluttering, because he’s trying to be tactful, but thinks the worst. Joel’s lost for words, blinking very slowly, like he’s trying to clear that energetic mind of his, to make room to absorb this piece of news.
“Yes, I am, and I wasn’t raped. Edge is the father.”
Edge’s gunmetal eyes find me.
“Are you okay?” Joel and Lincoln’s words of concern are background noise, to the muted conversation, Edge and I are privately having.
I can’t believe you broke the news to my friends without letting me tell them, first. I’m telepathically berating him.
With a deep scowl, he transmits soundlessly back to me. You are not getting on a bike by yourself or with Lincoln, or anybody else! You are pregnant!
Lincoln is up off the couch, moving fast for a man with a leg in a cast. He breaks our connection. Edge helps to swallow up the distance between them, anticipating my friend’s move. Lincoln grabs Edge by the front of his T-shirt, and pulls his fist back.
“Linc—” Is all I can get out.
“Not this time, buddy.” Edge is prepared.
Before Lincoln can land his blow, Edge has pulled himself free, sidestepped him and swung his body around the back of my friend. His chest is to Lincoln’s back in a tight bear hug. Lincoln’s arms are pinned by his sides and he’s growling and bucking, trying to get Edge to release him.
“Settle down big guy, this is Whisper’s story to tell. I only just found out earlier myself.” Lincoln’s not interested in Edge’s words and keeps right on acting like a bucking bronco, while Edge grunts and grits his teeth with the exertion of containing him.
“Let him go, Edge,” Joel says, with a hint of a threat to his words. “Lincoln… he’s right. Whisper is your friend, she’s also an adult. She will talk to you when she’s good and ready. Take a look at her. She’s not crying rape, so unless you want to embarrass her with being stubborn and wanting to air the laundry in front of everybody, then I would swallow that big brotherly pride and give her the space she needs to tell you when she wants.”
Edge releases Lincoln only when he gives up the fight.
“Ever thought of using a condom?” he hisses in Edge’s ear.
Phoenix and the other men have now taken it as their cue to head on outside to join in with whatever is going on out there, knowing they weren’t needed in here while this was going down. Neither of these men would let anything escalate.
“Did—fucker must have broke.” He looks at me. “And there you have it, I’m gonna be a father and I don’t have one single regret the condom broke. Just so you know, Whisper.”
“My name is Sara,” I say forcefully, because I don’t want to process what Edge just said.
“Not to me it ain’t, darlin’, you just gotta figure out Whisper’s the girl who found her way to Miss Catherine’s place, not Sara. Whisper’s the girl who knows how to survive, better than Sara. Whisper’s the one who found her own new beginning when she escaped William’s home, not Sara. Whisper is the person who told me her favorite movie and talked to me for a couple hours in Boxer’s bar. Sara was just protecting Whisper’s identity, nothing more. It’s always only ever been Whisper. She’s the true fighter. Sara’s just a façade to hide behind, she isn’t strong enough to keep the nightmares at bay, only Whisper is and that’s something I totally understand, babe.
“I go by the name Edge, but trust me babe, Dallas didn’t leave those first eleven years with William behind, because they’re carved into my soul, just like yours are. I packed them down tight, shoved them deep inside my head, but the fact remains it all still happened no matter the name I use. Dallas was the little boy who was beaten down so bad, and I wish to all of creation it never happened to you, but it did. I wish I never got a second chance, because then you wouldn’t have lost your first chance at happiness with your own family. Without knowing it, I took that from you, because my father had me to abuse, and when he lost that, he needed a replacement. You did double the time I did and I can’t do a thing to avenge you and that just isn’t fucking right.”
Edge is holding himself so tight, a glimpse of his hidden pain displayed for me to see, before he locks it down, looking around uncomfortably. He needn’t worry because he managed to clear the room, except for me and Lincoln.
“Not sure how much everybody heard before they scattered—and don’t care, because all I want is honesty between us from now on.”
I don’t know what to say to Edge, so I say nothing, even though he bared a part of his soul to me. I just sit staring at the man, who sets my heart fluttering, but my mind fights a private war with my emotions and I can’t seem to find my voice.
I clear my throat in an attempt to remove the roadblock wedged in my throat and reach out a hand to Lincoln, my gentle giant of a friend. He is the brother I never had.
He walks over and takes my hand. “Lincoln… I’m doing all right, honestly. Maybe tomorrow we will talk about it, but for now I just want to enjoy not thinking about the past six weeks and enjoy my freedom. Can you give me that, please?”
“Shit, honey. No pressure from me, I’ve got your back.” I know he has.
“And so has Edge,” I remind Lincoln. “It’s just very complicated for Edge and me at the moment.”
I look to the man who is nursing his own battered and bruised soul, he just hides it better.
Edge cut down a tree for me, organized for his friends to band together. He thought to give me something he knew would be very special to me. “Thank you Edge for helping make today a better day than”—a yawn takes a hold of me and I try to hide it behind my bandaged hand—“I’ve had in a long time.” I’m feeling very tired, but have enjoyed helping to get the tree decorated and would love nothing more than to curl up on the couch, put the main lighting off and just stare at the beautiful tree and the pretty twinkling Christmas lights.
Edge relaxes his body, his eyes softening knowing I’m trying to hide how tired I am.
“Babe, you need to take it easy.”
“I’m happy to rest here for a little while and then I would love to see what the guys have done outside.”
I lie down on the couch, using one of the cushions as a pillow and curl up. Ghost’s couch is so comfortable. My body sinks into the soft leather.
Within seconds my lids are drooping and then I’m drifting off.
***
I wake-up with a start.
All I can feel is my rapid heartbeat galloping in my chest, until I slowly come back to reality.
I run the back of a shaky hand over my sweaty forehead, the bandage mopping my brow, and take stock of my surroundings.
I’m in Ghost’s bed and relieved to see I’m still fully clothed in Phoenix’s T-shirt and the new jeans.
Did Edge bring me here?
I remember lying down on the couch…
There is movement next to me.
I turn my head slowly to see Miss C’s in bed with me. She’s typing something on her phone and shooting me worried looks.
“Miss Catherine…” I say on a trembling breath. The very real fear from my dream still haunting me before it can fully evaporate. “Just had a bad dream,” I explain, stating the obvious.
I run a hand up under the T-shirt subconsciously wiping the slick, sweaty patches between my breasts and on my chest. I was dreaming about Rose and my mind was playing all sorts of scenarios out on how she was killed. All were very violent and bloody. And then I was caning Mathias until his skin bled like a river, while Cezar counted the punishment out.
So much guilt consumes me.
“Look who be finally awake. Chile, you gone and slept right through dinner, just as I be doin’. We is a fine pair. How you feelin’?” She reaches out and gently brushes my damp hair with her fingers, tucking the strands behind my ear.
“I’m doing okay.” I try to sound convincing. “I’m so glad you’re here with me.” The bruises on her face are stronger now, the colorings more prominent against her dark skin. “How are you feeling?” I give her a fake smile, but I can see I haven’t convinced her, I just need the limelight off me.
“I be doin’ all right, considerin’ the dilemma I been put through with Miss Pearllene, but that can wait, what can’t wait is our discussion we need to be havin’ right now—if you be up for it?”
“Yes, of course. I’m totally fine,” I lie.
“Firstly I need you to know how much I been missin’ you. I grown a whole field of new gray hairs upon my head, frettin’ over your return. Now, we need to be havin’ a discussion about Dallas ‘Edge’ Masson, because he isn’t a Dupre’ no more.
“Miss Catherine… there is so much…” I lower my head unable to finish.
“And that man be needin’ to hear it. What I be learnin’ is there been a gross misunderstandin’ between you two, this you know. Not meanin’ to be snoopin’ into your personal business, but you be needin’ to hear a few things. Edge been a man on a mission to save you. He been walkin’ a fine line strugglin’ with your abduction, the knowledge his father be instigatin’ a plan that came to fruition and it involved you. He be carryin’ a lot of guilt for you bein’ stolen by his father for near on twenty years.”
“Miss Catherine—”
“Hush now chile. Let me be gettin’ this out and I be only sayin’ it once, because I know you be a smart girl who be goin’ with her gut instinct. You be trustin’ in me and I not be steerin’ you wrong in the time we known each other.”
“I need time to process my freedom, my pregnancy, where my—”
“Of course you be needin’ time. I just want you to be knowin’ some facts and the truth of the man. He did wrong, he can’t be fixin’ that, but he will be there for you and he will be loyal to you.” She touches my belly. “This be your chance to show Whisper she is strong enough to be comin’ out. I know you not wantin’ to be rememberin’ all the bad in your life, but it brought you some good and it brought you to Edge.”
“I’m so twisted up on the inside, my past and present are entwined with Edge, and Whisper is strong enough to keep all those boxes locked down tight. She always has been. She can guard those secrets with her life, she is the survivor, but Sara wants to live.”
“Whisper is who you be.” She points to my heart. “Sara be only a prop.”
“Bad things happened to me as Whisper,” I remind Miss Catherine.
“Good things like me, Boxer and Lincoln be happenin’ too. Even this baby in your belly be a good thing, givin’ you a reason to be showin’ the world you won in the end. Be givin’ you somethin’ to love with all your heart and soul. I’m old, and I won’t be around for too many more years. I be one very happy old lady to be knowin’—quiet selfishly—that I’m goin’ to be a greatgrandmother to this child. In turn I gots me somethin’ to be lovin’ and dotin’ on too.”
“That happened when I was Sara,” I say quietly, trying to reason.
“No, you be always Whisper, a name don’t be changin’ who you are; it be takin’ a lot more than that. The man you be meetin’ that night was a good man, he still be one underneath. He be spendin’ half the time you did under William’s roof and he would have been subjected to abuse, too. It hardened him. He be thinkin’ the woman with his father, be just as bad as him, and he was wrong. He wasn’t thinkin’ when he be goin’ after her. He knowin’ that now to be true and he can’t be turnin’ back time for you. Lord knows he be wantin’ to.
“He went chargin’ off after her, fulfillin’ what his father prophesized. He be walkin’ straight into that web, but since the second he be knowin’ he messed up—he not be stoppin’ to track you down. He got shot again gettin’ you her safe.”
“What?” I try not to show my concern, but it can’t stay hidden.
“He say it only be a scrape, but he took a bullet right through his arm, I be hearin’ all ‘bout the rescue on the way back from New Orleans to be comin’ to see you. It be like a damn action movie with what be goin’ down.”
For the next half hour, Miss Catherine tells me everything she knows and I feel so bad. All the money and time and risk they all put into saving me and the women. I haven’t even asked how they are doing.
Now it’s my turn to tell Miss Catherine everything I’ve been through. No matter how bad. A box springs open getting the jump on me. “I was forced to cane Mathias”—I blurt out, my voice pitching—“while Cezar stood there and made me count. I haven’t even been able to talk to him and tell him how sorry I am.” And that is when the tears start and don’t stop. Who am I kidding? Sara can’t handle this; only Whisper can.
“I don’t be even pretendin’ to know what you been through at the hands of that evil man, but what I do be knowin’ is: you never been able to hurt an ant. You have great respect for all livin’ things. You didn’t go hurtin’ that man, Mathias, because you be wantin’ to or enjoyin’ it. You be forced into makin’ a decision. Am I right?”
I nod my head, ashamed of what I had to do.
“You been hurt over and over again and you got nothin’ but good in you. I will be listenin’ without judgement to the things you had to be bearin’ upon your soul—no matter how bad—I still be lovin’ you as the beautiful, strong woman you are.”
I tell her everything I’ve been put through, in all its horrible detail.
Wrapped tight in her arms, she lets me cry until the well becomes dry.
Holding everything inside me in little boxes—is simply too much for me to handle. I didn’t want to speak to anybody professional after I came to live with Miss Catherine. Boxer offered to take me to somebody Dr. Castille knew, but I turned him down. Back then I couldn’t trust anybody, but now I know I’ll need help, because I don’t want to let my child down in the future.
My name is Whisper.