CHAPTER TWENTY
A fucking angel.
Wisp’s nose had crinkled when I said it, and I could tell she had wanted to argue, but that’s what she was.
I don’t think anyone could have denied it if they saw her right then, half-tucked into the crook of my arm and half-sprawled out on my chest. Her body was warm against mine, the lub dub of her heart playing in a reassuring loop in my ears.
After sharing just enough kisses that my dick was straining against the waistband of my shorts, Wisp had fallen asleep on top of me.
It might have occurred to me to be insulted if I hadn’t been so damn relieved. I’d been on the verge of losing the shaky grip on my control – on giving in to the urge to pin her down against the couch and just… taking her – when her eyes had begun to drift shut, and she’d slowly grown lax against me.
I’d been relieved because as much as I wanted Wisp, I couldn’t let myself have her. Not yet. Not completely. Not when a part of me was still afraid that I would ruin her. I didn’t want to somehow tarnish her goodness with my grizzly, short-tempered bullshit.
I didn’t want to hurt her like I had so many others.
Memories of towering flames, and thick, black smoke assaulted me.
That wasn’t your fault, a voice immediately chimed. Wisp said so.
It was true. Somehow, Wisp had taken in all the sordid details of my past – my violent retaliation against my classmates, the resulting fire – and decided that I wasn’t to blame, that I was a good person even.
I recalled the way she had called my soul beautiful, disbelief still lingering as I replayed in my mind how sincere she had sounded.
It was almost enough to make me believe it – though not enough to risk sullying her.
Holding her, though; that was something I could do.
Even with the uncomfortable panels of the couch digging into my back, I couldn’t bring myself to move. I was tired and achy enough from the exhausting night that I could have fallen asleep regardless.
If I could bring myself to drag my eyes away from Wisp’s face, anyway. She was the beautiful one. Anyone with eyes could see that. She was so fucking pretty that it almost hurt to look at her.
The problem was I didn’t want to look away. I was transfixed by the tiny spattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose and the way her fluttering eyelashes cast shadows across her face. Her lips looked pink and inviting even in sleep.
I remembered the way they had moved against mine, sweet and a little clumsy, almost like she’d never kissed anyone before – a thought that both terrified and fucking enthralled me.
Because for some bedamned reason, she wanted me.
I’d done everything in my power to chase her away, but she was so stubborn. (Sweet, kind, so damn trusting, it verged on stupidity… fucking perfect basically.)
I wasn’t sure the exact moment that I’d lost the strength to fight her. Maybe when she’d seen my shifter form and the first question that had popped out of her ridiculous mouth was if he – the bear – was the reason I’d stopped kissing her. Or, perhaps more likely, it was when I had told her I was responsible for my parents’ deaths, and her response had been to wrap me up in a hug and refuse to let go.
I was only one man. I could only resist so much. Especially when I wanted her, too – more than anything or anyone in my life.
And now that I had her, I didn't think I could ever let her go. I wanted to keep her in my arms forever, safe and hidden away from the rest of the world.
Wisp shifted against me in her sleep, little wrinkles forming on her brow as she frowned. Moving carefully so as not to wake her, I smoothed them out with my thumb, my grip around her waist growing tighter.
I hoped she wasn’t having another nightmare.
The way I had been forced to wake her from one last night – or rather, this morning – was still fresh in my mind. I remembered the way she had thrashed and twisted, trying to get away from me – like I was hurting her. Even awake, she had been so panicked that she was choking on air, struggling to breathe.
It had terrified me.
When she had finally calmed down enough to speak, she’d told me about the man in her nightmares, about how he’d chased her – scared her. She had described him as tall with yellow hair and a goatee. She’d also mentioned gray eyes.
I hadn’t been lying when I’d told Wisp he didn’t sound familiar.
But something else had.
The cliff she had described standing at the top of – it had sparked something in my mind: a long-forgotten memory of cliff-diving with my father and Abram when I was a teenager.
I was almost certain I knew where it was.
But I was reluctant to tell that to Wisp, let alone take her out there. I didn’t want her suffering another panic attack. (You mean you don’t want her remembering, a snide voice pointed out.)
It was true.
If I was completely honest with myself, it was another thing stopping me from truly claiming Wisp the way my inner beast – the way that I – longed to: Wisp’s lack of memory beyond the past two weeks.
What if she wakes up one day remembering who she is and decides she no longer wants anything to do with me?
My chest ached at the thought of it.
But as I gazed at Wisp’s peaceful expression, I knew that more than I needed to protect my feelings, I needed to protect her.
I’d have to find a way to go out to the cliff and scope it out – preferably alone. Maybe I would find a clue to the mystery man’s identity. If I did, I would track him down and… well, I would destroy him.
Because I knew without a doubt that I would do anything for the girl sleeping soundly in my arms. She was mine now – mine to care for and protect – and I would kill before I ever allowed anyone to hurt her again.
* * *
“You’re going to hurt yourself,” I grumbled, shadowing Wisp as she sprinkled seed on the ground for the chickens. My arms were stiff at my sides, ready to catch her if she fell.
I’d told her to just let me do it, but she’d pouted and batted those big, brown eyes at me. (“Please, Derek. I miss them, and they miss me. Especially Geraldine. I heard the way she squawked at you yesterday.”)
Like I cared about a goddamn chicken’s feelings when Wisp had sprained her ankle three days ago and could easily re-injure it hobbling around the damn pen.
But then she’d kissed me – a chaste little thing pressed to my mouth – and I’d had no choice but to agree. Because if I didn’t allow her to shuffle away from me, I would have pinned her to the nearest wall and fucking drank from her sweet, little mouth.
She had no idea what her kisses did to me. Even an innocent peck to my mouth had my dick at half-mass, demanding more.
She would have let me have it, too – have her. That was the hardest part about holding myself back: knowing that she wanted me as much as I wanted her. I could smell it on her – the way her sweet scent ripened with desire when I was near. I could hardly believe I hadn’t noticed it before. I’d been so intent on keeping my distance from her.
“I’m not going to hurt myself,” Wisp said, her amused voice bringing me back to the present. “My ankle is already starting to feel better, and besides,” she added teasingly, “you would never allow it.”
She had no idea how right she was.
I’d spent the past three days dually taking care of her while she rested her ankle and contemplating whether hiking out to the cliff from her dreams (memories?) was worth the risk of leaving Wisp alone for the handful of hours that it would take to search it.
The urge to go there – to eliminate the man who starred in Wisp’s nightmares – was a constant itch under my skin. It was beginning to make me irritable.
“Ooft!”
I was ripped from my thoughts when one of the hens came scurrying across the pen in a sudden huff, running between Wisp’s legs, and doing its best to knock her off balance.
Acting on instinct, I reached out to steady Wisp, leaving my hands on her hips until she was stable.
“This is why you should be resting,” I scolded her before setting my sights on the riled hen. “Get the hell out of here, you demented shit, before I decide I want chicken wings for supper!” I kicked some dirt at it, but the hen just squawked at me before settling down to peck at the seed near Wisp’s feet.
I scowled at the thing before returning my attention to Wisp. I stopped short when I realized she was staring at me with concerned eyes.
“What?” I grumbled, fighting the urge to cross my arms defensively.
She bit her lip. “Nothing. It’s just… you’ve been so tense the past few days. I mean… are you okay?”
I could read between the lines enough to know what she was really asking. I’m sure to her, it seemed like I’d been on edge since I’d revealed my shifter form to her, since I’d exposed my past… since I’d, for all intents and purposes, declared my interest in her.
I couldn’t fault Wisp if she thought I was second-guessing my decisions. She had no idea that, in reality, I was just trying to wrap my head around how I was going to eliminate a threat that I wasn’t even completely sure existed.
“I just… worry about you.” It was as close to the truth as I could get without revealing to Wisp that the cliff from her dreams was likely real, and more, that I knew where it was.
Wisp tilted her head to the side, examining me closely before sighing. “You worry too much,” she declared, glancing down at her bum ankle before offering me a sheepish grin. “I mean, I know I sort of bring it on to myself, but really, I’m okay.”
I don’t think she understood that I hadn’t had anyone to worry about in years. And now that I did finally have someone I was responsible for, it was a precious girl who I was hyper-aware needed my protection.
“I’m… sorry,” I managed to force out. “It’s just…” I care about you. I need you. The thought of something happening to you is fucking terrifying.
Using my shoulders to balance herself, Wisp pushed herself up onto her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to my mouth. “It’s fine,” she assured me before lowering herself back down to the soles of her feet and wandering out of the chicken pen.
I stood there stiffly for a half-minute, urging the want I could feel thrumming under my skin to settle. She always did it so casually – pressing her mouth to mine – that I never saw it coming. It was almost like she didn't know the effect her innocent little kisses had on me.
Either that or she was testing me – striving for a reaction. But it wasn’t one I could give her. Not yet.
After shaking off the urge to show Wisp how I would like to use my mouth on her, I trailed after her.
I examined her gait intently as she walked. Her ankle really did seem much better already, her limp barely noticeable as she made her way up the porch steps before carefully lowering herself onto the swing there.
She smiled up at me. “Why don’t you go for a walk?” she suggested. “Check the traps? It’s been several days, and I know it bothers you to leave them so long. Maybe it will help you unwind a little.”
Now was my chance, I realized. I could go to the cliff without Wisp ever knowing. Except…
I frowned. “I don’t want to leave you alone,” I admitted.
Wisp sighed. “Derek,” she said, somehow sounding both fond and exasperated. “I will be fine. I know it probably doesn’t seem like it to you, but I’m not a complete invalid. I think I can take care of myself for a couple hours.”
Logically, I knew that. And realistically, it wasn’t feasible for me to be with her for every hour of every day. In fact, it was the very reason I’d been toying with… an idea in the back of my mind.
“What do you know about guns?” I asked.
Wisp blinked at the change of subject. “Um… they shoot things?” she answered hesitantly.
My mouth twitched. “Yes, they do – or people use them to shoot things, anyway. Some people even use them for protection. I want to teach you how to shoot one when I get back from… checking the traps.”
Wisp eyed me speculatively. “And that will make you feel better? Teaching me how to shoot a gun?”
“Yes.”
She shrugged. “Okay, then. Shooting lessons, it is. Now, go. You deserve to relax a little, and I know the forest helps you do that.”
I frowned. “And you’ll stay here the whole time?”
Wisp raised her eyebrows. “Where else would I go?”
Right.
Admittedly, it’d been a ridiculous question.
I took the time to grab my utility belt from the cabin – it held my hunting knives and the other tools I needed to check my traps – which I would do. As soon as I hiked to the cliff.
I was back outside a moment later, some of the tension in my shoulders drifting away at the sight of Wisp reclining on the swing, a tattered mystery novel that I’d found abandoned in the woods years ago and had never bothered to throw away in her hands. Wisp had been chipping away at the book since her ankle injury had left her largely immobile.
She seemed absorbed in the pages, so I left her to her reading, approaching Thane instead, who was resting in the grass near the garden.
“Don’t let anything happen to her, boy,” I murmured, squatting to pat him on the head. I took the reassuring lap of his wet tongue against my palm as an affirmative.
Then I took off.
Hiking to the cliff took longer than I expected, mostly due to the rough terrain. The trek was comprised of steep hills and waist-high grass, and the ground was covered in hidden pitfalls – rabbit holes and overgrown roots that threatened to trip me at every turn.
The cliff was located well out of my territory. Out of Abram’s, too.
Nearly two hours into the hike, I finally reached it.
The drop-off was almost exactly as I remembered it, some fifty feet high and overlooking one of the widest sections of the Skagit River.
Nothing at the top of the cliff looked disturbed, so wasting no time, I began exploring the surrounding area, combing through the underbrush and searching for signs that someone had been there – perhaps a broken tree branch or wilted grass. Besides that, the problem was I didn't know what exactly I was looking for. I just had to trust that when I found it – if I found it – I would know.
I cast a wide net and kept plodding along until I reached the highway, which I was surprised to realize was located only a quarter mile from the cliff. It occurred to me that Wisp may have been on the road at some point, in a car or even walking in the ditches like I’d caught her doing the night after I’d found her.
But there was nothing – nothing in the ditch but discarded pop cans and crumpled McDonald’s bags, and no signs of skid marks on the road.
I gave up, and was slowly making my way back to the cliff-top when something glinting in the grass happened to catch my eye. It was only a couple dozen yards from the edge of the cliff, and the sun was in just the right point in the sky for me to notice its rays bouncing off whatever it was like a beacon.
An unexpected shot of adrenaline rushing through me, I hurried over and bent down to pick it up.
I stiffened when I realized what exactly I was holding.
A ring.
Apprehension settled over me as I examined the piece of jewelry. The gold band was cold against my fingers, and rather small – clearly forged to fit a woman. There was a large, circular diamond at its center, surrounded by a cluster of smaller gems. It looked suspiciously like… an engagement ring.
I huffed.
So what?
It probably didn’t even belong to Wisp. I’d never noticed any tan lines around her fingers, and the ring looked like it cost more than an average person’s mortgage. Wisp was perfectly content wandering around in Wal-Mart clothes. This was way too… extravagant to be hers.
It was someone else’s ring. It had to be.
Who else would have been up here? a voice mocked. And so recently, too? There’s not a speck of wear on it.
It isn’t hers, I repeated firmly, tightening my grip around the ring until it bit into my palm.
There was no point in showing it to her, in trying to jog memories that weren’t there.
I swallowed.
Even if the ring had been hers at some point… it wasn’t anymore. No matter who she may have been in the past, she was Wisp now. She was mine.
I trudged to the edge of the cliff, hesitating only a moment before heaving the ridiculous ring over the edge and watching, satisfaction creeping up my spine, as it disappeared into the watery abyss of the river.