Spence was adorable when he slept.
In the morning light, his sandy hair tossed across his forehead with the tiniest furrow between his brows, one could almost think he was dreaming of not getting any presents from Santa for Christmas. I couldn’t resist the urge anymore and brushed the hair back from his forehead.
“Uhm,” he mumbled, his eyes flickering behind his lids for a moment before opening.
The impact of his green in the nine a.m. light against the white of my sheets hit me with unexpected force.
“Hi,” I said. Cautiously.
His lips curved. “Hi.”
Nothing else being said, he threw an arm around me with sleepy deadweight effort and tucked me against him. I laughed into his skin.
“A morning person, I see,” he muttered into my hair.
“Mornings are the best!” I said with emphasized cheer. “It’s the perfect time to work out, make a great smoothie, dance around the house ‘cause you’re feeling so fresh after a lovely cup of coffee—”
“Shh.” He stifled my enthusiasm by patting my head, to which I melted like a kitten being stroked between the ears.
“Only one thing makes this time worth it,” he said. He tilted my chin so our noses touched.
“Morning breath?” I asked.
He reached up and dragged my lower lip down with his thumb. “By some twist in the universe, you smell as sweet as you taste right now.”
My tongue darted out, flicking against his thumb. I swore his pupils dilated at the contact. “You smell—and taste—like stale beer.”
“Oh, yeah?” he said with a mischievous lilt. He caught my hand and we disappeared under the covers. “How do I feel?”
Hard and ready is how he felt. I went slick at the thought.
“I want to see you,” he said, his tone rough.
I stiffened. “Y-you do?”
“All of you.”
Swallowing, I glanced around, my room suddenly seen in high definition. “In this light?”
“Emme.” He cupped my cheek, directing my gaze back to him. “Your body is incredible. You are incredible. I want to worship every part of you. Your elbow.” He found my elbow and kissed it, eliciting laughter. “Your wrist.” Kiss. “Your neck.” He pushed up and topped that kiss off with a lick. “Your nose. Your earlobe, your collarbone…your breast.”
My tickled laughter turned to moans.
I was so in the midst of Spence, his warmth and smell and tongue, that it took a few seconds to register that there was a pounding at the door. Our front door.
I held on to Spence’s shoulder, peering out from under him.
“Who’s that?” he asked. “Someone for your roommates?”
“My roommates are useless in the mornings.” I sighed and reluctantly threw the covers off. “I could drop a rainforest tarantula on them both and they wouldn’t move.”
I grabbed my robe off the hook near my door. “Be right back.”
“I’ll be here.” Spence threw his hands behind his head, appearing both tantalizing and aroused when I paused long enough to turn around and smirk.
“All right, I get it,” I said to the continued pounding as I padded to the door and turned the knob. “You want someone to answer—” Startled, I hid partially behind the open door. “Trev.”
I looked around him, as if the air occupying the space around his body could give me a clue. “What are you doing?”
“Finally!” he said and without any further invite, pushed past me into the apartment. “You’re actually here. No one around this time to clue you in that I was coming and you could run, huh?”
I sniffed. “You’re drunk? At nine a.m.? Trev…did you even go to bed?”
He spun around. “What I do at night is none of your business anymore. You made that clear.”
“Sure, when you put it that way,” I said, one hand on my hip. “And what I do in the mornings is none of yours, so I ask again, why are you here?”
Trev puffed out his chest, the leather of his jacket creaking with the effort. “I’m here to give you another chance.”
I crossed my arms. “I’m sorry?”
“I did a lot of thinking last night, and basically it all came down to you and what a big fucking mistake you’re making.”
I cast my eyes to the ceiling. “Trev…we talked about this.”
“Yeah, and you won’t get a fucking clue!”
He stormed forward and by pure gut instinct, I danced back, hands out. “Jesus—”
“What's going on?”
Becca stood in her doorway, clad in a nightshirt, her blonde curls a tangled birds’ nest. “Trev, you are the most annoying little penguin that really needs to find a new mate at this point.”
“What the hell?” Trev asked, but he wasn’t directing his question to Becca. Trev was more interested in the shadow that came out of my bedroom, boxer-clad and angry.
“Back away from her,” Spence said quietly. “Now.”
Becca cocked a grin.
“You fucking…” Trev looked from Spence to me. “You fucking fucked him? Goddamn.” But Trev did as Spence asked, and backed away. Then he ruined it. “You slut.”
“Say that to her again.” Spence pounded forward, and even though he only had his boxers as a weapon, he cleared Trev and his boxy frame by at least a head and appeared a hell of a lot more intimidating.
Spence stepped in front of me, but Trev barreled on as if Spence had never gotten between us in the first place. “You act all innocent, all cute with me when reality is—you wanted to fuck around. You didn’t want one guy, huh? Dip into a few more ice cream cones? Explore different sized dicks? You’re not the person I thought you were, Emme—you were special, and sweet, and mine, and now you’ve tasted some other guy’s cum—”
“Get the fuck out of my house,” I said, not with any gusto, or yelling. Pure calm.
“You heard her,” Spence said when Trev didn’t move. “Get your disrespectful ass out of her home.”
Trev’s nostrils flared. “You think I’m gonna take advice from someone who skin grafted their ball sack to their stomach?”
I caught my breath. Becca stood stunned in her doorway. Spence’s burn was evident, mottled red with the increased blood flow in his veins, a slash of spilled candle wax that started around the curve of his left side.
With six years of knowing Trev in my head; losing my virginity to him, hitting high school milestones of prom and graduation, moving to a new city, a new college, with him every step of the way, even I didn’t expect Trev to ever, ever hit that low.
Spence lunged.
I screamed and fell back. Becca came running, grabbing me and pulling us both out of the fray. Trev had defended with a punch, but Spence dodged and answered with one of his own, connecting with Trev’s jaw with a bone-jarring smack-crack that sent Trev spinning, but he caught himself and came at Spence again.
“Trev—no!” Becca said, but of course it had zero effect.
Spence was poised to release another hit, his muscles coiled, but Trev went low and barreled a fist into Spence’s stomach, right where his scars were. Spence doubled over.
“Stop!” My voice cracked when Trev took the advantage and punched Spence in the kidney.
Spence used his leg and kicked, hard into the back of Trev’s kneecap and Trev toppled. On his way down, Spence nailed him with a clenched fist to the side of the head.
I ran forward, pushing Trev further off balance, but not realizing it was me—or maybe realizing and not caring—Trev swung as he went down, catching me in the shoulder.
I yelped, and the roar that came behind me had me flinching, but I didn’t cower. Instead I twisted on my heel and fell into Spence, my arms holding him at the waist—holding him back, touching his scars. He pushed against me, growling, “Emme, don’t. Let me finish this.”
“I’m calling the cops!” I screamed over my shoulder, ignoring Spence. “If you don’t get out of here right now, Trev, I’m having you arrested, I’m getting a restraining order, I want you out of my life!”
My throat was raw, and as Trev sat there on his ass, a hand to his cheek, his expression reminded me of who he used to be. “Em—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“You lose, Trevor,” I said roughly. Spence, getting some sense back, pushed my arms away from his waist and I faced Trev. “You coming here, doing this in front of my friend, threatening, insulting and fighting with a guy you don’t even know, humiliating me, and what’d you expect? That I’d fall in love with the macho man again? Need big bad Trev to protect me from my consenting relationship with a guy who, by the way, in the short time I’ve known him, has never made me feel as inadequate as you have. I’ve moved on, Trev. So you fucking move on, too.”
“All right.” He raised his hands in defeat, then stumbled to a stand. “I’m going. I’m gone.”
“I mean it.”
“It’s received. I’m…I won’t bother you anymore.”
Jaw tight, Trev headed for the door. Becca flipped him the bird behind his back and Spence was panting heavily behind me, but thankfully not moving.
But, Trev being Trev…
He turned to Spence, the door halfway open. “Every part of me was her first. You will never know what that was like. All you got man, is my seconds.”
Spence reared, but Trev squirreled out of there and shut the door before Spence’s fist could connect with him again. The dull thud of Spence’s knuckles against metal was Trev’s grand finale.
“Good God,” Becca said behind us after a few seconds of silence passed. “I think we deserve some Eggs Benedict and champagne after that.”
We all stood frozen in place, panting.
“Guys?” Jade’s just-awoken voice carried over as she peeked out of her room, squinting. “You guys.”
As she took in Becca with her hands on her head, Spence breathing like a bull in his boxers, and my startled expression with my robe half off my shoulders, she asked, “Wha’ happened? What’d I miss?”
“Everything,” Becca and I said at the same time.
Jade turned back to her room, stumbling as she started to shut her door again. “Ugh. That whiskey’s the worst.”
#
The best thing I could find to help ice Spence’s knuckles was a bag of frozen coffee grinds found deep in our empty freezer. I made a mental note to mention to my roommates that our lazy asses didn’t even have ice unless we scraped the frost off the sides, but priorities.
Becca had gone to shower, and by all accounts and snores, Jade was back in bed. Spence had donned his jeans and shirt and was sitting on the couch, staring out our small main window which showcased both street noises and the block of dilapidated five-story buildings across from us. If you squinted really hard, you could catch a slivers of red and gold sunsets over the tops of the row houses.
In his profile, Spence seemed pensive, his arms curled in his lap and nursing his right hand. I perched beside him, startling him out of his reverie, and offered up the coffee bag.
“Thanks,” he said.
“Let me.” I gently pressed it down on the back of his hand.
An ambulance wail coming from a few blocks away was the only sound between us, and I chewed on the inside of my cheek, solely devoted to his knuckles and afraid to glance anywhere else.
Spence pushed the the coffee—and my hand—off his. My throat stuck together at the implications of this—could be he angry, or over it and ready to leave—but still, I didn’t look up.
Until his arm came around me. “Come here,” he said, and eased me into him until my head was nestled under his neck.
Spence rocked me soothingly, his warm skin against my forehead, and that was all. No words, no questions, though he must have plenty of both.
I felt his pulse, listened to his heartbeat, and closed my eyes, my brows tight above them. Simple comfort was not something I’d expected, or ever dealt with, in a man I wasn’t related to. I predicted accusations, questions like how could you ever have dated such an ass? Or, the worst one, I don’t know if I can be with a person who has this much emotional baggage.
Yet, Spence did none of those things. We swayed, the cotton of his shirt soft and fragrant over his firm chest, and I’d never felt so…treasured.
Gentle pressure met my forehead as he kissed me. When I lifted my head, my cheek came away cold. I’d been crying.
“Hey,” he said, and wiped under my eye. “I don’t think he’s going to come back. And if he does, I’d never let him hurt you.”
I swallowed. “It’s not that,” I said, and my voice came out choked. “I’m not…afraid of him. I’m—” Could I say it? “I’m afraid of…what you might be thinking, after all this. No, after the multiple times Trev has confronted you—”
“Emme,” he said, ushering me against him again. This time, I burrowed deeper.
“I’d understand,” I said, muffled. “If this is more drama than you expected. If you want to go.”
“You keep thinking I’m gonna use any excuse to leave.” He stroked my hair. “But you’re right, what happened this morning isn’t excusable.”
My stomach dropped.
“—on Trev’s part. And mine for biting right into his bait. But not yours.”
I played with the hem of his shirt, lowering my eyelids, but this time with a little more peace. I could stay in his arms for the rest of the semester, the year, my life.
“You have such a future,” I said. “Law school, becoming a prosecutor,” I lifted out of his hold, and while it was the equivalent of coming up for air, it felt cold without him against me. “And I have all these things I want to accomplish, too. I know what it is to have something, to want it so much, except for that one person holding you back. Someone who won’t let go, no matter how badly you need to release them.”
Spence’s brows furrowed. “And, you think when it comes to me, that person is you?”
I nodded. “Look at your hands. And even your face.” I gently laid the pad of my fingers on his cheekbone, which was flushed red with a grazing bruise. “It’s because of you being around me that you’re hurt. If it weren’t for—”
“I’ve been marked before.” Spence said it with such deadness that my hand froze between leaving his skin and falling to my lap. Then his eyes shifted to me. “I’ve been in fights before. I’ve even fought for girls before. Whether I was protecting or defending or just plain wanted to smash another guy’s face in…yeah, I’m done with that part of my life. It’s a rough remembrance.”
I pressed my lips tightly together.
Spence flexed his bruised, bloody fist. “Going back there, becoming that kid again, even for a second, isn’t something I’m proud of.”
“I…I understand.”
“I’m not sure you do.”
I met his stare.
“I like you, Emme,” he said. “And watching Trev get in your face like that, someone had to smack him out of it. And I don’t regret being the one. I’d do it again, if it meant getting you free.” Spence paused. “I’ve seen who you are, even in this one month. You’re smart, driven, and sure, you stumble drunk into random apartments every now and again—”
“Ha.”
“But I’ve seen you find happiness in your independence. You’re special, Emme. I admit, I judged you as soon as you came to our first tutorial with an empty notebook and a romantic Dante. I thought you were another chick skating her way through college on her parents’ money in order to land a cushy nepotistic career.”
“Hey! I take offense to—”
Spence stopped me with a crook of his finger to my chin. “But I was off my—usually incredibly accurate—game. You were failing Dante because you were spending all your time trying to nail a business degree on a full scholarship. You were nothing like I’d thought. Hot, yes. But snappy? Driven? Determined? You floored me.”
“Did you just call me snappy?”
And hot. He called you HOT, Emme.
He smiled. “This person, right here, not only conquered the nine circles of Hell but gained the confidence to apply her kickass mind to her dream job, damn the risks. I don’t want anyone taking that away from you. Because I know what that’s like.”
My jaw went slack in his steady, warm hold. While I was wallowing around, tripping over words and losing my tongue whenever he was around, Spence was noticing the larger arc of me, the future I wanted and the hurdles I’d lined up to clear before attempting success. Nobody I was interested in had ever seen that in me. Ever.
But…at the same time, I wished I could truly see him, Spencer Rolfe and the inner boy inside he worked so hard to protect. Yes, I knew the better parts of him, the traits he’d so carefully crafted to become the man he was, like his ability to read something and remember verbatim two days later, or the almost clairvoyant observational skills he possessed—how he could know my happiness or sadness in seconds and react to my needs with anything from a pizza to a quiet brush of his hand against mine. He gained all that and more from his past, and it pained me dearly to have no understanding of where he came from. Or why he tried so hard to keep it far away.
I wondered if Spence could sense the hope through my caution. “I like you, too, Spence.”
“Well, good.” He squeezed gently and let go. “Glad we cleared that up.”
I raised my chin to meet his mouth, but he nearly made out with my teeth, I was smiling so wide. We laughed at the bonk, and he lifted me onto his lap.
Spence held on, looked right into me, and the green stayed on the backs of my eyelids long into our kiss.