Isabelle

It was hard for me not to think the worst the longer it took for Slater to explain things. And the fact that he looked so torn up and distraught, like he was truly struggling to find the right words, certainly wasn’t helping. But as I reached out and took his hand, his bright blue eyes focused on mine. “Just tell me, Slater.”

He let out a ragged breath and nodded. “It’s about my past, Izzy. My father was a fixer—which I’m sure you’re not familiar with, because my world and yours are like night and day.”

“Then explain it to me.” I knew that my wealth and background were unlike most people’s, and it often meant I didn’t know things that might be common knowledge to most, nor had I experienced many things, given that the life I was born into meant I was kept fairly protected.

“My father would fix people’s problems. Rich people…bad people… If they had a problem, my father would find a way to make that problem go away. Dead bodies buried…people threatened…money exchanged.” Slater shook his head, as if trying to rid himself of his reality, even as his words sank in, leaving my gut in knots and my heart breaking. “And as his sons, we grew up in that world and worked in the family business.”

I shook my head no, trying to reconcile the sweet and caring man in front of me with the person he was telling me he was. “You mean…you did those things too? You hurt innocent people? For money?”

“Izzy…” His eyes pleaded with me for understanding, though it felt as if I wasn’t even looking at the same person. “I swear we tried our best to avoid violence whenever we could. And you’d be hard-pressed to call any of those people innocent. They were in trouble because they, for the most part, were bad people and had gotten themselves into trouble by doing bad things. Not that it makes what we did okay.”

I pulled my hand away, my eyes stinging with tears as I swallowed down the lump in my throat, trying to find a way to reconcile what Slater was telling me with the man I’d fallen in love with. “Did you and your family murder anyone?”

Not that he’d likely tell me the truth if they had.

“I’m not going to lie to you and say that people didn’t die. But I swear, it was only a result of us trying to defend ourselves.” Slater ran a rough hand over his face, his brow lined and his eyes narrowed, all of it clearly hard on him, even though it didn’t make me feel any better. “We avoided violence as much as possible, doing our best to scare people into doing the right thing, as it were, without us having to follow through on any of our threats. And for the most part it worked. But there were times when people figured they might be able to get out of the mess they’d gotten themselves into by taking us out. And that didn’t usually play out in their favor.”

I couldn’t wrap my head around it all. How could the man I’d fallen in love with be the same guy who’d done all these horrible things? “Tell me it wasn’t you, Slater. Tell me it was your father or brothers. That you weren’t a part of it all.”

“I’m the youngest in my family, so I was too young to be involved in most of it. But that doesn’t mean I can’t take some of the blame—though I swear, we spent years trying to leave that life behind.” He shook his head, clearly upset. “Every time we tried to break free of that life, someone would do all they could to pull us back into it. But I swear, we’re finally done with it all.”

“How can you be sure?” I now understood all too well why he hadn’t wanted to tell me any of this—and it was all too clear why he’d walked away from me.

“Honestly? I can’t be. My past could easily come back to haunt me. But every member of my family has left that life behind and we’ve all done our best to steer clear of trouble. We want a normal life—and we’re working damn hard to make sure it happens. We’ve even worked with the FBI from time to time, to help them bring down criminals who’ve done horrible things.” He knotted his fingers with mine, his eyes pleading with me for understanding. “I really am sorry, Izzy. I never meant to keep this from you—and I tried to stay away. But I couldn’t. I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. I’m just sorry I’m not the man you thought me to be.”

Bloody hell…my heart was breaking for him. And yet I was still having a hard time wrapping my head around everything he’d just told me. “I honestly don’t know what to say, Slater. I get that you likely didn’t have much of a choice if your entire family was involved in this sort of thing. And I’m relieved that you all managed to get away from that sort of life. But…it’s a lot to take in, and I’m having a hard time with it.”

“I know. But…I love you, Izzy. And though I know you deserve better than the likes of me, I’m not sure I can let you go.” When he cupped my face, my eyes slipped shut and I couldn’t help but lean into his touch, desperately wanting my love for him to once again be an easy thing.

Yet it wasn’t. It was a damned mess, and I knew the decision as to whether I could see past this was mine to make. I just wasn’t sure if I could actually get past the things he’d done.

I forced myself to pull away from his touch, since it only muddled my thoughts. “I need some time to try to sort this out, even if I do love you, Slater.”

He put some distance between us, instead of pressuring me to make a quick decision—and I had to say, it scored him points, reinforcing that he was now a good man, even if he hadn’t always been. “Then let’s simply focus on finding your brother—and grabbing that pizza.”

The knot in my chest loosened just a little. “I think I can do that.”

“Good. Because I’m starving, and that pizza is damn good.”