“YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL.”
“I hate you.”
“You love me.”
“No, I don’t.”
Tyler smirked. “Yes, you do, or else you still wouldn’t be here. In my bed. Filled with my come.”
A year ago, I would have cried, bawling like a baby over the pain he had caused me.
But now, on this cool summer evening, I laid with the man who destroyed the innocent part of my soul.
He was right.
I did love him but not in the way one should. I loved him because he fed the dark part of my soul. Since Violet was taken from me, he was all I knew. He allowed me to unleash my anger on him. Hitting him until I was spent and sore.
Tyler was the only person who believed that Violet was taken. That she wouldn’t just walk off with some random guy and not tell me about it. My own father didn’t believe that she was a victim. She had always been the wild one. While she was gone, I took over that role. My timidness no longer a factor in this game called life.
“Why do you hit me?” I finally asked, breaking the unnerving silence that I had become accustomed to.
“Why do you hit me back?” Tyler rose from the bed, pulled on his torn jeans, and turned to me. His dark hair had become long in the past couple of months. So long he had to put it back into a ponytail.
“I hit you back because …”I sat up, swallowing past the disgust of his semen leaking from my body. “It’s all I know.”
“Well, my dear Jenny. There’s your answer.”
I frowned. “What the hell does that mean?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Careful. I don’t care if you’re all used up.”
I looked away. Sliding my legs over the edge of the bed, I sat there, staring at myself in the reflection of the mirror. I had become pale. Skinny to the point you could see my ribs poking out of my skin. But no one noticed.
“Do you like what you see?” Tyler crawled onto the bed behind me, wrapping his large hand around my slender throat. “I like seeing how red I can make your skin. And I know you enjoy digging your nails into mine.”
“I hate you,” was all I said.
“Fuel that hate, Jenny. One day you will need it.”
Tyler had been right. He had said those words so many years before, but I never thought anything of it.
Angel wanted answers.
I knew I needed to tell him what was going on with me. But I had no idea where to start. How do you tell your current boyfriend that your ex still comes to you in your nightmares?
My body shivered at the constant memories of Tyler beating me, yelling at me, and forcing me to do whatever he desired. It was funny, though, because in the end, I didn’t put up much of a fight. I ended up enjoying it. It was sick and twisted how I would egg him on to the point of no control. It was why I did it with Angel. I couldn’t help it. I craved his force. He would never hurt me. Not unless I needed him to. In a masochistic kind of way, I savored when he spanked me and dug his fingers into my flesh.
Buck sniffed at my feet, lifted his head, looked around, and let it drop back down on his outstretched paws.
My toes scratched at his fur, gently petting him. He had been the one thing that kept me calm. With Angel, I loved him with all of me, but he was intense. His love for me was like a living breathing thing. I could feel him before he even walked into a room.
As if Buck could sense my thoughts, he rose from his spot on the floor and moved to the empty space beside me. Angel didn’t like him being on the couch, but I didn’t care. I enjoyed having Buck’s head in my lap while I drank my morning coffee.
After everything with Eric Vega, I fell into myself. The man destroyed a part of me I never knew was there. Since my sister was taken, I became hard, cold. But Angel melted that ice and showed me that I could be filled with warmth again.
We never talked about Vega and his part in the human trafficking. He took me. Shot himself. Angel saved me. And that was it. But we needed to talk about it—it was eating us both alive like a deadly virus.
Shadows of memories threatened to consume me, and if I wasn’t careful, they would swallow me whole.
Angel did what he could to bring me away from the darkness.
The hospital had offered counseling. The Navy had offered Angel the same thing, and he asked if I wanted to go. I had told him he was all I needed. But I wasn’t even sure if that were true anymore. Maybe talking to someone would help.
“What are you doing, princess?” Angel asked, peering his head out the patio door.
“Just hanging out with Buck.” I scratched his ears, smiling when he let out a heavy sigh.
Angel nodded. “Okay. Well, I have to head into town. Are you coming with me?”
I moved to stand when I could feel the blood draining from my head. “Oh …” I wavered on my feet.
“Jay?” Angel rushed to my side. “Are you okay?”
“I … Yes. Just light headed. I haven’t eaten much today.”
Angel pinched my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “Are you sure?”
“I am.” I smiled for added measure. “I’ll go into town with you.”
“Okay.” He grabbed my hand, leading me back into his house. He called for Buck, the old dog following soon after. “We need to talk about earlier,” Angel told me while grabbing his keys.
“I know.”
Walking hand in hand to his big black SUV, he opened the door for me.
I smiled up at him and climbed into the vehicle.
It was funny thinking how in the beginning, I expected to do everything myself. Doors being opened. Bills being paid while on a date …
“We’ve never gone on a date,” I told Angel when he slipped into the SUV beside me.
“What?”
“A date,” I repeated. “We’ve never been on one.”
“Well, it’s been kind of hard with all of the shit going on.” He started the vehicle, pulling out of the long driveway and spoke again when he reached the road. “Are you wanting to go on a date?”
“Yeah. No. Maybe?” I rung my hands in my lap, my cheeks burning.
He slowed to a stop, gently taking my chin, and turned my face toward him. “Jay, if you want to go on a date, you don’t have to ask. It’s kind of a given that we’re dating.” He reached for my hand. “I love you, princess. I hope you know that.”
Curling my fingers in his, I brushed my thumb over the tiny scars on his knuckles. So much pain. So many tears and heartache. To think I almost pushed him away completely in the beginning. I thanked God that Angel was stubborn and wouldn’t give up on me. On us.
“If you would like to go on a date, we can.” He pulled me closer, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.
“I would like that,” I mumbled against his sweater.
“I would like that too.” He kissed my knuckles. “Don’t give up on us.”
My eyes snapped up to his. “I’m not.”
“Promise?”
“Yes.”
***
(Angel)
With my eyes on the road, I still noticed the darkness in Jay’s eyes. Vega had stolen that light from her. The light I had fallen in love with. Because of that bastard, I lost a part of my girlfriend, and it terrified the shit out of me that I would never get it back. Counseling only did so much, and Jay and I were the same when it came to talking to strangers. We couldn’t even talk to each other, let alone some random person. They didn’t know us. They wouldn’t know how to fix whatever shit was going on. Jay and I would have to work through this together.
In time.
Time was all we had. There were moments where it felt like it was all we had. Too much. Not enough. There was never a happy medium.
“Angel?”
“Yeah, baby?” I kissed her head, breathing in the scent of her vanilla body wash.
“I love you.” She smiled up at me. “I do. Please know that.”
“Of course I do.” I turned to her when I pulled into the parking lot and shut off the engine. “Why would you think I wouldn’t?”
“Because …” She shrugged. “I know we need to talk about everything, but I’m not ready. I need you to have patience. And … I know I’m difficult.”
“Jay, I knew you were difficult the first time you told me to go to hell. I fell in love with you right then and there. You forced your way into my heart, and I’m never letting you go.” I cupped her cheek. “Know that.”
Her chin trembled, her eyes glassing over.
Fuck. This was unlike her. Jay didn’t cry over anything. “I will try and have patience. I will. But I need you to understand that we have to talk.” Fuck. Even I didn’t like those words leaving my mouth, but I wasn’t stupid. Communication was key. “I love you, princess. I don’t tell you that enough.”
Pulling away from me, she slid out of the vehicle and stretched her arms above her head.
I quickly did the same, coming up behind her, and wrapped myself around her middle. Brushing my nose into the crook of her neck, I snarled.
She giggled, leaning into me.
That sound. It sent a hot shiver straight to my balls. I lived for her laughter.
“Thank you.” Jay turned toward me, hugging her arms around my waist. “I love you, Angel.”
The only response I had was to kiss her fully on the mouth. No words were said. They weren’t needed. I made a promise with myself at that point that I would show her just how much she meant to me and how much I loved her. We would get through this shit with Violet, Tyler, every fucking problem … together.