TAVIAN

07.17.15

I lean back against my pillow and stare at the platinum band around my left ring finger, sucking the life out of me like a noose tight around my neck. Panic courses through me faster now than it did when I was driving a foreign rental car at top speed through a line of emergency vehicles to escape a terrorist attack, all while trying to keep the beautiful stranger next to me unharmed. And that was a pretty traumatic fucking day.

The scene I came home to tonight… there aren’t words to properly describe the utter shock and disbelief I felt. Annie and I have basically been living separate lives since she returned from her yearlong sabbatical, though Lord knows I’ve tried my damnedest to get us back on track. Anytime I’ve mentioned long-term future plans, she’s been noncommittal and evasive, and I can’t remember the last time we went on a date or even had sex.

I understand how what happened in Pamplona scared her. Hell, I’m pretty sure it freaked out thousands upon thousands of people who had friends and family involved or nearby. And unfortunately, terrorist attacks around the globe are becoming more common. But this proposal—especially inviting a big group of people here to witness it—is not Annie’s style. Not at all. But because of who was there, she knew as well as I did there was no option as to what my answer would be.

“Octavian West, what I’m trying to say is I love you more than anything in this world and would love to spend the rest of my life with you. Would you please do me the honor of marrying me?”

Swallowing hard, I searched frantically around the room, unable to find any words. My eyes landed on my mom’s beaming face, half covered by her praying hands pressed against her nose. The hope radiated off her and sliced into me like razorblades. How could I possibly devastate her again? The woman who has loved and supported me unconditionally every single day of my life. The woman who has lost so much already. The woman who is counting on me to provide her a family to love, a future of happiness.

“Tavian?” Annie’s voice drew my attention back to her and she lifted the ring box closer to my face. I didn’t miss the nervous tremble in her smile, but I wasn’t sure if it was because she had an audience for her proposal, or if she was worried I might say no. “What do you say? Wanna make it official with me?”

One last glimpse over at my mom, and with her encouraging smile, I looked at Annie and nodded. “Yes.”

I shudder like the fucking coward I am as the word echoes around in my head, and my pulse nosedives from breakneck speed to a skidding halt. What in the hell have I done? And more importantly, how am I going to fix it?

Before I have time to come up with any answers, the door that leads from our master bedroom to the en suite bathroom opens and Annie appears, freshly showered and dressed in a sheer blue nightie thing I’ve never seen before. I blink once, twice. All the moisture in my mouth evaporates as I sit in bed slack-jawed and stunned stupid. It’s like I don’t even know this person; she’s never worn lingerie for me before.

“Cat got your tongue, sexy?” She giggles.

After twirling around to show off her matching thong, she sashays over to me, hopping up on the bed and straddling my thighs. My entire body tenses the second her skin touches mine, and when she seductively licks her lips while batting her eyelashes, I suck in an uneasy breath.

Think, Tavian, think. This cannot fucking happen. Do something!

“Annie, no, wait,” I blurt, holding my hand up in the air. “We haven’t had a minute alone since I got home. I told you I needed to talk to you tonight.”

She ignores my protests and buries her face into my lower abdomen, trailing her freshly glossed lips down the thin line of hair that travels from my belly button and disappears beneath the flannel cotton of my pajama pants. “We have the rest of our lives to talk. I haven’t had you inside me in way too long, and I’m not waiting any longer.” Her teeth clasp around the waistband and she drags the pants down far enough to reveal my goods. She frowns at the sight of my flaccid, clearly unaroused shaft, and then glances up at me, her brow wrinkled with confusion. “You didn’t miss your fiancée?”

The way she says that word—the same way she’s said it all evening long, at every chance she could get—grates on my nerves for a reason I’m not even sure of. She hasn’t done anything wrong exactly, but she expects me to be the same man I was when I left here a couple of weeks ago—the man who was comfortable and content in his life and relationship, happy even.

I’m no longer that man. Not even close.

Meeting Lyra changed everything; my life’s formula completely flipped around. She’s the answer I didn’t know I was searching for. And now I’ve come home to a huge mess. But I couldn’t bear to devastate my mom. Not again.

And as far as Annie… I am enough of a gentleman not to embarrass her in front of all our friends, coworkers, and family members. I may have realized I don’t love her like I thought I did, and I know telling her that is going to cause enough pain; she surely doesn’t deserve to be humiliated on top of that.

“I did miss you,” I insist as I reach down and yank my pajamas back up over my hips, prompting the crease in her forehead to deepen, “but we need to talk. I have things I have to tell you about my trip.”

I pause to wet my cracking lips with a nervous swipe of my tongue. The movement draws her worried gaze away from mine and down to my mouth, and then she quickly crawls up the length of my body and kisses me. Her tongue plunges deep and determined, her chest pressed flush against mine. She smells like desperation and tastes like regret.

“Whatever happened while you were there,” she whispers against my lips in between kisses, “it’s okay. I understand. Just leave it there, in the past. We can focus on the future. With each other. Your wild oats have now been sown.”

Her mouth returns to mine as her hand wedges between our bodies and slips inside my waistband, fingers stroking my shaft feverishly, frantic for a reaction. My cock, the Judas bastard, responds despite my brain’s opposition. And that’s when I know what I have to do.

With force harder than I intend, I grab Annie’s shoulders and shove her off me, causing her to fall off the bed and land ass-first on the floor. “No!” I roar the word I should’ve said earlier tonight. The word I was too much of a fucking coward to say. But not anymore.

Guilt claws its way up my pounding chest as I jump to my feet and bolt from the room. It doesn’t matter if it’s eight months or eighty years, Lyra Jennings is the only future I want.