GWEN

"Dragons," Andrea murmurs from her cot across the room. "Did you ever think that when the world ended, it'd be because of dragons?"

I roll over in my bed, unable to sleep either. We've shared this room together since we both left (well, fled) Fort Tulsa and settled here in what became Fort Shreveport. Andrea's been my best friend, my second-in-charge, and my sounding board. This isn't the first late night we've had discussing all kinds of things from food rations to men to our lives in the Before. It's certainly not the first time we've talked dragons.

Today, it carries a lot more weight, though.

"I thought it'd be a bomb of some kind," I admit to her, tucking my hands under my cheek as I stare into the darkness of our room. "War. Heck, global warming making the oceans too hot. Something gradual."

"Yeah, same. Never thought, 'hey, maybe this great big honking tear will open up in the sky and a bunch of bloodthirsty dragons will shoot out and flame the world. Gotta say that on my list of end-time scenarios, that wasn't even in the top ten."

I chuckle, because what else can you do but laugh? The time for sobbing and railing over our fate is years past. Those who could adapt and survive, did. The billions that couldn't…didn't.

"Dragons," Andrea sighs again. "I thought aliens were more likely than dragons. I mean, damn. How many science fiction movies were there about aliens? I can't think of any with freaking dragons. Can you?"

I can think of one, actually, but it's not why Andrea's getting chatty late at night. She's trying to distract me from the host of problems that have been piling onto Fort Shreveport in the last few days. The worst of all, they're problems that are all my fault. Despair threads through me and I want to bury my face into my pillow and hide from the world.

But I can't, because I'm the mayor. I have to be the leader because no one else stepped up.

I look over at the empty cot on the other side of the classroom, across from Andrea's and mine, tucked under the old blackboard. It's my sister's bed, and right now, she's being held captive by nomads, all because I'm a terrible leader. Somewhere out in the night, Daniela's suffering and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't leave because I'm needed here…even as I drive the damn place into the ground with my choices.

Is this how the president felt when the dragons arrived, I wonder? That every choice made just makes things worse? That no matter how good your intentions, shit just keeps piling higher until you feel like screaming and never stopping?

"Gwen?" Andrea whispers.

"I'm here. I'm sorry. I'm just…thinking."

"About Daniela? It isn't your fault."

"Isn't it? I let the Brothers of Ash into the fort."

"We've let everyone into the fort," she says reasonably. "That's what we do. We're a refuge for others who are fleeing other forts. You didn't know they'd turn out to be assholes."

I didn't, but I should have known. When I saw a dozen bikers ride up without a single woman amongst them, I should have known. I should have listened to the little voice in the back of my head that was screaming that this was a bad idea. But I felt guilty for that voice. Just because they were a bunch of old grizzled white dudes didn't mean they were going to hurt anyone. Maybe they were just looking for shelter from a dragon attack, and Andrea was right, we'd always let everyone in. You can't pick and choose based on how people look.

I'm so stupid. So, so stupid. Maybe if I'd listened to that cautious little voice, no one would have gotten hurt. They wouldn't have robbed us, hurt some of the girls, blackmailed us into giving up all of our supplies.

Maybe Daniela'd be safe in her bed instead of a captive of those jerks. Possibly dead. Most likely raped. Oh god. All of that's my fault, too.

"You did what you thought was best," Andrea tells me, but I don't believe her. I'm the leader. I should know better. I should think with more caution because I'm supposed to protect everyone.

"Thanks," I say softly, because what else can I say? Andrea's going to try to cheer me up all night if I don't acknowledge her. She's a good friend and incredibly loyal. She'll never let me speak badly of myself even when I fuck up.

"But it sounds like Amy wants to be in charge. How do you feel about that?" Andi looks at me curiously.

"Relieved," I admit, and then we both go silent. I'm pretty sure we're both thinking the same thing. We're thinking about Amy's dragon.

Amy herself is a sweet, mild-seeming blonde with a limp. She comes from Fort Dallas and arrived a day or two ago. That's not so unusual. We get people passing through all the time. What is unusual is that she came with a man. A man with golden skin, strange hair, and who kept his eyes covered. We didn't think anything of it at first—in the After, you run into a lot of weirdos. People cope in different ways. Some go crazy. Some pierce everything they can find. Some cover themselves with tattoos. We had one girl who passed through on the way to Fort Orleans and had cut her face thousands of times so she'd be scarred up and unattractive to anyone who wanted a woman. So yeah, we've seen a lot of weird, and at first I thought he was just more weird showing up at the fort.

I hated that the reason they’d arrived was because I'd made a pact with the Brothers of Ash, the biker nomads, that if we got any newcomers, we'd hand them over as our tithe. We’d set up a crappy plan to lure outsiders in. I hated the thought of doing so, but the nomads have Daniela. It's another one of those leadership problems where there's no right answer. Do I sell out total strangers to save my sister? Or do I let them go and let my sister die a horrible death at the hands of nomads?

There's no winning. I chose Daniela and set a trap for Amy and her friend “Sam.”

Amy, however, saw through the trap I set. She confronted me, and I folded like a deck of cards, admitting the truth. I expected her to attack me, to try to kill me for what I pulled. Part of me actually welcomed it because then the choice was out of my hands. Cowardly, I know, but I've been so desperate and afraid that at least it was an answer.

Amy didn't attack, though.

She very quietly and firmly took charge of the situation and introduced us to her dragon.

“Sam” isn't a Sam at all. He isn't even human. He's a dragon, one of the golden males that seemingly has his mind together. It's a lot to take in and I didn't believe it at first, despite the man's strange, golden eyes, sharp teeth, and scaly-looking skin. Like I said, I've seen weird before.

But then he shifted to dragon form. And then I believed. I think Andrea passed out when she saw him. I don't blame her. I nearly peed my pants in terror at the sight of him, and the only thing that stopped me was just how utterly unafraid Amy was. Fragile Amy with her bad leg was completely at ease as the big dragon ran his muzzle against her cheek. She said his name was Rast, not Sam, and that his people were drakoni. That they'd lost their minds when they came to this world through the Rift, and only being mated to her has helped him. Her sister has bonded with a dragon, too, and a friend of hers.

The dragon that's decided to start attacking Fort Shreveport and had us under siege for the last week or so? Amy says he's looking for his mate. That he smells her in the fort and when he finds her, he won't attack anymore.

It's a lot to take in.

"I can't believe dragons turn into people," Andrea whispers, and it's clear we're thinking the same. "That under there all this time, there's a person. I always thought of them like…I don't know. Scorpions or snakes. Just really, really big. Attack-y. I didn't think of them as people."

"I know what you mean." I never thought of them as anything other than a mindless enemy. Now I can't help but wonder what's going on with them as they rampage over each city, attacking it. They still do. They're like clockwork. No matter where there's a human settlement, they find us and attack. I thought the rest of our lives would be spent hiding and trying to scrape out a living. Amy's bond with her dragon shows me that there's hope for something else. That the dragons are people, too, and if we can just somehow talk to them, maybe we can co-exist peacefully.

"He looks like Liam," Andrea says. "The gold skin. The hair. Always covered up."

I think of Liam. I barely know the guy. Out of all the forty-three people in Fort Shreveport, I know him the least. He showed up a few months ago, alone and without supplies. Said he was from a little fort out west that had been completely razed to the ground and was looking for a new home. He settled in and keeps to himself. Andrea's little brother Benny knows him better than anyone else, I think. I've talked to him a few times, but he's never pinged my radar as dangerous. Strange, yes. He's got that weird golden skin and sharp teeth, but, again, it's the After. Weird is normal. I never thought of him as dangerous, though.

Now, looking back, it's just another person that I've let into our fort without realizing how deadly they are, and I'm filled with shame. "You think Liam…"

"I think so," Andrea says. "I mean, I don't know for sure. I've never seen him without a hat on, so I don't know if he has the spikes in his hair like Sam does."

"Rast," I correct softly. "His name is Rast." Sam sounds far too human.

"Right. Rast." She shifts on the bed, looping her arms over her crossed legs and hugging them to her chest. "But I saw him without sunglasses once and his eyes were that weird solid color like Rast. He told me they were damaged when the Rift opened. I thought maybe he'd just looked directly at the sun and like…they changed. Or that he’d tattooed the whites of his eyes like I saw this one weird chick have done. I don't know. People do strange stuff to their bodies, so I thought that perhaps he'd had something done when he got his teeth sharpened. Now of course, I think I'm an idiot." She huffs a laugh. "I guess we'll make up any sort of excuse to think someone's safe, right?"

I sit up in bed, too, pulling my blankets around my thighs and facing her. "Don't blame yourself. I wouldn't see someone weird looking and automatically think dragon either."

"He was just so normal, you know? I think of Amy's guy and how he just stands behind her and glowers at everyone, and Liam wasn't like that. He was quiet, but never scary. Never…dragon-y. I still can't believe it."

"What does Benny say?"

Her mouth screws up as she thinks about her little brother. "Benny hasn't seen him since Amy and her guy showed up."

"Convenient," I point out.

"Yeah. Real convenient and kinda makes him look real, real guilty." She sighs, gazing off into space.

In a way, I'm glad that Liam has left. One less problem for Fort Shreveport. God knows we have enough of them right now. Andrea looks distressed, though. "Will you miss him?" I ask.

"Huh? Oh, no. I just worry Benny's going to follow." She chews on her lip, frustrated, her gaze distant.

"Not yet, I don't think," I tell her, but the words are cold comfort. Benny's sixteen and at the age where no one can tell him anything. He's a typical teenager, and with only Andrea to parent him, he tends to be trouble. If there's someone caught setting fires or sneaking out after hours, it's normally Benny. He's a shitty kid, but Andrea does the best she can. She's only a few years older than him, so it's hard for her to draw the line between sister and parental figure…and she's the only one he'll listen to. Even then he doesn't listen all the time.

"Mm." Andrea's quiet for a long moment and then glances at the sheet-metal covering where the window in this room used to be, as if she can see the moonlight through it. "Maybe he'll stay if Rast sticks around. For curiosity's sake."

"Maybe," I say encouragingly.

"Dragons," she says with a small shake of her head. Her expression grows wistful again and she looks at the window once more. "I think that's why he's outside the city. He wants someone."

"The dragon?" Of course, I immediately feel stupid for asking. It has to be the damn dragon. No one else is outside waiting…except for the Brothers of Ash. I know Andrea's not talking about them, though. "You think he's looking for Amy, too? Or Liam?"

"No." She shifts in the bed, her body all nervous energy. Her long blonde braid swings over one shoulder and she crosses her legs, tucking them under the oversized construction company T-shirt she wears as a nightgown and making a tent out of it. "I think he's looking for someone else. A mate."

I sit up slowly, because a dragon looking for a mate here in Fort Shreveport could be a real mess. The last thing we need is another problem. "Why do you think that?"

"You heard what Amy said. That her dragon smelled her and knew she was his mate. That has to be why this other's come out of nowhere and zoomed in on our fort. That has to be why he won't leave. He thinks he needs someone in here."

A chill ripples up my arms, making the small hairs stand up. I don't know what scares me more—what she's saying or the eagerness in her voice. "Amy thinks he's looking for someone here, but how would he get their scent? Let's be reasonable."

"Are you kidding? He could get anyone's scent, Gwen! We all go out on scavenging runs or hunting. You, me, Kristine, Cass, Jayla, Shawna, Daniela…"

"Benny," I add in, thinking hard. She's not wrong. Everyone goes in and out of the fort from time to time, except for those too afraid to go out like Kelly, or who have a new baby, like Luz.

Andrea snorts. "The dragon's not interested in Benny."

"How do you know?"

"Because he's a guy dragon."

I have to laugh at her utter confidence. "What, you saw his junk hanging down when he flew overhead one day?"

"No, silly." She throws a pillow at my head, and I dodge it easily. "Because he's gold. Think about it. Rast is gold. Liam? Gold. This dragon? Gold. How come whenever we see a dragon, it's only ever gold or red? Red must be the chick dragons and gold is clearly the dudes."

Wow. She puts it like that and it makes perfect sense. I'll ask Amy about it in the morning, but clearly Andrea's been giving this a lot of thought. I feel guilty that I haven't put as much into it as she has, because this is good information to have and it's logical, too. There's been so much on my plate lately, but I can't shake the “shitty leader” feeling that's taking over me again. I hate this. I never wanted to be leader in the first place, but I stepped up and it's clear I'm awful at it. These people deserve someone better at this than me. "It could be after Benny," I argue. "Might be a gay dragon."

"I think a lot of this seems to be biological," she tells me with a shake of her head. "It's definitely here for a girl."

"You've given this a lot of thought," I tease her.

She clasps her hands in front of her chest like she's praying, and for a moment, she looks completely, utterly radiant. "That's because I think he's here for me."

I stare at my friend, utterly shocked. "No."

"Yes!" She wiggles on the bed, as excited as a kid at Christmas. "I mean, think about it. Who else goes in and out of the city as often as I do?"

"A few people," I admit. We all take our turns on patrol and on scavenging runs. I go out, Cass goes out…but Andrea's right, she does go out more than all the rest of us. Maybe I don't want to believe it because I can't lose Andrea, too. I'm barely coping with the fact that I look over and Daniela's bunk is empty. I don't know what I'll do if I lose my best friend in addition to my sister.

I'll be completely and utterly lost.

"I think it's me," Andrea says again, and she has that look of hopeful rapture on her face. "And I think I can save us, Gwen."

It feels less about saving Fort Shreveport and more about Andrea. I get that, though. She's lonely. We all are. It's hard to trust anyone in the After, and as a woman, it's doubly hard. Everyone wants to use you or own you. Sometimes both at once. It's impossible to trust and there are very few men that come through Fort Shreveport. I've resigned myself to a life of solitude and serving the fort…but maybe Andrea wants something different. I think of Amy and the content, utterly happy look on her face. That's not someone who's abused or terrified of her dragon. That's someone who's loved and full of joy.

It's easy to see why Andrea wants that.

"Are you sure?" I ask, because I feel like I don't know what to think anymore. I'm clearly a terrible judge of people.

"I think so," Andrea tells me, and she gets out of bed and pulls on a pair of ratty jeans. "I mean, there's no downside to this, Gwen. Think about it. I need to meet him. To say hello and introduce myself. If I can talk to him, I can get him to stop attacking. I can have him help protect us like Rast protects Amy. And…" She sighs and straightens, the look on her face growing distant again. "Have you ever seen anyone look at a girl the way Rast watches Amy?"

"No," I admit softly. She wasn't the only one that noticed just how Rast watches his blonde friend. He looks at her like he wants to devour her whole and worship her both at the same time. It isn't just in his eyes, but the way he hovers protectively near her, touching her arm or her elbow as if making sure she needs anything. He’s attentive and gentle and loving—three things I'd never associate with a dragon.

But there's no denying that Rast is wildly in love with Amy and that the feeling is returned.

"This is going to sound corny and romantic," Andrea tells me as she slides a grubby sneaker on. "But if someone's going to love me half as much as he loves her, I want that, Gwen. I want to know what that feels like. There's no downside to this. Not really."

I watch as she pulls her other sneaker on. "You really want to give this a shot?"

"I really do."

"I…is that why you're getting dressed in the middle of the night? Please just tell me you just want some fresh air."

She immediately drops next to me on my bed, excitement gleaming in her eyes. "This is my chance, Gwen. Don't you see? With Rast and Amy here, he's not going to come any closer. She said she's having Rast keep him away. That means if I'm going to meet him, I have to go to him and not the other way around." She grabs my hands. "Please come with me."

"Why? Because I'm a bad judge of character and won't stop you?"

Andrea laughs and flings her arms around my neck. I swear, she's giddy with the prospect of love. I've never seen her so damn excited. It's a little surprising and I'm envious. What's it like to go through life with such hope instead of wondering what you've fucked up this day? I wish I knew. She hugs me tight and wiggles back and forth. "You're not a bad judge of character. You just like to think everyone plays by the same rules you do and then you're let down when no one does."

"Which…makes me a bad judge of character, hello."

She unwraps herself from my embrace and then flies across the room, rummaging through the trunk of her things. She finds a flashlight, shakes it, and the light comes on. "You're not a bad judge of character. Stop saying that. I know you don't think you're a good leader, but it's not like anyone else stepped up to solve the problems, did they? They're happy to let you do it and then bitch at you when it doesn't turn out. I used to watch a TV show back in the Before called Survivor. They separated all these people into tribes and made them vote each other off."

"I remember," I tell her. "Vaguely." Everything from the Before seems like a distant memory at this point. I get up to put my own shoes on, because I might be a terrible judge of character, but I'm also her friend and I'm not going to let her go out without someone to back her up.

"Yeah, well I remember on that show that the smart ones never wanted to be the leader. They knew that the moment it was time to vote someone off, the leader was the one everyone pointed to."

"Great. So now I'm also not smart," I tease.

She snorts and pulls a hoodie over her T-shirt then flips the hood up. "No, dummy. I'm just saying that you're the only one that stepped up and no one else did because they were afraid of being the fall guy. You know it's a shitty job, but you did it anyhow because someone had to. That takes guts. If no one else is going to give you credit for it, I will. It's a thankless job and it's going to be impossible to please everyone. You're going to make mistakes. That doesn't mean you're a bad person. You're doing the best with the hand you were dealt."

I pause as I pull on my sweatpants. That might be the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. I'm emotional and weepy as she moves to my side. "You're a good person, Andrea," I tell her softly. "And you have no idea how much I appreciate you trying to cheer me up."

She grabs my cheeks, pinching them as if I'm a five-year-old and not almost ten years older than her, and the action shoves her flashlight against my cheek. "I'm just trying to make you realize that you're not a bad person. At least you tried. No one else here can say that."

I don't know if “tried but failed” is exactly what you want on your résumé, but I smile at her anyhow, because she's trying really hard to cheer me up. "I guess not."

"Now, come with me? I'll feel better meeting my dragon knowing that I have a friend at my side."

Meeting “her” dragon. Yikes. "So, what's the plan here, Andrea? Slip past the night guard? They're going to want to know what we're doing."

"That's why I'm bringing the mayor with me." She beams.

Like that will stop the questions? "I still have to answer to people! Who's on guard tonight?"

"Eva and Lu."

I groan and shake my head, pulling away from her. "Eva's got the biggest mouth in the settlement. If you want everyone up in your business, then by all means, let's go out the front gate when she's on guard." I move to my own trunk, dragging out the weapons stash I keep hidden. It's not much—brass knuckles and an old can of pepper spray—but it'll buy us time. I set them down and then change into a hooded sweatshirt of my own and shove the items in the front pocket where my hands should go.

"Well…" She hesitates and then clicks off her kinetic flashlight. "So…I swore I wouldn't tell you this, but Benny showed me a secret way into the Fort."

I stare at her, aghast. She's in charge of our security and she's keeping this from me? "What?"

Andrea grimaces and waves a hand, indicating I should quiet. "Not so loud!"

"What hidden way in?" I hiss at her, incredulous.

"There's a gap in the chain link near the old gymnasium—"

"And when were you planning on telling me?"

She winces. "Benny said you'd be upset. He said that Liam showed him."

I clench my jaw, my nostrils flaring. I'm guessing that Benny and Liam made their own back way out of the settlement and Andrea's been protecting her brother. I want to be mad, but wouldn't I do the same for Daniela? So I just stare at her, frustrated.

"I'm sorry, okay? We'll weld it shut tomorrow at first light. Promise." She holds up her fingers in something that's either a girl scout promise or an alien hand sign from an old TV show. For a moment, she looks somber…and then she wiggles like a puppy. "But since we have a way out…"

I groan. "Fine. Let's just get this over with. So we go out the back door. How do we find the dragon after that?"

Andrea grabs my hand in the darkness of our room and squeezes it hard. "I'm pretty sure he's going to find us."

That's kind of what I'm afraid of.