CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“Aarghgawrrr!”
I froze, the faint yowling of some sort of animal echoing through the trees around me. With the pitter patter of rain already loud in my ears, it was impossible to tell which direction the noise had come from or even what kind of creature it belonged to.
Regardless, it sounded angry.
I struggled to remember the kind of dangerous animals Derek claimed roamed the woods, but it was hard to concentrate on much else other than the chill in the air or the uncomfortable way my sopping jacket stuck to my torso like a second skin.
“This is just… ridiculous,” I mumbled to myself, squeezing my arms even more tightly across my chest in a futile effort to keep myself warm.
The word “absurd” also fit. Along with silly, foolish… stupid.
That was precisely what this was: stupid. Whether “this” was thinking Derek would actually want someone like me or leaving the cabin in the middle of the night (in the pouring rain) was still up for debate. Probably both.
In my defense, it had only been drizzling when I left, and I hadn’t felt like I had much choice at the time.
“Fuck!”
I flinched at the violent expletive exploding from behind Derek’s bedroom door. The curse was followed by the loud noise of what sounded like something heavy toppling to the floor.
His words reverberated in my ears: “Get out of here, Wisp. I mean it. Just… fucking go.”
I closed my eyes and dug my teeth hard into the soft flesh of my inner cheek in an effort to hold back tears. I was not going to cry. After all, I wasn’t the helpless damsel (child, my mind taunted) Derek thought I was. I could take care of myself, and if he wanted me to go, then… fine!
Something nudged my thigh, and I opened my eyes, glancing down to discover Thane bumping his nose against my leg. He looked at me with worried eyes, probably as concerned as I was with what was going on behind Derek’s door.
I sighed, kneeling down to scratch behind his ears. “It’s okay, boy,” I assured softly. “Derek’s okay. He’s just a little… stressed.” That was an understatement. “But he… he’ll feel better soon.”
When I was gone. The sooner the better.
But where could I go? The police?
I was as reluctant to ask the law for help as ever. That ruled out approaching Ash – not that I even knew where he lived. I supposed I could hike to The Tavern and ask Gemma for help. She had seemed nice enough… but no. She and Derek were friends, and even if she did agree to take me in, he would inevitably find out.
And I would appear exactly as the little kid he’d proclaimed me to be.
No, I would have to find some way to take care of myself, and the first step to doing that… was finding out who I was.
But before I could do that…
I looked into Thane’s big, brown eyes, as close to tears as ever. “I’m going to miss you, boy.” I sprung forward, wrapping my arms around the dog’s neck in a tight hug. I buried my face into his coarse fur. “Be good, okay? Be good for Derek. He cares, even if he doesn’t always know how to show it.” Then, slowly – reluctantly – I released him. I couldn’t bring myself to actually say the word “good-bye”, so after smoothing down the fur between his ears one last time, I stood and attempted to hurry towards the front door.
Except, of course, Thane followed.
I frowned. “St-ay,” I ordered, my voice breaking at the end of the word.
But when I made another move towards the door, he just trailed after me again.
Releasing a frustrated sigh, I took a moment to compose myself before once again kneeling and taking the dog’s face between my hands. “Look, boy, I’m sorry, but I can’t take you with me where I’m going,” I explained gently. “You need to stay here and take care of Derek. He’s… damaged. Hurt in ways I don’t understand.” I pressed my lips together. “You know that, boy, don’t you? You can sense it. He needs you more than me. I… I can manage on my own.”
I took a deep breath before standing. “Stay,” I said, making sure my voice stayed firm this time.
And though he whined pathetically when I turned my back to him and approached the door, this time he didn’t follow.
It wasn’t until later – an hour of walking in the rain later – that I realized that maybe, just maybe – Derek had only meant for me to leave his bedroom, not his cabin, his life. And even if he truly did intend to cast me out, I knew he wouldn’t have wanted me to leave in the rain.
But, well… hindsight and all that.
Regardless of the intention behind his words, I’d known deep down that I had been taking advantage of his hospitality for too long. I hadn’t made any real effort to find out who I was for a while. I’d grown complacent (content) and was happy with who I was since Derek had found me, scared of who I may have been before.
After all, no one with a good life would be so eager to leave it behind, would they?
When I left the cabin, I figured the best place to reopen the investigation into my identity was where Derek had found me two weeks ago. I knew he had come across me on the shore of the river somewhere – he’d mentioned it often enough, and my dreams (memories) made it pretty clear that I had jumped into a body of water at some point.
Maybe if I found the exact location he had discovered me, something would click in my defective brain.
Why hadn’t I thought to do this before?
The answer was simple enough. Because I didn’t really want to know who I was. Regardless of my past, I was happy with where I was now, who I was… and with whom I was with.
But Derek wasn’t happy, and I couldn’t bring myself to impose on him any longer.
It had only taken about twenty minutes to find the river after I left Derek’s cabin. Even in the dark, I had shadowed Derek on his daily outings to check his traps – including his underwater one – enough by then to know the way.
The water was deep where Derek always set his trap – and there wasn’t much in the way of shore, so I knew he couldn’t have found me there. Deciding to follow the direction of the current, I had begun walking along the river.
That had probably been half an hour ago.
But it felt like thrice that wandering around in the cold, rain soaking into my clothes, my skin, what felt like my entire body.
I pushed a wet tendril of hair that had plastered itself to my forehead out of my eyes, glancing around. On one hand, the river had narrowed, the current growing more sluggish as I’d walked, which made me fairly confident I was going the right way. On the other hand, I’d traveled far enough that I no longer recognized my surroundings.
The trees, so vibrant in the day, had grown scary-looking in the dark, their branches twisting to form shadowy monsters against the navy sky.
Fear trickled down my spine.
Taking a calming breath in through my nose, I firmly reminded myself that since I was following the river, I couldn’t really get lost… right?
Thunder suddenly crackled from above, and I nearly jumped out of my skin, my hand clutching uselessly at my chest as my heartbeat skyrocketed.
I was struck once again by how foolish this was.
A sense of defeat rapidly befalling me, I took a few minutes to rest against a tree, giving myself a mental pep talk.
It’s okay. It’s only a storm. If worst comes to worst, you can make your way back to the cabin at dawn, feeling cold and stupid, but really no worse for wear.
If you don’t get eaten by wild animals, that is.
I snapped my eyes open, the remnants of that yowling noise suddenly echoing in my ears. I swallowed hard before pushing off against the tree and forcing myself to keep walking.
I’d managed to hike a quarter of a mile further when lightning lit up the sky, and I froze. The river had grown even shallower, and water was beating steadily against a half-dozen large rocks lying like stepping stones in the middle of the stream.
Something about them looked almost… familiar.
A jagged rock dug into my hip bone.
Using my last pillar of strength to blindly latch onto something hard and craggy, I pulled myself up and out of the river’s languid grasp.
I wandered closer to the edge of the water, frowning at the stones in the middle of the stream.
Was it here that Derek had found me?
I stared, hoping something more would come to me. When nothing did, frustration welled in me. I was sure this was the spot.
Maybe if I explored the other side of the river?
The rocks really did look like stepping stones. I eyed them skeptically before sighing. “Here goes nothing,” I mumbled to myself before hesitantly shuffling forward and placing my sneakered foot onto the rock closest to the shore.
Even though the tops of the rocks were sticking up out of the river, they were still wet from the rain. That, combined with the slimy algae growing up their sides made them slippery.
I carefully stretched from one rock to the next until there was only one more between myself and the other side of the river. That’s when the inevitable happened… and I slipped.
I felt the moment my left foot slid out from under me, and I awkwardly twisted my right foot in a desperate attempt to keep my balance. I flailed for a half-second, but it was already too late, and a moment later, I was falling butt-first into the creek.
The water was only a few feet deep, and it wasn’t like I wasn’t already wet from the rain, but the suddenness of being engulfed in the frigid river still shocked me.
I hurriedly sprung up from the water – or I tried to, at least – when a burst of pain engulfed my right ankle. I nearly toppled right back into the river.
Oh no. No. No. No.
“No, no, no!” I hardly even realized I was speaking out loud as I attempted to balance on one foot in the water. “This isn’t fair!” I petulantly slammed my hand against the water, not accomplishing much but splashing it into my eyes. “This is such… bullshit!” The cuss word felt foreign on my tongue, but it felt good to say, and I didn’t regret it.
Gritting my teeth, I hobbled out of the creek, wincing whenever I was forced to apply any pressure to my right foot. As soon as I reached the grass on the other side, I collapsed.
I took a moment to catch my breath before sitting up and carefully pulling the sneaker and sopping sock off my injured foot. My ankle already looked swollen, and it felt hot and puffy beneath my fingers when I gently prodded at the injury.
I doubted my ankle was broken, but it looked sprained at the least.
Frustrated tears welled in my eyes. “Stop it!” I ordered myself firmly, screwing my eyes shut. “You are not going to cry. You are not.”
Derek already thought I was enough of a baby.
But Derek’s not here to see, is he?
I buried my face in my hands and was desperately trying to hold back tears when I heard it.
Scrunch.
Even over the din of rain – at least that seemed to be letting up a little – I heard the noise. It was a peculiar sound, almost like something was shuffling through wet leaves.
I held my breath, straining my ears to listen.
Scrunch.
There it was again!
The noises were like footsteps. The lumbering sort… the kind that belonged to an animal much bigger than a squirrel or chipmunk scurrying through the underbrush.
A sense of urgency buzzing under my skin, I wracked my brain. Seriously, what kind of animals did Derek say lived in the woods? Deer? Wolves?
Jesus, I hoped it wasn’t a wolf.
Scrunch.
As quietly as possible, I backed myself up against the trunk of a nearby tree, folding into myself in an effort to somehow blend into the scenery.
Not a moment too soon, either, because a few seconds later, something huge lumbered out of the trees to my left.
Whatever it was, it was massive. Even on four legs, it was nearly as tall as me. Its dark fur gleamed in the moonlight, but it wasn’t until the animal reached the river and abruptly went from prowling on four legs, to standing on two, that I recognized it for what it was.
A bear.
“Oh God.”
I realized a moment too late that I’d said the words aloud.
The animal froze, whipping its head around as it tried to figure out where the noise had come from. I didn't think it saw me as it swiveled, but a lump of dread formed in my belly when it stuck its nose into the air, sniffing at the wind before making a beeline in the direction of my subpar hiding place.
What was I supposed to do? Stay still? Run? Somehow try to make myself look bigger? (Right, like your scrawny body is going to intimidate a freakin’ bear!)
I desperately tried to think, but I just didn't know. Ultimately, my body made the decision on its own, my limbs freezing in place as the giant animal approached.
My heart jumped into my throat the moment it locked eyes with me, pounding there next to my larynx. I couldn’t tell what color the bear’s irises were, but its pupils were huge and black.
Just like the rest of him. (I don't know why, but up close, I was reasonably certain it was male.)
The bear stopped with his snout less than a foot from my face. Then it snarled.
Terror engulfed me. “Oh God. Please don’t eat me,” I blathered, covering my head with my arms in a futile effort to somehow shield myself from its undoubtedly sharp teeth.
I waited with my eyes screwed shut for his teeth or claws to embed themselves in me.
But when one tense minute crawled by, and then another, with no gruesome violence befalling me, disbelief had me peeking back up at the animal.
I regretted it immediately.
As soon as I moved, the bear darted forward, poking its snout into my exposed side, digging his nose into my ribs and sniffing at me.
I stayed perfectly still, even as the force the bear used to prod at me threatened to tip me over. “What are you doing?” I half-shrieked, fear making my tongue even looser than it normally was. “Are you trying to decide if I’d make a tasty lunch? Because I don’t think there’s enough meat on me to make it worth your effort.”
The bear shifted his snout, trying to pry it between my arms and get at my head. Petrified tears prickled at my eyes. “Please stop!” I cried, nearly choking on the last word.
To my surprise, the animal above me stiffened, before slowly – reluctantly – withdrawing.
What?
Even with terror-fueled adrenaline running through my veins, I could no longer resist the urge to examine the animal.
When I peered out between my arms, he was standing before me on all fours, just staring. His eyes, still composed almost entirely of pupil, looked oddly… intelligent.
I swallowed. “Can… can you understand me?”
It didn’t answer me, of course. It was a bear. The very idea was ludicrous. (But it had pulled away when you asked, a voice persisted.)
Exactly; it had pulled away. Maybe it had finally decided I wasn’t food and was losing interest. And I needed to get out of there before it changed its mind. I bit my lip, using the tree behind me to shimmy into a standing position. After all, I wasn’t about to turn my back on the bear, who continued to stand there, watching me curiously. “I’m just going to…”
I attempted to hobble to the side, nearly losing my balance in the process.
Either the sudden movement startled him, or he really didn’t want me to leave because the bear sprung forward, roaring so loudly into my face that spittle landed on my cheek. I immediately froze, a scream stuck somewhere in my throat, what little of it managing to escape limping out of my mouth in a tiny whimper.
At nearly the same moment, another roar resounded through the trees, and there was a mammoth splash near the river.
Even staring in the face of almost certain death, I couldn’t resist looking.
Just as I suspected, there was a second bear in the river, just as massive as the one in front of me, but far, far angrier.
It released another monstrous roar before bounding forward, river water dripping from its fur as it charged, not at me – thank whatever deity was watching over me – but the other bear.
It crashed into him, knocked him down – but he wasn’t on the ground long. They slashed their claws at each other, baring their teeth, but despite the loud growling reverberating from their chests, they weren’t really fighting. More like… posturing.
I came to the horrifying realization that they weren’t savagely tearing into each other because they weren’t actually trying to hurt each other… just squabbling over who got to eat me.
Forcing my terror-laden limbs to move, I ran. Or, I tried to run, anyway.
Unfortunately, I only made it approximately two steps before my ankle gave out from under me and I stumbled, barely managing to catch myself with my hands before face-planting into the overgrown wet grass.
My fiasco of an escape attempt caught both bears’ attention. Now that they were standing right next to each other, I could tell them apart. The bear that had found me was slightly larger than the second bear to arrive at the scene, and the second bear’s fur was a shade lighter than the first’s.
That’s how I knew it was the second bear who took advantage of the other’s lapse in attention and dug his teeth viciously into his shoulder.
In response, the bear released a wounded yowl before snarling, and ripping his own flesh out of the other bear’s mouth.
But he didn’t retaliate.
Instead, he slowly backed away, glancing once more in my direction before growling at his attacker, turning tail and disappearing into the woods.
And then there was one.
The bear – the second to arrive at the river – slowly approached me.
I knew people claimed that their lives flashed before their eyes in imminent death scenarios, and I didn't know if it was because I didn’t have any memories that spanned further than two weeks ago, but all I could think about in that moment… was Derek.
Secretly sweet Derek who’d already been so hardened by the world. I knew he would blame himself if he ever found out my grisly fate.
For his sake, I hoped that the bear ate all of me, bones included, because if he left any scraps of me behind for the man to find…
Derek already carried enough of a chip on his broad shoulders.
It was oddly calming thinking of Derek, even as the bear loomed nearer and nearer.
In fact, the animal almost seemed to be getting… smaller – less intimidating – as it approached me.
Shock tingled down my spine when I realized it really was shrinking, fur receding into very human skin until it was Derek kneeling before me instead of the bear. Almost like he’d appeared simply because I’d wished hard enough for it.
Except, of course, that was completely impossible. (Are you sure about that? Derek was a freakin’ bear a second ago.)
It was true. The bear was gone, and Derek was in its place. (A very naked Derek, my subconscious pointed out helpfully.)
But along with the shock, incredulity, and fear… there was wonder.
Refusing to look at me, he gently wrapped his hands around my injured ankle, carefully prodding at the swollen skin.
I couldn't help but flinch.
“Are you hurt anywhere else?”
He asked it like he hadn’t just been a huge bear a minute before, like if neither of us acknowledged that little fact, my mind would somehow forget it, which, come to think of it… fair.
There were so many thoughts whirling through my mind – so many questions – and yet when I opened my mouth, the one that spilled out was: “Is this why you stopped kissing me?”