FREDDIE REFILLED ELIN’S glass of ice water and brought it and the pain pill she was due to take into the bedroom, where she was asleep and still far too pale for his liking. If he lived forever, he would never forget the sick dread or near certainty that she’d been taken from him—and on this of all weeks.
He’d learned not to expect good outcomes or reasonable explanations for things like blood all over the apartment. In his line of work, that usually meant one thing. His legs were still weak under him from the scare he’d sustained, thinking she might’ve been taken or dead.
He sat next to her on the bed, careful not to jostle the injured hand that rested palm up on her abdomen.
She opened her gorgeous eyes and smiled when she saw him there. “Hey.”
“Time for another pill. They said it would be important to stay on top of the pain the first few days.”
“I don’t want any prescription stuff. Ibuprofen is fine. Can you get me some? It’s in my purse.”
“Be right back.” He found her purse in the living room and got the ibuprofen for her. Returning to his spot next to her on the bed, he dropped the pills into her uninjured hand.
She took them and chased them with the water.
“Tomorrow, we’re getting you a new phone,” he said.
“Okay.”
“You were supposed to get one a month ago.”
“I didn’t want to spend the money with the wedding and the trip and everything.”
“Elin, come on. It’s a safety thing. If you had any idea...”
“What?”
He dropped his forehead to lean it against hers. “If you had any idea what I went through thinking someone had harmed you, and your goddamned phone was dead.”
Her eyes went wide with shock. “You said goddamned.”
“Elin!” He drew back from her. “I’m being serious!”
After moving her sore hand out of the way, she reached for him and brought his head to rest on her chest, running her fingers through his hair. “I know you are, and I’ll get a new phone tomorrow, but you said goddamned, Freddie. You must be really upset.”
“Upset isn’t a big enough word to describe it.” He wrapped his arm around her waist. “When Sam and I walked into the building and saw your phone on the floor and blood everywhere, I almost passed out. I thought someone I’d arrested had come for you, knowing our wedding is this weekend.”
“I’m so sorry to have done that to you, Freddie. It all happened so fast, and I realized it was a bad cut. I just acted. I was bleeding like crazy. It was so scary.”
“I’m sure it was. And you did the right thing running for help.”
“Did I really leave the apartment door open?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize to me. Please don’t. The only thing I care about is that you’re safe. Of course, the wedding pictures won’t be quite the same as they would’ve been before today.”
“If I wear a flesh-colored bandage, we won’t even see it.”
Raising his head, he smiled. “That’s not what I meant. I must look twenty years older than I did this morning. That’s how much I feel like I aged in the hour between when we got here and when we tracked you down.”
She caressed his face. “If this is you twenty years from now, I’ll be a lucky, lucky Mrs. Cruz.”
“Mrs. Cruz,” he said in a tone full of wonder. “It’s really happening.”
“In just a few more days.”
“After today, I’m afraid to let you out of my sight between now and then.”
“Don’t be silly. What else could possibly happen that would be worse than today?”
He furrowed his brows. “Please don’t tempt fate by asking that question.”
“I think you’ve been working Homicide too long. You always jump to the worst-case scenario.”
“That may be true but tell me what you would’ve thought if the situation had been reversed and you’d received a one-second frantic call from me, and then came home to a dead phone and bloodbath.”
“I’d rather not imagine that.”
He released a deep, shuddering breath. “I thought I knew how much I love you, but I realized today that it’s way more than I ever realized. I hope you know that I’ve given you the power to ruin me.”
“Freddie,” she said, sighing, her big blue eyes bright with unshed tears. “I’d never want to ruin you. I just want to love you.”
“If anything ever happened to you...” His throat tightened around a lump of emotion. He shook his head, unable to entertain the thought.
She continued to gently caress his face. “Maybe now you know a little bit of what I feel every day when you leave for work.”
“I hate that I put you through that.”
Smiling, she said, “It’s worth it when you come home to me every night.”
As she wrapped her arm around him, Freddie finally relaxed and let go of the debilitating tension that had gripped him from the minute he’d walked into the building to find blood on the stairs and her dead phone on the floor. “After we get back from the trip, we’re moving.”
“What? Why? We love it here.”
“I used to love it here. Today I realized how crappy the security is. In light of what I do for a living, I want my family better protected. We’re moving to a building with a doorman and better security.”
“We can’t afford that, Freddie.”
“I can’t afford to take chances with your safety or that of any children we may have. Besides, we’re going to need a bigger place when Little Freddie comes along. We may as well make the move sooner rather than later.”
“Little Freddie?”
Hearing the amusement in her tone, he smiled. Sam had helped to convince him that having kids wasn’t something he wanted to miss out on, even if it scared the hell out of him. As she had said, they saw the worst of what could happen on the job, and he shouldn’t let that keep him from experiencing one of the best things in life.
“And when is our bundle of joy due to arrive?”
“As soon as possible.” He looked up at her gorgeous face. Once upon a time, he’d taken a single glance at that face and had been well and truly hooked. In the nearly two years since he met her during the O’Connor investigation, he’d only become more enthralled by her. That he got to marry her this weekend was still unbelievable to him.
Her brows furrowed. “Why’re you looking at me like that?”
“Because I still can’t believe a goddess like you chose a schlub like me.”
“You are hardly a schlub, Freddie Cruz, and someone had to make a man out of you. It was a terribly difficult job, but I think we finally succeeded.”
“Very funny,” he said, kissing her.
“Yes, you were back then.” She combed her fingers through his hair. “My poor, pent-up baby.”
“I was a very good student, wasn’t I?”
“The best I ever had.” She opened her mouth to his tongue and drove him wild with her enthusiastic response, just like always.
“And you’re really going to marry me on Saturday?” he asked, breathless from the kiss.
“I can’t wait to marry you, Freddie.”
* * *
PATROL DELIVERED GONZO to the GW emergency department after midnight. His heart beat so hard and so fast, he feared he might need to be seen. He’d passed out after receiving the call from Christina about Alex. Since being roused by the Patrol officer, he’d tried to put together what happened, but his mind was blank after receiving the call. Patrol had found him half a mile from where he last remembered being. How had he gotten there?
Thank God the Patrolman had been cool about it and had accepted his explanation that he had the same flu his son had and had been trying to get through the day. That made two encounters with the MPD in one day that had nothing to do with work. Not the best day he’d ever had.
At the desk, he asked for Alex and was shown into an exam room. Christina sat on the bed with Alex asleep in her arms. Her eyes flashed with fury when she saw him.
“Nice of you to show up.”
“I’m sorry. I got sucked into a situation at work.”
“Don’t make it worse by lying to me. I talked to Sam. She had no idea where you were either.”
He noted the IV attached to his little boy. “Is he okay?”
“He is now.”
“Christina—”
“Go home, Tommy. I don’t want you here.”
“But—”
“Get out,” she said in a low tone he’d never heard from her before. “And while you’re at it, you should find another place to live too. I’m all done.”
“You—”
“I. Am. Done. Any questions?”
“Christina...”
Alex stirred, his legs moving restlessly.
Gonzo took a step closer, wanting to touch his son, to hold him, to fix what had gone so terribly wrong.
“And you’ll sign over custody of Alex to me, which we both know is in his best interest.”
He shook his head. “No.”
“Fine, then I’ll take you to court. Good luck finding anyone who thinks he’d be better off with you.”
“You’re tired. It’s been a crazy day—”
“Yes, I am tired—of you, of your disregard for me and your son, of a life that’s gone completely to shit. I’m tired of it all, and I am done. Go home, pack your bags and get out. Be gone when we get home tomorrow. And do yourself and everyone who cares about you a favor and get some help. You look like a goddamned bum, and you’re probably on the verge of losing your job.”
Where was all this coming from? He was too stunned to speak. All he could do was stare at her and wonder what’d become of the woman who’d loved him so much. Where had she gone? “You’re tired and upset about Alex.”
“Yes, I am, and I’m tired of you and your shit.” Her voice caught. “I’m tired of being invisible to you.”
“You are not invisible.”
She held up her hand to stop him. “Please. Just go. I don’t want you here. We don’t need you.”
Her words sliced through what was left of his heart, leaving him bleeding inside. He could only stare at her as he tried to put together the pieces of what had brought them to this point. No matter how hard he tried, though, he couldn’t reconcile it.
“Go, Tommy.” Tears ran unchecked down her face. She tightened her hold on Alex and rested her cheek on his son’s head, closing her eyes and shutting him out.
Tears stung his eyes, and he blinked rapidly to contain them. Had she just broken up with him and put him on notice that he was also going to lose his son? Had that really just happened? His brain was still fuzzy from the pain pill he’d taken earlier, but the pill couldn’t dull the roar of agony that surged through him when he pondered life without Christina and Alex.
“No,” he whispered. “I’m not leaving you, either of you. I’ll be in the waiting room.” He stumbled from the room, down the hallway, dodging hospital staff, who gave him a wide berth. Maybe he did look like a bum. Rubbing his face, he was surprised to find the starting of a full beard. When had he last shaved? He had no idea.
In the waiting room, he took a seat next to a mother holding a baby.
She got up and moved to the other side of the room.
What the fuck? Had it really come to that? Since when was he frightening to strangers? He ran his hand over the lump the pill packet made in the inside pocket of his jacket, desperately wanting another but afraid to dull his senses when his world was crumbling around him.
Christina was leaving him.
She was leaving him and taking Alex.
She wanted him out of their home. He was losing her—and his son. Gripped by sheer panic, he could barely breathe. Pain ripped through him, sharper, fiercer, more intense than anything he’d experienced yet. He broke into a cold sweat as he tried to breathe through it. He had no idea how long he was there, fading in and out of consciousness.
“Sir.”
Gonzo heard the female voice and felt the hand on his shoulder, shaking him, but the pain had him in its grip. He couldn’t move or speak or breathe.
Someone called for help, and a rush of activity followed, people in his face, touching him, moving him. Then he was on his back, looking up at the ceiling rushing by as they took him somewhere. He didn’t even care where they were taking him. What did it matter? He was already in hell.
An oxygen mask was put over his face, a needle jammed into his arm and his shirt pulled open. He felt like he was above the action, watching them work on him. Maybe it would be best if whatever was happening killed him. Christina would take good care of Alex. They’d survive at work without him. His parents and sisters would be sad, but they’d get over it. He’d get to see Arnold again and tell him how sorry he was for making him take the lead, for letting him walk into an ambush. It would be nice to be able to tell him he was sorry. He’d never gotten the chance. Arnold had been dead before Gonzo had realized he’d been shot.
He heard people talking around him, heard the urgency in their voices and couldn’t work up the interest to ask what was happening.
What did it matter?
What did any of it matter?