CHAPTER 12
AS MUCH AS SHE REFUSED TO FEEL IT, Andi felt the usual excitement as she entered Craig’s apartment again after almost a year. She hadn’t realized she’d missed this place. It was her sanctuary, the place she always looked forward to go to every month. She had fond memories here on her own, weaving her dreams while sitting in the balcony gazing at the ocean. Her memories became more vivid after that one week of sexual exploration she’d shared with Craig. They were making random flashbacks as her eyes scanned the vast living room. They’d used up every furniture in there, every space available. Craig was very physical, lifting her like she weighed nothing and positioning her however he’d pleased.
Flowers, lots of flower everywhere. Did this mean he didn’t hate flowers anymore?
She glanced at Craig who was carrying Richard in a baby basket.
He gave her a big smile. “Welcome back.”
So, he went through all this trouble just to welcome her. Nice. Very nice.
Don’t be too impressed, the voice of self-preservation reminded her.
“Thanks,” she simply said.
Bella’s twins ran into the apartment screaming happily.
Bella came in shortly with her Aunt Frida and Greta, carrying all her stuff from the hospital.
“I ordered lunch. It should be here by now,” Bella announced. “C’mon guys, let’s go to the nursery!”
Bella lead the way to one of the three huge bedrooms in the apartment.
The nursery had an aviation theme. Of course. It was gorgeous. Vintage, miniature airplanes hung from the ceiling. The wallpaper was a monochrome of blue and green with black and brown accents. Framed prints of modern fighter planes adorned the walls and the furniture were all finished in white lacquer. It was a mother’s dream nursery for her baby boy.
Bella was looking at her expectantly.
Andi’s eyes turned misty, overwhelmed. “It’s beautiful. Thank you, Bella.”
The woman sighed in relief. “Thank god you liked it! I was so worried.”
“I couldn’t have thought of this…” She couldn’t have afforded it, too.
“Of course, Craig picked the theme. I just chose all the furnishings, the bed sheets and the curtains. The design contractors we hired finished it in a day.”
She glanced at Craig who had put Richard on the bed. He was rapt in attention at his sleeping son. He glanced up and caught her watching him. He winked at her.
Her cheeks flamed but she couldn’t help smiling shyly.
For once, she ignored the warnings in her head. This was just so sweet of him and Bella.
“Guys, lunch is here!” Frida called out from outside the door.
——*****——
Finally, they were left alone.
The entire apartment was quiet again.
Andi was sitting on a chair beside the airplane-inspired crib her baby boy was sleeping in. He would wake up in a few hours to feed again. By now, she was already familiar with her baby’s body clock. That meant she’d be awake several times at night to nurse him.
She’d be sleeping in the nursery. She told Craig she cannot sleep away from Richard just yet despite the CCTV camera in the room to monitor the baby 24/7. He agreed to her wish, saying he’d actually feel better too, if one of them was in the room to watch over the baby.
Greta had helped her put her things in the walk-in-closet. The nursery was so beautiful she could stay in here for days without going out. Bella had such exquisite taste, expensive but understated, a quality most people born in wealth and privilege naturally possessed. Something she lacked. Her choices tended to lean on the cheap and serviceable.
There was a soft knock at the door. It opened. Craig peeped inside. “Hey, may I come in?”
“Sure.”
He had changed into comfortable clothes, a pair of black track pants and a sleeveless, gray top. He’d showered too.
“Still asleep?” he inquired of his son.
“Yeah. But he’ll wake up in an hour.”
He checked the wall clock and agreed. “Yup.”
She was amused. Craig was a hands-on dad. He made it a point to know how to take care of his son. If he were not drop-dead-gorgeous and irresistibly charming when he wanted to, the nurses at the hospital would have been exasperated by his endless question about babies.
He knelt on the carpeted floor beside the crib and peered at Richard.
“He does look like me,” he observed for the nth time, not content that everyone had already said so. But his smug tone warmed her, too.
“I dunno. His face looks like Yoda. Especially when he’s hungry and pooping,” she said in a droll tone.
He gave her a funny look. “Hey, that’s my kid you’re calling a greenish, bald alien,” he replied in feigned affront. “My kid is cute, pooping, pissing, bawling. Aren’t you, little man?” He cooed to the sleeping baby.
She bit back a smile. He was a different man around his child. The Craig she knew would vanish when Richard was near.
He glanced at her. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m good, thanks.”
“Do you need anything?”
“None at the moment.”
He turned to fully face her. He looked big kneeling on the floor, his broad shoulders defined by ripped muscles proclaiming his strength even in his idle position.
“Andi…” he started, his tone, gentle.
“Yes?”
“I know you didn’t wanna be here.”
She didn’t comment. She didn’t want to be redundant.
“I’m sorry if I kind of coerced you into living here with me.”
She raised a brow. “Kind of?”
He sighed. “Okay, I did coerce you. I had no choice. You’re stubborn.”
“Have you ever heard of asking nicely?” she told him cheekily.
“I was.”
“No, you were demanding like you own me and Richard. I carried that baby for months inside me ALONE and then you showed up and started telling me what to do. Oh, you didn’t even tell me. You expected to be obeyed.”
“Here you go again.”
“What?”
“Stubborn. Your argument is beside the point.”
She glared at him. “And you’re a domineering ass!” she hissed.
“You’re yelling.”
“I am not!”
“If you’re not sitting beside the baby, you would have.”
She couldn’t deny that. She wanted to punch him in the face right now.
He sighed again. “So, okay, I’ll try asking. Nicely,” he added the last bit grudgingly. “Andi, for the sake of our baby, can we be friends?”
“Define friends.”
“Two people who share good stuff, like our kid, and some.”
“What’s in the some part?”
He slowly grinned, his eyes glinting with that familiar look. “I’ll let you define that.”
She evaded his eyes, her cheeks warming.
“So?” he prodded.
“Okay.”
“Okay what?”
“Okay, we can be friends for the sake of Richard. But I reserve the right to change my mind. I do have plans for myself and my son.”
“Andi, look at me.”
She met his eyes again. He looked serious now, minus the arrogance.
“Look…I know we didn’t have the opportunity to get to know each other before, but we have a reason to do so now. A huge reason. We have a baby to take care of, to raise together. We have to get along. I’m willing to meet you halfway, get to know you, the mother of my son. I really want to. I hope you’ll do the same, meet me half-way, want to get to know me, the father of your child.”
She swallowed. Craig could utter the most sensible words, if he wanted to. What else could she say about that? To say no would be irrational and immature.
She nodded. “Okay, Craig. I’ll meet you half-way. But you must respect my decisions, too.”
“I promise, provided they’re within reason and in the best interest of our son.”
“Fair enough.”
“Friends?”
Dammit, how long could she resist that gorgeous smile?
“Friends.”
——*****——
The door opened. She was already lying on the bed.
“Hi. Sorry. Were you already sleeping?”
“No. Was about to. Did you need something?”
He looked embarrassed standing there at the door. The room was cozily illuminated by the lamp shades at the bedside tables.
“Craig.”
“Can I…sleep here?”
He was mostly in the room the past few days but he had the sensibility to look elsewhere whenever she was preparing to nurse the baby. He’d chatted with her, avoiding looking at her chest which turned out to be amusing, after all. He was clearly uncomfortable watching her feed the baby but he enjoyed being with his son and wouldn’t want to leave the room unless he needed to do important errands.
“I’ll sleep on the floor. Beside the crib. Please?”
He sounded so adorable, like a kid asking for an extra cookie.
“I can watch him while you sleep. I’ll wake you up when he wants milk.”
“Then you won’t get any sleep.”
“I’m used to it. Very little sleep in the tour.”
While talking, he was slowly inching into the room, too.
“I don’t snore. At least nobody has complained about that.”
She couldn’t hold back a smile. “Alright.”
He pumped his fist. “Yes!” He practically jumped his way towards the crib.
Moments later, he was whispering to his sleeping son, gently touching his little face with his fingertips.
She was fascinated. This was an entirely new person she was witnessing. After their serious talk days ago, the Craig she first knew was becoming a stranger every passing hour.
He was treating her like a fragile china. He’d cooked their meals and wouldn’t let her lift a finger except to eat. He’d cleaned up afterward. He did everything.
Then yesterday, he did something that totally blew her away. He ran a warm bath for her. He was just outside the bathroom door if she needed assistance in any way, he’d said. “You know, you have a wound…sort of.”
He was referring to her little stitches down there, where Richard had ripped his way out of her. It was healing fast but she was afraid to find out how her kitty looked now after child birth. The man was concerned for her kitty. It was nothing sexual, too. Just a man taking care of her.
Amazing.
“Here.” She gave him a pillow. He propped it beside the crib. The room was comfortably cool.
“Thanks. Sleep now. I’ll watch over him.”
She lay back on the bed on her side, watching him for a few minutes, meeting his eyes every now and then. His smiles were slowly dousing the flames of fear inside her, thawing the ice of distrust, breaking the walls of doubt.
He was putting a blanket of security around her. Something she’d never had all her life.
The sight was too good she didn’t even notice it was already a sweet dream.
——*****——
“Your aunt said you’re in college.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s great.”
“Thanks. Gimme more wipes.”
He went to get a new stack of wet wipes from a drawer. Richard had pooped and they were having fun cleaning him up. The joys they shared over Richard seemed endless.
“So, what course are you taking up? His poop smells bad now.”
“Accounting. It’s because he’s taking more milk now.”
“Wow. That’s serious shit. Numbers. I’ll put his diaper.”
“Be my guest. You’re an expert at it now, huh.”
“I’m in flight suits the entire tour. This is nothing.”
He changed the baby’s diaper like a pro. Richard was such an even-tempered baby who seldom cried. Except when he was hungry where he’d bawl with the vocal prowess of a heavy metal lead singer, as Craig joked once, Richard was a happy baby.
Moments later, they were lounging beside each other at the balcony, snacking on brownies and ice-cold lemonade. Richard was sleeping on his pram a few feet away. It was a beautiful afternoon.
“So, how many years do you have left till graduation?”
“I’m in my third year now. I didn’t enroll the following semester last year. You know…”
He nodded in understanding. “Is there a way you can continue your course online?”
“I was thinking about that. I’ll look into it.”
“Good. Education is important. I want our son to have a very good education one day.”
“You won’t browbeat him into becoming a pilot like you?” she teased him.
“God, no. He won’t be in the military. Not if I can do something about it.”
She heaved a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”
His expression became wistful as he stared into the distance.
“Hey…” She nudged his side. “What are you thinking?”
“My father.”
“Yes…?”
“Maybe I was too hard on him. Maybe…maybe he didn’t want me to go into the Air Force because…” he sighed. “Because like me, he didn’t want his son’s life to be endangered.”
She nodded and kept quiet, realizing this was a turning point in his life. He’d been harboring a load of resentment towards his old man. Now that he had a son of his own, his perspectives might just change for the better. She hoped it would.
“But I reached out to him. Repeatedly. He turned me away every time. Then he died.” His voice shook a little. “How can he die without even talking to me? He was a hard man, Andi. A very hard man.”
The sadness in his voice tore at her. Her heart broke for him all over again. Oh Craig.
The past days had been a metamorphosis of a new man right before her very eyes. That week they’d spent together was still vivid in her mind. She’d been with a passionate, insatiable lover who took her to heights of pleasure. But the man she was with now was a whole new version of him.
She couldn’t hold back the urge to touch his hand.
She felt him tense.
It was the first time she’d deliberately made physical contact with him since he came back into her life. It was as electric as the first time.
Oh god, how she’d missed him.
She had a great lover that first time they’d met. Now she had a friend. A great one, too. He really made good of his promise when he offered her his friendship. She had never been more taken care of in her entire life. She had never felt more safe than in his presence. With him around, she felt like a new person too. Strangely, her fears came on less and less, her cynicism dying like a starving plant as he showered her with affection everyday. Not the sexual kind. He’d not made any sexual innuendos, had not looked at her in a lascivious manner since their “talk.” But it was more real. Better than sex.
Well, nothing could probably beat sex with someone you had 100% carnal chemistry with, but certainly, this came very close.
“But I won’t be like him. I wanna be the best father to my son. That I promise you, Andi.”
That undid her.
She laced their fingers together and turned toward him.
He squeezed her hand, his eyes, intense as he gazed at her.
It was her who leaned forward.
——*****——
He froze as her warm lips pressed to his own.
God, how he’d miss this. Her. The feel of her. His entire being had been starving for her all these weeks, but he had to make do with what she was willing to share with him.
He’d vowed to be a total gentleman, to be patient, to treat her as she deserved to be treated as a woman and the mother of his child. That included respecting her wishes, her right to privacy, and being attentive to her emotional needs. After he’d read about postpartum depression, he was extra careful not to upset her in any way that might trigger such condition.
He’d never thought he could function around a woman merely as a friend. He surprised even himself. He didn’t know he possessed the capacity to care deeper for a woman he’d been sexually intimate with, to curtail his animal needs and be more concerned of her well-being, to look at her as a woman in a deeper sense and not just a vessel to receive his lust.
He was ashamed of how he had treated women in the past. Yeah, one of those life-changing things that happened to him after witnessing her give birth.
He’d avoided touching her in any way, only when it was necessary. She looked unreal as it was post-pregnancy. Her figure was fuller, her face even more beautiful with that perpetual glow of joy as she took care of their son. Of course, he’d looked his fill when she wasn’t aware he was staring, tortured himself of images of her naked, her lush body his to touch freely, to taste anytime he wanted as he buried his cock inside her tight pussy over and over, again and again…
Those hot images became a single moving picture right in front of him now, kissing him like she’d missed him for a decade, like she couldn’t get enough of him.
He was afraid to move. She might stop. He didn’t want her to ever stop.
Her lips were even softer than he remembered, even sweeter.
It was’t enough. With his hand coming up to slide at the back of her head, he deepened the kiss.
His tongue drove in and it was an explosion of his senses.
Blood surged like a flush flood to his cock. He was rock-hard in seconds.
He hauled her onto his lap and devoured her lips, refreshing his memories of her taste.
His hand crept inside her dress and cupped one of her breasts. He squeezed gently and milk dripped down his fingers. Sweet fuck, he wanted to rip her dress off of her and suck her breasts like his son did as he slid his cock inside her, slam to the hilt and never leave her depths.
But it was not possible at the moment.
It nearly killed him but he had to pull away from their kiss.
“Andi, sugar…”
She groaned, kissing him again.
He leaned back, evading her lips. “Baby, we can’t.”
Her eyes were glazed with arousal, mirroring his own and he wanted nothing but to fuck her to exhaustion. This was pure torture.
“You’re not completely healed yet.”
She stared at him, then flushed in embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I…”
She tried to pull back but he wouldn’t let her.
“I’m not sorry, but I’m afraid if we carry on, I won’t be able to stop myself from coming in my pants. That’s definitely a first for me in like fifteen years. I’m already dripping. It’s been so long.”
“Is that so bad?” She squirmed on his lap, her butt grinding at his massive erection.
He groaned. “Stop that, baby, please. I’m trying so hard to be your friend here. And you’re making it hard for me, pun intended.”
That elicited a giggle. Ah, how he’d missed that. He wanted to hear her laugh more often.
Her arms went around his waist, hugging him tight. “Okay, my friend, we can just cuddle.”
He kissed the top of her head. He would call her doctor tomorrow and ask how soon can they have sex, but from what he’d read, two months was the minimum. It had only been almost two weeks since she gave birth. A long way from Homecoming Queen, pun intended, too.
Meanwhile, yeah, they can just cuddle.
Fuck.
Yeah, he wished.
——*****——
He was thankful his vacation was not being interrupted by urgent calls from his superiors. He would really hate to leave his family at this time.
Family.
That felt good.
He had a family of his own now. They were instantly made and a package deal, too, but he couldn’t complain now that his son was born. He was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, next to Andi, of course. He cannot imagine not having them around anymore.
It was scary, these new realities in his life. Months ago he would have balked at the slightest idea of fathering a child, least of all taking care of a child and a woman, protect them with his life, provide for them and live with them, but he took to the role naturally. He was constantly surprising himself, too.
They’d settled into a routine, took turns watching over Richard. They all still slept in the nursery. He’d brought in a sofa-bed and slept there while Andi used the bed. He could share the bed with her but he preferred not to sleep too close to her. Curtailing the clawing hunger of his body took some monumental effort, no kidding, but testing his limits too often was lunacy.
Almost a year of not having sex was pure hell, but Andi was the last woman he’d been with. He didn’t want to tarnish her memory by assuaging his lust with some pussy he’d forget the next day. It would be so easy. Tommy was just a phone call away. But he just couldn’t do it.
It was Andi or nothing. He had to make do with his hand in the confines of the master’s bedroom when his need drove him to the brink it hurt to even move or think. Fuck, he’d never deprived his body of sexual sustenance before, but this self-imposed sacrifice was something he took seriously.
Funny how his lifestyle had turned around in such a very short time, but he was loving every moment of it.
Loving.
Yeah.
Fuck me.
Love. Who would have thought? But he was in the love zone. He was man enough to acknowledge that. He loved his son in this manner that he cannot define, only that he would die for him.
And Andi…Ah, sweet Andi.
He smiled as he watched her stack dirty plates and pans into the dishwasher. They just finished dinner. He could do this forever, watch her gracefully move around the place. She was so feminine and yet she radiated strength. Jesus, if you don’t call pushing a baby out of your body like she did in the delivery room strength, he didn’t know what was. He definitely saw women in a different light now after that nerve-wracking, unforgettable experience.
“So, you have siblings back home?” he finally asked her that one thing he’d been meaning to for days now. She was a great listener but she wouldn’t share her thoughts unless he asked.
“Who told you that?”
“Frida, of course.”
“My aunt has a big mouth.”
“I like your aunt. And answer my question. Please.”
“Two. A brother and a sister.”
He waited but she didn’t elaborate.
“Did I tell you the three of us have different fathers?” she added after a pause.
There was no mistaking the bitterness in her tone. Frida had warned him Andi was touchy about anything related to her mother. But he’d been open to her about his father, and truthfully, it set him free. Free to verbalize his pain bottled up inside him for ages. And God, that felt good. He had only to think of his son now and his pain would fade into a distant memory. Richard and Andi were changing him drastically but he wanted this change. He was evolving for the better. He had silently longed for a reprieve like this and he was grateful now that Andi came into his life. Now he wanted Andi to change, too, like he did. To get away from the hate and bitterness that had taken her prisoner for so long.
He shrugged. “Bella and I have different fathers,” he replied casually to downplay what she said.
“Your parents were married. I was a result of foolishness. So were my siblings. Our mother was a foolish, foolish woman who used sex and her children, hoping to trap a man to marry her.”
Definitely a sore topic. “Andi…”
She finished stacking the dirty dishes inside the dishwasher and turned it on. She leaned on the counter, her eyes on the floor.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I was embarrassed every time people would ask why we have different skin color. I was tempted to tell them they’re not my siblings, but I couldn’t. I love my brother and sister. But I hate her, you know?”
“Baby…”
“I don’t know what fairy tale books she’d read that planted the notion in her head that she’d get some happy ending from a guy who only saw her as a good-time fuck, who was only with her during his RNRs until they faded to black, leaving her heartbroken. But she never learned her lesson. Not even after three bastards.” She shook her head, giving out a short, mocking laugh.
But her eyes were wet.
She met his eyes then and spoke firmly, the fire of conviction lacing her words. “I promised myself that I won’t be like her. Never like her.”
Now he truly regretted bringing up this delicate matter. He had reopened her old wounds and they were probably worse than his wounds.
She walked away without another word.
——*****——
He found her in the nursery, staring at their sleeping son.
Richard had been the strongest bond tying them together, the center of their attention, the force keeping their fragile union on the ground. But he shook their budding relationship with his careless curiosity.
Her words hit him with the impact of a sledgehammer swung at full force to his chest.
I won’t be like her. Never like her.
He watched her quietly at the door. She was strong, he knew that from the start. No woman had ever stood up to him than she had, young as she was. But he could see her weakness now, too.
Her fear.
And he just knew, he wanted to take away that fear. To smash it. To kill it.
In that moment, he had never been more sure of what he wanted to do.
He went to her and embraced her from behind. She only tensed for a bit but she allowed him.
They remained like that for a few minutes as they both gazed at their son.
Their fingers are linked at her middle. He inhaled her scent. So familiar. So comforting. He didn’t think he could exist a single day without smelling her sweet scent in the air now It was as good as Richard’s baby scent but they had different effects on his system.
“Not all men are like your father,” he said quietly.
“Aren’t they?”
“No.”
She didn’t reply, but he felt her stiffen again, as if she would bolt again. His arms tightened around her.
He obeyed his heart’s strongest desire at the moment.
“I won’t just be with you during my RNRs. I will be with you every chance I get, as my job would allow.”
“Craig, don’t—“
“Shhh. Listen. I’m saying these words in front of my son. These are sacred.”
He felt her melt in his arms.
“I don’t know much about relationships. I’ve never had a serious one. But I’ll learn, for you and Richard. I’ll learn to be a good man. For my woman.”
Her fingers tightened around his.
“Will you be my woman, Andi?”
She totally froze again.
But only for a few seconds.
“Yes.”