She hasn’t said a word since we checked in. I’ve been talking. She’s been nodding as I babble on about this little town, but I know she’s pissed. I should have said something before we got here, but what the fuck could I have said? “Hey honey, I got you your own room because I don’t want you to have a black eye at the wedding.”

Jesus, she’s going to run so fast in the other direction. We get to the third floor and she walks to her door. Without looking back at me she says, “I’m going to unpack and then head out with Len to explore the town.”

“Oh. Okay.” I should say more here. Stop her? Beg her to not be mad at me? Have sex with her? I don’t know but something. This feels wrong. But I don’t do anything more than watch her disappear inside her room.

I head into mine, drop my overnight bag on the bed, hang my suit in the closet and text Avery to see if he got here yet. He texted back that he and Stephanie are having a late lunch down in the tiny restaurant attached to the inn. Five minutes later I’m standing next to their table. Avery looks confused by my appearance. Steph can see the tension radiating off me and pulls out the extra chair at their table. “Sit.”

I do what she asks and she smiles gently. “What happened?”

“Nothing yet, but I’d bet money I’m about to get dumped,” I admit and drop my elbows on the table and my head in my hands.

“Wait. What?” Avery asks. “From the Barons?”

“No. A girl.”

“You’re dating a girl?” Avery croaks out his tone drowning in wonder. “Like exclusively? You have a girlfriend? A real one, not one you blow up?”

I lift my head long enough to glare at him. He laughs a little and tries to cover it with his hand. “Sorry, but come on. It’s like unheard of that you’re exclusive with someone. It’s against your personal brand or religion or whatever.”

“You of all people should know things change,” I retort.

“Yeah, but I smartened up. I didn’t think you were capable of that,” he quips and I glare at him again. “Sorry. But seriously, you were single by choice. I was single because I had to be. So this is a shock.”

“Well she’s going to dump me anyway,” I tell them. “Because I have no idea how to do this and I fucked up.”

“How?” Steph pats my hand and pours a glass of water for me from the pitcher. “You can tell us. I won’t judge and if he gets snarky again I’ll kick him. I promise.”

Avery rolls his eyes but says. “I promise to quit with the jokes.”

“Tell us about this mystery girl,” Stephanie commands. “And why you think you blew it.”

I give them a quick rundown of how we met, how amazing she turned out to be and then tell them about the current situation.

“I booked us separate hotel rooms,” I admit. “Because of the nightmare situation.”

Avery and Steph are the only two people who know about my nightmares and I didn’t tell them by choice. I had a bad one this summer when I was visiting them. Avery burst into my room and tried to wake me, but I was thrashing so hard I clocked him in the head and gave him a black eye.

“So you’ve been dating her for a couple weeks and you’ve never…” Avery’s eyebrows lift as his sentence trails off suggestively.

“Are you stupid? Of course we have. A lot,” I clarify. “I just haven’t slept over afterward. You saw what can happen.”

“You’re still having nightmares?” Avery asks. “I thought that was a random thing.”

“I’ve been having them on and off my whole life. Anyway, I can’t do that to her. I would never forgive myself. And I can’t explain that to her because…she’ll think I’m crazy.”

Stephanie gives me a little shrug. “I’m betting she’s pretty fabulous if you’re dating her. You don’t date just anyone. So why not give her the benefit of the doubt?”

“Yeah, I mean if she’s crazy enough to give you any kind of shot in the first place, she can probably handle it,” Avery adds and bursts into a giant grin when I glare at him again. I feel the table shake and his face contort. “Ouch!”

Steph kicked him. Good.

“Oh come on, Steph!” Avery gives his girlfriend a pleading look. “He’s made it his mission to take the piss out of us when we’re in relationships. Now it’s my turn!”

“Avery, my love, can you run off and see if Seb and Shayne are ready to head into town? Since I have some experience with hiding stuff I shouldn’t from boyfriends, I’m going to keep talking to our clueless friend here.”

Avery pushes back from the table and stands up, leaning across it to kiss the top of Steph’s head. “Meet you in the lobby when you’re done,” he tells her and then reaches over and squeezes my shoulder. “Good luck, buddy. I know you need it.”

“I want to tell you to fuck off, but I do need it,” I mutter back and he walks off.

Stephanie watches him go and then turns to me with a clear, calm expression. “‘It’s not ruined. Avery knows you’re right for him. The kid isn’t as stupid as he looks. It’ll be fine, Steph.’”

“What?”

“Your words to me when Avery found out about my past,” she says. “You said it better than I ever could.”

“Yeah, but I knew Avery well. You’ve never even met Brie,” I remind her.

She shrugs. “Yeah, but I know you. And this girl has to be special if she’s got you feeling something.”

I smile sheepishly. “We have similar pasts. She just had better luck.”

“Your luck will only change if you let it, Alex,” she says. “Let her in. If you think you’re going to lose her either way, then what difference does it make? Give it your all.”

“I’ll take your advice,” I tell her and let out a long, slow breath.

“Good. Now go find her and fix this,” she says shooing me from the table as she stands up. I stand too and she wraps her arm around my shoulder reaching up to kiss my cheek. “And remember, no matter what, you’ve got us.”

I leave her in the lobby but not before saying hi to Sebastian and Shayne, who are also there now with Avery. They invite me to join them, but I decline and head upstairs, knocking on Brie’s door. She doesn’t answer so I text her but she doesn’t answer that either so I call her. It goes to voicemail.

Fuck.

My chest tightens and I start to feel cold—on the inside. I don’t know how else to explain this sensation I used to get as a kid every time I felt rejected, by a classmate or another foster kid or when the social worker explained to me that my family couldn’t…wouldn’t take me. It’s this feeling of frost growing in my veins and I hate it. I’ve had little flickers of it resurface when I get traded from a team, but although one team is rejecting me another team wants me. But now the feeling is back with a vengeance. This is exactly fucking why I never wanted to be involved with someone. Because they’d reject me. Everyone always rejects me if I give them enough time to do it.

Fuck this.

I grab my phone and my wallet and storm out the door.

Six hours later I’m on the back end of buzzed, sliding face-first into full-on drunk. And it cannot come fast enough. I walked around town for about an hour aimlessly. I was hoping to find Brie but eventually I ran into Seb, Shayne, Steph and Avery, who were on their way to dinner. I joined them, refusing to talk about Brie when Steph tried to ask me the million questions she had about why I wasn’t with her right now. I barely touched my food while downing three scotches. Then the guys went to the local bar owned by Jordan and Devin’s younger brother Cole, to meet Luc, Jordan and Devin and the girls broke off and went to another to meet Rose. It was their version of a bachelor and bachelorette.

I didn’t try to text her or call Brie again. With every drink my resolve grew. She was cutting ties—just like I knew she would, just like everyone does—so I was going to let her. I would help her. Fuck this. The night though, was annoyingly low key. The guys just wanted to sit around Cole’s bar and play pool and shoot the shit. And by ten o’clock there were mutterings they were about to call it a night.

“Are you serious?” I asked. “It’s your last night as a free man and you’re turning in before midnight? Barely drunk? Luc, you’re doing this wrong.”

“I’m doing it very, very right my friend,” Luc replies and sips his beer, which I swear he’s been nursing for like an hour. I bet it’s even one of those ridiculous nonalcoholic ones. “Besides, I haven’t been a free man in years and I’m happy about it. This is just a piece of paper to make it legal to other people.”

“What about you two?” I ask turning to Jordan and Devin. “Let’s have some fun before you’re both on diaper duty.”

Jordan shakes his head. Devin grins. “Dude, Callie is in the horny stage of pregnancy. I’m not giving up any extra time at home right now, especially because my parents have Conner for the night.”

“Don’t you want to get back to the hotel to see Brie?” Sebastian asks me. “This is your first weekend away together as a couple isn’t it?”

“I need a fresh drink,” I announce and down the rest of my scotch. I start to stand to head to the bar, but Cole interrupts me.

“The waitress is on her way over,” he says and he turns to look at Luc with a devious grin. The next thing I know the future Mrs. Richard is strutting our way holding a tray in a short, even by my standards, jean skirt, a tight little tank top and cowboy boots.

I try not to let my jaw drop to the floor, because it’s inappropriate, but then I notice that every man in the place had their mouth hanging open. Still I snap mine shut and look at Luc who I think might try to hump her right here on the table judging by the look on his face. Behind Rose I see Callie, Jessie, the blonde Cole is married to, Len and Brie. Our eyes connect but she looks away.

“What can I get you boys?” Rose asks.

“Is this a role-playing wedding or something?” I whisper to Jordan who laughs.

“Rose used to work here,” he explains. “And dressed like that to get tips. And to drive Luc crazy.”

He grabs her by the waist and pulls him to her. “I need to take you home before someone else in this bar tries to.”

“I just have to finish my shift,” she jokes, and the next thing I know he’s picked her up, over his shoulder and is carrying her out of the bar.

“Wait! You can only keep her until midnight!” Callie is calling as she chases after them. “She’s sleeping at Jessie’s tonight or else it’s bad luck!”

Devin stands up. “I’m going to go get my superstitious wife and head home. Night guys.”

Jordan stands next and I almost tackle him to stop him as he reaches for Jessie. And then it happens, the way it always does, one by one my friends couple up and leave. Now it’s just Brie and Len standing awkwardly in front of the table where Chooch and I have been abandoned. Brie looks at me again. I stare back, trying to look like I’m not a giant mess inside. But I must be failing because Chooch, my only single ally left, stands up. He smiles at Len in his totally uncool, awkward way and clears his throat. “I know we’ve never met, but they seem to have some stuff to work out. Can I buy you a drink?”

“Sure.” Len smiles back at him all bright and bubbly like she always is.

“Rose is right,” I mutter more to myself than Brie, but she hears me.

“About what?”

“Well, a lot of things.” I stare at my empty scotch glass for a moment before looking up at Len and Chooch by the bar. “But today she’s right about that. Len is exactly the kind of woman Chooch needs.”

Brie looks over at them for a moment, her long hair falling over her shoulder and shielding her expression from me. “That’s Chooch, huh? He seems nice. Len needs nice.”

“He’s one of the best,” I say. “Almost too nice. He gets taken advantage of a lot.”

“Len too,” Brie replies and then turns back to me. I had all these ideas of pushing her away, playing it cool, being aloof. But now that she’s in front of me, looking beautiful but guarded and maybe a little weary, I just want to fix this. “I’m sorry. I should have told you I booked us separate rooms.”

“Or you shouldn’t have booked us separate rooms,” she counters.

“I had to.” The tension and that cold prickle start to develop again, despite the scotch in my system.

“If you think that’s what you have to do, then I have to do this,” she retorts and starts for the door.

I watch her walk all the way across the crowded bar. I watch her swing the front door open. I watch her step over the threshold and I watch the door start to swing closed behind her.

I should move. I want to move.

I can’t move.