My hands gripped the railing so hard I was worried the bones of my fingers would snap like dry twigs. That, or I’d end up ripping the metal straight out of the concrete moorings that kept it squarely in place.

“Fucking moron,” I growled at myself as I shook the railing one time for good measure. “Fucking idiot.”

Richard came out onto the balcony. He didn’t say a word.

“What?” I growled.

“Nothing, brother. Nothing at all. Just taking in the air.”

“Can’t go out front and do that?”

“That’d be against Peter’s orders, now, wouldn’t it?”

I ground my teeth together and shook the rail again.

“If you do that much harder, you’re going to need a new one of those.”

“Shut it, Murdoch.”

“Just trying to keep the structural integrity of your condo in mind. But it’s your place, right? Do what you want, I guess. Big as you are, Lord knows I can’t do much to stop you.”

I gazed out over the tops of the trees, out onto the quiet buildings. Enchanted Rock was a kind of place that rolled up the sidewalk at ten o’clock, even during ski season. People were just too damned exhausted after skiing or hunting to do much of anything late at night. Only the dive bars were open this late. Matt and I would go down to one close by—The Stag was within walking distance of our place and we liked to play pool and throw darts. Suddenly, a beer sounded good right about now. Maybe with a shot of whiskey to wash it down with a nice burn.

But I was on a job.

“It hurts, doesn’t it?” Richard asked after a while.

I snorted. I knew exactly what he was talking about.

“We can all see it plain as day, too, you know. Your having found her.”

I tightened my grip on the railing. “Funny thing is,” I said after a while, “I didn’t even like her from the get-go.”

He snorted a little. “Exact opposite with me and Jessica. I knew from the moment I smelled her.”

I closed my eyes and leaned my head forward.

“You know, things can still turn out alright.”

“Not while I’m on a job, they can’t. Peter even asked me about it, thought I was getting too close.”

“Listen, what happened in your past, man, you weren’t even on the job when that went down. If it had been a normal day, they never would’ve gotten close.”

“Think I don’t know that?” I shook my head, knowing I’d just snapped at my nominal boss.

He took a breath, and crossed his arms and leaned on the rail next to me. “Look, I’m not here as someone you work with. I’m here as someone from your pack. As your friend, Frank. I just wanna talk.”

“Funny thing is,” I began, “if I’d known I was going to have feelings like this for her, I would’ve turned down the job and had Jake or you handle it, let you guys run point while I played backup.”

He laughed.

I shot him a look.

“Think that’s true? I mean do you really, truly believe that slop coming out of your mouth?”

“No,” I replied, hanging my head, “not really.”

“So you didn’t know from the beginning?”

I straightened up. “Honestly, I had no clue. I mean, hell, I thought she was good-looking and all–”

“That she is.”

“–but nothing to really set any alarm bells off, not like this. This is something else. Something else, man. Nothing like I felt with Meredith. That wasn’t even close to this. How the fuck did you handle it with Jessica?”

He shrugged. “Tried to hold myself back for as long as I could. I dunno, just thought about the mission. Stayed on track that way.”

“Just came out of nowhere. That’s what kills me. That’s what kills me about all this, is just how out of nowhere it came. Talk about fucking blindsided.”

He clapped a hand on my shoulder. “Then use your feelings, man. You’re a soldier; you know what’s at stake with these people. You know why you gotta keep her safe and how to keep her safe.”

I straightened up with a groan, rubbing my hand down my face. “What do I do, man? You saw how I pushed her away like that. I might not get another chance. I gotta have another one, man. I gotta make this right.”

“Nah, Frank, she digs you. That’s clear to everyone. Peter and I can both see it. You just dropped the ball, that’s all.”

“What do I do, though?”

“You ever thought of trying to talk to her?”

“And tell her what? That I’m sorry, I’ve got a tractor trailer full of issues?” I lowered my voice even further. “And what about the whole wolf thing? Hey, Ashley, I lift my leg when I pee. I can smell fear at a hundred paces, and don’t wear any silver jewelry. Let’s have puppies?”

He laughed. “Better than the talk Jessica and I had.”

Wasn’t that the truth? She’d seen him turn into one in the middle of a fight gone wrong. I mean, I could understand why he’d gotten into the fight to begin with. He was trying to protect three women from all sorts of nasty things about to come down the pike, but things had taken a nasty turn after that point, and his opponent pulled a revolver while Richard was unarmed. So he went all White Fang on his ass, and we all jumped in to help.

She’d gone running, though, which had turned into a mess of other problems.

The situation between them was clearly better now.

“Just don’t do what I did,” he said. “She’ll probably respect the honesty, even if she is freaked out by the whole thing.”

“Before I start opening up about my peculiarities, though,” I muttered, “I should probably get back on speaking terms with her. Now I just gotta figure out how to do that.”

He clapped me on the back. “Oh, man, I’ve got a wild idea.”

“What?”

“Well, it’s something you might not wanna try. It’s kind of out there. Definitely not in your wheelhouse…”

I grumbled. “Tell me, Richard. Seriously.”

“It’s this newfangled thing they’ve got. People do it all the time. Normal people, I mean.”

“Uh-huh?”

“It’s called fucking talking to her like an adult, and letting her know what happened to you–”

“Aw, fuck off, Richard.”

“–and that you’re a living, breathing person who has their own pain to deal with.”

Muttering, I turned around and went inside, leaving him giggling like a little fucking schoolgirl on the balcony. I shut the door behind me and glanced at my bedroom door as I stepped into the living room.

The lights were off in my room. She was probably asleep.

I considered stepping a little closer to try and hear if she was asleep. But then I thought again. Maybe I needed to let her cool off. She really needed the rest. No matter how pissed at me she was, she needed to sleep if she was going to be able to get through tomorrow. My feelings didn’t matter. No, what mattered was her safety well-being. If there were any pieces of a budding relationship left over at the end of tomorrow, I could try and weld them back tomorrow after the interview with the sheriff.

That was the right thing to do. Besides, maybe the wound would sting a little less in the warm light of day. I shook my head and went to Matt’s room.

I stifled a yawn. Yeah, that’s what she needed. Sleep. Same thing I damn sure needed right now. I stripped down to my boxer briefs and threw my clothes over the chair tucked beneath Matt’s small writing desk in the corner. I turned out the light and crawled beneath the cool sheets, closing my eyes for what felt like the first time all day.

Sleep came to me like a lurking murderer. First I thought I was fine, and nothing was happening. Then it was on me, pulling me down into its depths before I could even see it coming.

I just hoped tomorrow would be better than today.

Turned out, that hope was in vain.