I awoke with the taste of salty, coppery blood in my mouth, my fist raised as I sat up in bed, ready to kick the living hell out of whoever was there.

“Whoa, Frank,” Richard said as he stepped back from my raised fist. “It’s me. You’re good.”

I’d been having another nightmare about the night Meredith had disappeared, but I could tell that this time I’d nicked the inside of my mouth as I bit down on the phantom kidnappers. I poked my tongue at the injured spot. Yep. That was it.

“Your shift is up,” he told me.

I nodded, and wiped my previously fisted hand down my face. At least there wasn’t any sweat this time.

“Was I shouting?”

“No, worse.”

“Growling?” I asked with a wince.

He nodded in the dim light.

“Gimme a sec?”

“Sure thing.”

I began to dress as he closed the door to Matt’s room behind him. A glance at the clock told me I’d gotten a solid five or six hours of sleep. That was more than I got most nights while I was in the army. Apparently almost a full night’s rest hadn’t done much to clear my head. Every time I tried to steer my thoughts back to the case, back to the facts, they just circled right back to Ashley Maxwell. And not because she was the key to all this, either.

No.

It was because of what had happened out on that balcony.

I rubbed my hands over face again, then disappeared into the bathroom off Matt’s bedroom. He got the private one and the smaller bedroom. I got the larger bedroom, but had to use the bathroom out by the living room. I splashed water on my face and dried it with the hand towel that had been laid out.

The smell of coffee drifted from the kitchen and filled the air, and my mouth began to salivate like one of Pavlov’s canines.

Before I left the small bathroom, though, I took a moment and looked in the mirror. I stared back at myself, trying to figure out just what in the hell I was thinking.

If what my gut was telling me was right, the woman sleeping in my bed was my one true mate. She’d even kissed me earlier in the night. And what had I done? I’d pushed her away.

I pushed away a woman I knew I already loved. Why? Because I’d made a mistake in my past? Made a mistake that still haunted me?

I sighed and scratched the rough stubble already forming on my face, raking a hand back through my hair.

I’d learned a long time ago that pain doesn’t ever go away entirely. Especially not this kind of pain—the pain of loss. It became a dull ache and it faded, but it would still come to you when you least expected it. Like when a song by Shakira, Meredith’s favorite singer, came on the radio. I’d remember the way she’d looked when she lay on the floor of that abandoned warehouse. How her body had been unnaturally twisted. Twisted in the way only a corpse could be twisted. How cold her skin had been. How painful my shame had felt. How I’d tried to drink it away that night, but couldn’t.

I splashed more water in my face, dried it again, took a deep breath, and swallowed hard.

But Ashley?

She was something different altogether. Beautiful, funny, kind, driven, sweet. Nothing like I’d imagined her to be when I first met her.

She was so unlike Meredith, whose only real hold on me was that she’d died on my watch.

Maybe that was it. If she hadn’t been kidnapped while I was there, would I have even thought of her still? Maybe over a couple beers with the guys, where we talked about the stupider things we’d done on the job. But other than that?

No. Probably not.

I nodded to myself and wiped the damp hand towel down my face again and dried my cheeks.

I’d finished relieving myself when Richard knocked on the bathroom door.

“You alright, man?”

“Can’t a guy motherfucking piss in peace?”

“If a guy would move his fucking ass, he could,” Richard snapped back, but I could tell he didn’t mean anything by it. Not any more than I did. “Now let’s get going, I still gotta grab a couple hours of shuteye.”

I flushed and turned to wash my hands. “Yeah, yeah, piss and moan.”

“Move it, O’Dwyer!”

Murdoch was standing right in front of me when I finally stepped out of the bathroom. He looked me up and down, giving me a quick inspection. “Take it you’re feeling better,” he finally said.

“She awake?”

“Not yet.”

I nodded. “Yeah. Feeling fit as a fiddle.”

“Figure it out, then?”

“Think so. Thanks for earlier. Owe you a beer.”

“I think I deserve at least a sixer and a shot.”

“Whoa, whoa. Let’s not count our steers before they hit market, here. I mean, ain’t exactly like you solved world poverty or nothing, Murdoch.”

He grinned and clapped me on the shoulder. “Get the fuck out of the bathroom. I gotta piss.”

I went out into the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee. I blew away the small plume of steam rising from the surface and took a sip as I leaned back against the cabinets.

Hot coffee. Good hot coffee. That had been maybe one of the best parts of getting out of the service. Getting to have a decent cup of joe again. I took another sip, trying to figure out what to do waiting for Ashley to wake up before our meeting with the sheriff.

As I’d gotten to the fifth item on the list, though, I heard movement in my bedroom, the shifting of my bedsprings. The door opened around the corner from the kitchen, out of sight, and petite feet padded over the hardwood floor and to the bathroom.

I sipped my coffee and thought about what I was going to do. What I was going to say. How I was going to apologize, how I would explain my self sufficiently.

First, I’d just explain my past. What had happened down in South America.

Second, I was going to beg her forgiveness.

Third, I’d pour my heart out to her.

The bathroom door opened and she came padding back down the hall. She stopped outside the bedroom door for a moment, then came back around the corner to the kitchen.

Her eyes squinted against the brightness of the overhead lights, but her nostrils flared at the smell of coffee. Even half asleep, with her makeup a little smeared from having slept in it, and my old flannel shirt hanging off of her like a dress, she looked beautiful.

It hit me like a bolt of lightning, the kind of electric spear that the Old Testament God of fire and brimstone would throw down when he needed to express his wrath at some poor mortal sinners. I could wake up next to that face every day for the rest of my life and be happier than the day before.

“You and your roommate need to learn to put the damn toilet seat down,” she grumbled and quickly looked away.

I stepped back and gave her room to get to the coffee.

“Mugs?”

“Cabinet right there.”

She grumbled.

“Why don’t you go back to sleep? You’ve still got a few hours.”

“Can’t sleep.”

I nodded silently to her back as she pulled down a mug and poured a cup for herself. “Cream?”

“Half-and-half?”

She grunted.

“Fridge.”

She swung it open and looked inside.

I had a moment of embarrassment as I realized that all we had in there were steaks. She didn’t comment, though, and instead pulled the half-and-half from the door and topped off her mug.

She didn’t look at me. She just turned and headed for the kitchen table.

I set my coffee aside as I watched her go. “Hey, Ashley, about last night on the balcony…” I finally said to her back, trailing off as she stopped in her tracks.

“What? You sorry for making me feel like an idiot, or something?”

I frowned as I took a step towards her. “No–yes–I mean…shit.”

She slowly turned to me, a perfectly manicured eyebrow raised. “What, Frank? What do you want to say?”

I didn’t think. My body just moved on impulse. I took two big steps and grabbed her around the waist, pulled her to me, and crushed her lips with mine.

She was warm under my hands, fragile within my arms. But strong, too. And, God, her lips were so soft beneath mine. She tensed up at first, but melted into me after a moment of surprise, and wrapped her arms around my back.

I jumped, cursing out loud as the scalding hot coffee hit my back and soaked my shirt all the way through.

When she realized she’d dumped her cup all over me, she tried to pull away.

I kept my hold tight around her and kissed her more insistently. There was no way I was ever going to let her go.

She kissed me right back, and it was like my lock had finally found its key.

I could almost feel the tumblers clicking within me as it slowly began to turn. I’d never felt like this before in my life. All that time wandering through life, first with only my shitty, shifty uncles to watch my back, then in the Army where I still had to hide myself. I was still lost down in South America with Meredith, who saw me as just a way to poke at her daddy. And even now, with my pack mates. Nothing had been like this. Nothing had felt like this as I held Ashley in my arms, as my heart seemed to swell.

Finally, we broke our kiss. Panting, we gazed into each other’s eyes. I touched her face as she ran her hands up and down my coffee-soaked back, a smile playing on both our mouths.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “About last night. I just–”

She squeezed me tight for a moment, interrupting me as she laid her head against my chest. “Shut up. Let’s not spoil the moment.”

I smiled and wrapped my arms around her, rubbed her shoulder and back. I kissed the top of her head. “I need to change shirts.”

She stepped back from my embrace, her eyes smiling as they looked up into mine. “I need a new cup of coffee.”

“Guess we’re even.”

“Go change. We’ll talk about whatever we need to talk about when you get back. Okay?”

With a finger beneath her chin, I lifted her lips to mine once more. I kissed her again, this time more softly. “Be right back.”

I went into my bedroom, tossed off my old shirt as fast as I could, and pulled a new one from my closet. It was nothing more than a simple flannel like I’d given her the night before. I buttoned it up as I came back out into the kitchen, and caught her eyes as they traveled up and down my naked torso.

She stood there, leaning against the counter, a fresh cup of coffee clenched in both hands. “So, what do we need to talk about?”

“Things. About me. You’d better sit down for this. It’s a doozy.”