Prologue
Dear Diary,
Today should have been one of the best days of my life. Instead, it was the worst. I’m still contemplating the murder of two people. Actually, they don’t even deserve to be called people. Just thinking about what happened earlier tonight makes me sick to my stomach. I just can’t believe it. I’ll never forget it.
This is what went down...
I had been having a great time at John Sanders’s last party of the summer. I had a smile on my face and my best friend at my side; it was the best night any eighteen year old could ask for. Nevertheless, in the back of my mind, the thought of not seeing all of the people I practically grew up with since elementary school was silently eating a hole in my heart. It was depressing to think about us all leaving for college within the coming weeks. It was a fact that I wouldn’t see most of these people again.
The town I live in just outside the Houston city limits was great to grow up in, but most people never stayed unless they come back to raise a family.
I was at the party with my best friend Patricia, but nobody dared call her by her real name without getting bitch-slapped. It was Trish or else.
We’ve been friends since we were four years old and we were like sisters. Actually, we were closer than sisters; we could finish each other’s sentences. We were partners in crime, even though I was usually only the accessory in said crime. Trish was absolutely crazy and totally hot in her own geektastic way.
Guys loved her and she loved them, but for the most part, she just played with them. “Life is too short to settle for only one,” she always said. She was beautiful and had the figure every girl would kill for; big boobs, slim waist and nice, pert round ass. She also had amazing dark chocolate brown eyes and matching, long chocolate brown hair. Fortunately for her she also had the personality to back it all up. She was a firecracker. On top of all that, she was a genius; literally, a genius!
Then there was Landyn; Lan, as only I called him. He was the typical high school quarterback and most popular guy in school. He was at the party too, but I lost him somewhere between beer pong with the baseball team and keg stands with the football team.
Just the thought of him brought a smile to my face. No matter how popular he was, he wasn’t the classic clichéd jerk jock. He meant everything to me. We started dating sophomore year and he was my first love in every sense of the word. When I first saw Landyn James walking down the hall like he owned the school, I thought he was so gorgeous it was scary. At sixteen he was already over six feet tall and two hundred twenty pounds of rock hard muscle.
His face alone took my breath away. It wasn’t pretty or beautiful; it was ruggedly handsome, intimidating, and sexy as hell. He had a strong, square jaw line and blinding smile bordered by plump, juicy, lickable lips. He had short, spiky, jet black hair and amber eyes so vibrant they were like looking into a jar of honey. Every time his eyes met mine I was hypnotized; stuck like a bee to honey. It helped that his eyes were outlined by wicked long, thick black eyelashes.
His arms alone should be listed as lethal weapons with the local PD and I knew this for a fact because he was constantly fighting. Granted, the fighting was always in “my honor,” but to me, that was a silly excuse. He was strong and excessively muscular for his age and I loved being wrapped up in his arms. He made me feel safe.
If anyone looked at me in a way he didn’t like, he made a big deal of it. If that included beat downs, that’s what happened and it didn’t faze him one bit. We fought about this all the time because, come on, I was nothing special, but his hunger for me was insanely drop-your-panties worthy.
More than anything, he wanted me all to himself. He constantly touched me in one way or another; holding my hand, an arm around my shoulders, an arm around my waist, hand in my hair. We were inseparable.
Even with all his minor faults, he was more down to earth than any guy I’d ever met, even my extremely hippie dad.
He treated me like I was his heart; like he needed me to exist; like he’d do anything in his power to make me happy.
Being honest with myself, I’m still not sure why he chose me. I mean, I’m fairly nice and fun. I like to think of myself as cute. Like a newborn baby kitten cute; or puppy if you prefer.
I am Alexis Sky Martine, better known as Lex.
Ugh, Sky! What kind of middle name is that? My damn hippie parents.
I’m a nobody, really. I’m not a cheerleader or a dancer or an artist. I’m just a normal girl who did what she had to do to get by, have fun and enjoy a life that always included her genius, but wacked-out best friend. Luckily for me, Lan obviously wasn’t picky.
My figure’s fairly decent; five-foot-four with a nice bubble butt and decent C-cup. I’m also what most people would call thick; firm, but thick. Not fat. Not skinny. Just thick. I have a nice straight nose, small ears, medium full lips, decently high cheek bones, hazel eyes and long, natural mousy brown hair.
See! Just cute!
Why couldn’t I be a blonde? I’ve always wondered if they had more fun.
Trish always argues that I’m “way” more than just cute, but I know I won’t be giving anyone other than Landyn wet dreams. She’s biased and she damn well better be because it would really piss me off if I had to kick my geektastic bestie’s ass.
Oh, Alright!
So, I would never be able to kick her ass, but I’d sure as hell try! And I’d cheat! Oh yeah, I’m a down and dirty cheater! I use the hint button on every Sudoku puzzle I play. Even in Solitaire! Even at Checkers! That’s right. And what?
Poor Trish, let’s hope she never reads this diary.
Trish and I were going to the same college in Houston and I was dreading this. Not because of Trish, but because I knew it was going to be hard on my relationship with Lan.
He was going to school two hours away for his football scholarship, and lately this was all we talked about. We both hated the idea of being apart. In my heart I knew it would be okay, that we would talk constantly and see each other at every opportunity, but I was still miserable about it.
In an attempt to cheer me up, last Saturday Lan gave me a beautiful white gold promise ring. He said, “Lexi, baby, I love you. This is so damn cheesy, but I want you to have this as a promise of our life together. I swear, as soon as I can afford it, I’ll replace this with a diamond. Just stop worrying about what’s going to happen between us, okay? You’re mine Lexi and everything’s going to be fine.”
I loved him. I cried like a baby.
I know high school sweethearts aren’t expected to last, but I never would have doubted us. I knew Lan loved me just as much as I loved him, if not more.
Until tonight, when I found out otherwise...
This night will be embedded in my memory until I’m forced into my death bed. It will be like that time I accidentally embedded a porno to my homepage on Friends Space, the popular social network that my parents are on as well. True story.
However, this time, there was no going back; there was no delete button, or escape button...
It was almost time to leave the party and I knew Lan had been drinking; a lot. I had one drink, but Trish had already planned on being designated driver. More than likely Lan would just crash on my couch; in the living room of course. My parents loved him and they were very open-minded, and let’s just say, very free-spirited, but there was no way in hell they would let us sleep together without being married. We were still too young for marriage.
Yet, I’d marry him in a heartbeat.
Lan’s mother and stepfather loved me too. His mom treated me like the daughter she never had. We got along great and I visited with her all time, even when Landyn wasn’t around. I didn’t know what happened to his real dad and they never talked about him. The one time I asked, he answered, “he’s dead to me,” so I assumed something terrible had happened. He wouldn’t talk about it, but I tried not to let it get at me too much because it had no effect on our relationship. He’d tell me when he was ready.
So, after Trish and I lazily walked down the hall while laughing like hyenas, we finally made it to the upstairs bathroom. Slightly ahead of me Trish tried the knob, but it was locked. A high-pitched voice inside called out, “Just a minute!” I grumbled in frustration. I had to pee really, really bad. Trish and I leaned against the wall laughing and joking when all of a sudden we heard a guy’s voice mumbling and shushing from behind the door along with the girl’s giggles.
Trish looked at me with wide eyes and a knowing smile, and I threw my head back silently laughing hysterically. I turned to Trish and whispered, “I really hope they make it quick, because I’m not sure how long I can hold it.” The downstairs bathroom had a long ass line, and really, how long could this guy possibly last? He was only in high school for Pete’s sake.
“No kidding,” Trish responded on a laugh and then went on to tell me about one of the many guys she met while at college orientation. “He was so fine Lex. God, I can’t wait for you to see-” She was cut off when all of a sudden a deep, threatening voice boomed, “Don’t look at me!”
I stopped breathing.
It couldn’t be-
“Don’t touch me. Keep your fucking hands on the counter.” The deep voice demanded.
Oh. My. God!
I froze. The blood running through my veins turned to ice. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t see.
I knew that voice.
I looked at Trish to see her reaction hoping that I was just insane and hearing things, but nope, she had stopped laughing and was now glaring at the locked door.
Oh God, please tell me this isn’t happening! The tightness in my chest was suffocating me.
I placed a hand to my chest and had to concentrate on the beating of my heart because there was a good possibility I might just pass out. No, I might actually throw up, or both. Trish turned toward me and whispered “Let’s go” in my ear, but I couldn’t move.
What was she thinking?
No way in hell was I moving. I scowled at her. I wasn’t moving until I saw the bastard with my own eyes. He could always lie and say it wasn’t him, and I’d want to desperately to believe him that I’d just go on living in doubt.
At that thought, the moaning started; the girl’s moans, not Lan’s. I had every sound Landyn made while having sex memorized, but this time it seemed Lan was a silent partner. More than likely the jerk just didn’t want to get caught. The idiot was having sex in the bathroom of our mutual friend’s house and he didn’t want to get caught!
What an asshole!
The moaning continued and I heard the girl beg, “Harder, harder!” I closed my eyes as the tears rained down my cheeks. I heard a couple of Lan’s barked, “Shut up’s” and it seemed like a lifetime that I was standing there even though it couldn’t have been more than five minutes. A few people walked by saying things and asking questions. They were just being friendly, but I had no idea who they were. I couldn’t concentrate on anything but that damn door!
Suddenly the moaning grew louder, and louder. “Yes!” I head the girl squeal and an instant later, every sound in the world ceased.
There was about two minutes of oblivion before the door knob jiggled and the lock finally clicked. I wondered what they were doing during those silent minutes; were they kissing? Was Lan cleaning her up like he did me? Were they staring longingly at one another as Lan and I did after making love... no... fucking. What we had was just fucking to him, clearly.
Trish reached down to hold my hand trying to give me a sense of comfort, when the door opened and Destiny, Bitch-From-Hell, Tarson, the school whore, walked out with a satisfied smile on her face. When she saw me, that smile immediately turned evil.
Ugh! She had blonde hair, go figure, blue eyes and was beautiful, in her own “Look at me I’m a slut and wear too much makeup” way. She also had an eardrum-piercing voice.
If I wasn’t already convinced she was the devil incarnate, this was concrete proof! Who the hell had a name like Destiny? I mean really? Well, Bitch-From-Hell was soon to meet her destiny blind-as-a-bat as soon as I claw her eyes out!
I was about to make my move when Trish’s hand tightened so hard around mine I flinched. I knew what she was telling me without saying the words, so I took a long, deep breath and moved my eyes away from the ugly smile on Destiny’s face to look at the son of a bitch behind her.
And there he was.
Landyn... Lan...
My Lan!
The ice running through my veins quickly ignited into fire at the sight of him. My face was burning up as the tears continued to spill. With all my mixed emotions churning, I knew it was only a matter of time before I threw up.
I couldn’t believe this was actually happening, that this was real life and not a nightmare. I closed my eyes wishing I could vanish. Wishing I had never fallen in love with Landyn; or even met him for that matter.
I thought he was my best friend and the love of my life. The guy I planned to marry and have a family with. To think of all the times he talked about how beautiful our kids were going to be was devastating.
What a silly, silly little girl I am.
The knowledge of my soul mate walking out of a freaking bathroom after having sex with the biggest Bitch-From-Hell was so overwhelming that I wanted to pull my hair and scream at the top of my lungs!
I knew from that moment on, my life was over. My heart was shattered beyond repair. I expected we would both make mistakes since we were still so young, but I never would have imagined anything like this. What hurt the most was the fact that he was a liar! Everything he’s ever said to me was a lie.
Now, I hated him with everything I had. I would always love him, but I hated him with so much passion that I knew I would never be able to forgive him. Not ever!
It took a while for him to acknowledge my presence. He didn’t see me because his head was still down, hand rubbing the back of his neck in a way one might actually think he regretted his little bathroom romp with fucking “Everyone’s had a piece” Destiny. Yuck!
Once he reached the threshold of the door I made sure to commit his beauty to memory because I never planned on seeing it again.
“Was it good?” I managed to force out the question with as much strength as I could find. I didn’t even sound like myself.
Even though my eyes were blinded by tears, I still saw the horrified expression on his face when he looked up and realized I was standing there. I silently wondered if he was horrified that he got caught, or horrified by what he’d just done. He didn’t say anything and we stared at each other for an eternity. He looked completely lost. I, on the other hand, just kept trying to figure out where I went wrong.
Finally, Destiny broke the spell when she spoke, “Ignore her Lan, let’s just go back to the party.” Then she held out her hand and snapped her fingers in his direction. She actually expected him to grab it in front of me.
My eyes dared him to do it.
If he did, I was going to tackle him so hard and pray that cracking his head on the tile would knock some fucking sense into him!
But he didn’t.
He quickly turned his head toward Destiny and whispered “What the fuck?”
I didn’t know if he was asking himself that question or Destiny, but it didn’t matter. I was about to let everyone standing in the general vicinity, himself included, know just what the fuck! To make matters even worse, I just realized the Bitch-From-Hell called Lan, Lan! No one called him that but me!
Is this seriously happening right now?
I was so hot that I could swear my eyes turned red. I ignored everything and everyone around me and screamed, “How could you do this to me?” I barely finished my sentence before I choked on a sob.
“Lexi, baby,” he said in a quiet, but rough and strangled voice. He held up his hands as if to say “I won’t hurt you,” and started to walk toward me, but I shook my head at him.
“You stay the hell away from me!”
“Lexi, baby, fuck! I need to touch you.” His voice was now both frustrated and desperate. He ran a hand through his hair.
“Are you crazy? You lost the right to ever touch me again. I’m nothing to you now, Landyn.” I hissed his full name. I was outraged!
He looked completely destroyed and possibly even a little angry that I wouldn’t let him come near me, but what gave him the right? The asshole! I thought he would make another move, but he surprised me by speaking softly, “I’m sorry, please just listen...
“No, Landyn!” I shouted, determined to be strong. Fuck him!
I was so done with him. I took a few breaths to calm myself. I didn’t want to embarrass myself any more than he already had, so when I looked in his mesmerizing eyes, my next words were quiet but firm, “I hate you, Landyn. I don’t want to hear anything you have to say to me. I never want to hear the sound of your voice again.”
I took another deep breath as I started heating up again. “I truly hate you and I never want to see you again in my life!”
Well, it seemed deep breathing didn’t work out too well since I ended that last bit on another shout. So much for not embarrassing myself even more, either; the crowd already surrounding us grew bigger.
Screw it!
I continued shouting. “Why? And with her of all people.” I lifted a hand to the devil in the flesh who was staring at me like I was some cool new animated toy. I mean, really?
“How long have you been fucking her while fucking me, huh? Is she the only one? Were you at least considerate enough to use protection?” I shrieked, half sarcastic, half serious. I paused a second before screaming, “Because you don’t with me! If you’ve given me some kind of disease, I’ll kill you!” I was hysterical now. “You disgust me!”
He didn’t say anything at all and continued to stare at me with tortured eyes. He at least had the decency to look as shattered as I was.
“Lex, you’re scaring me. Let’s just get out of here,” Trish said quietly at my side. When she started to pull me away, I realized that screaming at Landyn was pointless. No way could I ever forgive him for this. I turned in a dazed stupor to follow Trish.
When he spoke next, he spoke so softly and my ears were ringing so badly, I almost didn’t hear him, but I did. I stopped mid-step and every muscle in my body tensed up.
“Baby, I’m so sorry. I love you so much; maybe too much.” His voice was pained and every word was like a knife twisting in my heart. He paused before continuing. “I made a mistake. One mistake Lexi, I swear. Please just let me explain.”
At that moment, he started speaking, more like stuttering, rapidly and his voice grew louder. “We’re only eighteen, Lexi, and she was telling me things... I panicked. I know that’s a stupid excuse... I can’t explain it right... She said things about you... I’m really screwing this up… I’ve had too much to drink and she just wouldn’t leave me alone... It meant nothing to me. Please don’t leave me...”
Well, there was one thing I forgot to mention about Landyn. He could care less about what people thought of him. He would never be embarrassed to grovel. He said everything I would want to hear if I was fool enough to actually believe him and take him back, and as much as I wanted to, I knew he was liar! Likely, it was all just an act to save face in front of our friends.
I twisted my neck around so fast that I was certain I’d be feeling the effects of whiplash later. He immediately stopped stumbling through his poor attempt at begging me for forgiveness.
For a second, I was caught off guard when I realized that he had tears in his eyes. The bastard actually had the nerve to have tears in his eyes!
“Are you kidding me right now?” I asked in a tone that was so shockingly low, it made even my skin crawl. “I. Hate. You.” I forced myself to say again, but meant every word.
His hand came up to swipe down his face. Seeing him cry only added to my pain, but none of this was my fault.
“I’ve done nothing but love you Landyn. Being the silly little dreamer girl I am, even at eighteen, I was more than ready to spend my life with you. You were everything to me, but you never will be again.” My voice was becoming uneven and I had to pause to think through the fog.
“Good luck with the rest of your life Landyn, I really do hope you’ll be happy.” I finished on a whisper, then turned and ran away as fast I I could. I heard a lot of commotion coming from behind me, but I couldn’t look back. I had to get out of there.
The instant I made it to the front door I heard shouting. “You’re mine Lexi! No matter what happens, you’re mine! Do you hear me?”
Sheesh! Roar much?
Outside, Trish started screaming as soon as my feet hit the pavement.
“I can’t believe this shit! I’m going to hurt him Lex! No, I’m going to pay someone to hurt him because he’s too big for me take down alone!”
Then all was quiet for approximately two point five seconds before she started again, but this time she spoke in a tone that held so much venom she frightened even me. “I’m not going to kill him... no, that would be doing him a favor.” She paused again. She was thinking which was never a good thing. “I’m going to break a knee cap or his throwing arm so he’ll never be able to play ball again! Maybe even his foot.” She turned to face me suddenly. “Do you know how many itty bitty bones are in one foot?” She didn’t let me answer. “Twenty-six! Yeah, I’m thinking his foot is my best bet. Now I just need to figure out what to drop on it. I’m going to crush it!” she growled.
I thought she was finished until I heard her scream, yet again, “Destiny! What a stupid hoe-bag! Now, her I can take down myself I just need to do some more planning! It might take years, but she’s got it coming!” I knew she wouldn’t really hurt Destiny physically, at least I didn’t think so, or Landyn for that matter, but Trish was sneaky and so damn smart that she probably would find a way to take them down. That thought made me feel a little better.
As we drove away, Trish kept on half talking half screaming, but I wasn’t listening. I was silently dying inside. It really wasn’t Destiny’s fault Lan did this to me. I understand that everyone makes their own choices and Landyn made his, even if it was the wrong one. But that didn’t mean it hurt any less.
Now, Diary, I have decisions to make; major decisions.