“What happens when you get rich and famous off your music, and women are throwing themselves at you?”
Frowning, Jax looked down at Piper where she was lying with her head on his lap. “What are you talking about?”
Sitting up to face him, she said, “You’re gorgeous and talented, Jax. There will be women all over you. Women much more beautiful than me.”
Frowning hard at the insecurity in her eyes, he replied, “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, Piper.”
“You’re barely eighteen, Jax. You haven’t been out in the world yet, not really. You don’t know what’s out there.”
“I don’t care what’s out there, Pippy,” he replied, taking her hands and squeezing until she was looking into his eyes. “I meant what I said. You’re beautiful, and there’s no one out there I’ll ever think is more so. I’ll never—ever—want anyone the way I want you. I mean that, more than I’ve ever meant anything. You own me, heart and soul, and you always will. I love you. Always.”
Eyes soft and glistening with tears, Piper gave him a trembling smile. “And I love you. Always.”
Piper couldn’t breathe. Seriously. Jax might need to give her the Heimlich.
Hmmm. That wasn’t something she really had much of an objection to. It could get interesting.
No, Piper scolded herself. Focus.
Finally sucking in a breath, she raised her head and gazed into his serious eyes. “Are you for real right now?” she asked, trying to force her voice to have more substance.
“As a heart attack,” he replied, green and golden eyes intense. “I told you once I’d never look at another woman. I meant it.”
“But you were only eighteen. How could you keep a promise you made that young, especially one like that? And especially when we were apart so long?”
“It was easy. I never wanted anyone else. Never. It’s always been you, Piper. From the moment we met twenty years ago, it was always you. I never saw anyone else.”
“I just... we were apart so long. Eight years, Jax! You’re really telling me that you, a sexy-ass man in his prime, didn’t have sex for eight years because the woman wasn’t me?”
“You think I’m sexy?” he asked with a grin.
Swatting his chest, she ordered, “Focus, Jax.”
Letting out a long breath, he shrugged. “That’s what I’m telling you. And it’s one-hundred-percent the truth.”
Searching his eyes for a moment and finding nothing but sincerity, she slowly nodded. “I believe you.”
Easing back down into his arms, she pondered the uneasy feeling in her chest. Was that… did she feel guilty? Because she hadn’t abstained like Jax? That was absurd, but she felt it just the same.
“Scott—”
“The last thing I want to hear about right now is your sex life with Scott,” he bit out, body stiffening under her.
Raising her head again, she found him narrow eyed, glaring down at her. But she knew the fury in his gold-ringed green gaze wasn’t directed at her. It was directed at anyone she might have had sex with.
“I was only going to say that the only other person I’ve had sex with is Scott. And I regretted it from the moment we did it. It was horrible and uncomfortable, and just wrong. Because it wasn’t you.”
His glare slowly eased and he let out a breath. “I’m sorry. I want you to feel like you can tell me absolutely anything, and then I act like a Neanderthal when you try. You can tell me about it if you want to. I have no right to be upset, and only myself to blame. But I promise, I’ll tamp down that kneejerk reaction. I want you to feel free to tell me anything and everything.”
“That’s sweet,” she said, leaning up to kiss his lips softly. “Truly, that’s all I meant to say. That there was only Scott since you. And if it makes you feel better, it was always horrible. And he had rules for that, as well. Once a month when the time was right to conceive. Other than that, we didn’t touch each other.”
“The thought of a little Scott Jr. running around is truly terrifying. That man does not need to reproduce. Although I’m sorry if it’s something you wanted to happen.”
“Fuck no,” she said, fighting a shiver of distaste. “I was on birth control. It would have been hell if he found out, so no pills for me. I got the Depo shot, once every three months. I’d sneak over and get it when I was supposed to be getting my hair or nails done. The doctor was always great about getting me in and out quickly. Scott never knew.”
“Good for you,” Jax replied, giving her a fist bump that made her giggle. “That doctor deserved a bonus, too.” He was quiet for a moment before speaking again. “Was it only because of Scott, or do you not want kids at all?”
Stilling, her fingers dug into his chest before she forced herself to relax. “I didn’t want kids with Scott. I’ve always thought being a mother would be nice, and I’d do it right. I wouldn’t neglect my kids for my man, leave them alone while I ran off to drink or shoot up, or whatever my vice was. But I never thought I’d have them. After Scott, I was done with men.”
“Do you still feel that way?”
“I’ve come to the conclusion that not all men are bad,” she said softly. “But that still doesn’t mean they won’t abandon you if they think they’re doing the right thing, without giving you a chance to explain how crazy it is. Men still think they’re always right, and they know best.”
He flinched underneath her. “I deserved that.”
“Yes, you did,” she agreed. “What about you? Do you want kids?”
“I’ve always wanted a few. At the risk of turning in my man card, I’ll even admit I’ve daydreamed about it. But the woman in those dreams has always been the same person. Without her, realizing that dream means nothing. Besides, you have to have sex to have kids, so it wasn’t in the cards for me.”
Piper lay quietly, absorbing that. It was obvious who he was talking about. And a small part of her was a little uncomfortable with it, but a bigger part of her was eating those words up, basking in their meaning. She could see his dream so clearly—a couple kids running around, a little boy who looked like Jax, and a little girl who looked like Piper, driving their parents crazy every day. Because for sure, any kid who was hers and his would be a handful.
And to her surprise, she found herself wanting to realize his dream with him. She wanted it badly, actually.
Uncomfortable with her thoughts, she cleared her throat. “I still can’t believe you haven’t had sex with anyone else. That means I’m the only woman you’ve ever had sex with. Do you know how rare that is?”
Stiffening underneath her, he did a little throat clearing of his own. “There’s something I should tell you.”
Dread filled her, and she shot to a sitting position, glaring at him. “If you’re going to tell me you had sex with someone else, I’ll turn Lorena Bobbitt on your ass. If you haven’t had sex with anyone since me, that would mean you did it while we were still together.”
“No! No, that’s not it,” he said quickly and with so much conviction in his tone, she couldn’t help but believe him. He sat up and faced her, rubbing a hand over his dark hair. “This is about my eagle. It’s a shifter thing.”
Frown clearing, she nodded, eyeing him. He looked nervous, and it was a change from the Jax she knew. “So tell me.”
Blowing out a breath, he nodded. “Okay. In the shifter world, we have someone called a mate. A mating is like a human marriage, only permanent and a lot more intense. Not all of us find our mate, so those who do are pretty lucky. And a shifter’s mate is everything to them. Their whole world revolves around the mate. Their happiness is more important than anything else, and they’ll do whatever possible to make sure they’re happy. Anything. They’ll kill for them, bend over backward for them, die for them. A shifter’s mate is the most important thing in the world to them. After we find our mate, we’ll never look at another woman again. Never have a tiny smidgeon of interest in anyone besides our mate. For life.”
Brow furrowing as he shot her a meaningful look, she slowly went over everything he’d said in her mind. Freezing as she realized his meaning, her eyes widened as she looked at him. “You mean…?”
Nodding, he said, “That’s what you are to me. You’re my mate, Piper. You always have been. I’ve known since I was eleven, when my eagle told me. You’re it for me, for better or worse.”
Breath hitching, she searched his green and gold eyes, trying to decide how she felt about that. Part of her was over the moon about meaning so much to him, and the other part was scared shitless.
“If my happiness means so much to you, how could you do what you did?”
Regret filled his eyes, and he moved forward and took her hands in his. “Because as much as your happiness means to me, your safety is more important. I had to make you safe. And even though I knew I was dooming myself to a lifetime alone and unhappy, I thought you’d be able to move on. That you’d be able to find happiness someday. The thought that it wouldn’t be with me fucking gutted me, Piper. But I’d sacrifice myself a million times over to make you safe.”
“Except I never did find happiness after you,” she muttered. Uncomfortable with saying that out loud, she rushed out, “There’s one thing I don’t get. If mates are so rare and precious, why would your grandfather threaten me to make you leave me? Why would he want you with someone else? I get that the eagle population is low. But wouldn’t the children you and I had be like you? They’d be eagles too right, or am I getting that wrong?”
“No, you’re right,” he replied darkly, a grim look in his eyes at the mention of his grandfather. “They would be eagle shifters. But my grandfather was obsessed with his own importance. With my family’s importance. My bloodline is pure. Only eagle shifters, no human mates in the mix. He didn’t want me to screw that up. Danica’s line is also impeccable, so he chose her for me.”
“Even knowing you wouldn’t be happy with her? He cares about this bloodline crap so strongly?”
“It means more to him than anything. He never gave a rat’s ass about my happiness, or anyone else’s. That’s all he cared about. And it was his way or the highway, with everyone and everything. No one dared defy him until I protested his plans. And even then, I had the last word, in a way. I broke it off with you, like he ordered, to ensure your safety. But I didn’t pursue Danica. In fact, I left town a couple days later. I didn’t come back until about three years ago, when Ian moved us here to be close to Shelby.”
Piper nodded thoughtfully. It all made so much more sense now. And as much as she didn’t want to let it go, she could feel more of the hurt and anger slip away. She still thought Jax had other options, that he should have given it more time and thought before he acted, but she could also understand why he thought he had to act quickly.
He squeezed her hands, and she looked back up into his eyes. “Nothing like that will ever happen again, Piper. I’m older and wiser, and a helluva lot stronger now. I can protect you, and I will to my dying breath. If you can look past what I did, I swear to you, nothing like that will ever happen again. I won’t let you go again, not for anything.”
Searching his eyes, she slowly nodded. “I believe you mean that. I’m just not sure I can believe you won’t decide later that I’d be safer, or better off, without you.” Disappointment filled his eyes, and this time she squeezed his hands. “But I’m willing to give you the chance to make me believe it.”
Lipping curving and relief glinting in his eyes, Jax nodded, leaning forward to kiss her softly. “Thank you, Pippy. That means the world to me. And you won’t regret it, I swear.”
“I better not,” she murmured, leaning in to kiss him again.
The kiss was just starting to intensify again when he pulled back, muttering, “I forgot he was in here. He knows. I can see it in his eyes.”
Frowning, she looked around the room before turning back to him, putting her palm to his forehead. “Are you feverish all of a sudden? What are you talking about? What he?”
“Your dog,” he said, staring at where Snickers was lying on the floor, looking in their direction.
“And just what does he know?” she asked, arching an eyebrow.
“That we just had sex. And that I want to do it again.”
Throwing her head back with a laugh, she replied, “He’s an intelligent dog, but he’s still just a dog. He has no idea what it is we were doing. And you want to go again? I’m down for that,” she said, voice turning husky.
Quickly leaning back, Jax shook his head. “He knows exactly what I just did to his mistress. And I can’t do it with you again, as much as I want to. Not while he’s watching.”
“You can’t be serious right now,” she said in disbelief. “Jax, he doesn’t know what we did, or that we’re going to do it again.”
Shaking his head stubbornly, he replied, “Nope. Not doing it. And quit laughing. I know you think I’m nuts, but I swear he knows.”
“Oh my God,” she said, rolling her eyes as she got off the bed. Walking over to the door, she flipped the light switch, dousing the room in darkness. Walking back to the bed, she asked, “There, is that better? He can’t see us now.”
“Better, but we have to be very quiet. I don’t want him hearing it either.”
Shaking her head in exasperation, she didn’t reply. Instead, she jumped at him, taking him down on the bed. He’d been in charge last time, and now it was her turn. And she was about to put her tongue ring to good use.