CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Jared
“Why didn't I say it?”
I felt really dumb. I should have told Darby while she was here. I wanted to tell her I loved her. It had been on the tip of my tongue, but at the last moment I had lost my nerve.
I never said that to anyone before.
By myself in the ward, I lay in my hospital bed, trying not to notice how aching I was.
I still couldn't quite believe she had come to see me. It was the last thing I would ever have expected. She had come all the way from Newton, MA – to see me? It felt crazy. There were times I thought she hated me. Certainly, I had thought she didn't care.
Nothing could have been further from the truth.
I felt like there was a warm light burning in my chest somewhere. I hadn't ever felt cared about before. My whole life I'd felt a bit like a nuisance – the bad smell that people wanted to forget was there. But I was starting to learn what it felt like to be loved and cared for. It was a good feeling.
“Mr. Manning?”
I looked leftward. It was the nurse in the door. A gaunt woman with kind eyes, she and I had come to a grudging understanding. She gave me the relief of painkillers, I gave her decent manners. She was the same nurse who'd treated me last time I was in here. I'd learned the hard way that she didn't like sass from her patients.
“Yes?” I asked.
“Time for your painkillers.”
I felt a wash of relief. “Good.”
She came over and went through the procedure that had by now become routine for me – swabbing down my wrist, sliding in the needle. It hurt, but not as much as the one yesterday had done, for which I was grateful.
“There. Now, Doctor Hudson will come and see you in a minute – he'll say if you're good to go.”
“Good.”
I was looking forward to getting out of here.
When Doctor Hudson came around, he pronounced me good to go. He gave me two prescriptions – one for painkillers, one for anti-inflammatories. Then he said I could leave.
“Whew.”
I sighed. Getting out of bed and back to my own house was probably the best thing for me.
It felt weird, getting home. I walked into the place where, days before, I had felt so desolate and depressed. Now, my chest was full of this beautiful melting feeling. It was love.
“Darby Gilmore. I love you.”
I whispered it under my breath. It felt good. I practiced saying it. I hadn't had any experience saying that to anyone. I hadn't known how amazing it felt to love someone before now. But now I did.
I made myself coffee and took an anti-inflammatory. I went to the fridge and took out the bottle of cheap wine and put it out on the doorstep by the trash. I wasn't going to touch that again. I was through with it. I didn't need that kind of thing.
I was checking my mail when the phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Jared! How are you?”
It was Cody. “Hey! Cody. I'm okay. What's up?”
“Nothing... only the boss was looking for you. He needed to talk to you. We told him you weren't here. Where are you, man?”
I closed my eyes. “I was in hospital again, Cody. Those guys...they came back. But I'm okay now.”
“Hell. Jared. Wow. That's hectic, man. But...can you come down later? Only, if Haddon needs to chat to you, then...” he trailed off.
I nodded. “Yeah. I know.”
We chatted a bit longer and when we hung up I sighed. What was all this about?
I couldn't help feeling a bit apprehensive. I mean, Haddon was asking for me? I remembered the day he had hired me.
“You are going to work,” he'd told me. “I don't take anyone's shit.”
It had worried me at the time, and now I was even more apprehensive. I wasn't going to make him regret hiring me. Not for anything. But I'd disappeared without warning for three days and he must be having second thoughts about me by now.
I made some lunch and drove down to the ranch, guts churning with apprehension. My chest was aching by the time I got there and I took a painkiller with a mouthful of water just before I went.
I walked in through the gate. The yard, predictably, was deserted. The guys must have just returned from lunch.
“Guys?” I called.
No-one. I walked through, with the eerie feeling I was the only person alive. I could hear the sound of horses in their stalls somewhere, and the sound of the wind banging a door somewhere.
“Guys?”
I breathed in the smell of fresh hay and clean cement and warm wind. But there was no sign of anyone. I could hear my own footsteps crunch on the dirt path as I headed out toward the field.
It was good to be back.
The first person I saw was Jeff. He had just dismounted by the paddock fence. He turned around and his eyes went huge when he saw me. He looked horrified, almost as if he had seen a ghost or something.
“Jared? Hell, man! What happened to you?”
I grinned shyly. “I got beat up,” I said.
He whistled. “You can say that again.”
“I got beat up.”
He closed his eyes, looking exasperated. “I didn't mean it...”
I laughed softly. “I know. Listen, Jeff. Cody said the boss was looking for me? When?”
Jeff shrugged. “He talked to Cody and Nics earlier. I was in the field. I dunno. But listen, don't worry. We aren't gonna let him cause trouble for you. We like having you here.”
I swallowed. My throat had gone all funny and tight and I couldn't get the words out properly.
“Thanks,” I managed.
He nodded. “No problem. Now, if the boss is still here, you know where to find him, right? And don't worry, okay? It'll be okay.”
I smiled. “Thanks,” I said softly.
It was a surprise to me that they all cared about me. The gangs I'd been in weren't like that – they might have said they were like brothers, but they never cared the way these guys did for me. It was each man for himself there. Here, I felt I was among friends.
I turned my steps toward the main building. As I walked there, I could feel my heart start to pound in my chest. I was scared. Stupid, really. I mean, I'd faced all kinds of threats in my time. But facing this guy being mad at me felt way worse somehow.
I went to the door. The boss's car – a new BMW cruiser – was parked outside the place, which meant he was here. I drew a deep breath and knocked.
“Hello?”
The voice sounded neutral. No indication of what he might say when I went in.
“Hi,” I said. I cleared my throat. “It's Jared.”
“Oh. Hi, Jared.”
I went in through the door. Mr. Haddon
was a shortish man with a severe haircut and big blue eyes. Years in the sun had made his skin look like leather, brown and seamed. But he smiled when he saw me.
“Mr. Haddon,” I said in a small voice. “I'm sorry. I know I missed work and I...”
He shook his head. “I know. I understand. That's been taken care of.”
Darby. I guessed immediately that she had already phoned him and explained things properly. I wanted to kiss her. That thought was distracting, of course, and I had to struggle to focus on hat the boss was saying now.
“Jared I need to ask you about... well... you know, I have a warehouse in Evanston, yeah? Well I need someone there. A... well, a technical assistant, if you like. I've got an accountant there, but he needs someone to do stuff like count wares, log stuff, track stock... you seem like a smart guy. You want to try?”
I stared at him. Was I actually hearing that? The boss was offering me a job? Another one? One in another sector entirely – a sector I'd dreamed of being in?
“Boss. I...” I actually felt my legs go weak and I put a hand on the wall to keep myself standing upright. “Boss. You are serious, right?”
He scratched his ear. “Of course, if you take this job, it'll give you a record of technical work...so you could maybe go on to start building a career in that line. You know, logistics...that kind of thing. It's hard work, mind, and you'd need to study – still...” he trailed off, shrugging.
I stared at him. “Boss. I don't know if you understand what that would mean to me,” I said in a small voice. It would mean, well...everything.”
I wasn't ashamed to lean on the desk. I felt as if someone had pulled the floor out from under me. It was a dream come true. I could get out of this kind of thing. I could go to college. Now I had a passport to the future I'd always dreamed of and never thought I could have. It was amazing.
“Okay,” he said. “I'll talk to the guys. See what we can do. Now. I take it you'll be coming into work until the end of the month?” He raised his brow.
I nodded vigorously. “Yes. Yes, boss.”
He nodded too. “Good. See that you do. You know I don't take shit.”
I laughed, nodding. My laugh was a bit wired. I was excited. I was so happy. My life had just changed completely. I could do what I'd always dreamed of doing. It felt like I'd woken up after a long sleep. It was a fresh start.
I almost felt as if I was floating when I walked out of the office. I drifted out to the barns. When I got there, Cody and Nics were busy grooming horses. They looked at me oddly.
“Jared. Hey...”
They seemed unsure of what to do, what to say. I think they thought the boss had fired me, but they weren't too sure how to ask if he had or not.
“Guys. I have news,” I said slowly. “I'm...I'm gonna be leaving.”
Cody and Nics exchanged glances.
“Listen, Jared,” Cody began, clearing his throat. “We've chatted and...”
“No,” I said. “It's not that. I'm not being fired. I'm being moved.”
“Moved.”
Nics and Cody looked at me like I'd just gone crazy. I felt like I had. But if this was crazy, then I wanted a lot more of it.
I told them.
They both grinned at me.
“Jared! That's awesome!”
“You want to do that?” Nics sounded dubious.
He looked at me suspiciously, as if wondering if the knock on my head had messed up what was left of my brain. I guess the idea that anyone would trade days on the ranch in the fresh air for time in an office somewhere must have seemed like a crazy thing to him. Maybe it was a crazy thing. A month ago I might have thought that too – but now I was excited. Really excited.
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I reckon it's what I wanted to do with my life all along. It's everything.”
I bit my lip, not wanting to do myself the embarrassment of crying in front of the guys. But the emotions I was feeling were so big, so complex, that I couldn't help it. I wanted to cry.
“Let me help,” I said gruffly, coming over to start grooming the horses. “It's about time I did something useful.”
At the end of the day I felt as if I had been beaten with sticks. Every muscle ached and my ribs throbbed. But I was happy.
I drove myself home, gritting my teeth and swearing every time we went over a bump. My mind was full of things, so that the journey passed by seemingly instantly. I was thinking about my new job. And of course, I was thinking of Darby.
If I get a job working in logistics, I could move to Newton. I could do something useful with my life. I would have something to give her.
When I got home, I called her. I noticed there were some messages on my phone from her and I felt bad. She had been to the hospital and found me gone. I wished I'd seen them earlier.
“Darby?” I said. “Look, I'm sorry if...”
“Jared!” She sounded relieved. “I was so worried. Listen, are you okay? I can't believe they said you were good to go! I thought...”
I chuckled. It hurt so I stopped. “I'm fine. Darby, really. I'm okay. And... thank you.”
I knew that this sudden bright idea of the boss had probably been her idea. At least, she'd had something to do with it.
“Thank me?” she sounded puzzled.
“Yeah. For talking to the boss. He...” I paused. How was I even going to find the words to tell her what had just happened? “He offered me a job. I mean, I have a job. But, well...another one. Listen,” I said, my mind leaping. “How about we meet for dinner? I'll tell you then.”
“I... okay. Great. Same place? When should I arrive?”
I shrugged. “If you like. Eight?”
“Okay,” she sounded pleased. “See you then.”
I hung up. I went through to my room. It was sunset outside, the sky going cool and white over hills far beyond the window. I closed my eyes and lay down. I was confused and elated and happy.
I was going to move to Evanston. To start learning logistics. Then maybe, off to college for the first time ever.
Impulsively, I started to search for colleges in Newton. I knew it was silly of me, but the thought of being in the same town as her made me so excited. I couldn't believe it might happen. I might get to see Darby every day.
If she'll have me.
I let out a long, shuddering sigh. Tonight, I was going to have to let her know. I was going to have to find the courage, finally, to tell her how I felt.
I rolled over again and sat up. Looked in the mirror. My face looked back – bruised, still, but with both eyes open at least, and the bruising already more green and less black. I checked the time – it was seven o' clock and I still had to get ready and then drive to the place. I started racing.
Ten minutes later, washed, showered and with my hair combed, I checked myself in front of the mirror nervously. I had never thought of myself as being someone girls might notice. Too skinny, I thought – though I had to admit I had a good jawline.
“Not bad.”
I checked myself in the mirror again and headed briskly out.
My mind was full of sweet memories of Darby, my loins on fire. I had to see her again. And this time, I was going to be honest.