Lillian wiped the last dish dry and stacked it in the cabinet with the others. A light early-autumn breeze drifted in through the open window. Normally she would’ve stopped, closed her eyes, and taken a deep breath to enjoy the smells and feeling. She loved fall. It was a magical time, with its golden air and warm-toned leaves. Normally she was alone, just like she was now. And it didn’t bother her.

Normally.

Her being alone was exactly the reason she didn’t stop and embrace the moment like she usually would have. The wounds of her decision a few days ago were still fresh and, in the time since then, she’d done everything possible to distract herself.

She hadn’t dated anyone in a long time, and she and Cayden had only been together for a little while. But that small amount of time was enough for him to make a major imprint on her heart.

How could I have let myself be so vulnerable with him? She bit her lip at the thought, and with a wince stopped biting. It was tender from her chewing it so often when her mind got lost in the past.

Shaking her head, she wrung out the dishcloth and leaned against the counter. To think that he could ever have been with someone like me long-term is just ridiculous. I can’t believe I led myself—and him—on. I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming until it was the end. Or, I saw it coming and was just in denial.

It was pretty sad to break up with him the way she did. She realized it after the fact, of course. The second she pressed “send” on that message she felt numb, and the reality of the situation hadn’t hit her until morning. And the morning came after a long, fitful night of tossing and turning.

She knew her mind was starting to sink into the dark places again, so she pulled it back up with a deep breath, drawing the golden air deep into her lungs. “Get a grip, Lillian. You’re a strong woman who runs a successful business and has two adorable cats as housemates. You don’t need a man.”

Yes, her job was successful. She loved her cats. Her illness, Crohn’s, was getting more and more under control every day. But none of that took the pain away from the fact that Cayden hadn’t responded to her breakup text.

She couldn’t keep her mind away from it. Her eyes began to moisten, and she jumped up and down a couple of times, thinking for some reason it would help with the emotional breakdown. He seemed so caring. I never thought he would be the type to ignore something like this. At least an “okay” would have been nice. Something.

But there had been nothing.

Maybe she was wrong for having expected some reaction from him. He was a crazy-sexy, young, built personal trainer now living in Los Angeles. His client had hired him to basically move over there with her and her husband while she searched for the “perfect” trainer to replace him. He’d been gone for weeks, and even though he texted and called every day and sent plenty of photos, she knew the crowd he was a part of. Hot, fit, model- looking people who liked to work hard and play hard.

I like to work hard, she admitted. It’s the playing hard I need to work at a little. Back in the day, when she lived above the nightclub with Amelia, she played hard. A couple of times it got her into some serious predicaments that scarred her even now. Her playing hard phase had quickly come to an end.

Cayden, however, had been slowly teaching her how to play more in life. Not serious playing all the time, but more in the little moments of every day. He never knew he was teaching her these things, but his playful energy was so infectious she couldn’t help but lighten up from her usual stressed, over-analytical state.

And here I am, exactly as stressed as I used to be. She missed Cayden. Being in her house was hard enough emotionally. Everywhere she looked, she saw him. On her bed, sprawled on his stomach and sleeping soundly. In her front yard, trimming her plants and cutting the grass. Lounging with the cats on the couch. The damn cats adored him!

He wouldn’t get out of her head, and she wanted him there so badly that she couldn’t bear to think of him not feeling the same. She couldn’t admit yet that he didn’t feel anything for her. She tried to tell herself that she was jumping to conclusions, but his literal lack of response spoke more than his words ever could have.

There had just been silence in the long hours since she’d pressed send.

Something warm brushed against her leg and she flinched out of her daze. Black Cat stared up at her with his bright eyes, and let out a meow.

“I just fed you.”

The cat just stared, unwavering.

“I just fed you an hour ago, cat. Wait till later.” She trudged to the laundry room to get the load of towels out of the dryer and the cat followed her, acting strangely clingy. She stopped, the bundle of towels in her arms, and looked back at Black Cat. “You’re not hungry, are you?”

He rubbed his body against her legs again, weaving in and out.

Something started to feel strange about the way he was acting. “What is it?” she asked, waiting for an answer from her pet. “Where’s Gray Cat?” Lillian quickly piled the rest of the towels in the basket and carried it out, looking around for the other cat. Something was going on. Black Cat typically wasn’t this touchy-feely with her.

In the living room, she set the basket on the arm of the sofa and put her hands on her hips. Gray Cat was down the hall, staring straight at the front door; she could’ve been mistaken for a statue. Black Cat continued to rub his head against Lillian’s ankles.

“What the heck’s going on with you two?” She whistled and tried clapping her hands to get Gray Cat’s attention, but only her ears twitched at the noise. Something out there had the cats’ attention, and they wanted her to know about it.

Cautiously, she tiptoed to the front door. Neither of the cats had raised the hair along their spines or fluffed their tails out like they did when they felt threatened. Both looked completely normal, just extremely fixated on whatever it was.

She drew near to the door and peered through the peephole.

At the same time, a loud knock sounded from the other side.

Frightened, she jumped back before she could see anything and pressed her palms against her rapidly- beating heart. “Dammit,” she whispered to herself with a little breath. She wasn’t expecting anyone today. Or ever, really. Stupid sales people, she thought. Lucky for them I look ultra-grubby. Probably will just frighten ‘em away.

Unlocking the front door, she swung it open and stared straight, then slowly looked up.

There, standing before her, looking frazzled and stressed and in desperate need of a shower, was Cayden.

“You broke up with me?” His voice was loud and strained.

Her jaw dropped to her feet. “I...”

“Through a text?”

Her words got stuck in her throat. She shook her head quickly.

“You broke up with me through a text, Lil? In what world is that okay?” Cayden shifted his weight to one side and rubbed his face. “What did I do wrong, Lil? Can we talk about this?”

“Cayden...I...” She tried to swallow the lump in her throat. “Why are you here?”

“I’m here because you broke up with me through a text a couple of days ago and this was the first flight I could take back. Can I come in?”

You can always come in, she caught herself thinking, but just stepped aside. The way Cayden stepped into the house and lumbered down the hall to the living room was different than the way he had walked before. It took more effort. He was slouching a little more than he used to.

“You okay?” she asked before she could stop herself.

“If you really want to know, the answer is not entirely.”

An awful feeling dripped over her; it was dark and guilty and full of embarrassment. All the things she had imagined herself saying to him if this exact situation happened evaporated into thin air, and she couldn’t remember anything.

She slowly sat across from him in her reading chair. The cats had already jumped on him and were resting their heads on his thighs as they drifted into yet another afternoon nap.

“I haven’t seen you in weeks, Cayden.”

“I’ve been in Los Angeles working, Lil. You know that.”

“Is it okay?”

“Yes, it was actually going really great, until a couple of nights ago when I got a totally unexpected text from my girlfriend saying she wanted to break up.” He groaned. “Ex-girlfriend. Whatever. I don’t even know right now.”

“You flew home because of that?”

“I think you deserve that much from me, yes.”

Her cheeks got fire-hot and suddenly the floor seemed a much more interesting thing to look at than the gorgeous man sitting three feet away from her. She deserved that much? Wasn’t she the one who’d broken up in a text?

“So?”

“So, what?” she replied weakly.

“Can you explain your rationale? Feelings? Something? Because I do not want to be talking about this with you. I don’t get it.” He ran a hand through his hair.

“If you didn’t want to talk about it, why’d you fly home?” She was stalling. She knew it. How could she have thought he didn’t care? That his lack of reply wasn’t because he wasn’t interested but because he was shocked?

“I don’t want to talk about it because I never wanted this to happen.” Cayden’s words filled the thick air in the room; they seemed to reverberate off the walls and ceiling and she couldn’t unhear them.

“I’m not like your crowd, Cayden.”

“Explain what my crowd is.”

“You already know. The kind of people who came over every weekend to party at your house.” She threw her arm to the side in the direction of his house. “The hot people. The beautiful, healthy, fun-loving people.”

“If you don’t think you’re those things—”

“I’m not.”

“Then what do you think you are?”

“A killjoy compared to your lifestyle.”

“I can’t believe you think that, Lil.”

“Oh, come on.” He was beginning to irritate her now. Not him, but the reality of their situation. “You know it’s true. I’m sick. I’m still trying to get a grip on my illness. I work way too much, and have literally zero social life except for you.”

Except for you. She didn’t mean to say it, but it was already out. “I’m not what’s best for you. I told you in the text.”

“The text?” He took a deep breath, clearly trying to control his frustration. “Why didn’t you at least call?”

“Because I didn’t want to be talking about this, either!” she shouted, jumping to her feet. Blood rushed through her veins at top speed. Without saying another word, she stomped to the kitchen and poured herself some water. If she didn’t cool off now—literally and figuratively—there would be another flare-up and she would get sick again, and would have to cancel tomorrow’s appointments with her clients and stay away from Cayden.

She heard his footsteps coming closer and his chiseled figure appeared in the doorway. He propped his elbows on either side, taking up a lot of space with his body. The light hit his face just right; his bright blue eyes sparkled like the ocean, but there was still no sign of a smile on his lips.

“You okay? Your health okay?”

“Don’t pretend—”

“I’m not pretending,” he boomed, and the depth of his voice stopped her mid-sentence. “I really want to know.”

“I’ve been trying not to think about this,” she confessed, gesturing to them both. “It’s been fine so far,” she grumbled. “No one knows the future, though.”

“What’ve you been doing?”

“We only stopped talking a couple of days ago. It hasn’t been weeks.”

“It feels like years.”

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. “Work, mostly. Drying more flowers. Old-lady stuff.”

“And the yard?”

“The guy comes to do it once a week. I see him over there every Saturday morning.”

“I don’t mean mine, Lil. I mean yours.”

“Oh.” She pursed her lips. “I’ve just been letting it grow.”

“It looks like absolute crap.”

“To you.”

“No, for real. I know the look you’re going for, and this is far from it.”

“You don’t know what I’m looking for in my yard style.”

“I do, because we’ve talked about it a lot. Let me fix it up for you.”

She shook her head. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Why not?”

Lillian began to feel annoyed with the way Cayden was acting. Why did he care about her yard? “Why so?”

“Your yard looks like an overgrown forest. I’m home for the weekend. I might as well.”

“An overgrown forest is a bit of a stretch, don’t you think?” To look busy, she slowly filled her water glass again. “I think I have two, maybe three branches poking out the wrong way. I know it drives you crazy.”

“Yes. So, I’m going to do it.”

“Cayden. It’s my yard, and I said no. I said it very politely.”

“I don’t understand why you won’t let me.”

“Because I don’t want my emotions to be confused anymore!” She slammed the glass down and glared at him. “If you work on my yard, I’ll feel like I’m still dating you. And I don’t want to date you anymore.”

Pain furrowed his brows. “I don’t think that’s true.”

“Well, it is. Because it would be selfish if I didn’t break up with you.”

“Lil...” He crossed his arms. “None of this makes sense. If going to Los Angeles has caused this much trouble, I think we just don’t do distance very well.”

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you. I’m not good for you. People as different as we are never work out long-term. Only as flings.”

“So, I’m a fling to you?”

“No.”

“You’re not a fling to me either, Lil. So, I don’t see why we can’t work out.”

This is ridiculous. She chuckled ironically. “You’re too selfish to see why we can’t. You want what you want, and—”

“Exactly. I want what I want, and I do whatever it takes to get it.” He stared at her even more intently than the cats did at supper time, and she couldn’t look away.

“Please, Cayden.” She felt her throat start to tickle with tears. “Please stop talking about this. I can’t see you again. I can’t handle it.”

It took him a long time to say anything back. “You’re serious about this?”

She nodded.

“You really think that you’re not good for me?” In a second he was right in front of her. “Don’t I know what’s good for me better than anyone else?”

Lillian remained quiet.

“Is it something else? Did I make you unhappy?”

“No,” she whispered. “Not at all.”

“It’s not Andrew, is it?”

Lillian had never expected him to ask her that. The thought of being with her former roommate Amelia’s brother, the guy who was the closest thing to a brother she’d ever had, put a sour taste in her mouth. “Absolutely not.”

“You’re sure?”

“Of course, I’m sure.”

“I had to ask. He was here before I left. It was the first time you’ve seen each other since Amelia’s death, and I know you two are close...”

“I’m not with Andrew, Cayden! Nor am I interested in him. I never have been and never will be.” Every word she spoke she tried to drill into his mind. “Is that clear enough for you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t get why you want to break up.”

His eyes lit up, and she had to clarify herself. “It’s not you. It’s me. You need to go, Cayden. I’m so sorry you flew here just to argue with your ex-girlfriend.” He opened his mouth to speak, but she interrupted. “I put your spare key under the mat by your back door. Everything inside is organized and tidied up. I did it a couple of weeks ago.” Lillian turned her eyes to the floor and struggled to shut off her whirlwind thoughts. Cayden was standing so close. Their shoes were almost touching. She smelled his musky scent even through the smell of airplane travel, and it made her knees weak. “Please, go,” she whispered, rubbing the wetness out of her eyes.

He swayed forward, and she felt her heart leap, but he didn’t touch her. Awkward and heartbroken, they lingered only inches apart before Cayden finally, ever so slowly, walked away.