Chapter 4

The morning after her lunch with Paul, Sydney woke up feeling anxious and excited. It seemed like a hundred years since she had last gone to work, and now she had a job at a successful company again, no matter how different it was from where she designed before. Her heart pounded when she thought of it, but she could hardly wait to get to the office. She had no idea what assignment she would get at first. She had a lot to get familiar with.

She took the subway downtown and walked into the Lady Louise building in Hell’s Kitchen at five to nine. Paul had told her to report to HR to fill out paperwork when she arrived. She took the elevator to the top floor of the remodeled warehouse complex, found the human resources office, and introduced herself. A girl who looked about Sabrina’s age smiled at her, handed her the employee handbook, and put the papers to sign in front of her. She noticed that she would be getting health insurance, which was important to her, since hers got canceled when Andrew died, and she couldn’t afford to get sick now. The entire process took half an hour. The girl was brisk and efficient, and asked if Sydney had any questions. She had one last paper to sign, which was her work contract. She and Paul hadn’t discussed salary, and Sydney stared when she saw the amount listed on it. It wasn’t even close to what she used to make when she was the head designer of a high-end fashion line, but it was far more than she had hoped to make now, or thought she deserved after a long hiatus. It showed Paul Zeller’s respect for her and her talent, and what he thought she could do for his firm. Five minutes after she signed the contract, she walked into his office and thanked him profusely.

“You’re paying me too much,” she said, looking embarrassed, and he laughed and invited her to sit down.

“You’re the first employee who’s ever said that to me. I think you’re worth it, Sydney. I want you to give Lady Louise a touch of class we don’t have now, just a little edgier and upmarket from what we’ve been doing. I think some of our clients are ready for it. We want to attract that client, and for those who aren’t, they’ll still have our lower-end lines.” He looked at her thoughtfully, admiring what she’d worn that day. She had picked a short black linen skirt, a simple white silk T-shirt, and high-heeled black linen pumps for her first day at work. She looked elegant and youthful, and everything she had on was chic and expensive. Sabrina would have approved of her outfit, but not the job she had just taken.

Sydney knew she was damn lucky to have it. She just hoped she could justify his faith in her. “I’m going to put you in the hands of our head of creative and design today. I want you to be his shadow for the next several months. He can teach you everything about our business. I had a meeting with him yesterday after our lunch. He’s going to give you some projects so you can get your feet wet. He’s a great guy, and is responsible for some of our biggest successes. He has an unfailing eye,” he said, smiling at her. “A lot like you. He’ll be here in a few minutes,” and as he said it, a tall, thin, young Chinese man walked into his office in a black T-shirt and black jeans, wearing high-topped black Converse. His hair was jet black and as long as Sydney’s, and hung straight down his back, nearly to his waist, and the look suited him. He had a beautiful, delicately carved face, like an ivory statue, yet his whole style was modern, simple, and sleek. He greeted Paul in a businesslike way, and looked Sydney over appraisingly. She couldn’t tell if he liked what she was wearing or not, or if he approved of her getting the job. She wondered if people would be jealous of the fact that she’d been hired, or bothered by her age. She hadn’t seen anyone even close to her age, except Paul, since she walked in. And so many of the design staff she’d glimpsed the day before looked like kids fresh out of school to her.

Paul introduced them. The young Asian man’s name was Edward Chin. He was twenty-nine years old, and he had a British accent. Paul said he came from Hong Kong, had worked at Dior for two years, and been employed by Lady Louise for three, and he had risen to stardom in the company quickly. She thought it an interesting contrast that he had gone from high-end, high-priced fashion to the low-priced lines Lady Louise produced. They spent a few minutes chatting in Paul’s office, and then Edward said he had work to do and invited Sydney to come with him. She felt suddenly overdressed compared to her new boss, but she had thought it best to dress well for her first day at work. She could see now that she’d be fine at work in future in jeans and even T-shirts, as long as she looked neat and presentable. Edward’s outfit almost disappeared, and all that she noticed and was riveted by was his finely chiseled face, and his intelligent dark eyes.

She followed him to the design floor she had seen the day before, with the twenty young designers frantically at work. None of them had private offices. They all worked in the big open space that looked like a loft, with brick walls, long, tall windows, and high ceilings. He walked her over to the table he had assigned her close to his own. Hers had an enormous desktop computer on it. There were several sketch pads, a box of pencils, erasers, sharpeners, and everything she needed. She felt like a kid on the first day of school.

“Paul said you don’t design on a computer. You’ll learn,” Edward Chin assured her. “We’re working on next spring right now. Half the group is working on tops and blouses, the more senior designers are working on jackets.”

“What would you like me to do?” she asked, feeling slightly overwhelmed.

“I’ll show you what we’ve got so far, and what’s been approved,” he said seriously, and she followed him to the large computer on his own desk, where he brought up a slew of designs. She was impressed by how clean and straightforward they were, could see easily that many of them were variations of the same pattern, which was economical for them, and admittedly some of the designs and styles looked familiar to her. She concentrated on what he was showing her. “Why don’t you work off some of these today, and see what you come up with? Try and stay within the parameters of what you’re seeing, using the same bodies, and adding something new with collar, sleeve, detail, and stitching. Our size runs are pretty broad, so it’s got to look good on a size twelve too, and no tricky hidden closures, which are too costly to produce. This isn’t what you’re used to.”

She nodded, not sure if he was being critical. So far, he had been direct and matter-of-fact. He was intent, and hadn’t smiled at her yet. His clipped British way of speaking to her sounded educated. She noticed that he had long, graceful hands as he pointed to the designs on the screen. And then, while he was showing her a sketch on the computer, he picked up something that looked like a pencil, and added some corrections to one of the designs on his computer screen. It was a special program, and he was literally drawing on the computer. It looked like magic to her, and she smiled as she watched him.

“I feel like I’m coming out of the dark ages,” she admitted to him. “Twenty years ago what you just did was science fiction.” He smiled at what she said.

“I had to learn it too. I attended the Royal College of Art in London. They didn’t believe in things like this ten years ago. I did an internship with Stella McCartney, then worked for Alexander McQueen before I went to Dior. It’s a big transition coming to work here, and Paul likes to keep everything digital, but a lot of the old principles apply. We just simplify and digitize them.” Sydney knew they also copied other people’s designs a lot, and only modified them slightly, so they didn’t have to start every design from scratch, the way famous designers did. “I’ve seen a lot of your work,” he said in a soft voice. “I’m a big fan. I did a project on just your coats once when I was in school. Your structure was fantastic. You taught me everything I know about working with stiff fabrics, which I prefer to softer ones, like Nina Ricci or Chanel’s evening gowns. We don’t do a lot of evening wear here, at least not yet. We’re stronger in day wear and we have a bigger market for it. Evening wear is a much smaller market, and it’s harder to produce. You can waste a lot of fabric if something goes wrong.” All of which she knew from experience. She was impressed by his history, and whom he’d worked for before Lady Louise. It spoke well for the brand that he had chosen to work there.

He printed out some of the designs on his screen, of blouses and jackets for her to work on and modify if she chose to, and handed the sheets to her. “You’re going to do just fine. I know Paul has some big plans for you, if things work out. But first you need to learn the basics, and how we do things. And I’m taking you to China with me, when I go to see our factories in three weeks. That’s not a problem for you, is it?” He looked at her questioningly. “We’ll be gone for about three weeks. It’ll be miserably hot there, but I’m overdue for a visit, and Paul wanted you to see it. Coordinating with our factories and keeping them on track is a big part of what I do,” he explained to her, and just talking to him, she could tell that Paul’s faith in him was well placed. He was brilliant and made everything simple and clear for her.

She took the pages he gave her to her desk then, and tried to focus on what she was doing, adding to basic designs to make them slightly more interesting without making them more expensive to produce. Two or three of the young female designers wandered by and shyly said hello to her, as she sketched all morning. By lunchtime she had only one design that she liked. The others still didn’t seem right to her. She felt both rusty and green at the same time. When Ed Chin came by at twelve-thirty to see what she was doing, she wasn’t satisfied with her work yet, but he was pleased.

“I like that one,” he said, pointing to one she had discarded and glancing at the others. “Those pockets would cost us a fortune,” he said, indicating the one she liked, “and the double stitching. It’s a great look, but we can’t afford those touches here. We need to create that illusion, but find a cheaper way to do it. You have to keep your eye on cost at all times. It’s all about the look, without the high-end touches to back it up. You have to give something up in every design,” he said, and smiled at her. “It’s a whole new ball game, and a challenge to let go of what we love most. You have to remember who our customer is, and what they want to pay. We have a standard to uphold on pricing. That’s our strength in the marketplace.”

He hadn’t mentioned copying other people’s designs, and seemed more interested in what she could come up with on her own, to get a feeling for the flavor she could add to their line. And his pointers were helpful to her. She saw that he was eating a salad at his desk a little while later, and didn’t go to the cafeteria in the basement with the others. A lot of people went out for lunch, although one of the other designers told her that the food downstairs was good. But she decided to stay at her desk and work through lunch.

She worked on the blouses and jackets all afternoon, and stayed till six o’clock. Ed was still at his desk when she left and said good night to him.

“How did the first day feel?” he asked her with interest. He didn’t let on to her, but it impressed him that she was working there.

“Thrilling, scary, new, and familiar in some ways. I’m excited about the trip to China you mentioned. I’ve never been to Asia before.”

He smiled when she said it. “It’s an education, especially in this business. Everyone produces there now, even the big-ticket name brands. It just doesn’t make sense to produce mass market goods anywhere else anymore. The factory towns in China are miserable, the pollution is awful, and working in Beijing can be rough. It’s a lot less sophisticated than here, but the work ethic is tremendous, and the sheer number of workers at their disposal. I’m planning to visit my family in Hong Kong on the way back, and you’re welcome to join me. I think you’ll love it. It’s a fantastic city.” He looked at her warmly when he said it.

“Thank you.” She was touched by his invitation, and couldn’t wait for the trip. “Does your family mind your being here?” Paul had hinted that he was from an important Hong Kong family.

“They expected it. They want me to get experience in the States. My family is in manufacturing for all the high-end European and American brands, so they encouraged me to see and experience how it all works here. Lady Louise is a little bit of a detour for me, but it’s an important market too. Our factories produce all the goods for Chanel that are made in Asia, Prada, Gucci, and the big-name American brands. China is where it’s all happening now. I’ll go back eventually, but I’m not ready to yet. I still have a lot to discover here.” He seemed to be learning his lessons well, since he had such an important job with Paul. She knew from Paul that they relied on him heavily for the look of their brand. And he wouldn’t be designing if he went home and got involved in the family’s manufacturing business, so he was savoring it for now, even at Lady Louise. He seemed to think of it as a challenge, not a step down.

She said good night to him then, and thought about him on the subway ride home. He was a very intelligent man, and clearly had an enormous talent. She would have liked to introduce him to her girls, although they would have been critical of where he worked, but he had a lot in common with them, and a pure eye for fashion. He had kept one of Sydney’s designs that afternoon, and wanted to do a little work on it himself with his magic computer pencil, but he had praised her and said she was on the right track. She was a fast learner now that she had a better understanding of what he expected of her. She was trying to keep things simple, cheap, and clean.

As she ate a salad for dinner in her small, airless living room, she wondered how she would explain a three-week absence when she went to China with him. It might prove to be a turning point for her, when she’d have to tell the girls about her job. She couldn’t just disappear.

Sophie called her and asked what she’d been doing that day. She had tried to reach her mother’s cellphone and was surprised to find it turned off. Sydney knew that Sabrina was already working hard on her collection for Fashion Week in September. Sophie’s firm did presentations for buyers, but she didn’t have the pressure of elaborate fashion shows the way Sabrina did. She didn’t get the glory her older sister did, but she preferred her less stressful world and the whimsy of designing for teenagers, which suited her. It was a niche she really enjoyed.

“I was at a lecture at the Metropolitan all day,” Sydney lied, referring to the museum, and hoped that would satisfy her. “It was fascinating, on Etruscan art.”

“I wondered where you were,” Sophie said, sounding surprised. She told her mother that she and her boyfriend, Grayson, were going to Maine for the weekend, to sail with friends if he felt like it, and she wanted to let her mother know. Sydney knew Grayson had severe social anxiety, which made him unpredictable. But Sophie seemed to accept his eccentric personality without complaint. “Maybe you should go away for a weekend sometime too, Mom. You can’t just sit in that apartment and boil.”

“I’m fine.” She couldn’t tell her that she’d been in the air-conditioned studio at Lady Louise all day, and it had been nice to get out of the heat. Her apartment was stifling at night.

They chatted for a little while, and Sydney went to bed early, surprised by how tired she was. She wasn’t used to working anymore, and she had been tense wanting to do everything right on the first day.

The weeks after that flew by, and her fellow designers often stopped to talk to her when they walked past her desk. They’d been impressed by her drawings and the old-fashioned way she achieved them, which was far more challenging and less forgiving than designing digitally, with programs that corrected everything. And she had glanced at their work too, and saw the meat and potatoes of Paul Zeller’s line. They were, in fact, copying many big designers, making small adjustments and minor changes so they couldn’t be accused of copying them identically, but the similarities to the originals were strong. There was no denying it, but what they did no longer seemed so wrong to her. They were making high-priced fashion available to women who couldn’t have afforded it otherwise, and wanted to be well-dressed and look great for play and work. She talked to Ed about it one night over a drink after work. He had invited her for a glass of wine at a small neighborhood bar they all went to down the street.

“My daughters are outraged by what happens at Lady Louise. They think it’s a copy mill, but I don’t see it that way. I think we provide a valuable service. Not just women with six-figure incomes should be able to buy chic clothes,” she said, justifying it, and she had seen a lot of the copying on the computers around her desk. Ed hadn’t asked her to do any of it herself.

He laughed at what she said. He was easy to be with, hardworking, talented, and conscientious, and she liked him more and more as she got to know him. And little by little he was showing her the ropes of her new job. “Be careful you don’t drink the Kool-Aid, Sydney,” he warned her. “Let’s face it, we are a copy mill. We just do it better than anyone else. We know what to keep and what to change, so we don’t get totally vilified, but we deserve a lot of the criticism people aim at us. And yes, it does seem right to bring fashion to women with smaller incomes, at prices they can afford. But we knock off a lot of great designers, and people in the industry like your daughters have no respect for us. It’s inevitable. But Paul is a smart guy. He knows what he’s doing and his market. He fills a need, and our prices are better than our competitors’.” Lady Louise’s knockoffs were cheaper and better made than anyone else’s.

“Has he ever gotten in trouble for copying other designers too closely?” Sydney asked, curious about Paul. She had hardly seen him in the weeks since she’d started working for him, although she was forever grateful for the job he’d given her and the salary he paid her, which had saved her in her hour of need. But he was occupied running the business and didn’t spend time with his employees, and she didn’t expect him to now that she was one of them.

“You can’t get into trouble just for copying a dress. Only with signature pieces where there are trademarks involved. Paul is a high risk taker in a lot of ways, but he’s a businessman above all. He sank a lot of money into the factories in China when he bought them, and they’re some of the best I’ve seen. He’s not afraid to spend money to make money, and he always has a plan. He’s not going to blow everything he’s built by crossing the line and letting us get sued. The fashion press crucify us regularly, but I don’t think he would do anything illegal, although he may get pretty close to the line.”

She nodded. It sounded about right to her too.

“He’s a genius at loss leaders,” Ed continued. “He knows just what items to lose money on to make a big splash, like our cashmeres last season. He does it to highlight something else we make twenty or even fifty times our money on.” And from all she knew of him, Sydney agreed. “He’s counting on you to give us some ‘class,’ as he puts it. I think it’s a good idea. You came through the door at just the right time. He was looking for something new.”

“So was I,” she said quietly. “It was the right time for me too.” Ed had no idea why she was working now. She didn’t look as though she needed the money, and all her clothes were expensive. He wondered if maybe she was just bored, and had decided to come back to the fashion industry after so long. She didn’t explain it, and he didn’t ask. He was polite and discreet about others and himself.

Ed had mentioned to her over a drink that he didn’t have a partner, and she could see he worked too hard, just like Sabrina, and even Sophie. Sophie had a boyfriend, but when she was working on a new collection, she spent less time with him, and she wasn’t too serious about the relationship. Grayson was a complicated person and liked to be on his own. Sabrina flatly said she had no time to date. And Ed was the same way.

“You all work insanely hard in the business now,” Sydney commented. “My oldest daughter has no partner either, and says she never has time to date. She’s in the office till midnight most of the time, and I think she sleeps there for a month before and during Fashion Week.”

“You probably worked as intensely as we do,” Ed reminded her, but she disagreed.

“I don’t think the business was as extreme then. It’s always been stressful, but now it’s increased to an incredible degree.”

“There’s nothing like it, though,” he said passionately. “I wouldn’t want to do anything else.”

“I wouldn’t know how to.” Sydney laughed. Although she no longer burned with the fire that Sabrina and Ed did, she knew that there were other things in life, like children, a husband, a family, which none of them seemed to want yet. And no one cared about getting married. She had married and had her kids young, and worked too. This generation was completely focused on their careers, to the exclusion of all else. After she spent two pleasant hours with him, talking about fashion, art, and his earlier life in Hong Kong, she was sorry all over again that she couldn’t introduce him to her girls. At least until after she told them about her job at Lady Louise.

The moment of truth came, finally, three days before she and Ed left for Beijing. She had been at Lady Louise for three weeks by then, and was beginning to feel comfortable and loved working for him. And she was excited about the trip. The girls had complained recently that she was much harder to reach. She claimed that she was at museum lectures, the movies, sleeping, or that her phone battery had died, but she was running out of plausible excuses, and there was no way she could explain being out of touch for much of her Asian trip. And she had no idea if her phone or Internet would work in the places where they’d be. Ed had told her that the factory towns were very remote.

She waited till the end of dinner at a sushi restaurant downtown that they liked. She couldn’t have them to her apartment, or they’d see the suitcase she had packed. She was only taking one bag, which was rare for her. When she’d traveled with Andrew, she had taken two or three, or even four, depending on the length of the trip. But she didn’t need anything fancy on this trip, just clothes to work in that were suitable for the heat, except for Hong Kong, where she wanted to be better dressed when she met Ed’s family, shopped, or went to restaurants.

“I have something to tell you,” Sydney said seriously, as they both looked at her in surprise.

“The two stepwitches have decided to give you back the money, and let you keep the house?” Sabrina asked in a sarcastic tone.

“Hardly. They sent me a stack of bills last week, for expenses that Andrew and I incurred, like some new carpeting in two of the guest rooms and a new refrigerator. We had the garage painted, and our grocery bill came in late.” They had sent them all, which was a crushing load for Sydney now.

“Don’t pay for the improvements,” Sabrina said harshly. “They’ve got the house. You didn’t take the refrigerator and the carpeting with you. You shouldn’t even have to pay for the groceries, screw them. Why should you give them a penny now?” Sydney had been debating about it herself. She wanted to be honorable, but not be a fool or their punching bag. She had already tolerated a lot from them for Andrew’s sake, too much. But she thought she might turn the bills over to the lawyer to negotiate for her.

“That wasn’t what I wanted to talk to you about,” she said quietly. “I need to tell you something.” She took a breath as Sophie looked panicked.

“Are you sick, Mom?” she asked immediately.

“No, I’m not. I’m fine. I should have told you weeks ago, but I didn’t want to upset you. I took a job.”

Sabrina looked instantly suspicious. “What kind of job? Not as a salesgirl in a department store, I hope.” Her mother had mentioned it as a possibility at one point, and Sabrina wanted an easier life for her than that, and a better job.

“No, not as a salesgirl. I’m designing. Not at your level, of course. I can’t expect that. I’ve been out of the business for a long time.”

“So for whom?” Sabrina tried to get her to the point, but she thought her mother seemed guilty and uncomfortable, and she hadn’t looked them in the eye.

“I know you won’t approve, either of you. But beggars can’t be choosers. And that’s what I am now. The employment agencies I went to had nothing for me, and said I’ve been out of the industry for too long. I took the only offer I got, at a very decent salary. For Paul Zeller. I wouldn’t have told you, but I’m leaving for Beijing to see their factories in three days. And I didn’t want to just disappear.” She felt better having gotten it off her chest, and Sabrina gasped, sat back in her chair, and stared at her with a fierce expression.

“Oh my God, why didn’t you talk to us first?”

“I did before I called Paul. And you both jumped down my throat. I need a job, girls. I have to work now. I don’t have a choice, and he gave me a good one, and is paying me more than I deserve after being out of it for so long. No one is going to hire me to be a head designer, the number two, or even an assistant at a major house. And I don’t care what you say, there’s merit to what he does. And his head design consultant is fantastic. I’m going to China with him. His name is Ed Chin and he’s from Hong Kong. We’re stopping off there on the way back.” She had a whole new life now, and hadn’t consulted them. It upset them both.

“Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is for us?” Sabrina said in a belligerent tone. “It reflects on us to have you work for a crap house like that.” Sophie didn’t appear quite as upset, just disappointed. But Sabrina was furious.

“It’s not a crap house,” Sydney insisted, “and he might let me do some signature pieces, using my old name.”

“Of course he will. He’s exploiting you, and trading on your name and the house you used to work for to lend cachet to the garbage he sells.” There was no convincing them, and Sophie looked almost as unhappy as her sister. Sabrina just had a faster, sharper mouth, and had jumped in first, speaking for them both.

“I’m sorry you don’t approve,” Sydney said simply. “This is what I’m doing and I thought you should know. I’ll send you my itinerary before I leave.” Her daughters sat at the table in glum silence, although they insisted on paying for dinner. The evening had ended on a very sour note. She kissed the girls when they left one another.

In the cab after dinner, Sabrina was beside herself. “You have to give her credit for finding a job,” Sophie said generously.

“Do you realize what it will look like if someone at Women’s Wear Daily finds out? Her name will be mud and ours by association,” Sabrina said, looking desperate.

“Don’t be so self-centered,” Sophie chided her. “She has to pay her rent somehow, and she’s being very brave. She’s not sitting home crying. She’s out working. You’ve got to admire her for it.”

“I don’t admire her judgment,” Sabrina said sternly, with a worried expression. “Let’s hope no one finds out, or makes the connection to us.” She dropped Sophie off first, and then went to her empty apartment, still angry at her mother. She didn’t like the idea of her going to China either. It would be dangerous and exhausting for her, and anything could happen.

Sabrina sent Sydney a blistering email telling her what a terrible idea it was for her to work for Lady Louise, and what a fool she had been to fall into Zeller’s trap. She said that their mother was disgracing both her daughters, and they would be mortified to tell anyone where she worked. They used to be proud to tell people in the fashion industry that their mother was Sydney Smith, and now she was debasing herself and them. She read the email with tears in her eyes.

When she thought about it, Sydney wasn’t just angry at her daughters, she was even angrier at Andrew than she had been until now. No matter how vicious his daughters were and how easy it was to focus her anger on them for throwing her out of her home, it was Andrew who had put her in this position, by not writing a will after he married her. It came back to him. The twins couldn’t be her only scapegoat anymore. Andrew had a part in this too. It had started with him and his failure to provide for her. She was furious with him, as she lay awake in bed. It was his fault that her own daughters were angry at her now. She had no allies left, and no friends, no money, and no one to turn to for help. All she had was a job. Her girls hated her for it. But at least she had that, no matter what the girls thought of it.

Sabrina was angry at Andrew too. After doing so much for them, he had behaved irresponsibly and left their mother in a hell of a mess. And now look at what she’d done. All because of him. She was far angrier at Andrew than at her mother, who was being naïve about Paul Zeller, and thought of him as some kind of hero for giving her a job. None of them were heroes in Sabrina’s eyes, and Andrew least of all, for leaving her mother unprotected in a world of sharks. And from all she had heard in the industry, Paul Zeller was the king of sharks, and her mother had no idea what she was doing by working for him. And the last thing Sabrina wanted was for her mother to get hurt, even more than she already was.