VICTORIA SAT ON THE edge of the examination table in a clinic room. She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, tracing her thumb over the crease. At least they hadn’t made her change into one of those flimsy paper gowns.

A week ago, when her period didn’t start as expected, she figured it was no big deal. The birth control made things spotty sometimes, and she was under a lot of stress at work. But yesterday, as she hit the last day of her sugar pills, something made her hesitate before switching back to the hormones.

She wasn’t pregnant. She couldn’t be. The test she picked up from the drug store last night said otherwise.

Those weren’t always accurate though. Not as much as a doctor’s visit. Her solution was to make an appointment today, and clear up any doubt.

She’d already peed in the cup, and they said they had her results. As soon as the nurse came in, she’d tell Victoria it was nothing. A false positive.

There was a soft knock, before the nurse nudged open the door. “Ms. Small?”

“Yes.”

“How are you feeling?”

Not in the mood for small talk. “A little stressed.”

“I think that’s fair. I won’t keep you waiting then. Your results came back positive. You’re pregnant.”

No. Victoria bit the inside of her cheek. This wasn’t happening. She couldn’t be—

“Based on the date of your last natural period, you’re five weeks along.”

“Three and a half.” Victoria hadn’t been with anyone but Tristan in longer than she cared to admit. “What are my options?”

“Well, it depends on how you’d like to proceed.”

Victoria came to the clinic, rather than go to her doctor’s office, for a couple of reasons. She would struggle to cover the co-pay for a regular visit. But more important, this was discreet, and she knew from what some of the older girls had been through at work, that they wouldn’t judge her for her decision.

She just didn’t know what that decision was. There was another person growing inside her. Tiny so far, but still. She wasn’t prepared to handle a baby. She could barely take care of herself. “I’d like to terminate the pregnancy.”

But it’s another life. The chant echoed in her head, and taunted her.

She didn’t need a child in her life. How selfish would it be to bring a baby into a household where they wouldn’t get the attention they needed?

How selfish is it to pick your life over theirs?

She saw too much pain in her day-to-day work, and she wouldn’t be one of those mothers who blamed a child for something they never asked for.

“All right.” The nurse pulled a pamphlet from her clipboard. “I can do the consultation with you, and then there’s a seventy-two-hour waiting period.”

“I don’t need that.” Yes you do. Despite her desire to be practical, emotion flowed through her. Her brain warred with her heart.

“I understand. But it’s the law,” the nurse said.

For good reason. Victoria listened as the nurse went over everything with her, laying out not only the different procedures, but driving home that she was choosing to end a life, and this decision couldn’t be taken lightly.

Victoria thanked her, then made her appointment at the front desk to visit the clinic in three days.

They were the three longest days of her life. She would have compared it to going through detox, but most of that was a blur. Every time she passed in front of a mirror, she’d pause, hand on her stomach, and stare at herself.

The doubt and accusation that looked back was horrible. She’d never hated her reflection so much.

On the day of her appointment, she arrived at the clinic. There were no picketers out front. No accusations to wade through. It was a simple brick building with a lock and a doorbell.

She pushed the buzzer, looked up at the camera, and gave her name and appointment time when asked. A moment later, they buzzed her in.

She checked in at the front desk, and they asked if she’d have someone here to drive her home. She wasn’t allowed to do it herself.

Victoria lied and told them yes. There was no reason to share this with anyone. She could call a cab when she got outside.

She sat in a waiting room, surrounded mostly by couples. One-by-one, people were called back.

Then it was her turn. This time she did have to change into a paper gown. The room was chilly, and goosebumps rose on her arms as the clock ticked seconds away.

A doctor came into the room, and explained the medical procedure again. Victoria opted to use the pills rather than do anything surgical.

They needed to do an ultrasound first. She lay back on the examination table, and the cold gel was spread on her lower abdomen.

“The baby is too small to really see right now. It’s that little grain of rice, right there.” The nurse pointed at the monitor.

As the tech glided the scanner over Victoria’s stomach, panic surged inside. “I can’t.” She choked the words out. Panic clawed at her throat, and she clenched her fists to keep it from overwhelming her.

“It’s okay.” The ultrasound tech was kind, as she wiped the gel from Victoria’s stomach. “Go ahead and sit up.”

Victoria did.

“Get dressed. Ask for a nurse if you need anything. You can stay in here as long as you need, okay?”

Victoria nodded, not trusting herself to speak. The moment the other woman was gone, she pulled her knees to her chest and let tears spill through her. What was she doing?

She wanted this baby. Wanted to raise a kid of her own. Teach them everything that was important. Watch them grow and learn, and be heartbroken and proud at the same time, when they reached a point where they could fend for themselves.

She washed her face and dressed, feeling better than she had in a week and a half. Relief spilled inside as she walked back to her car.

This was the right decision. There was no doubt in her mind.

The only thing she did question was how and if she’d tell Tristan.