CHAPTER 18
“Sit still,” Emma said a few days later, waving a metallic-pink hair-chalk pen in Ford’s direction. “One more color and then I’ll put it back to normal.”
And because normal sounded like something Ford could get behind, and his heels were killing his feet, he shifted his leopard-print tutu and took a seat. His butt squeezed into the tot-size barber chair, Ford looked in the mirror at his metallic-purple-and-pink-streaked tips and cringed. “Are you sure this will wash out?”
“Uh-huh. And it turns the bathwater sparkly pink,” Emma said, as if that was an added bonus to letting a six-year-old color your hair.
“All right, just don’t get it in my eyes this time.”
“I won’t!” Emma said, giving not one but three more strokes of the hair chalk. “Daddy, Ford’s almost ready for his family picture with Bullseye. He just needs his lips glossed.”
Bullseye had gotten off light, as far as Ford was concerned. Dressed in a pink tutu with a matching bow behind his ear, he was sound asleep by the couch.
“I’ve got my camera ready to go,” Harris said, grinning at Ford from the safety of the couch. He lifted a beer, then gave a two-fingered salute, just in case Ford wasn’t aware of just who was the village idiot.
Ford had a salute of his own, but since it only required one finger and there were kids present, he said, “One photo makes it around the office and I will tell everyone about the time you thought Bullseye was the barfly from the night before.”
“What’s a barfly, Daddy?”
“Kind of like a horsefly, only harder to get rid of,” Harris said, shooting Ford a look. Ford just smiled. “Hey, pumpkin, why don’t you go and get that red lipstick upstairs.”
Emma’s eyes went owl-like. “The one that comed with my Barbie and you said I can’t use in the house?”
“That’s the one.” This time Harris grinned. “I think it would go great with Ford’s hair color.”
With a squeal of delight, Emma took off, her feet sounding like a stampede as she raced up the stairs.
“You’re an asshole,” Ford said when she was out of range.
“Says the guy who’s trying to dump his responsibilities on me.” Harris leaned back into the couch, taking way too much pleasure in Ford’s current situation.
It had been four days since Liv had escorted him out of her house, and still no word. She hadn’t returned his calls, his texts, and was even a no-show for a meeting about Wagon Days.
“I’m not dumping. I’m just trying to make this easier for everyone involved,” Ford said. “I’m still doing all the work—I just won’t be here for the event.”
It had taken Ford a whole ten minutes to realize that staying in town would only make it harder on Liv. Even less time to figure out he’d blown any shot he’d had at a relationship with her. He’d known that the second he saw the anguish on her face. So he’d called his boss and asked if he could move the certification up a few weeks and return to Reno early.
“Because you’ll be licking your wounds in the mountains while Liv is down here facing everything head-on,” Harris said.
Yeah, that too. He’d hurt her. Badly. She’d finally opened herself up to the idea of more, and Ford had given her more of the same.
“Or you could stay, help her,” Harris offered.
Ford had shown up at Harris’s house to talk to him about the early transfer back to Reno. He was surprised Harris hadn’t grilled him about his reasons for leaving. Or his situation with Liv. He’d just said that if Ford played dress-up with Emma, then he’d sign off on the transfer. Ford figured either Liv hadn’t told anyone what had gone down, or Harris finally wanted him gone. Only Harris loved to ride Ford’s ass—especially when he’d screwed the pooch. So when Harris sat forward, his expression dialed to Dirty Harry, Ford knew he’d just been waiting.
“Last time I helped her she ended up slamming the door in my face and crying herself to sleep.” He shrugged, but even that hurt. “Plus, I live in Reno. She lives here.”
“Thanks for that nice geography lesson. With logic like that, you couldn’t think yourself out of a fucking paper bag,” Harris said.
“She asked me to leave. I’m leaving. End of story.” Ford rubbed his hand over his chest, trying to ease the raw ache that had been gnawing at him. It didn’t help.
“And when exactly did she ask you to leave? Before you told her you loved her or after?” Harris snapped his fingers. “Oh, wait, I remember. It was when you decided to ignore the single-mom code and sweet-talk your way into her panties instead of straight-talk your way into her circle of trust.”
“Again, these pep talks are always a highlight,” Ford said in a tone that would have a smart man shutting up.
Harris was not a smart man. In fact, he was as stupid as they came, because he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and said, “Well then, let me be the one to point out the big fucking fact that you seem to be missing. You don’t want it to be the end.”
“It doesn’t matter what I want!” Ford stood. Arguing while sitting in a tiny chair with pink tips felt as ridiculous as the idea of Liv settling for weekends and rotating holidays. She’d done that before, and he didn’t want to put her through that again. “She deserves more.”
“Okay, then be more,” Harris said, as if the solution were that easy.
“How?”
“Stay,” Harris said, and he let the one word settle.
Ford shook his head. “Not an option. By coming here, I made everything worse for her.”
“And you think leaving will make it all better?” Harris said it as if Ford were dim-witted. “Because I can tell you it won’t. You’re never going to find whatever it is you’re looking for by chasing disasters. The only thing that will make this better is to stay here and face it.”
Ford looked his friend in the eye. “Since when did you become a fan of me going after Liv?”
“When I realized that you love her and you could make her happy,” Harris said. “And she can make you happy too, if you’d let her.”
“Let her? She hates me.”
“She’ll get over it—I have.” Harris smiled. “But trust me, you’ll never get over losing out on love.”
The last word fluttered around his chest and then landed like lead. He told himself it would be better for all if he just walked away before it went too far. But the truth was, he was already gone.
“Fuck.” He sat down, the weight of what he’d had and then lost too staggering to remain upright.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Harris handed him a beer. “Now you might want to figure this out before Saturday, because while single moms don’t like being blindsided, they go ballistic when some dick with a charming smile leaves a mess in her sandbox.”
The sun was high, and a gentle breeze blew off the lake. Liv stared blindly as it glided through the pine trees, stirring the white canvas of the canopy tents and the big WELCOME TO WAGON DAYS ~ THE WILDEST ADVENTURE IN THE WEST sign that hung over the main strip of town.
The vendors were already set up, Lake Street was lined with the fairgoers, and the Wild West Roundup was assembled and ready to go. The seventy-fifth annual Wagon Days parade was about to kick off the festivities to the largest crowd on record, and Liv felt like she was going to be sick.
To be honest, the gnawing ache in her stomach had started when she’d told him to leave, expanded to her chest when she’d ignored his first call, and hit critical mass when she’d heard that Ford had cashed in his ticket for home. A single stopover at Canyon Ridge—no return fare. And she didn’t think the ache was going away anytime soon.
She’d always thought that if she’d had one last chance to talk to Sam, to see where things went wrong, the loss wouldn’t have cut so deeply. But she’d asked Ford his reasons, heard his explanation, and still couldn’t reconcile how things had gone so incredibly wrong.
She couldn’t, because even though the pain was so intense at times it hurt to breathe, there wasn’t a single moment over the past few weeks that she’d change.
Even now, knowing how it would end with Ford and with Sam. The ache would eventually fade, she promised herself, but changing one bit would mean changing it all. And that would be far more devastating than never experiencing it to begin with.
Liv swallowed past the lump in her throat to watch Paxton, keeping a constant vigil at the front of the alley next to Sips and Splatters, where all the floats were lined up, waiting as if Superdog were going to swoop down and be his sidekick.
“You want to practice it one more time?” Liv asked, smoothing out a nonexistent crease in Paxton’s new and improved cape. Liv had stayed up three nights in a row trying to create a costume that was so super it didn’t require a crime-fighting partner.
“Nope,” he said, bouncing on his tiptoes to look over the ready-to-go floats and down to Lake Street. “I have to practice it with Bullseye.”
Heart in her throat, Liv cupped her son’s cheek. They’d been over this a dozen times already that morning. “I don’t think he’s coming, but either way you’re going to be awesome. Plus, you’ve got Supermom by your side.”
Liv put her hands on her hips and puffed out her SUPERMOM-clad chest, in her best superhero pose.
Paxton took in her black combat boots, shiny red spandex, and floor-length cape, and then those big blue pools looked up at her—panicked. “None of the other kids brought their mommies.”
Liv looked at the dozen or so pint-size superheroes already on the float—not one of them had an adult with them. They’d either paired up with another camp friend or had a sibling.
With a smile that was so fragile it was destined to break, Liv reached into her purse and pulled out her backup. “Well then, it’s a good thing I brought Superdog Stan.”
Paxton wasn’t the only one who’d received a costume update. Liv had stayed up until the wee hours of the morning sewing him a matching costume.
“Cool,” Paxton said, taking his furry standby, but his expression said it wasn’t as cool as a living, breathing superdog. “Thanks, Mom.”
Paxton exhaled a shaky breath and leaned into Liv, wrapping his arms around her.
The protector in Liv wanted to tell him he didn’t have to get on that float, and then take him to get ice cream, but the warrior in her knew that Paxton needed to see this through.
“We got this, Pax,” she whispered.
He nodded his head but didn’t let go. Liv scooped him up and held him close, breathing in his little-boy scent and slowly exhaling while holding him tighter.
It didn’t matter if it was just the two of them—her little family had enough love to go the distance. All that Liv needed to be happy was right there in that hug, and as long as she remembered that, she and Paxton could handle anything life threw at them.
“Will you walk next to the float so I can see you?” he asked so heartbreakingly soft Liv had a hard time speaking.
Liv was supposed to be selling tickets to the Wild West Roundup booth during the parade, which meant she was expected to work the booth at the end of the parade trail. It would have to wait. Right now, it was all about getting Paxton through his debut performance.
“Every step of the way,” she promised, tugging on Paxton’s cape.
He looked up at her with panicked eyes. “What if the other kids see you?”
“That’s why I brought my invisibility cape.” She pulled the lapel of her cape over her face, covering everything but her eyes, and Paxton laughed. “I’ll walk in the crowd so only you can see me. Okay?”
“Okay,” he said, and for the first time that morning, he sounded as if he’d be okay.
“Now let’s get you on that float before it leaves without you.” She double-tugged the bottom of his shirt and stood.
Paxton froze. He stared at the packed float, the ever-growing crowd, and then the ground. Liv’s stomach knotted, and her palms began to sweat. Her baby had come so far, but he was getting ready to crawl back inside himself. Getting on that float was important, but having an anxiety attack in front of the whole town wouldn’t do anyone any good.
“Pax? You okay? You need a sip of water?” she asked, because sometimes ice-cold water was enough to snap him out of it. But he didn’t answer, just continued to stare at the ground, his breathing nonexistent, his eyes dilated and clouded over.
And just when Liv thought he was going into complete shutdown mode, he took a deep breath and slid his tiny hand into hers. “I got this.”
“Yes, you do,” she said, surprised that her voice came out so strong. Inside she was a nervous wreck, but for her son she would be Supermom.
Capes flapping in the breeze, Superboy and Supermom walked side by side down the alley and onto the float. It was the first float, at the corner of Lake Street, visible by the thousands of people already looking their way.
Liv stationed him at the front of the float and attached the safety harness to his belt. “I’m going to be right there, walking through the crowd.” She pointed to the back part of the sidewalk, behind the crowd, and Paxton shook his head. Hard. He was also shaking in his combat boots. “You want me to walk right next to the float, Pax?”
Paxton was considering this, considering what his friends would say if his mommy walked next to the float, when what sounded like a windstorm echoed in the near distance.
The wind picked up, scattering fallen pine needles and sending a rainbow of capes soaring. People shielded their eyes and looked to the sky in delight as the whomp whomp whomp drew closer, became louder. And Paxton’s smile grew bigger and brighter.
“It’s him!” he said, loud enough for everyone on the float and surrounding area to hear. But her son didn’t seem to notice. He was too busy focusing on the showstopping red-and-yellow helicopter cutting down Lake Street and right toward their float. With Superdog, complete with a bright red cape, blue booties, a hoodie with ear holes, and goggles—flying through the air.
But what had Liv’s heart doing some stopping of its own was the real-life superhero hanging off the side of the chopper. Dressed in his uniform of black pants with a million and one pockets, a bright orange shirt, and a ball cap that said LOOKING TO BE RESCUED was her own personal hero coming to save the day.
He isn’t yours, she reminded herself. But even though he wore mirrored aviators, Liv could feel his intense gaze, locked on target and zeroing in on her.
And her alone.
The crowd sucked in an excited breath as the chopper came to a halt, hovering right above the first float. Paxton’s float. And just when the crowd thought that the show was over, Ford gave a hand signal to someone on the chopper that was as confident as it was sexy, and without warning, Ford and Bullseye slowly made their descent down onto Lake Street.
His boots hit the asphalt, and the crowd erupted in cheers. And a warm ball of hope erupted in Liv’s chest.
“Mommy,” Paxton called out over the thundering sound of the blades, “you don’t need to walk beside the float. And the name’s not Paxton,” he said, hitting his super-secret superhero pose, “I’m Superboy!”
“Yes, you are,” she yelled back. And even though Ford was going to disappear back to Reno on Monday, he’d come to give Paxton the send-off her son desperately needed.
“Bullseye,” Paxton said loudly, holding his hand out and then pointing to the ground. “Come.”
Bullseye’s legs were moving even before Ford set him on the ground, and then those toothpicks tore across the street and leaped up onto the float, not stopping until he was sitting in front of Paxton. Head back, ears straight up, tongue lolling, Bullseye waited for the next signal. And when Paxton gave it, Bullseye stuck one paw out in front, his hind leg back, and held it.
And be still my heart, with the wind from the chopper, the dog looked like he was actually flying through the air. And her son, her beautiful, strong son, held his pose—proud, bold, and something to behold.
The crowd erupted into cheers as the helicopter lifted off and disappeared over the quaint skyline and behind the mountain range. The air stilled, and the town grew silent, until Liv could only hear the tattoo of boots on the pavement.
Six-plus feet of built, badass swagger carrying a duffel bag and double-barreled dimples was on course and coming right for her. Liv couldn’t have moved if her life depended on it. Then he took off his sunglasses, and Liv wasn’t sure if she wanted to.
“If you’re mouth-to-mouth certified, I’m looking to be rescued, Officer Best Buns,” Mavis said from the sidewalk. Sitting in her wheelchair that had flashing red-and-blue lights on the back, and sporting a pink WAG & WADDLE PATROL shirt, she was leading her team of volunteer officers toward the head of the parade.
“Actually, I’m the one who’s in need of a rescue,” he said, making his way forward, his eyes never leaving Liv’s.
“Well, this crew only works locally,” Mavis said with a tut.
“That’s all right. I’m not going anywhere.” Ford dropped his duffel bag at Liv’s feet and tangled his fingers with hers. “I’ve spent my whole life looking for families to save, which is why I came to Sequoia Lake, to save one more. Instead, I found this sexy, strong woman who amazed me at every turn, and instead of saving her, I think she saved me. Only I blew it.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “I was so busy trying to play the hero, I didn’t realize that she didn’t need saving.”
“All Mommy needs is cupcakes and hugs,” Paxton said from the float. “Tell him, Mommy.”
“Yeah,” Ford whispered, resting his hands on Liv’s hips, nudging her closer. He was dusty, rumpled, and looked as if he’d been living in a cave. Which, if the rumors were true and he’d taken his certification exam, he probably had. “Tell me what you need, because I’m listening.”
“A partner,” she whispered, her heart pounding against her ribcage until she was sure it would burst free. “Someone who wants to find the same pace with me. Someone to hold my hand and who isn’t afraid to let me hold his. Someone I can count on and who respects the relationship enough to count on me. Someone who knows life is too short not to eat the cupcake first.”
“I do love cupcakes, cupcake.” His voice dropped low when he spoke, and his hands dropped lower the closer she got. Then he wrapped those strong arms around her waist and gave her a slow, easy smile. “And I love you.”
“Love is the easy part, Ford.” She crossed her arms over her chest in hopes of keeping it intact, because it was pounding so hard she was afraid it would shatter even further. “It’s the rest of it that worries me.”
“No, love is the foundation, and when it’s pure, it means putting the other person first.”
“But this foundation was built on a lie,” she whispered.
“No, it was built on friendship and understanding, things that are real and matter. And yes, I lied. I lied because I thought I was protecting you,” he admitted. “By the time I realized that love doesn’t require protection, it was too late, Liv. Which is why I will never make that mistake again.”
Ford stepped closer, so she couldn’t look anywhere but at him, because he was right there in front of her, completely unfiltered with his heart in his eyes.
“I need a favor, Liv,” he asked intently, and Liv knew she was about to lose it. “And I need it to be one of those all-in, no-questions-asked kind of favors.”
Ford had never asked her for anything. He was always strong and stoic and the first one to lend a hand even if he already had his hands full. But right then, he looked uncertain and tired. The kind of tired that came from pushing through when all the signs said to stop. And for that reason, she said, “Okay.”
“I need you to give us a fair shot.”
“I did.”
“No, baby,” he said, holding her gaze. “You’ve been looking for a reason to shut me out since the first day we met.”
“Because I knew you were leaving.” And then she’d be alone. Again. Left to pick up the pieces and find a new path. One that wouldn’t be as shiny or fun—or as magical.
Not that it mattered. He’d wiggled his way in, and she’d lost him all the same.
“That’s not the same as leaving you, Liv,” he said quietly, and Liv’s throat tightened with the truth. “Because there’s something you need to understand. I’m an all-in kind of guy. It’s how I operate, and the second you let me in, I went all the way in. There’s no leaving that.”
With a tender look that was so achingly familiar, he pulled an envelope out of his pocket and handed it to her. It had “Reno Sheriff’s Department” as the return address.
“Is that your certification?” she asked, afraid to touch it for fear that today was just a brief stopover.
“No. It’s me listening and putting you first,” he said, pulling out the letter and holding it up. And Liv’s heart swelled in her chest until she was afraid that she would run out of room. Because at the top of the letter, right under his Type 1 certification ranking, were two words that had hope bubbling up until it overflowed.
“Transfer approved,” she said, trying to read the details, but all of the words began to blur. “You’re transferring?”
“I’m the head of the new K-9 search-and-rescue division for Sequoia Elite Mountain Rescue.” He pulled her even closer, their hips and thighs brushing.
“For how long?”
“I was thinking until Paxton heads off to college, and then you can pick a place on the map you’ve always wanted to visit and we’ll go exploring. Together.”
Compromise, she thought. Ford was offering her everything she needed, while keeping an eye on his own dreams. That was what a relationship was about. It wasn’t give or take—it was finding the right combination every single day.
“I love you, Olivia Preston.” He cupped her cheeks and tilted her face up, and what she saw staring back made her breath catch. Ford was looking down at her with so much intensity and love and heat that some of her doubts that stemmed from their past began to fade and give way to a few hopes for their future. “You’re my home base. You and Paxton.”
“You’re the biggest adventure I’ve ever had,” Liv said, wrapping her arms around his waist and holding tight, all of the excitement and joy bubbling up until she could feel it settling on her lashes. “You’re also my perfect fit. So I’ll be your home base, as long as you promise to be ours.”
“Always,” Ford vowed, caressing her cheek. His thumb catching the first loose tear. “I came here searching for answers and found meaning.” He looked into her eyes. “I found you, Liv.”
“With you, I found myself.” She lifted her arms and twined them around his neck, pressing so close she could hear the steady beat of his heart. “I thought I’d lost her, but it turns out she was just hiding,” she said. The emotion, too much to hold back any longer, spilled down her cheeks. “You reminded me how freeing love could be.” She pressed her lips gently to his. “I love you, Ford.”
“God, I love you.” Ford covered her mouth with his in a kiss that was open and honest and everything a kiss should be. And Liv knew that even though her little family of two would be just fine, a family with Ford would be magical.
And she needed a little magic in her life.
“Does this mean I get to sleep with Bullseye?” Paxton asked, and Liv pulled back to look down on her son and his cape-wearing partner, both staring up at her with giddy excitement.
“I don’t see why not,” Liv said, and Paxton and Bullseye gave each other high fives. Liv turned back to her partner for life and whispered, “Will you sleep in my bed?”
“Every night until forever comes,” he said, and Liv decided that forever sounded like her kind of adventure.