That. Scent.

No amount of walking down freezing streets or sidewalks dislodged that wonderful, tantalizing spun-sugar scent from Mikel Tovey’s nostrils. Approaching Jaysan and Morris Danvers had been a stupid thing to do in the first place, but he’d hoped to offer an olive branch of sorts to the mated pair. To apologize again for what he’d done and provide some measure of peace in knowing Mikel was no longer violent or a threat.

He hadn’t spoken to Jaysan since that long-ago visit in the psychiatric ward—Mikel’s first visitor since his admittance, and he’d been so grateful to see Jaysan alive, well and thriving. And now he was having a child with his mate. All Mikel had wanted was to be polite, and he’d gone and fucked things up again without even meaning to.

Brogan.

The omega was gorgeous and fit, with thick locks of chestnut-brown hair that curled at the nape of his neck, and he’d looked at Mikel with such wide-eyed excitement and innocence that, for one split second, Mikel had allowed himself to experience the bond. To inhale his spun-sugar scent and dare to hope.

No, a mate wasn’t for him. Not after what happened with Jaysan. Not after a lifetime of Mikel being abused and tortured by his own sire. Of trying to protect his omegin and brothers from the same abuse. Everyone was finally safe from the bastard now, who’d begun serving his ten-year prison sentence three months ago.

Only ten years for a lifetime of violent behavior. But the new domestic discipline laws didn’t go into effect until the new year, so the province prosecutor had gone after Lew Tovey for multiple counts of wrongful imprisonment, endangering the life of a minor child, and possession of an unlicensed firearm. Ten years wasn’t a lot of time, but maybe it would be enough for Mikel to ensure the safety of his remaining family when Lew got out. He wanted to move them to another province, but their finances simply didn’t allow it. And Mikel couldn’t leave Sansbury until he’d met the conditions of his probation anyway.

If he did, Mikel would be in prison alongside his sire, and if that happened, Mikel would be dead.

And walking aimlessly around this neighborhood was not helping his mental state at all. He’d been on his way to visit his omegin and three brothers when he randomly decided to duck into Perks and buy some sweet treats for everyone. That impulse had ended in disaster, and now Mikel didn’t know which way was up.

Anxiety on the rise, he ducked into a narrow alley between two buildings, out of foot traffic, and called the emergency mental health line. Left a message for Dr. Callis to call him back right away. Dr. Callis had been treating Mikel since day one, and he liked the older beta man’s gentle demeanor, but firm way of calling out bullshit.

While he waited, Mikel called his omegin to reschedule, citing a migraine, which he did sometimes get as a side effect of his various medications. Omegin wished him well, said, “I love you,” and hung up.

Mikel couldn’t remember the last time he’d said those words to anyone and meant them. He felt love in his heart for his omegin and siblings, but he simply couldn’t say it. The words never made it past his tongue.

Brogan’s wide brown eyes flashed in Mikel’s head, and he could see that pretty pink mouth saying, “I love you” and meaning it. Maybe even saying it to Mikel.

No, that was a fantasy best left untested. No omega deserved an alpha with Mikel’s baggage.

He paced the alley for less than two minutes before Dr. Callis called him back. “Mikel, are you in a safe place?” he asked.

“Kind of. I’m in an alley over in the Parkland area.”

“All right, do you need to speak in person?”

“I don’t know. It’s cold out here, and I’m not really close to my place.”

“I can meet you at my office on Liester Street in fifteen minutes. Can you get there safely?”

“Yes.”

“Then I will see you there.”

“Thank you.”

Mikel hated spoiling the man’s weekend afternoon, but he really needed guidance here. Dr. Callis had only ever been supportive, never treating Mikel as if he was broken, crazy, or weak for having fallen apart. He trotted over to a nearby bus stop and double-checked the map. Yup, he could walk to Liester Street, it was only about seven blocks north, so he got moving. Hands in his pockets, head ducked against the freezing wind.

He used to love winter, the cold, and the infrequent snow showers, because it gave him an excuse to wear long sleeves that hid bruises. Now, it only reminded Mikel of everything he’d allowed to happen to himself and his family. He’d never been brave enough to stand up and say, “Enough!”

I’ve always been a coward.

The Liester Street office was part of a residential home that had been converted into multiple commercial spaces, and Dr. Callis was on the second floor. Up a flight of old narrow, wooden stairs. Mikel knocked, then went inside. The small reception area was empty, but the door to Dr. Callis’s main office wide open, so Mikel walked in.

The space had several large armchairs situated around a wooden coffee table. No desk, no couches, just a comfortable spot to have a conversation. Dr. Callis was fiddling with his coffee maker at a table against the far wall, and he turned with a supportive smile. The man had as much silver as black in his styled hair, and he wore informal sweats, since it had been his day off.

Until my stupid issues.

“I’m sorry,” Mikel said.

“Don’t apologize, you know I’m available whenever you need to talk.” He sat in one of the chairs and indicated Mikel do the same.

Mikel always preferred a barrier between himself and Dr. Callis during their sessions—Mikel had become severely agitated the first few times they spoke, and he’d thrown small objects at the wall—so he sat opposite him, the coffee table between them.

“Tell me what happened today,” Dr. Callis said.

He took a deep, steadying breath. “So many things at once. It’s all jumbled in my head.”

“Then start in order of events from the time you left your place.”

“I was on my way to visit my family, and I decided to duck into this little coffee shop and buy some sweets for my brothers. Cyan loves homemade sugar cookies.”

“What happened in the coffee shop?”

“I was waiting in line, and I heard a man growl, so I turned around to look.” The memory of the black expression on Morris’s face sent a fresh ripple of terror down Mikel’s spine. He’d about pissed his pants, until Jaysan held the man back and kept his cool. “Jaysan and Morris were there, and they saw me.”

“And how did that make you feel?”

“I was terrified. Morris looked like he wanted to kill me on the spot, but Jaysan was very calm and polite. It was so stupid to want to say hello, apologize again, but I went over to their table anyway and I smelled him.”

Dr. Callis tilted his head. “Smelled who?”

“My bondmate.”

Both black eyebrows crept up Dr. Callis’s forehead. “You did?”

“Yes. We both did. His name is Brogan, and he seemed excited by it, which is ridiculous, because he’s Jaysan’s friend, so he must know who I am. What I’ve done.”

“What you’ve survived?”

“Doesn’t matter, because I walked away. That omega deserves better.”

“But you both feel the mating bond, which means you’re already connected to each other. That feeling isn’t going to go away, Mikel.”

“Maybe, maybe not. Just because I feel the bond doesn’t mean I need to act on it. We randomly ran into each other, so I’ll just avoid that coffee shop from now on. After what he’s gone through, Brogan deserves a kind, decent alpha who will treasure him.”

“What do you mean, what he’s gone through? I thought he was a stranger to you.”

“He is. He was rescued from that fight ring, same as Jaysan.”

“I see.”

Mikel hadn’t followed the case all that closely, but last year, the rescued omegas were all over the newspapers and evening reports for months. He’d seen Brogan’s face numerous times, and he’d known exactly who Brogan was when they met. “He has a child,” Mikel said. “How could I possibly be a decent parent to that boy? Act as a sire when my own was so…horrific.”

“Other young alphas have suffered abuse at the hands of their sire and gone on to be loving, attentive mates. You’re still young, Mikel, and you’re in recovery from a terrible ordeal. Maybe taking on a mate right now is a bad idea, but don’t shut yourself off to the possibility down the road. Talk to Brogan. Perhaps he’d be willing to wait for you.”

“He shouldn’t have to wait until his bondmate isn’t such an emotional mess.”

“Don’t you think Brogan deserves to make that choice on his own?” Dr. Callis leaned forward a few degrees. “Or will you be the kind of alpha who makes big life decisions for his omega, without giving him a say?”

Mikel jerked upright in his chair, because damn it. That was exactly what Mikel was doing. They both felt the mating bond. Mikel had no right to make the decision for them, because that was exactly what an alphahole would do. “I don’t want to be that man, but I don’t know if I can be a good mate.”

“You still don’t trust yourself, and we’re working on that.”

“I stabbed Brogan’s friend. How could he ever trust me?”

“Again, that has to be his decision. I can’t tell you what to do, but my advice is talk to him, even if only over the phone. If you both decide to ignore the bond and go your separate ways, at least you’ll have some semblance of closure.”

“I guess.” But Dr. Callis was right—he owed Brogan one conversation, especially after today’s rude departure.

“How do you feel now that we’ve spoken?”

“Better.” Mikel scrubbed both hands across his face. “Less panicked, for sure. I was just so turned around by the entire encounter, and I couldn’t think. Am I always going to react this way when I see someone from my old life? Jaysan wasn’t the only guy I fucked around with, but he was the only one I stabbed.”

“Stabbing Jaysan was an accident. And hopefully, no, you won’t always react poorly. That’s why we’re doing your weekly sessions. Therapy isn’t punishment, it’s to help you get better so you can live a good, happy life, as the goddess intended.”

“Maybe I don’t deserve a good, happy life.”

“You aren’t a criminal. You aren’t an abuser. You are not your sire. You are twenty years old, Mikel. Don’t block yourself from joy out of guilt for the actions of others.”

It’s my actions. I stabbed and nearly killed a man. I can’t forgive my actions.

“Are you still going to visit your family today?” Dr. Callis asked when Mikel didn’t say anything.

“No, I called it off. I can’t handle the politeness and fake smiles today.”

“They love you, even if you can’t love yourself yet.”

“I know. It’s my issue, and I’m dealing with it, and I cannot handle it today.”

“All right. Where will you go, instead?”

“Back home, I guess. It’s too cold to go anywhere else. And I promise to think about everything you said. I called you because I trust your advice.”

Dr. Callis smiled. “And I am here for you whenever you need to talk. You know that. You’re a very bright young man with an inner light that’s never been allowed to fully shine. I hope to one day see that shine.”

“Thank you.”

“See you next week at our regular time?”

“Of course.” Mikel shook the man’s hand, then left.

He returned to the winter cold, more settled but still not wholly decided on his next move. A move that, he knew in his soul, could change his life forever.

Brogan let himself into the house with his key, a little surprised it was locked when both cars were in the driveway. His guardians didn’t usually lock the door when someone was home, but there had also been a rash of break-ins in their neighborhood over the last couple of weeks, so he couldn’t fault them extra caution.

The single-story home had an open living floor plan, so he easily tracked the sound of the TV to the three people huddled together on the couch watching a cartoon sing-a-long. His beta guardians, Daiya and Yeoman Li, were bookending Peyton on the couch. Daiya looked bored by the program, while Yeoman and Peyton were entranced by the singing fish, and the sight made Brogan laugh.

Peyton perked up at the sound. He called out, “Omi!” and toddled off the couch. Brogan knelt and swept Peyton into a hug once the little boy made it across the room. Peyton wrapped thin arms around his shoulders and squealed. Brogan held him close, but not too tight, savoring the familiar shape and scent of his little boy.

This. This is everything Brogan needed to be happy.

But that scent…

“Everything go okay today?” Daiya asked. They’d paused whatever video they were watching and were watching him intently.

“For the most part,” Brogan replied. He shifted Peyton to his hip, then kissed his boy’s forehead. “Missed this one.”

“Everything okay with Jaysan?”

“Yes, he and Morris are doing great. They’ll be parents again soon, and everyone’s excited.”

“Why Omi sad?” Peyton asked. “Don’t be sad.”

Brogan kissed him again before puting him on his feet. Peyton flashed him a sour look before toddling over to a pile of mega blocks. With Peyton distracted, Brogan found himself surrounded by his beta friends. “You aren’t usually so down after seeing Jaysan,” Yeoman said. “What happened today?”

“I scented my bondmate,” Brogan whispered, “but he walked away.”

“What?”

“The bastard,” Daiya snapped.

“To be fair,” Brogan added, “it’s complicated.” He told an abbreviated version of his coffee date and the encounter with Mikel. “How do I accept a mate who nearly killed my best friend?”

Yeoman gave him a hard stare. “Do you really think Mikel is the same man now who accidentally hurt Jaysan all those months ago?”

“No. And Jaysan has forgiven him. But I don’t think Mikel has forgiven himself. He was so anxious to get away from me today, and it hurt. I mean, most of my omega friends have briefly resisted their bondmates for one reason or another, but it was never because of previous acts of violence. He barely looked at me.”

“Oh, Brogan, that’s awful,” Daiya said. He looped a comforting arm around Brogan’s waist. “I know how much you’ve wanted to find a bondmate, and it’s him? This must be horrible for you.”

“It is horrible, but he’s been in therapy for months, and…Mikel’s in pain. I can tell, and I want to help him, but he refused to talk to me at all. I’m scared to reach out, because I don’t know if I could handle him hanging up on me, you know? I mean, what if this is a sign I should stop waiting for a bondmate and just find an alpha. Any alpha who will take me and Peyton in.”

“But is that what you want?”

“Of course not. No omega wants to settle on an alpha out of need. We want the bond and to feel treasured. But that isn’t in the cards for all of us. So many of my friends are mated and happy, and maybe I’m the outlier. Maybe Peyton is my true joy, and everything else is details. I can live with that.”

“You deserve to be just as happy as your friends,” Yeoman said. “There’s no ration on happiness that says every sixth omega must be unhappy or settle for anything less than their dream. Isn’t that what your friends are fighting for? Giving omegas a better quality of life? Giving you more choices?”

“They are, but that’s not my personal fight. I fought enough battles in that ring, and I’m tired. All I want to do is live my life, love my son, and find someone to take care of me. Until omegas can rent apartments and get jobs without an alpha’s permission, my actual choices today are limited. And I don’t see those laws changing in the next six months.”

My own bondmate doesn’t want me. I have to give Peyton the best life possible somehow.

“You know we’ll support your decision,” Daiya said. “We’ve never tried to run your life, and we won’t start now.”

“Thank you.” Brogan jumped at a loud, clattering sound, followed by Peyton’s laughter. He’d apparently knocked over whatever pile of blocks he’d stacked and was amused by his own actions. “Are you making a mess?”

Peyton nodded solemnly. “Making a mess. Yup.”

The conversation ended there. Brogan read while the others finished the movie they’d started earlier. Around three the house phone rang, and Brogan absently answered it. “Li residence,” he said.

“Hi, uh, Brogan?”

“Yes.” He had a distinctive voice, so someone knowing who he was right away never surprised him, but Brogan wasn’t sure about the tentative voice on the other end of the line. “Who is this?”

“Um, it’s Mikel Tovey.”

Brogan grabbed the edge of the wall to steady himself. “Really?”

“Yes. Please don’t be angry with me for calling you.”

“I’m not angry.” He stretched the phone cord into the kitchen so he had a bit more privacy for the call. “How did you get my number?”

“Little bit of research. Your guardians are a matter of public record, and I knew I’d never get your number from Jaysan, if he even spoke to me.”

“Jaysan truly has forgiven you, Mikel, I promise. It’s that mate of his who can’t let it go.”

“Morris has good reasons to distrust me, but I didn’t call to talk about them.”

Brogan tamped down a wave of rising hope. “Oh?”

“I was extremely rude to you at Perks today, and I’m sorry. I did feel the mating bond, and it wasn’t my place to simply walk away without talking to you about it. It was controlling and wrong. You have as much at stake here as I do, and I owe you a conversation at the very least.”

“Oh.” Brogan wasn’t sure what else to say; he was too stunned by the admission. And from an alpha, no less. Mikel had admitted to being wrong and making a mistake, and that couldn’t have been easy. But he had been rude today, walking away from the mating bond without even discussing it. “I appreciate that, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. So, um, would you like to meet? It feels so impersonal over the phone, but if you’re more comfortable like this, that’s fine.” Mikel’s hesitation and tentative tone was incredibly appealing, and it helped Brogan trust that the man’s intentions were good.

“I would love to meet in person.” But not in public, and the only other place was here. “Can you hold on one moment?”

“Of course.”

Brogan put the phone down and bolted into the living room. Peyton had fallen asleep on the couch between his guardians, who both watched Brogan with open curiosity. “Mikel is on the phone and wants to meet, so can I invite him for brunch tomorrow? Here seems like the safest place.”

Yeoman frowned. “He stalked your friend. Are you sure you want him knowing where you live?”

“Mikel’s different, and he ran from me first. And we might agree to part ways tomorrow, who knows? Please?”

Daiya and Yeoman shared a look, before Daiya said, “Okay, invite him for brunch.”

Brogan internally cheered, then raced back to the phone. “Mikel? Would you like to come to my house for brunch? My guardians will be here, and you can meet my son.”

Mikel inhaled sharply. “I…okay. That sounds good. Should I bring anything?”

“Just yourself and an open mind.”

“I can do that. Where do you live?” Brogan told him. “Okay, that’s only one neighborhood over from me.”

“Great. Be here at eleven?”

“Okay. Thank you for not being angry with me.”

“I was startled today, too, and you had to be somewhere else. But I’m glad you called. And we don’t have to talk about anything super-serious tomorrow, okay? We’ve both been through things, and we both have haunted pasts. Maybe tomorrow can be just about the present? Maybe a tiny bit of the future?”

“I can do that. I…Brogan, I’ll be honest and say now I don’t think I’d make a good mate. I’m not sure it’s what I want.”

Brogan’s hope died. “Oh. That’s fair.”

“But we’ll talk about it tomorrow, okay? After we’ve both slept on it.”

“All right. See you tomorrow, Mikel.”

“Goodbye.”

He hung up, his emotions waffling between excitement and early disappointment. That Mikel called at all and wanted to talk was a fantastic sign that this could work out, that Brogan could settle down with his bondmate. On the other hand, Mikel flat out said he didn’t think he wanted to mate.

Then I have to change his mind, make him want us.

Once they were in the same room, the bond would draw them together no matter what, so bonus for brunch. But they had to be on the same page going forward, or they’d both end up miserable in the long run. Brogan didn’t want to trick Mikel into mating with him. He wanted a supportive, caring mate. If he got that with his bondmate, he’d be overjoyed. But if Brogan had to settle with another alpha to make sure he and Peyton had a safe future? He’d cope.

Tomorrow would change the course of Brogan’s future. Peyton’s too. And no matter the outcome, Peyton’s future came first.