Chapter Six
Declan
My mind was still reeling. I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. I’d been gone for two years. Living in another country for god’s sake. I hadn’t seen Cassie or heard her sweet voice for over seven hundred and thirty days. And in that time, she’d had my child.
If I thought I’d find anything different about her, it’d crossed my mind that maybe her hair would be a different color. Maybe she’d gotten a tattoo, or maybe she would have picked up tennis. But…
She. Had. My. Child.
I was a father.
Holy shit.
I wanted to scream at her, I wanted to throw things and demand answers. But I knew that I wouldn’t be able to stay mad at her. Because I also wanted to hold her and feel her lips pressed to mine.
The night we were together in Florida was the best night of my life. Every emotion I’d told myself I wasn’t allowed to have for Cassie had come clawing its way to the surface. I was so torn. I’d meant what I said about loving Wyllie. I’d loved him when I thought Steven was his father, because the other half of him was Cassie.
Then the minute the words “He’s your son, Declan” came out of Cassie’s mouth, my heart swelled even further. I knew how I felt about Wyllie; I just couldn’t seem to pinpoint how I was supposed to feel about his mother.
She’d lied to me. She’d stolen precious time, precious memories from me. How could I ever forgive her? But then again, she was the mother of my son and the love of my life. How could I not?
My investment property off Lemmon Avenue was just a few miles away from where both Cassie and I had grown up in Highland Park. We’d had privileged upbringings, to say the least. I knew that Cassie would never want our son to be raised here in Dallas. I completely understood her need to keep him away from this life, this neighborhood.
The kids we went to school with all had limitless credit cards and got brand-new eighty-thousand-dollar cars when they turned sixteen. I sure as hell had, and so had Cassie and Brice. Kids in this neighborhood had the best of everything in the world at their disposal. And most of them grew up to be spoiled, judgmental shitheads.
How Cassie turned out so grounded, so happy with the small things I’d never know. I sent up a silent prayer that Wyllie would grow up and be like his mother. Well, maybe he could do with a little more of my honesty, but still.
When we got to the house, I helped Cassie get everything she would need for the night out of the Tahoe. Man, kids came with a lot of stuff. It was late December in Dallas, Christmas was just around the corner. It was cold and windy outside, completely different weather than her home in Seaside, Florida.
“You and Wyllie can take the master bedroom.” She followed me down the long hallway, her flats barely audible on the hand-scraped wood floors.
“Oh, well, thanks, but actually Wyllie kind of moves around like a tornado when he sleeps. Is there a bed that’s against a wall? Otherwise he’ll roll right off.”
I looked at the giant king-size bed in the middle of the soft gray room. I doubted I’d be able to move this bed all the way against the wall. The room next door was the same. The furniture the decorator had picked out was heavy, lots of ironwork and wood. “We could try to bring one of these mattresses down on the floor? Or, uh, I could sleep with you guys? Be the other wall, you know? I mean, if that’s okay.”
Until I said the words, I didn’t really know how much I wanted her to say yes. I wanted to know what my son looked like when he was fast asleep. Did he smile when dreamed? His mother had, the one time I’d had the privilege of being next to her in the middle of the night.
“Is that what you want, Dec? Do you want sleep with us?” Cassie put Wyllie down on the floor and he teetered over to a large floor-to-ceiling window. He kept slapping the glass and then cracking up about it.
“I do. If that’s okay.” He was my son too, but I wouldn’t push her into something as personal as this. Not today.
It seemed like it took an eternity for her to nod her head in a silent yes.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
Cassie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Why don’t we go in the living room, I’ll dump out Wyllie’s toys and we’ll talk. I’ll tell you everything you want to know, I promise.”
My heart was pounding as I followed her back into the main part of the house. I wanted to know her reasons for keeping me in the dark; I wanted to know every detail about Wyllie’s life, everything I’d missed. But part of me was terrified. Terrified that I wouldn’t like the answers she had. Terrified that knowing all I’d missed would make this ache in my chest even worse.
I smiled as we sat on the sofa, and I watched my son push his toy trucks around on the plush cream-colored carpet, making what I assumed were engine noises. He was so precious.
Sitting in the corner of the couch with her leg tucked under her, Cassie began speaking. “When I woke up that morning, the morning after we were together, you were gone. It hurt.” She took a breath as she knotted then unknotted her fingers.
“That night we spent together was so perfect, I honestly never thought I’d wake up alone. But when I did, I knew that I needed to figure things out. Figure out what I really wanted. I canceled my bachelorette weekend. I spent three days hanging out in Seaside by myself, trying to work out my next move.
“I slept in your bed and drove your Jeep. I sat down by the water and drank beer from a bottle. I walked the town square and ate beignets every morning. I did what I wanted to do, just me. And then when I got back to Dallas, I went to Steven and told him that I didn’t love him and I didn’t want to marry him. He slapped me. I was stu—”
“What? He slapped you? Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell? Please tell me Brice kicked his little bitch ass.” I’d hated Steven from day one; now that I knew he’d hit Cassie? I loathed him with a rage that settled around my heart. I couldn’t wait until I saw that prick again.
Cassie’s eyes flew to Wyllie to see if my outburst had scared him. He didn’t even bother to look up from the train he was playing with. “I didn’t tell anyone about that. Just listen, okay?” Although it took a hell of a lot of calm I didn’t have, I nodded.
She continued. “He called me a child and said that marriage wasn’t about love. I told him that I cheated on him. He laughed, said that he’d never been faithful to me. He’d been cheating since the very beginning. I felt so stupid, so naïve. All the courage and strength I’d built in Seaside disappeared. I knew I couldn’t marry him, but I didn’t know how to get out of it. One day back in Dallas and I lost who I was. Again.”
My gaze fell on Wyllie. I couldn’t get enough of watching him, and he calmed me in a way I’d never experienced.
When I faced Cassie, she smiled. “He looks just like you, Dec.”
He did, and I loved it. “He has your beautiful green eyes though. Why didn’t you tell me, Cassie? How could you deny me this? Deny me him?”
“I found out I was pregnant the day of my rehearsal dinner. I knew he was yours. Steven and I hadn’t been together in over a month and…well…you and I weren’t careful.”
I narrowed my eyes, memories of that night filling my mind. We had sex over and over. I hadn’t been able to get enough of her. Protection never even entered my mind. “We weren’t, were we? I’ve never been so reckless in my life. I can’t believe we did that.”
She shrugged. “If I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t change it. Wyllie is the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
Her comment made me angry. Wyllie was the best thing that ever happened to her? What about me? I didn’t get to know that feeling. I wasn’t given the option. “God, Cass, I missed so much. I didn’t get to feel him kick in your stomach. I wasn’t there when he was born. His first word, his first steps. I missed it all.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “When I told Steven I was pregnant, he was so angry—”
“Did he hit you again?” Just the mere thought of him touching her in anger—well, touching her at all really—made me see red. That bastard really pissed me off.
She shook her head. “Uh, no, he called off the wedding though. I was finally free. But my parents flipped out. Of course, they were embarrassed and worried about what everyone would think.”
Of course.
“Brice was pissed. He thought I was careless and that I would end up scared and alone. The stress was overwhelming. I ended up in the hospital; the doctors weren’t sure if the pregnancy was going to work out. I didn’t want to tell you and then have something bad like that happen. It would have just been unnecessary heartbreak, you know?”
I ran my hands through my hair, pulling. “Dammit, Cassie, I would have been there for you. I would have wanted to be there for you, for Wyllie. You didn’t have to do that alone.”
“I did, Declan. I did need to do it myself. Don’t you see? Wyllie made me strong. He made stand up for myself. I told my family I was moving and I left.”
I could see how Cassie standing up to her family was a big step, a big deal. But that didn’t justify what she’d done. “Okay, then why didn’t you call me when you got to Florida?”
“I was so scared, Declan. I was scared that you would want nothing to do with him, with me. I was scared that all this strength and control I worked so hard for would crumble away again. Then where would I be? I’d be broken. I couldn’t be broken for him. He needed me strong. He deserved me strong. I never told anyone. Brice doesn’t know, my parents, no one knows that he’s yours.” She smoothed Wyllie’s dark hair when he came crawling over to us. “I know now that I messed up. The way you look at him… I’m so sorry, Declan. With all my heart, I’m sorry.”
I stared at Cassie, my first love; the best sex of my life and the mother of my child. How could she think I would want nothing to do with them? I’d told her, in Florida, how much she meant to me. What I felt for her…but then she’d woken up alone. No note, no phone call, no email. In her mind, I’d left her.
And I had.
She looked so heartbroken.
“Cassie, I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know where to start. Brice really doesn’t know Wyllie is my son?” Man, that was so weird to say, my son.
“No. They asked, and I told them it was a one-night stand. They pushed for information, of course. But once he was born, it was like it didn’t matter to them anymore. He’s so loved, Declan.” She plucked him up and sat him in her lap.
I reached out and tickled his plump little tummy, making him giggle. “He’s loved, by you and your family. What about mine? My parents?” Connor and Gale Preston were much more loving and kind than Cassie’s parents had ever been. They would have been so overjoyed at having a grandbaby.
Cassie took a deep breath. “He knows your parents. Your mom got him the sweater he was wearing on the plane.” She switched Wyllie over to my lap, stood and headed toward the kitchen. “Your dad asks me all the time where he got his dark hair. And your mom always comments that he looks so much like you did as a baby.”
Her head was in the fridge, looking for what, I had no idea. The house was staged, not stocked. “Are you telling me that my parents have suspicions that Wyllie is mine? And you lied to their faces? Repeatedly?”
“When you put it like that, it sounds horrible.” She was digging around in one of her many bags now.
“It is horrible. They are going to be pissed.” I bounced Wyllie on my knee. “Your other grandparents are going to be so mad at Mommy, Wild Man. It’s going to take her years to get back in their good graces.”
Cassie joined us on the couch, handing Wyllie a plastic cup full of little fish-shaped crackers. “I never really lied. I always just kind of laughed it off and changed the subject.”
“Semantics, princess.”
Her phone started to vibrate on the counter. She reached for it, showing me the screen. “Brice.”
It was a picture of Brice and Wyllie on the beach laughing. Stupid bastard of a best friend. “Put it on speaker phone.”
She looked like she wanted to protest, but didn’t. “Hello?”
“Hey, little sister. How’s my handsome nephew? Was the flight okay?”
Wyllie started clapping when he heard his uncle’s voice over the phone. “Bwacey.”
I could hear the smile on Brice’s face when he answered. “Hey, buddy.”
“He’s good, the flight was good. We’re all good.”
I raised my eyebrows; she seemed nervous and jumpy. Hearing Brice talk so affectionately to Wyllie made some of my anger evaporate. Some. Not all.
“Where do you want to meet for dinner? Ocean Prime?” Brice laughed at his own lame-ass joke.
“I think they would kick us out of Ocean Prime if we tried to walk in with a toddler. How ’bout Mia’s? It’s always loud and chaotic in there. Wyllie’s noise will just blend right in.”
“Fine by me, do you want me to pick you guys up?”
Cassie looked over at me. I shook my head.
“No, we’ll meet you there.”
“I’ll try to get there early so we don’t have to wait too long for a table. I know how cranky Wild Man gets when he’s hungry. Two adults and a high chair, right?”
The warmth in Brice’s voice was genuine, but it started to piss me off that he knew these things about my son and I didn’t. He ate with them enough to know that waiting on a table made things hard on Cassie.
“Actually it’ll be three adults and a high chair. I ran into Declan at the airport and invited him to join us for dinner.”
I hadn’t expected Cassie to say that. And judging from Brice’s long pause, he hadn’t either.
“You ran into Dec? Did he, um, did he meet Wyllie?”
“Yes.”
Another long, loaded pause.
“Oh, okay, great. Well, it’ll be great to see him. It’s been months. Love ya, sis, bye.”
I shook my head, and smiled at the toddler still contently sitting in my arms munching away on crackers. “You’re Uncle Bricey is a d-i-c-k.”
I looked over at Cass. “He knows Wyllie is mine.”