Chapter 21
From Fisher’s High School Journal
October 28, 2001
“Each electron has a negative electrical charge and each proton has a positive electrical charge. The charges are equal in magnitude, but opposite in sign. So basically, they are electrically attracted to each other.”
The only reason I haven’t fallen asleep yet is because I could listen to Lucy’s voice all day. I don’t know what the hell is happening to me, but I haven’t even looked at another girl in almost a month. Obviously, I’ve lost my mind. She’s the complete opposite of almost every girl on this island. She’s shy and keeps to herself, never going out of her way to be something she’s not to try and fit in with the rest of the sheep in this school. She only speaks when she’s called on in class and is constantly walking around with her nose buried in a book. I don’t think half the girls here have read anything beyond fashion magazines, but Lucy reads Anna Karenina and Gone With the Wind for pleasure. The only time she shows a hint of personality or a little bit of snarky attitude is when she’s with me, and it makes me feel pretty damn good that I can bring those emotions out of her.
On top of that, she’s really smart. She’s the only sophomore taking AP Chemistry and getting straight A’s, to boot. When our teacher told me I’d need to get my grade up or risk not graduating in the spring, I immediately signed up for tutoring. There’s no way I’m not graduating and postponing Marine basic training. As luck would have it, Lucy was on the tutor list and I made sure all of my available dates coincided with hers so that the teacher would have no choice but to pair us together.
Lucy pauses in her explanation, looking up from her Chemistry book to find me staring at her mouth instead of the page we’re on. I can’t help it. Her mouth drives me insane. She never wears that sticky, shiny lip-gloss shit all the other chicks paint on. Her lips are always a perfect shade of pink and she keeps them shiny enough just by running her tongue across them, like she’s doing right now.
“Hey. Focus,” she scolds, tapping her pencil against the book and forcing me to tear my gaze away from her mouth to stare in her eyes.
“I am completely focused. What you’re saying is, opposites attract,” I tell her with a wink and a smile.
I can’t help it. I know it ticks her off when I try to charm her, and that’s what I lov…like about her. She’s the only girl in this place who doesn’t climb all over me when I try to flirt.
She groans and rolls her eyes at me and my smile gets wider.
“Yes, but only in the scientific world. Why are you even in AP Chemistry if you still don’t know the basic lessons?”
Moving my elbows to the table and my eyes away from hers, I run my hands down my face and sigh. “Would you believe me if I told you I only signed up because of the hot girls in the class?”
This is the one thing that gets to me about Lucy. Okay, the one thing that gets to me more than thinking about kissing her or running my hands through her long hair to see how soft it is or squeezing her perfectly round ass. She sees right through me. Those blue eyes of hers cut into me like lasers when I try to bullshit her.
“Nice try,” she tells me, tossing her pencil down and turning in her chair to face me. She folds her legs up crisscross on the chair and cocks her head to the side. “There is only one relatively good-looking girl in our class, and I happen to know she’s got a very serious boyfriend that you’re friends with. How about the truth?”
I hate that she always discounts herself as good-looking just because she doesn’t look like every other chick in this school. She’s beautiful in an all-American, girl next door way and she doesn’t even realize it.
“Two,” I mutter distractedly as I glance down at her legs and think about running my hands up her thighs.
She shakes her head at me in confusion.
“There are two, more than relatively good-looking girls in our class. Actually, I wouldn’t classify you as just good-looking. I’m sure there’s a much better word for how you look, but I don’t think they’ve invented it yet,” I say with a smirk.
“Can you be serious for one minute?” she asks in annoyance.
“I am being serious. I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of you since you walked into the cafeteria that first day,” I reply softly, being honest for the first time in a long time.
I know she doesn’t trust me and it bugs the shit out of me. Every day at school, she sees another girl hanging all over me, just proving that she’s right to be wary of me. If she only knew that I just want to shove them off of me and hang out with her instead, that I have shoved them away every time the opportunity to spend time with her pops up. I’ve turned down dates, I’ve turned down blow jobs, I’ve even turned down parties where I’m guaranteed to get laid, just so I can spend an hour with her in the library.
“Why don’t you come to any of the parties people throw on the weekends?” I blurt out, trying to steer the conversation in her direction so I don’t say something stupid that will make me look like a pussy.
“I asked you first,” she argues. “Why did you sign up for AP Chemistry?”
I rub my fingers against my bottom lip, something I do when I’m nervous or frustrated. Lucy makes me feel both of those things. She also makes me want to be completely honest with her. I haven’t known her for very long, but I already know she would never judge me or make fun of me.
“My dad made me take it,” I admit with a sigh. “Said it would look good on my transcripts for college. You know, the college he picked out for me, taking the classes he approved of. I hate math and that’s all Chemistry is. I’d rather be outside, helping my grandfather fix things around the island than be stuck inside a classroom or a boardroom, but that seems to be all my dad thinks I’m good for.”
She doesn’t even look shocked when I blurt this out. Her eyes get soft with understanding. Thank God she’s not looking at me with pity, I couldn’t handle that shit.
“Well, think of it this way. Even with construction and electrical work, it doesn’t hurt to know a little chemistry. So, you can secretly piss off your father by learning something that will help you do what you want,” she tells me with a small smile.
I can’t stop the loud, full belly laugh that flies from my mouth. I’ve never heard her curse and, even though it was only piss, it did something to my insides to hear her let loose like that, just to try and get me to smile.
“You want to get out of here for a little while?” I ask mid-laugh. “I’m getting claustrophobic being in this library so much.”
She raises one eyebrow at me in suspicion and I laugh again. “Don’t worry, Lucy in the sky with diamonds, I promise to keep my hands to myself. I thought we could take a tour of the island. I can show you some of my favorite places that no one knows about.”
The nickname just flew right off the tip of my tongue and surprisingly, she doesn’t give me a dirty look for saying it. I do notice her face fall a little when I mention that I’ll keep my hands to myself and it makes me want to puff my chest out with pride. Lucy likes me and she wants me to touch her. Suddenly, nothing else matters outside of learning what makes this girl tick. She quickly agrees to the tour and we pack up our books and head outside to my truck.
Fifteen minutes later, we’re climbing up some rocks at the opposite end of town. The view from the top is breathtaking, just like it always is.
“Welcome to Fisher’s Lighthouse,” I announce, holding my arms out from my body and spinning in a circle. “It’s overindulgent and disgusting that I have to share a name with almost everything in this fucking town, but this is the one place I don’t mind sharing it with.”
Shielding my eyes from the sun, I stare up at the huge red and white striped structure that overlooks the ocean and Lucy does the same while I give her a little history lesson.
“There used to be a lighthouse keeper who lived inside and manned the light for the fishing boats back in the day when oil lamps and clockwork mechanisms were used. Could you imagine that? Living all alone in this lighthouse, day after day, year after year, with no one judging you, telling you what to do or getting into your business? Your only job was to make sure the boats stayed safe and got home to their families,” I say wistfully as I slide my hands into the front pockets of my jeans and stare off into the distance, watching the waves crest a few miles from shore.
“Now, computers run it all and no one ever really has a need to come out here unless something breaks. So that means it’s just me or my grandfather who get to walk around inside this beauty and stare out at the ocean, pretending like we’re the only two people in the world. It’s the best at night, when it’s pitch black and it looks like you’re standing on the edge of the world. You feel like if you take one step off the rocks, you’ll just drop down into nothing and disappear forever. Sometimes, disappearing sounds like the best idea in the world.”
I stare out at the endless ocean, wondering why I don’t feel embarrassed that I just said more to Lucy about how I feel than I’ve ever said to anyone else. The sun shines on my face and I feel at peace. Being at this spot, with Lucy by my side, makes that possible. She doesn’t ask a thousand questions or feel the need to fill the silence with useless talk. She’s content to listen to me and enjoy the quiet moment. I know what she sees when she looks at me – a cocky, popular guy that everyone wants to be around because of my money and not because of who I am. Around town, I’m the son of the richest man on the island and I have to hold myself with a little more poise and polish, but out here, on the corner of the island where no one can see me, I can just be myself. With Lucy, I can be myself – a small-town boy who really, truly loves the place he lives, but dreams of bigger and better things.
I hear her step across the gravel on top of the rocks and suddenly, her small, warm hand is sliding into my own. She entwines her fingers with mine and squeezes my hand while we both stare silently out at the water.
I’m realizing, right in this moment, that meeting Lucy is my bigger and better thing.