Asha

Asha turned off the stove, drained the pasta and vegetables and checked the fridge to see how the ‘cheese’cake had set. She wasn't sure what Gabriel would think about a vegan meal. It wasn’t a requirement, that the people who worked and volunteered for her be vegan. Everyone had to make their own choice. She didn’t ask about things that weren’t her business. She just hoped Gabriel didn’t complain about the lack of meat.

The front porch door creaked open just as she was plating the food.

“Come in,” Asha called, unnecessarily, since she already heard footsteps in the hall.

He appeared a second later, filling up her kitchen doorway, leaning on the frame, likely unintentionally picking a pose that showed off his muscled abdomen right through his t-shirt. He’d changed. Showered too, if his slightly damp hair was any indication.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” she responded, somewhat shy. She hadn’t had time to freshen up herself and she wondered if she stank. She didn’t like the strange discomfort that clenched her stomach. The way she noticed that Gabriel smelled good and wanted to know if it was his cologne or after shave. It wasn’t attraction, per say. No, it was something elemental, the part of herself that was completely and utterly woman and noticed small things.

She passed his plate over to him and he took it without hesitation. “Dining room is that way.” She pointed before she grabbed her own plate and followed him down the hall into the next room.

She just didn’t like that she noticed anything about Gabriel, nor did she enjoy the self-conscious thoughts. Did other women feel that way naturally, knowing they were a sweaty mess, that they hadn’t shaved their legs that morning and had skipped brushing their teeth? Normally it wouldn’t bother her. This was her home.

Asha set her plate down at the table and Gabriel did the same. They ate silently, she sitting at the head, in the chair that used to belong to her father, he at her left. She tried not to shovel food into her mouth, though her stomach clenched hard with hunger.

For some reason, her mind strayed to Colton, who looked so opposite of this man invading her kitchen. He didn’t care what condition she came to him in. Whether she was exhausted or sweaty from a hard day’s work, whether she smelled like manure or hadn’t had time to properly comb her hair for days, he still made her come alive under his hands. They filled a need in each other, satisfied each other’s loneliness.

Colton would see Gabriel as a challenge. Especially if Gabriel continued to look at her the way he had while she was showing him around, explaining how the farm worked. She hadn’t missed those glances that settled on her breasts and ass.

 “This is really good,” Gabriel broke into her thoughts.

She glanced up and remembered the bottle of wine she had sitting on the counter. She shoved her chair back and retrieved it. Back in the dining room she set the bottle and wine glasses down.

“What is that?” Gabriel asked, brow raised in speculation.

“Dandelion wine,” Asha replied. She smiled at Gabriel's instant wince. “It's not so bad. It's full of honey and lemons and orange juice so it's not bitter.” Asha thought of the many nights she and Colton sat up having a glass together over the years.

Something strange, a feeling of disquiet, settled into the pit of her stomach. It spread to her veins, through her blood, until it hit her heart. She couldn’t even fully process what the feeling meant.

“Okay.” Gabriel weighed his options. His square jaw set to the left when he was thinking. She studied that jaw for a second before she decided it would look better sporting a beard. Or perhaps not, given that she wasn’t into hipsters.

“I'm not sure I'm brave enough to try the wine. Do you have anything else?”

“Water. Milk.”

“Sure. That would be fine.”

“Which?”

“Milk.”

Asha nodded. She retreated to the kitchen and grabbed a glass down from the cupboard. Gabriel was in luck. Penny had patiently milked one of the new cows earlier that afternoon. The poor thing’s udder had been fit to burst and there were no calves in need at the moment. Somehow it had ended up in her fridge.

She poured it into the cup, glad she didn’t have to drink it. She never really had liked it anyway and it wasn’t hard to give it up when she became a vegan.

Gabriel hesitated. “That’s right from the cow?”

“Straight from.”

He blanched, but reached out and slowly closed his fingers around the glass. He raised it to his mouth and slowly took a sip. He actually allowed a wry smile a second later. “That actually is pretty good. At least, it didn’t kill me.”

Asha rolled her eyes. “Yah, well, we don’t have it often. Actually, almost never.”

“Oh.” His set of green eyes glanced at his plate, which was nearly finished. It seemed to register with him what had been missing. “You’re a vegetarian?”

“A vegan actually.” He was silent so Asha decided to get up again and offer the ‘cheese’cake she’d made. She’d actually started it the day before, intent on giving it to Ginny as a surprise but she supposed cutting a slice out of it for their dessert would be fine.

Gabriel eyed it for a second before he tasted it. “Wow. This is excellent. You can’t even tell it’s not real.”

“It’s real,” Asha stated dryly. “I just substitute ingredients for dairy, that’s all.”

“Still. It’s amazing. I hope you didn’t go to the trouble just for me.”

“Nope. I actually made it for Ginny.”

“Oh.” Gabriel blushed.

Asha realized she’d humiliated him. Her stab of regret was almost instant. “I mean, she wouldn’t mind that we had a piece. It was way too big for one person.”

“Oh,” he said again but his voice was warmer this time. He pushed his chair back a minute later. “I know you’ve had a long day and I have some notes I want to make, so I’ll get out of your hair. Thank you for the delicious dinner. And the milk.”

“So you like the farm then?” Asha wasn’t sure why she wanted his approval. It didn’t matter. She told herself it didn’t, but deep down, it did.

“I…” Gabriel hesitated. She wondered if he would tell her the truth she sensed he’d been so eagerly wanting to spit out the entire time she was showing him around and talking.

“Yes?”

“I like the farm, Asha. Really. I just- I’m not sure how to go about making people care. If the point of the website and the social media pages are to make people care about the farm and about your lifestyle, that’s great. I’m just not sure how to go about it. I mean… what difference is it going to make to them that you saved a couple of animals?”

Asha could feel her face turning red with anger but she took a couple deep breaths. It wasn’t the first time she had heard this kind of sentiment. That Gabriel would choose to express it rankled her though.

“Well, imagine it like this,” Asha started. She stared Gabriel down, unblinking. “You’re just one person. Would it matter to the world if you weren’t here?”

Gabriel looked uncomfortable. His hands clenched at his sides. “I suppose it would matter to my family.”

“But not to the people who don’t even know you?”

“That’s right. I suppose not.”

“Well then that’s pretty much like what we do on the farm. It’s true that my animals don’t matter to the people who don’t know them. There’s always going to be people who won’t care or won’t change their opinions and lifestyle. But I’m sure that there are people, where if they heard how these animals were treated before they came here, would care. If that causes them to make small changes, then that’s great. I would be happy knowing it. You can also imagine these animals as yourself. Imagine all the people who have helped you along the way. Who have meant something to you. What if none of them were there? What if you had instead been raised in cruelty and abuse and never known love. Aren’t you thankful for everyone who has nurtured you? Given you the opportunity to be happy and succeed? And if they hadn’t been there, wouldn’t you be thankful if someone finally came along and helped you? Loved you? Gave you a happy life?”

“Yes of course.” He nodded slowly, affirming his words.

“Well that’s what I do here. I might not be able to save every animal in the world but that’s no excuse not to care or not to do my part to help the ones that I can. I’m sure they’re very thankful that I did.”

The look on Gabriel’s face told Asha that he didn’t like being put in place. She hadn’t meant to, the words had just tumbled out. She could tell that, despite her little dressing down, he was open minded enough to see her point. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he closed his mouth and nodded sagely. “Thanks again for dinner. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Come find me,” she said as he turned to leave. “I’ll be doing chores and such.”

“Alright. Goodnight.”

After Gabriel left, the house felt different. Not quite as serene as it usually did. Asha busied herself washing their few dishes. She imagined Gabriel’s cologne hung to the air, heavy and fragrant. She didn’t like it. With a stabbing jolt of regret, Asha thought of the more primal scent of Colt. The way his skin smelled of sweat and the spice of male musk. Of diesel fumes and oil, of fresh air and California sunshine. It should have been his scent limbering, dancing in the air, turning to memory.  But it wasn’t.

Except she couldn’t remember the last time she had ever asked Colt to dinner.