Chapter 3
Beth
Luke looks great in a tuxedo. He could pull off the polished look and none would be the wiser that he was a surfer and owned a clothing store directed towards the same demographic. In all the years I’ve known him, this would be the first time that I’ve seen him dressed up, in what he refers to as a penguin suit. He pulls at his collar several times as his arm wraps around my middle while we stand and talk to a few contributors to this evening’s event. Mad Designs is hosting a dinner and a fashion show this evening at the SFMOMA. We have local celebrities as well as the typical gala crowd is present tonight. I’m not technically working this evening, but I’m also not exactly playing. As an employee, I still need to best represent the company, because I’m always on show, especially when there is press around.
Luke has been a dedicated cohort in this fake relationship over the week at playing the role of my pretend boyfriend. He’s come to my work a few times to play up his role and we’ve been affectionate in the public eye, but once we’re alone we’re back to normal and romance is far from it. Tonight, I’ve kept a watchful eye out for Jacob, in case Luke and I need to be extra clingy, but so far I haven’t seen him appear.
This afternoon with Jacob in his office, I saw wildness in his gaze and felt his touch linger when we were discussing the selection of models. There was something different in the air, and something definitely different with our interaction. He wasn’t exactly avoiding me anymore as he has been since we had our evening together, but more so drawing me in.
Luke excuses himself from our small group and I also excuse myself to get in line for the open bar. I could use a drink; my nerves are shot to shit right now.
“Fancy seeing you here.” says a deep voice from the corner of the bar.
I turn and my eyes meet Jacob’s eyes, with a moment of deja vu from the engagement party. I order a martini and slide up next to Jacob with his tequila shot and beer in front of him. He’s dressed in a three-piece gray suit with a blue vest. His hair is slicked back and, aside from the shot glass in front of him, his hand grasps his cell phone like a lifeline.
“Hiding from everyone?” I ask playfully.
“Avoiding everyone is more like it. I forgot how much of a dog and pony show these things can be. Where’s surfer boy?” Jacob looks around the big space.
“Around here somewhere. Did you bring a date?” I ask, looking around for any females lingering around whom he could have come with.
“Nope.” He slings back the shot in front of him and motions for another. “Want one?”
“No, thanks. Work events are a two-drink limit for me. This is number one.” I smile.
“Surfer boy is chatting it up with some model over there. Shouldn’t you go and stake your claim?” Jacob angles his chin in Luke’s direction.
“He can hold his own. Are you okay?” I ask without glancing in Luke’s direction, my sole focus on Jacob and wondering why he’s taking shots at a company event like he’s at a frat party.
“I’m fine.”
I take a sip of my drink as we stare at each other in silence with the air crackling around us. The lights dim and a sound marks the start of dinner service, the moment has been interrupted. I’m both relieved and pissed.
“I’d better get back to my date. I’ll see you later.” I push off the bar and turn.
“Hey, Beth?”
“Yeah?” I turn back to him.
“He’s no good for you.”
“Oh, and who would be?” I retort.
“Me,” he whispers, brushing past me and around the corner into the mass of people finding their ways to their tables.
***
I sit stoically at our dinner table between Luke and Tyson. Since the two of them know one another, they had endless topics to speak about. I would look up from my dinner plate and see Jacob, sitting across from me, staring between Luke and myself as if he was dissecting the two of us and our quasi-relationship.
What the hell did he mean earlier, he would be better for me than Luke? My mind wasn’t digesting that part of our conversation. I guess the fake boyfriend thing was getting to Jacob. I feel horrible for pretending this relationship was anything more than what is was, but I am hoping that it kicks Jacob into gear. I know he’s attracted to me and I know that even though he’s pretended all these months that what happened between us meant nothing to him, there have been moments when it seemed like he felt more for me. It’s been fun spending more than average time with Luke, but I’m feeling like I need to put a stop to the charade.
Our eyes met across the table and he motions with his head towards the bar. I quirk my eyebrows in question and he again motions his head. He gets up and I note the flowing conversation about football between Tyson and Luke, I excuse myself quietly, curious what Jacob could possibly say.
“Is it serious between you and Surfer Boy?” he asks as I approach.
“Surfer Boy has a name. It’s Luke.” I defend.
“That’s not what I asked. Is it serious?” He presses on, his face inches away from me.
“And what’s it to you, Jacob? You didn’t care the moment you left my apartment that one morning. Why do you care now?”
He winces at my mention of the last time we were together.
“I didn’t ever not care.” he says, quietly taking a few steps back.
“You are confusing, you know that?”
“Is it serious, Beth?” he asks again, stepping closer to me. I can smell the tequila on his breath and recognition in my brain sparks.
“We’re just friends.” I finally whisper as his lips crush mine. His tongue pushes its way into my mouth seeking my own and mingles against it. He groans in the back of his throat and pulls me closer to him. I kiss him back without any thought as his hand braces the back of my head, pulling me further into him. We back up against the wall beside the bar to the snickers of party-goers.
When my mind resumes thinking I pull away abruptly.
“You can’t just kiss me like that, Jacob!” I whisper-shout at him, balling my fists while leaning into him.
“Why not? You said it yourself, you and Luke are friends.”
“Fuck your mind games. I’m a fucking person; you can’t just turn on and off your emotions on people.”
“Who says my emotions are turned off?” he asks.
“Says the last several months. You froze me out, you acted as if nothing ever happened. I don’t operate without emotions. I’m full of them! And I deserve to be acknowledged.”
He’s quiet. The look on his face is tortured and his body language reads as if he’s been slapped.
“You’re right. I don’t know how to do things the way you want. I haven’t done relationships and you’re a relationship type of woman. But the more I pull away, the more I want you. I tried to act like things were the same prior to that night, but I can’t get you out of my head. That’s the honest truth.”
“Only because I wasn’t fawning over you and I had Luke pretending to be my boyfriend.” I quickly cover my mouth, ashamed of myself for how that sounds as I let the cat out of the bag.
“Wait. Pretending? Why is surfer boy pretending to be your boyfriend?” he asks, his hand stopping my retreat
“I-I-I need to get back to the table before the show starts.” I pull my arm from his grasp and turn quickly and retreat back to the table before Jacob can gain his footing and follow after me.
He returns to the table shortly after I sat down, with a drink in his hand. His gaze is glued onto me. I can feel him staring at me and I do my best to avoid looking at him. When I mistakenly lock eyes with him, he wordlessly tells me we have more to discuss.
Luke leans over to me, whispers something to me and then kisses my cheek. My eyes again catch Jacob’s, seeing questions and the frustration in his eyes at the motions.
Jacob
Only because I wasn’t fawning over you and I had Luke pretending to be my boyfriend.
She told me that he was pretending to be her boyfriend. She admitted to me before I kissed her that they were just friends. So now, I’m extremely confused as to what is happening and why. I see the surfer boy whisper something to her, kiss her cheek and then excuse himself from the table. If I wanted answers, I could follow him. But I didn’t want answers from some tool that I didn’t know. I wanted my answers from her and I was determined to get them before the end of the night one way or another. My eyes leave hers and follow him out of the room. I look back to her and I see so many emotions bubbling in her expression as she struggles to not look in my direction.
When the lights dim and the fashion show starts, my gaze is automatically diverted to the makeshift stage constructed in the middle of the room. For the next hour, I watch models that I’ve chosen strut their stuff in Mad Designs clothing. When the lights power back on, I look back over to Beth’s seat to find it empty.
***
An Uber takes me to her building. I’m on autopilot as my body moves me to her apartment as I stop in front of her door. I hesitate a moment before knocking. I hear bare feet behind the door and the deadbolt unlatching before she opens the door.
She’s standing in front of me, wearing yoga pants and a sheer, racer-back tank top. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is open in shock at me standing in front of her.
“You really should use your peephole before you open the door, especially so late at night.” I say as I let myself inside. I unbutton my blazer and slip my arms out of it. I neatly fold it over the back of the couch as I walk further into her apartment. I unbutton the top button of my dress shirt and remove the cuff links on my sleeves to roll up my sleeves.
“What do you want, Jacob?” she asks, jutting out her hip.
“I want to know what you meant earlier tonight. Why did you have Surfer Boy pretending to be your boyfriend?”
“That’s personal information and honestly none of your business.”
“Did surfer boy pretending to be your boyfriend have anything to do with me?” I ask her.
She looks away. “No. Will you leave now?”
“No, I don’t believe you.”
“Well, it’s the truth.” she says defiantly.
“Then why won’t you look at me? I’ve known you for years, Beth. You’re one of the most honest people that I know. Why are you lying to me?”
She’s silent, her fingers staying busy by pulling at the hem of her tank top.
“I’d really like it if you would leave, Jake. I can’t do this right now.” she says, her voice uncertain.
“I’m not leaving until we discuss this.” I press. She never calls me Jake. No one calls me Jake.
“Discuss this? Discuss what? Why? Why now?” she asks with her hands on her hips.
“Because I’m tired of avoiding you. I want to give into my baser instincts. Those instincts involve me and you. I don’t want to pretend that shit that happened between us didn’t, because it’s on fucking repeat up here.” I point to my head. “And because I want to be able to kiss you and fuck you whenever I want.” I admit, closing the gap between us like I did before.
“I don’t trust you.” she says, her eyes finally meeting mine. “I don’t trust that you won’t pull the disappearing act again.”
“I haven’t disappeared. I’ve been here the whole time, but from a distance. You’re right, I wouldn’t trust me either. I’m a dick. But I’m being honest with you. Now I ask, can you be honest with me?”
She keeps my stare.
“Why were you having surfer boy pretend to be your boyfriend?”
“To make you jealous. I saw your reaction to him and I exploited it.”
“Well, it worked.” I rush into her and, with one hand on her hip then other cradling her head, I pull her to me and crush my lips down upon hers. She doesn’t immediately give into the kiss, but I feel her relax with our bodies flush against one another as her hands grip my arm and hip in return. I growl in the back of my throat in appreciation before I break the kiss.
I run my thumb along her bottom lip. “You know me, B; you know that I’m terrified of very little other than commitment and the lime-light. Tonight, I took a step into the lime-light at the insistence of my mother. I’m also willing to take my step into the whole commitment thing.”
“Jumping in without your floaties?” She smiles, a daze on her face.
“I’m tired of fighting the current.” I shrug. “Let me take you out on a proper date.”
“Okay.”
“Yeah?” I need to double check.
“Okay.”
“Tomorrow? Fuck. Atlantic City.” Fucking Shit! Atlantic City isn’t a spot for a guy who is trying to dip his toes into the commitment pool.
“I’m sorry?”
“Nothing. Next Friday night, I’ll pick you up here at 6:30? Is that okay?”
She nods her head and I lean into her for one more kiss before leaving her apartment.
I’m going to do this right, I will properly take her out for dinner and start this whole commitment thing on the right foot.