Chapter Twenty-Six

“ADAM? There’s someone here to see you,” his mother said from the bottom of the stairs.

One of the neighbors wanting to hear about his vacation? Seriously, at eleven o’clock at night?

Adam drew a long breath. The day had already been too long. He’d made it back from LA a few hours before, and he’d headed directly home, changed into a pair of comfortable sweatpants and a T-shirt, and he put his feet up and picked up the book he’d abandoned before his trip to the Dominican Republic.

He got to his feet and slipped on a pair of flip-flops. In spite of his exhaustion, he trudged down the steps and donned his best imitation of a smile. The last person he expected to see standing in the entryway was Jackson Roth.

“Jacks—Jackie. What are you doing here? How did you get here?”

“I took my private plane. I came to see you.”

“If you think you’re going to convince me that selling Prestco’s the right thing to do, you’re barking up the wrong tree.” Adam hadn’t meant to snap at Jackie, but he was too tired to think clearly. He just wanted life as usual. Without Entech. Without Jackson. This deal had managed to wend its way through all aspects of his life, like a tree putting down roots. They traced their way through his heart to reach his family, his work, and even the memory of the time he’d spent with Jonah. He didn’t want to talk about it with anyone, let alone Jonah. Or whatever his name was.

“I’m not here on business.” Jackie’s earnest expression looked believable, the sadness in his eyes real. “I came to talk.”

“Talk?”

“About us.”

Adam strangled a sigh. “Us? There is no us, Jackie. That was fantasy. This is real life.”

“All I’m asking is that you hear me out. Let me speak my piece.” Jackie pressed his lips together. “Please?” he added after Adam didn’t respond.

Against his own better judgment, Adam found himself agreeing. “All right. Join me someplace more comfortable?”

“Sure.” The tension in Jackie’s jaw eased.

Adam led Jackie to the porch, where they sat facing each other on wicker chairs. The glass in the windows and the wood-burning stove made it feel comfortable in spite of the chill outside.

“Nice view,” Jackie said. “I can see why you love this place.”

Adam recalled conversations with Jonah about his family’s home, and it made him feel wistful. Almost sad. It made no sense how much he missed conversations like that—conversations he’d had with a stranger while on vacation. But nothing made sense when it came to Jonah.

Jackie, he reminded himself. Jonah doesn’t exist.

The door leading into the house opened and Adam’s mother peered out cautiously, carrying a tray with a pot of herb tea, some honey, and two glasses. “Something to drink?”

“I’d love some,” Jackie said.

“I gather you met my mother,” Adam put in as he took the tray from her and set it on the small table between them.

“I did.” Jackie smiled affably. “And thank you for the tea.”

“I’m always happy to make tea for Adam’s charming friends,” she said with a grin that had Adam wondering how much she’d guessed about their relationship.

“You might not think I’m so charming when you find out where I work,” Jackie said and pressed his lips together.

“Jackie’s one of the owners of Entech,” Adam said.

“I see.” She frowned and added, “You don’t look particularly dangerous.”

“I guess it depends on the context,” Jackie quipped.

“Sounds intriguing,” she said. “But I’d better leave you both to it. Whatever it is. Come again soon, Jackie.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” Jackie replied. “She’s a sharp woman,” he said after she’d left. “Like her son.”

Enough with the small talk. Adam didn’t have the energy. “I hate to be rude, but why did you come?”

“It’s a little complicated.”

Everything with Jackson Roth was complicated. “I’m sure it is.”

Jackie sipped his tea, then set it back down. “I’m not sure about anything anymore,” he said after a long pause. “Least of all what to say to you. But I needed to see you. Talk to you. Tell you….” He shifted in his seat. “Shit. I can’t even put it all into words.”

“Jackie,” Adam said, doing his best to be pleasant, “I really appreciate your taking the time to come here, but I’m tired. Maybe another time we can—”

“What happened between us at the resort, I know it probably sounds cheesy, but it meant something to me.”

Adam didn’t respond. He wasn’t willing to make himself vulnerable again. “I’m glad” was all he said.

Jonah searched his face for a moment as if trying to fathom what Adam was feeling, then seemed to gather his thoughts and focus once more. “When I called you,” he continued, “after I got back, I was going to ask you if you’d be willing to see me again. Maybe go on a date.”

Adam swallowed hard and schooled his expression. “But you never did ask.”

“No. I wanted to… I really wanted to….” He rubbed a hand over his mouth and frowned. “But something happened. Actually, it happened almost ten years ago.” He took a quick sip of his tea as if to steady himself. “I don’t remember it, but….” Jackie clenched his jaw.

What a contradiction this man was. At times completely in control and in charge, at others… just like Jonah.

“I’m married,” Jackie finally said, the words spoken very softly, designed not to wound. How could he help it if they did just that?

Adam felt suddenly queasy. “I’m not sure I heard you correctly.”

“I’m married.” This time Jackie’s voice was clearer. “To Phil.”

“Langham? But….”

“There was nothing in the news about it,” Jackie explained. “Apparently we’d agreed to keep it secret.”

“Apparently?” Before Jackie could respond, Adam added, “Oh, right. You don’t remember.”

“I really don’t remember.” Jackie frowned and shook his head. “I’m truly sorry.”

Adam couldn’t find the words. The revelation explained why Jackie had come, though. He probably figured I’d hear it from some news outlet. Why would Jackie care how he heard about it? Unless he genuinely cares about you. But what good was that? The man was one of the founders of the company that was pushing his family apart. By all accounts he was ruthless. Heartless. And yet….

“Why are you telling me this?” Adam finally managed.

“I… I’m not sure. I mean, I’m sure I care about you. I’m sure I want to see you again, but I don’t know what it all means yet.”

For the first time, Adam noticed the dark circles under Jackie’s eyes. The warm tan had begun to fade. Jonah….

“I see.” Adam didn’t really, but it seemed like the right thing to say.

Jackie raised his hand as if he was reaching out for Adam’s face, a gesture that reminded Adam so much of their time spent together that his chest ached. But before he came close to touching him, Jackie pulled his hand away.

“I’m sorry,” Jackie said as he stared down at his hands, now safely in his own lap. “I thought it was the right thing to do. To tell you.” He hesitated, then looked up and directly into Jonah’s eyes. “No. That’s not being honest with myself or you. I… I wanted to see you. I needed to see you. That was selfish of me.”

“No.” Adam said this more vehemently than he’d intended. “It was… honest. It would have been a thousand times worse if I’d heard about it from someone else. Coming here—” He hesitated a moment, then decided to say it, regardless of the consequences. “—is something Jonah would do. Something he’d care enough to do, even though it was difficult.”

Adam expected irritation at a minimum. But Jackie smiled. “Thank you.”

“What?”

“You’ll probably laugh, but hearing you say that?” Jackie shrugged. “No one would have the guts to call Jackie what he—what I am. A self-centered asshole.”

“I didn’t say it quite that way.”

“I like the way you said it.” Jackie stood. “Thank you,” he repeated. “For listening to me and treating me like a friend.”

Friends. The word rang hollow. Adam didn’t think he had it in him to be friends with Jackie. He didn’t think he could handle it.

“You want to ask me something,” Jackie said, reading his thoughts. He’d always been so good at guessing what Adam was thinking. Too good.

“What do you want?”

“Want? You mean, about my marriage?” Jackie asked.

“Yes.”

Jackie schooled his features. It felt like a door closing, and with it Adam’s hopes for something more. “I need to remember,” he said. “I made a commitment. I need to honor it.”

“Of course.” A bullshit response, but what the hell was he supposed to say? In some sense, he admired Jackie for it.

“I’d better get going,” Jackie said, no doubt sensing the elephant in the room and hoping not to get squashed beneath it.

“Thanks for coming.” The words felt wooden, inadequate.

A minute later Adam watched Jackie drive away. He supposed he should have asked Jackie for his help with the buyout offer. For a moment he wondered why he’d decided against it. Friends helped friends, didn’t they? But Adam couldn’t have asked. Something about it felt wrong.

Why? It had been the perfect opening. The perfect opportunity.

Adam sat heavily. He picked up his half-finished glass and sipped the tea. The taste of it brought back memories of times spent with his father, working on a model of a battleship on this very table. The scent of the grape flowers on the air. The sounds of Roger and Karen running around on the lawn, chasing after a bird and flapping their arms like wings.

He closed his eyes and tried to sink into the happy memory. He fingered the silver ring and his thoughts turned once again to Jonah. Diving. Eating dinner. Talking. Having sex. His bright smile and carefree manner. His warmth. His honesty.

The realization came all at once, like after a storm when the sea turns to glass and allows the sunlight to penetrate the water. He hadn’t just had a difficult conversation with Jackson Roth. He’d had it with Jonah.