I can’t sleep. The first time I’ve ever had this trouble in the castle. I sit up with an annoyed sigh and walk around the room. My gaze lands on the bath. I wonder if I can wake someone to fill it.
I dismiss the thought, but another takes its place. It must be past midnight. This big bath Ice told me of would surely be empty. I hesitate before throwing caution aside. I’m wide awake. At least I’ll go look at them.
Wrapping myself in a fur, I swing open my door and nod at the King’s Watch, standing guard several paces away.
My padding footsteps slap on the cold ground. They seem much louder than they actually are in the absence of daily bustle. The torches are dying down. It’s peaceful. I hear the murmur of voices in the kitchen and take the longer path to avoid meeting them. They’d probably think I’d come to kill them. I peek out of a small window as I near the far corner of the castle. I’ve since learned they purposely build the openings small to keep the heat inside. A half-finished tunnel juts out from a new square-shaped building. Blocks of stone lay in stacks where the partially built walkway ends. I assume the tunnel will eventually join with the castle.
Pulling the fur tightly around me, I brace for the wind and duck out the door, skimming across the wet ground. I reach the relative shelter of the unfinished tunnel and remove my hair from where it’s wrapped around my face.
I move in an awed circle as I step into the cavernous room. How did Adnan build this? Well, I suppose Sanjay did. That’s how they worked. Adnan thought of the idea and Sanjay turned it into reality. If I could trust myself to keep my expression bland, I’d ask them about it.
Though I missed the delegates, at least I could watch them from afar. And if Jovan could find the appropriate material for a veil, I could come back as Tatuma once my Outer Rings friends left.
I fold the fur over a sculpted bench and look around to make sure the baths are truly empty. Satisfied, I raise the soft black nightgown over my head and drop it in a dry patch close to the edge of the pool. I dip a toe into the smooth water. It’s warm - like the underground springs on Osolis. I sigh in pleasure as I wade in and arch backward to wet my hair. Afterward I float on my back, not wanting to cut the experience short.
Coming here was supposed to settle my mind. Instead the water is reminding me of home. I miss my brothers. I miss Aquin. I want to feel firelight on my skin and smell the smoky tinge of the air in the Second Rotation. I want to leap over the vines hanging between the Kaur trees. I allow a few tears to slip from the corner of my eyes.
A shuffling sound in the far corner of the room catches my attention.
With a splash, I submerge myself underneath the water. I push my hair out of the way and cover my chest, which rises up in the water.
“Who’s there?” I demand.
“Shit. This is gonna look bad,” a mutter comes from the shadows. Jovan steps into the light.
I gape at him. “What the fuck? Why are you watching me?” I try to sink as far under the water as I can without drowning myself. He holds up both hands and looks hard at the ceiling.
“Look. My guards woke me to tell me you left. I thought you might be running, so I followed.” I could almost enjoy how flustered he was, if I weren’t completely naked.
“How long have you been watching!”
He darts a look at me. “Only while you got into the bath and then I thought you wouldn’t like it if I watched, so I stared over there,” he blurts, pointing at the far wall. The way he says this makes me think he didn’t avert his gaze as religiously as he’d like me to believe. I open my mouth to give him an Alzona tongue lashing.
“Why are you crying?” he asks. I cover my face with both hands and groan. Of course. The one time I cry, he sees it. I hear his gasp and peek through my fingers. I whip my hands back down when I realize what he’s looking at.
“You’re fighting a losing battle there,” he murmurs. “Are you still upset about what people are saying about us?”
“Why do you always want to know how I’m feeling?” I ask, turning away from him. There is only the gentle slap of the disturbed water on the walls of the bath. “I don’t know,” he finally says.
I roll my eyes. If I gave him that answer he’d have badgered me until I gave an adequate response. “I was just missing my family and my world,” I say. “Turn around, I’m getting out.” And never coming here again.
There’s a bit of a dilemma as I get out. I planned to dry myself with the fur and then dress, but I want to dress as quickly as possible now and I don’t want to get my single nightgown wet. I settle for wrapping myself in the fur and balling up my nightgown to change into it once I reach my room.
“Here,” Jovan says. I look over my shoulder and see he’s shed his tunic and holds it out to me.
I reach for it after a brief pause. “Thanks,” I mutter and wait for him to turn around.
I chuck the tunic on, inhaling the scent of clean male as I do. The tunic goes all the way to my knees. There was a time when I might have felt self-conscious in the length. Not after wearing Frost’s attire.
I head for the door.
“You should dry your hair, you know,” he says. I give him a curious look and watch with interest as some color tinges his cheeks.
“That’s what my mother used to say. Uh, forget it,” he mutters. I peer at him sideways. It’s the first time he’s mentioned his mother. Most of the things I know about Jovan, I’ve heard from other people. He occasionally lets something slip. Actually, he’s only slipped when he’s drunk, or now, when he’s tired or possibly flustered. I tuck away the thought.
“Well, I would say you should always listen to your mother’s advice, but I won’t for obvious reasons,” I answer with a half-smile.
He shakes his head as he walks through the hall next to me, chest bare. The cold doesn’t seem to affect him at all. “It still makes me angry. What she did to you.”
I shrug. “It happens everywhere. It’s not right, but it’s not uncommon.”
“It doesn’t happen here,” he mumbles into a yawn. I stay silent and he stops in his tracks after a moment. I stop, too, a few steps in front. His expression is thunderous, expectant.
“You’d be surprised,” I settle for saying.
“What. Who?” he demands.
“Can I be assured of your silence on the matter? Normally I wouldn’t ask, but it’s not my secret. I’m only telling you in case I can’t get something set up before her husband returns.”
“Keep it a secret? I’ll tear the fucker apart. How’s that for keeping a secret?” he asks, his face a storm.
“I’m serious, Jovan. I won’t tell you unless you promise to act discreetly.” I resume my walk. We’re nearly back up on the second floor when he’s calmed enough to respond.
“Alright, I promise.”
“Macy,” I whisper and wait for comprehension to dawn on his face. It doesn’t.
“Oh, come on! The blond who sits by Arla. Blaine’s wife. Sole’s sister,” I add. His expression doesn’t change. “That’s bad. You don’t even know your own assembly.”
I hope he’s ashamed of himself. I should know better. “That’s the Queen’s job. And I don’t have one. I’ll look for Macy in the morning. I won’t have that going on in my castle. How did you even find out?” he asks.
“She came to Frost asking for help, although I suspected before. She has the look about her. I think it may also be why Sole is so afraid of Blaine, but I’m not entirely sure,” I say.
“Observant.” He strokes his chin making a light rasping sound as he moves over stubble. The stubble which gently scratched my face when he kissed me. We come to a halt outside my door.
He clears his throat. “I apologize for the mother comment earlier.” He pitches his voice low, glancing at the four Watchmen down the hall. I think for a moment he’s talking about my mother. But I brought that up, not him.
He’s talking about mentioning his own mother. In such a trivial comment, too.
My eyes search his face and for the first time I gather the depth of hurt which his mother’s death has left him with. Let alone his father’s. I don’t dare place a consoling hand on his arm. Dealing with Olandon has taught me this much about a man’s pride.
“Don’t be ashamed to talk of her. It’s obvious you loved her very much.” I turn from him to the door and speak over my shoulder, “I’ll leave your tunic by the door. Pervert.”
I jog down to breakfast, eager to watch the show. It’s the morning of the ball and I know the females of the assembly will be causing a commotion. I sneak covert peeks at Jacquiline and Fiona up by the Throne table. Fiona snaps at Sanjay.
I laugh under my breath. It’s just like last time.
“When are you leaving, girly?” Ice says to Crystal.
Crystal’s eyes find me. “I was going to ask Frost if she needed any help with her hair,” she replies.
I look at her dumbly. “I don’t know. Do I?” I ask. Crystal doesn’t say anything, but she appears to be biting back a smile as she nods.
We leave the food hall well after the other females have left. “They’ll probably be doing the whole works. You don’t need make up, so that cuts a lot of time,” she says. A straggling woman overhears and scoffs at her remark.
We move under the archway. Rhone is there. I stop in my tracks as I see who is by his side.
Kaura!
She’s older now, grown – a puppy no longer. She whines, preparing to approach me. Horror dawns. She’s going to give me away. Being as subtle as possible, I hold up my hand in the signal for her to freeze. Kaura responds and sinks back onto her haunches. I force my feet to move again, not daring to let out my held breath, though it happened so quickly it probably just looked like I stumbled.
I look up at Rhone as we pass, careful to keep my expression neutral. His eyes are contemplative. Kaura’s whining increases. I don’t dare signal for her to be silent this close to Rhone.
“It’s rude to stare, you know,” I snarl, going into Frost bitchiness mode.
“Yes, it’s considered rude on both Glacium and Osolis,” he says. I try not to freeze again at his words. What does he mean?
“Well, if you’d like to move sometime today, then maybe we can get past you and your disgusting dog.”
He stands aside, gesturing Kaura to the side. I allow myself one more look at her. My heart pangs. She isn’t disgusting, she’s beautiful. Her chest is snowy-white to match the tips of her ears and her feet. The rest of her is black, except for her cobalt blue eyes.
Which look at me like I’m a traitor.
“Well, that guy was weird. He was looking at you strange,” Crystal says once we round a couple of corners. I’m afraid Jovan is right. Rhone suspects I’m Olina and might have just used Kaura to confirm it. I hope my act put him off the trail.
We detour to the kitchen to get some scissors. I’m not particularly vain about my hair, but I do wonder, fleetingly, if Crystal knows what she’s doing. It must show on my face because she laughs.
“Don’t look so worried. My mother does this for a living,” she says. I didn’t know she still had family. It is a surprise. I just assumed she was orphaned.
We reach my room. Luckily Jovan’s tunic is gone. I’d completely forgotten about it. I smile as my eyes land on a bowl full of pears on top of the bed. I don’t care if they’re a pity prize from Jovan. I rush to the bowl and devour one in record time. It’s only Crystal after all.
“Whoa…you like pears, huh?” She watches me as I remove the last of the juice from my face. I grin at her, too happy to be embarrassed.
“So. I have something to tell you,” she starts, dragging a chair into the middle of the room. I sit on it and start undoing my braid. The hair tumbles down my back. “Hair that falls to your waist is sexy,” she says. “Hair you can nearly sit on - not so much. We’re going to cut it. Let me do my thing and you will look amazing tonight. Stop me, and you’ll look like Avalanche’s chest hair.”
I laugh and close my eyes as she works, only gulping once when she shows me how much she cut off. We talk companionably as she works.
“Here, come look,” she beckons, tugging me toward the mirror. I swallow my uneasiness. I haven’t looked in the mirror once since sleeping in this room. I don’t like seeing my eyes, but also, I’m just not used to looking at myself. I only mean to sneak a quick glance, but my mouth falls open as I see my reflection.
“How did you get it to go around my face like that?” I ask.
“You got your bad-ass fighting skill, I got my bad-ass hair skills,” she says. I hug her.
“Thank you.”
Crystal pulls back and looks at me. We’re the same height. It’s nice not to tilt my head back to talk to someone. The smile drops from my face as I see her serious expression.
“No, Frost. Thank you.” She keeps hold of my shoulders. “You saved my life. Whatever you say, none of us would have survived that dome if not for you. And then you gave me my vengeance, too, with Slay. For the first time since I was...raped, I feel like I’m in control again. Like a weight has lifted and I can breathe.” Tears brim over and drip down her face. I don’t think I gave her these things. I think she took them back herself. I have noticed how carefree she’s been with the men lately, but I didn’t make the connection.
“Crystal, I—” I start, unsure of how to accept her thanks.
“I’m gonna cut to the chase here. I get the feeling you’re, as Alzona says, ‘in balls-deep’.” My face blanks as my heart starts to beat rapidly. How much has she guessed?
She hurries on. “And I don’t want to know what’s going on. I just want you to know, if you ever need somewhere to hide, somewhere no one will find you, come to me. I owe you and this is my way of offering repayment.” I think I nod, and then she’s all business again.
Crystal slumps on the bed. “Alright, you’re done,” she says. “And so am I.”
I take a deep breath and look at the black dress, which appeared on my bed yesterday. I’m embarrassed to even look at it. I move behind the new screen and unlace my clothing, careful not to jostle my hair. The dress flows over my frame like a whisper. I tug it into place and look down. Veni! It even looks bad from this view. I shuffle, adjusting the fine gold chains around my hips so the light, whispery material covers the important parts.
My stomach churns. I can’t wear this! There’s a large length of bare thigh and hip up each side where the sparkling chain connects the front panel to the back panel. My back is bare and there are only two strips covering my chest. Maybe I should just go in my other clothes. It was the material that made it so bad. At least in the harness I didn’t worry everything was going to fall out.
“Are you done yet?” Crystal complains. I gather myself. I did the harness outfit. I can do this. I repeat the line ten times.
I step out from the cover of the screen.
Crystal chokes on her pear, which I begrudgingly gave her after her stomach growled for an hour. “Is it that bad?” I smooth the front.
“Shit balls. You look amazing!” she exclaims. I perk up. She doesn’t swear very much. I must look good.
“It’s not too revealing?” I ask and twirl in a circle. Slow, so nothing flies up.
She snorts. “I don’t think you could reveal any more, but you are owning that dress. Sin is going to die.”
It’s not Sin I’m worried about.
I reach up and adjust the two panels covering each of my breasts down to my waist where they connect into the front panel. It moves the thin golden chain, which travels down the length of my back. “I’m worried the material won’t stay in place,” I admit.
“Frost, every man in that hall will be hoping your dress doesn’t stay in place. And so what if it doesn’t? You have a great body. Honestly, the line in the middle of your stomach meets up with your cleavage. You are in disgustingly good shape.” I giggle at her silliness and give a faster twirl. The black dress doesn’t fly up as much as I thought it would.
“Aren’t you going to look in the mirror?” she asks as she moves to the door.
I shake my head. “I’ll lose my nerve.”
Crystal stops with the door half open. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If you act like you’re comfortable in the dress, everyone will treat you as though you’re comfortable. Own it Frost. And…remember my other offer,” she adds, with a pointed look. I run up and hug her. I’m not sure when I’ll see her again.
“Say hello to Alzona for me,” I whisper.
I pace around my chamber for a while. When am I supposed to go downstairs? A knock sounds at the door. I open it and eye the Watchman, whose mouth has dropped open.
“U-uh, the King…thought. The King…he wanted me to—” he stutters as he looks down my frame. This is worse than expected.
The man gives up talking and holds out a pair of shoes. I planned to wear my boots, but these are much better. I rest back against the cold wood with a giggle after closing the door. After a bit of puzzlement, I work out the jeweled shoes and get them on. I wonder what type of stones these are? A black color with a blue tinge. Actually, I wonder where Jovan got this dress. It’s my size and I’m much smaller than a Bruma female. Maybe there’s a child somewhere he borrowed it from? I shudder at the thought of a child wearing this clothing.
Music trails up the stairs and excited nerves flutter in my chest. At least there’s one thing to look forward to. I crack open the door and listen to the sounds of people leaving their rooms down the hallway. Loud calls and squeals reach me.
After a few minutes, everything is silent. This is it.
I take a deep breath, reminding myself I’m Frost, not Olina, and leave the room.
The halls are mostly empty, except for the Watch. Everyone must have raced downstairs as soon as the music started.
I practice ignoring the guards’ reaction to my dress on the way down. I force myself not to reach behind me to make sure the material at the back is in place as the men whisper behind me.
I reach the archway. I’m beginning to hate the sight of it. I breathe a sigh of relief as people continue their conversations. I slide through the packed room, trying to find my friends. I pass Jacquiline and Fiona, who look beautiful. Jacquiline’s dress is much more revealing than mine. Roman can’t take his eyes off of her. I’m envious of how confident she appears.
There seem to be more people in attendance than just the assembly. Maybe some people from the Inner Ring are here. I hadn’t noticed this last time. Men elbow each other as they recognize me. Next, groups of the assembly stop talking. It’s because I’m from the Outer Rings. It’s because I’m from the Outer Rings. Maybe if I repeat it enough times, I’ll believe it.
I’ve never been happier to spot Avalanche. The barrack men are in the back corner. I rush to them. “Here you are! I couldn’t find any of you,” I scold, placing my hands on my hips.
A stunned silence meets my reprimand. I look around the gaping group. “Oh no, please not you, too.”
Blizzard swallows hard. “Sometimes, you make it hard for me to see you as a sister,” he says. The others murmur their agreement and do their best to look elsewhere. Ice is failing miserably.
“Princess,” a gravelly voice whispers in my ear. “You’ve done the impossible.” I whirl around to face Sin, who stands much too close.
“I don’t even want to hear what that is,” I say truthfully and walk off. Or try to. Sin grabs two drinks and hurries after me.
“You’ve surpassed my own beauty,” he calls behind me. I snort, but his comment makes me walk a little taller, letting him catch up. The middle of the room is starting to push back to clear space for the dancing. We hover on the edge of the circle.
I eye the drinks in his hands. “You trying to get me drunk?” I ask.
He smiles down at me. “It’s the only way you’ll agree to get in my bed,” he drawls. I laugh and take the drink. You always know where you’re with Sin, unlike Jovan.
The dancing starts up. I watch as the King dances with Arla, the highest ranking female, as dictated by tradition. His face is neutral. Hers is beaming. I wonder how many ladies present are hoping she’ll mess it up. She doesn’t slip one foot, and I dislike her immensely for it.
I peer around the hall. This time Arla has gone with a nature theme. Trees have been brought in and flowers are braided around the rafters. They hang down the walls. She’s outdone herself. It’s beautiful. Like last time, cushions are at the far end of the hall and there are rows of goblets on the table. They’re taken almost as quickly as they’re filled to the brim. I feel my own drink take hold and forget a little of my discomfort. Sin hands me another. I roll my eyes at him and take it, toying with one of the hanging flowers.
“You’re despicable,” I say and turn to watch the musicians. His arm wraps around my waist. He plucks a flower off the chain and pushes it behind my ear. A hand slips beneath the scant material over my stomach. His heat warms my back and I enjoy it for a moment, despite his hand. I’m surprised to even feel a pleasant shiver. I’ve never had that with him before. He spins me to face him.
“I am despicable and persistent,” he says, drawing out the word. “Just give in. I’ll make it worth your while.”
I laugh as the moment is broken and step out of his arms. I come against another warm barrier at my back. Hot, calloused hands rest on my upper arms.