CHRISTINA’S EYES ACHED from crying. Every part of her mourned the loss of a relationship she’d expected to go the distance. She and Tommy had been the real thing from the very beginning. She’d never had a connection to a man like the one she’d shared with him, and to lose that... It was like what she imagined losing a limb would feel like.
Thankfully, Alex had slept much of the day after his fever finally broke. She hoped that wouldn’t mean he’d be up all night. Not that she expected to sleep much. Her mind was too full of unsettling thoughts—such as whether she’d be able to get another job after being out of the political game for most of the last year or how she would manage single motherhood or whether Tommy would fight her for custody when he knew he didn’t deserve it.
The idea of a contentious battle with him made her feel hopeless and despondent. She’d wanted a life with him, not an ugly battle that she probably wouldn’t win because she wasn’t Alex’s biological mother. But she was the only mother the child had ever known, and that ought to count for something.
She needed a lawyer and a drink. And not necessarily in that order. She was about to get up to see what she had in the way of alcohol in the house when her phone rang. The caller ID showed a number she didn’t recognize, making her almost afraid to take the call. What fresh hell would this bring?
“Hello?” she said tentatively.
“Is this Christina Billings?”
In the second that followed the inquiry from a male voice she had one thought: Please, God, please don’t let Tommy be dead. New tears filled eyes already raw and aching.
“Ms. Billings? Are you there?”
“Yes. Who is this?”
“Dr. Anderson from GW. I’m calling about Thomas Gonzales.”
Her heart contracted in her chest, which was so tight she could barely breathe. “What about him?”
“He’s made a significant decision, and he’d like very much to speak to you about it even though he knows you’re angry with him—and with good reason, which are his words, not mine.”
He wasn’t dead. He wasn’t dead, and he thought she had good reason to be angry with him. These were the most positive developments in weeks.
“Ms. Billings? Are you able to speak to Sergeant Gonzales?”
“Um, yes. I’ll speak to him.”
“Very good. Here he is.”
Christina braced herself for whatever it was he had to tell her and how it would affect her—and Alex.
“Babe,” he said.
Was he crying? Oh my God.
He spoke quickly, as if he was afraid she might hang up before he could get in everything he needed to say. “I’m so sorry about last night, about everything. I’ve totally fucked up, and I wouldn’t blame you if you took Alex and left me. But please don’t do that. Please don’t. I’m going to fix it. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose my son, my family. Please.”
“Tommy,” she said as tears spilled down her face.
“I know I’ve already asked so much of you, but I need one more chance. Please give me one more chance. Everything has been so bad since I lost A.J. It’s all my fault. None of it is your fault. It’s me.”
He was saying everything she’d longed to hear for so long, but how could she know that this time would be different than the previous instances when he’d proclaimed to be “on the other side” of the terrible grief that had all but ruined them?
“I’m going to check myself into rehab.”
Wait. What? Rehab? “Wh-why do you need rehab?”
“I... I’ve been... I’ve been taking pain meds to numb myself. It’s... It’s gotten a little out of hand. Lately.”
Oh dear God. Was he saying he was addicted to pain meds? When the hell had that happened?
“Christina. Babe. Please, I know I’ve asked so much of you with Alex—”
“Do not bring him into this. I take care of him because I love him. He’s my son as much as he’s yours.”
“Yes, he is.”
“I want something in writing that says that. I want protection from the possibility of being frozen out of his life.”
“That’s not going to happen. You have my word on that.”
“You’ll have to forgive me, but your word isn’t good enough for me. Not when it comes to Alex. I want legal guardianship of him.”
“I’ll make that happen. Today, before I go.”
Hearing that, the tight knot of stress that’d been constricting her chest eased somewhat.
“I should’ve done that a long time ago, and I’m sorry I didn’t. You never should’ve been in the spot you were in last night when he needed care and I wasn’t there. You should have the legal authority to act on his behalf.”
He was saying everything she’d wanted to hear for so long, but the foundation they’d built their relationship on had been rocked by the events of the last nine months. Whether or not it could be rebuilt would remain to be seen. “I pretended I had the legal authority, but it would be nice to not have to fake it.”
“Babe,” he said softly, so softly she could barely hear him. “I love you so much. I love you and Alex and our little family. I’m going to work really hard to get back to you.”
She wiped away tears as his words of love went straight to her broken heart. “Where will you be?”
“I don’t know yet. Dr. Anderson and Dr. Trulo are figuring that out now.”
“Trulo’s involved?” She had a call and voice mail from him that she hadn’t gotten around to dealing with yet. “What will this mean for your job?”
“He swears it’ll have no impact on my job. I’ll be out on medical leave. No one except Sam and Freddie will know where I really am or why.”
“You honestly think you can keep a lid on this in light of the attention your squad gets these days?”
“We’re going to do everything we can to keep it private.”
Her stomach hurt at the thought of it getting out. If the press found out that Sam’s sergeant was in rehab, that would be big news.
“I know I have no right to ask this, but I’m going to need you to help me through this. I can’t do it without you.”
“That’s not true. You have to do it for yourself.”
“I just want to know that you’ll be there on the other side. I can’t bear to think about how much I’ve hurt you and Alex. I don’t want to be this guy anymore.” His words were choked by sobs. “I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
Her eyes filled, and she closed them against the new flood of tears. “It’s not your fault, Tommy. You went through something awful, and I tried to help you. We all tried, but—”
“There was nothing you or anyone could’ve done that you didn’t do. Dr. Trulo is looking for a place that can deal with the pills and the PTSD from Arnold’s death. He said I have to do both or it won’t work.”
“I hope the department is footing the bill. This happened to you on the job.”
“Insurance should cover most of it. They’re working on all that.”
After another long pause, she said, “I’m glad you’re doing this, Tommy. I hope it helps you to find a way to live with what happened without having to resort to drugs.”
“I hope so too. I’m just sorry it got to this point. I tried really hard to power through it. Look at where that got me.”
“Let’s keep the blame where it belongs—on the guy who killed A.J. This is his fault, not yours.”
“It’s generous of you to say that, but a big chunk of it is on me and how I chose to handle it.”
“That’s not fair, Tommy,” she said with more feeling than she’d had toward him in longer than she could remember. “It’s not like there’s a handbook out there to tell you how to cope with something like this.”
“Yeah, I guess there isn’t.”
“Could I... Could Alex and I see you before you go?”
“I’d really like that. They’re keeping me at GW until they can set something up. They didn’t say so, but I don’t think they trust me to be out on my own.”
“I’ll come by in the morning with Alex.” Another thought occurred to her. “What about the wedding?”
“Oh shit,” he said, groaning. “I never even thought of it. That’s how self-absorbed I’ve become.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll let Freddie know. He can ask Will to stand in for you.”
“Will you please tell him how sorry I am?”
“I will, but I know he’ll be glad you’re getting the help you need. Everyone knows how much you’ve suffered.”
“I just want to know...” A sob choked him.
“What do you want to know, Tommy?”
“Do you still love me, Chris? After everything I’ve put you through, do I still have any chance of putting things back together with you?”
“I do still love you. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t have spent the entire day crying over what I thought I’d lost forever. As long as we still love each other, there’s always a chance.”
“That’s all I need to hear, babe. Those words will get me through whatever the next few weeks have in store for me.”
After that, both were quiet for a time, except for the occasional sniffle on both sides of the call.
“How’s Alex doing?” he asked.
“He’s much better. The fever broke, and he’s been sleeping a lot. He had a rough night.”
“You did too. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”
“You will be next time, right?”
“Yeah, I will.” After another long pause, he said, “I’m gonna go call Andy about the guardianship paperwork, but I’ll see you in the morning?”
“We’ll be there, Tommy. In the morning and for whatever comes next.”
“Thank you,” he whispered. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Christina ended the call and used a tissue to mop up her tears as she processed everything he’d said. She’d had no idea he was hooked on anything, but that certainly explained a lot.
She sent a text to Freddie.
Change of plans. No need to come here for Tommy’s stuff, but I need to talk to you when you get a minute. Please call me when you can.
Then she got up and went into the kitchen. She no longer needed a lawyer, but she still needed a very big drink.
* * *
ELIJAH BEAUCLAIR ARRIVED at five twenty, walking into a houseful of people who had gathered to help him break the terrible news to his younger brother and sister. Ms. Finklestein had returned after an earlier trip to drop off the stuffed animals and blankets the kids had requested. The faintest hint of smoke had clung to the items, but Sam had turned them right over to the kids, who’d been thrilled to have them.
Sam and Nick greeted Elijah at the door. “I’m Sam Holland, and this is my husband, Nick Cappuano.”
Tall, dark-haired and handsome, Elijah shook hands with both of them. “It’s nice to meet you both, although I wish it was under different circumstances.”
“We’re very sorry for your loss,” Nick said.
“Thank you. How are Aubrey and Alden? I can’t stop thinking about them. Cleo was such an amazing mom. And my dad, he adored them.”
“They’re doing okay,” Sam said. “They’re confused and asking for their parents. We’ve held them off until you could get here. Before we let them know you’re here, I wanted to tell you that I consulted with a therapist about how best to tell them, and he said being very clear is the best way to go. Using words like died and dead help them to better understand, even if they’re words that might be hard for them to hear.”
Elijah’s expression was grim, but he nodded in agreement. “I hate this,” he said softly. “I hate that we have to do this to them.”
“I know,” Nick said. “We do too.”
Elijah looked down at the floor. “I don’t know if I can say it.”
“I’ll do it,” Sam said, squeezing his arm. “There’s one thing. Alden hasn’t said a word since he’s been with us. I suspect he saw something, and if there’s an opportunity to get him to share what he saw, that would help tremendously. He might be more forthcoming with you than he would be with us.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“This is Ms. Finklestein from Child and Family Services,” Sam said. “She’s been helping out with the kids.”
Elijah shook her hand and accepted her condolences.
“Shall I let them know you’re here?”
Elijah took a deep breath and then nodded. “If you wouldn’t mind.”
While Sam went to the kitchen where the kids were having dinner under Shelby’s supervision, Nick said to Elijah, “Can I get you anything?”
“No, sir,” Sam heard him say. “Thank you.” She went into the kitchen where the kids and Scotty were just finishing Scotty’s favorite dinner—spaghetti and meatballs. Shelby was wiping their hands and faces while Noah sat in a high chair taking it all in.
“Hey, guys,” Sam said to Aubrey and Alden. “I have a surprise for you. Can you come with me?”
“Is it Mommy?” Aubrey asked, her little face bright with hope.
Sam ached for her and hated herself for not choosing better words. “No, honey, but I think this surprise will make you happy.” She took Aubrey and Alden by the hands and led them into the living room where Elijah stood waiting for them.
Both kids let out happy cries when they saw him, and his face crumpled at the sight of them. He scooped them up and held them tight for a long time while Sam, Nick and Shelby, with Noah now in her arms, dabbed at their eyes.
Alden clung to Elijah, crying his little heart out.
“It’s okay, buddy,” Elijah said, rubbing his brother’s back while Aubrey leaned into them. “I’m here now.”
Alden cried for a long time, and Elijah held him through the storm as tears rolled down his own face.
“Where’s Mommy and Daddy?” Aubrey asked her older brother.
“Come sit over here with me, and we’ll talk about that,” Elijah said.
He’d been a typical college student until Hill called him, and Sam felt like she was watching him become a man before her eyes as he sat on the sofa with his siblings. With Alden on his lap and his arm wrapped around his sister, Elijah said, “You know there was a fire at home, right?”
Aubrey nodded while Alden whimpered.
Elijah looked to Sam, who sat on the coffee table between Nick and Shelby, who held Noah.
Scotty went around the sofa and sat next to Aubrey.
“I’m so sorry to have to tell you that your mom and dad died in the fire,” Sam said, her heart breaking into a million pieces as she watched her words register with the children, who knew what the word “died” meant.
She’d done this before. Too many times to count, but it had never hurt as much as it did this time.
Aubrey broke down while Alden buried his face in Elijah’s shoulder.
“We’re so, so sorry,” Sam said. “Everyone has told us how much they loved you and how proud of you they were. And they’d be so proud of how strong you’ve been.”
“I want to go home,” Aubrey said, her chin wobbling.
“I know, honey,” Sam said. “But that’s not possible right now.”
“Wh-where will we live, Lijah?” she asked.
“We’re still figuring that out, sweetheart,” he said. “But you will always be safe and loved. I promise you that.”
“My mom and grandpa died when I was about your age,” Scotty said. “It was really hard at first, but you get used to it. You never forget them, but it does get a little easier. Eventually.”
Sam sent him a grateful smile. “We’ll give you guys a little time alone,” she said, standing as Nick did the same.
Aubrey climbed into Scotty’s lap, and he put his arms around her.
Sam followed Nick into the kitchen and stepped straight into his outstretched arms. He held on as tightly to her as she did to him. Everyone had warned her about getting overly attached to two children who weren’t theirs, but Sam would dare anyone not to fall hard for those two angels.
“That was brutal,” he said after a long period of silence.
“Totally.”
Nick took a deep breath and released it in stages. “Tell me you’re going to get whoever did this to them.”
“We’ll get them. I haven’t wanted justice for anyone this badly since my dad was shot.”
“We weren’t supposed to get attached.”
“I was just thinking the same thing.”
“Knock, knock,” Shelby said as she stuck her head into the kitchen. “Is it safe to come in.”
“Yeah, come join our group hug,” Nick said.
With Noah in her arms, Shelby came in and walked right over to them. “That was the worst thing I’ve ever been a part of,” she said with tears in her eyes as they hugged her and Noah into their circle. “I don’t know how you do that as often as you do.”
“That’s as bad as it gets. I just wish I knew what’s going to become of them.”
“Ms. Finklestein wants to speak to you.”
Sam had nearly forgotten about the social worker, who’d done as Sam asked and stayed off to the sidelines while they talked to the kids. “Why do I have a feeling I’m not going to like this?” Sam said as she drew back from Nick, wiped her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair in an attempt to straighten it. On the inside, she felt like she’d been kicked by a horse. “Will you ask her to come in here, Shelby?”
“Sure thing.”
“Then come join us. Whatever she has to say involves you too.”
While Shelby went to get Ms. Finklestein, Sam glanced at Nick, noted his grimace and reached for his hand, holding on tight to him for whatever came next.
Ms. Finklestein came into the kitchen. “I’m sorry to disturb you. I know how difficult that had to be.”
“Have a seat,” Nick said, always the gracious host. “Can I get you anything?”
“Some water would be excellent.”
“Coming right up.”
Nick poured tall glasses of ice water for Sam, Shelby and their guest, and then joined them at the table.
“I’ve been in touch with Mrs. Beauclair’s sister Monique. While she has concerns about the safety of the children and her own family in light of the threat posed by someone in Mr. Beauclair’s past, she can’t bear the thought of her niece and nephew being raised by strangers. She and her husband are discussing whether they might be able to take them in.”
The feeling of being kicked only intensified when Sam heard that news. In her heart of hearts, she’d hoped that no one would come forward and they’d get to keep the kids. Foolish, maybe, but the hope had taken root anyway.
“The man who threatened them has been taken into custody by the FBI,” Sam said, feeling dead inside. That information would make it possible for Aubrey and Alden to go home to Cleo’s family.
“I’ll pass that on to their aunt. I’m sure it’ll be a great relief to her and expedite their decision-making process.”
“That’d be for the best, I suppose,” Sam said, despite the ache that overtook her when she thought of saying goodbye to Alden and Aubrey.
“Would it be possible for them to remain here with you while I wait to hear back from Mrs. Beauclair’s sister?” Ms. Finklestein asked.
“Yes, of course,” Sam said. “However, my husband and I need to return to work tomorrow, and I don’t feel comfortable sending the children back to school while their parents’ killer may still be on the loose.”
“Agreed,” Ms. Finklestein said.
“Their brother and Shelby will be here with them,” Sam said. “Shelby is licensed, which was required when we first had custody of Scotty.”
“Then that’s fine.”
“I’ll take very good care of them,” Shelby said. “And having their brother here will help.”
“Yes, it will.” Ms. Finklestein gathered her belongings and stood. “I appreciate you opening your home to the children. I hope we can resolve their situation sooner rather than later so you all can get back to normal and they can be settled in their new home.”
Normal, Sam thought, was such a relative state. What would the new normal look like for Aubrey and Alden? Would they be with a family who truly loved and wanted them, or would they end up with people who were taking them out of obligation and would make them feel like a burden? She shook off those unpleasant thoughts to focus on the present, resolving to double down on the case tomorrow.
If she couldn’t do anything else for them, she could find the person or persons who’d murdered their parents.