Brody walked into his mother’s house, not sure what to expect. Aunt Nora met him at the door, and immediately did what she did best, tried to calm him down.
“Hi. She’s settled down some now. I’m sorry I called you away from work, Brody, but I haven’t seen her that upset in the three months that I’ve been here. She just kept asking for you over and over. I tried to tell her that you had to work, but she wouldn’t calm down. I think she finally just exhausted herself.” Aunt Nora rubbed a hand up and down Brody’s arm, soothing him.
“It’s okay. Don’t ever feel like you can’t call me for anything. That’s why I came back, to be here for her.” Brody looked nervously down the hall toward the room where his mom was resting. It didn’t get easier every day he spent there. He thought that it would’ve by now, that he’d get used to seeing her that way, but he still dreaded it. He still felt helpless, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he kept hoping that she would get better. “Did she fall asleep?”
“She was still awake when I left the room.”
He nodded his head and began to walk down the hall to her room.
“I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me,” she said behind him.
Brody turned slowly into his mother’s room, like he always did, afraid of what he might see. Relief flooded him as he looked at her bed and saw her looking out the window, content, for now. He couldn’t control what was happening to his mom, and it was killing him. She looked so different than she had thirteen years ago in his dorm room. That was the last time his parents came to see him at school; the life changing day that his dad tossed him aside like yesterday’s trash and Brody’s world came crashing down.
If he’d known then that his mom still loved him, he would’ve found a way to see her. But she never reached out to him. All his attempts to contact her went unanswered. Fear had a strong hold and could squeeze the fucking life right out of you. He didn’t realize it while it was happening, and now it was too late; his childhood was a blur of memories he’d tried to block out for so long. They weren’t all bad though. Somewhere in that thick skull of his, he remembered the love his mom felt for him and showed him every day.
Brody had a lot to figure out, but one thing was for sure, he was never again going to walk away from someone or something he wanted. He’d done that twice already in his life, and both times he thought it would kill him. If Owen thought he was doing that again, he was fucking fooling himself. Now that Brody had gotten a taste, knew how Owen’s body felt molded against his own, there was no turning back. Feeling the way Owen reacted when they kissed, remembering the raw need in his eyes when he grabbed Brody’s shirt and yanked him closer; there was no doubt that Owen wanted that kiss. When he backed away―almost flinching as Brody took a step toward him after the phone call—it tore Brody apart.
Brody would prove it to him. He’d get Owen to trust that Brody would never lay a hand on anger on him again. He couldn’t erase the one time that it had happened, but it would never happen again. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Owen.
“Always so deep in thought, my...precious boy.” The soft voice of his mom was still loud enough to get his attention, even with her labored breathing. She was sitting up today, the head of her bed raised. Sometimes she was even strong enough to sit in the chair in the corner near the window.
Brody realized he was still standing in the doorway and walked over to sit in the chair beside her bed. Gently, he held her delicate hand. “Sorry, I have a lot on my mind, I guess.”
“I’m listening,” she whispered.
“I’m not going to burden you with my problems, Mom. That’s the last thing that you need.” He paused then said, “Aunt Nora told me you were upset. Is there anything I can do for you?” He would do anything for her to make up for lost time.
“Brody...I have missed so much of your life.” She paused to take a breath. “I can’t get that time back.” Another breath. “Please let me in.”
She was right. What he would have given to have had her there when his life was falling apart. “Do you remember my friends back in high school? Chuck, Adam, and Dave?”
She nodded her head. “I never...liked them.”
Brody laughed, “You didn’t?”
She shook her head, hesitated, and then said, “You were different around them.”
“You’re right, I was, but I never knew you saw that.”
“I did.”
Brody thought about it for a minute, chose his words wisely because the last thing he wanted was to disappoint her. “There were a lot of things I did because of them that I’m not proud of.” He shook his head. “No. I can’t even blame them. Not really. I knew what I was doing. People I hurt, things I said. ”
“What’s making you think of that now?”
“Because…,” he searched for the right words, “one of the people that I hurt back then, I can’t seem to stop thinking about. He’s all I think about. I don’t even know how it happened.” Brody’s heartbeat sped up. He’d never talked with his mother about this before; his attraction to men had been something he only talked about with Gabe.
As she studied him, the back of his neck began to sweat. He wished she would just say something.
“How does he feel about you?”
Brody released the breath that he’d been holding and hung his head. Looking up at her, he told her, “He hates me. At least, I think he hates me.”
“Is it...Sandy Richards’ boy?”
Guess that was the obvious conclusion being that Haven’s Cove was a small town. Process of elimination—Owen grew up here, not Jonah.
“Owen,” he confirmed, with a nod of his head. “All the things that I did to protect myself from Dad, to get him off my back, those things ended up hurting other people instead. I was such a coward. Because of the things I did, or even just stood by and let other people do, Owen is never going to believe me. He’s never going to believe that I let him take the brunt because he was brave enough to admit what I was so desperate to hide. And, even if he did believe me, how do I expect him to forgive me for it? I’ve always known, without a doubt, I’ve always known that I’m gay.” His head snapped up. Eyes wide, he looked at his mom’s face. It was the first time he’d ever said it to her.
“I’m afraid you take after me, honey...because, I think...I always knew you were too.” She nodded her head as Brody looked at her in disbelief. He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and listened to her soft words. “I was so scared for you. I should have protected you. I protected you the only way I knew how.” She squeezed his hand, a frantic look forming in her eyes. “Tell him, Brody. Tell him…all of it.”
“Mom, shhh, it’s okay. Calm down.” He rubbed her arm trying to console her.
“Tell him the truth. Be brave, my precious boy.” She was crying now, pleading with him, her breaths short and shallow.
“Mom, please don’t cry.”
“Promise me.”
Anything. He would do anything for her, promise her anything. “I promise, Mom. I promise. Please calm down.”
As soon as Brody said the words, she closed her eyes, her mind and body obviously exhausted, falling asleep within seconds. Brody lowered the head of the bed so she’d be more comfortable.
Holy shit, he needed a drink. This day was like a tornado, making his head spin, swirling truths and hidden desires all around him until it finally picked him up and threw him into the wall he’d put up. Brody stood on shaky legs and texted Gabe. He had no idea what his crazy best friend had gotten into today, or who had gotten into him, but he needed him.
Half an hour later, Brody walked into the only bar in town, scanning the room for Gabe. He heard him before he saw him, and was surprised he’d gotten there first.
“Well, boys, that’ll teach you to never judge a book by its remarkably well-dressed cover. I may not be a local, but I certainly know what to do when it comes to sticks, balls, and holes.” Gabe winked at the two men standing with him at the pool table.
Okay, this could go one of two ways.
Brody waited for some kind of fight, a punch to be thrown. Instead, the two guys and Gabe all started laughing. Why should he be surprised? Gabe was like a magnet, drawing people in. Brody waited to make eye contact with him then nudged his head over in the direction of a table in the back. He ordered a beer for himself and a wine for Gabe.
“Excuse me, boys. It’s been fun,” he said, as he put the pool stick back on the rack.
Gabe sauntered over to the table and sat down, scanning Brody’s face “Okay, tell me.”
Brody shook his head, feeling the day wear on him. “Fuck, I don’t even know where to start.” He sat back in the chair, crossing his arms over his chest.
“I find the beginning to be a fabulous place,” Gabe said with a sly smile curving the right side of his mouth.
Brody took a long pull from his beer, and in a daze, he said, “Owen and Jonah broke up.”
“I knew it―” Gabe started to say.
“And then I kissed Owen.”
“You did what?” Gabe’s brow raised with wide eyes. It wasn’t often that Brody could shock his friend.
“And then my Mom told me that she always knew I was gay.”
“Holy shit,” Gabe whispered. He turned his head and yelled, “Bartender, just keep them coming,” holding up his credit card then turned back to Brody. “Okay, if my brain is on overload from all of that, yours must be about to explode.”
“No shit.”
“Seriously, let’s just back up and take it one at a time. Owen and Jonah broke up?” Gabe asked.
“Yeah, I waited for Jonah this morning so I could ask him some questions, but he never showed. When Owen came home, he said they broke up and it was none of my goddamn business.” Brody looked up at Gabe and smirked. “Can’t say I’m too upset about that. Except, I really do like Jonah. He offered me a job, no questions asked. Even when he found out who I was, he gave me a chance. And I’m sure he convinced Owen to let me have the job.” Brody put his face in his hands and mumbled, “Fuck, I really am an asshole, aren’t I?” He dropped his hands to the table. “I mean they just broke up, and I already kissed Owen. What the fuck is wrong with me?”
“Listen, Brody, I told you already, those two were not in love. It was obvious, and it must have been obvious to them too. Now, give me the good stuff,” Gabe said rubbing his hands together. “You kissed him? How the fuck did that happen?”
Brody folded his arms on the table and laughed. “I think he was trying to get me to hit him. I don’t know what happened. One minute he’s yelling at me, daring me to punch him, and the next I have him pinned up against the wall with my tongue down his throat.”
“Oh, to be a fly,” Gabe sighed. “So...?”
Brody locked eyes with Gabe and grinned, remembering the way it felt. “Fucking hell, Gabe, it was amazing. I know I took him by surprise, but trust me, he was on board.” He paused before adding, “Then my phone rang and ended the best kiss of my life. My aunt told me that my mom was upset and asking for me. By the time I hung up the phone, Owen had closed himself off again.” Brody hung his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling defeated all over again.
“Shit, Brody.” Gabe reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “Well, if it happened once, it sure as fuck can happen again. How’s your mom?”
Brody released a shaky breath. “She’s feeling guilty about the time we lost, like it’s her fault. I still can’t believe I told her about Owen.” When Gabe’s eyes widened, Brody laughed. “Not about the kiss, jackass! I told her what a jerk I used to be, and that I can’t stop thinking about him.”
“What did she say?”
Brody groaned, leaning his head down on his arms. “She wants me to tell him everything, Gabe. She made me promise.”
“Smart woman,” Gabe said, nodding his head in agreement.
“I―”
“No.” Gabe held up is hand. “No fucking excuses, Brody. It’s now or never. You’ve already started the ball rolling.” Gabe scolded, pointing a finger at Brody. “Man the fuck up and let him know who you really are.”
“You’re so fucking bossy.” Brody tried to act annoyed, but all he did was chuckle.
“Haven’t you heard? Bossy bottoms are the best kind.” Gabe waggled his eyebrows. “Seriously, though. Tell him. Tell him tomorrow. Don’t wait, or you’ll lose your nerve.” Gabe wasn’t buying Brody’s bullshit. He told Brody how it was going to be, and if Brody was smart, he listened.
“Yeah. Yeah, okay, I’ll talk to him.” It was going to feel like an eternity until he saw Owen again. Heat rushed to his center just thinking about it.
That night, Brody lay awake thinking about how to approach this whole thing with Owen. He wanted to be honest about everything. He needed to tell Owen what his life was really like in high school. He just hoped it would be enough.
Before he knew it, the birds were chirping, the sun was rising, and his nerves once again were making it feel like a thousand butterflies made a home in his stomach.
He had most of the day to go over in his mind what he wanted to say to Owen. As the day dragged on and got closer to the time that Owen would be walking in, Brody was so nervous he could feel the sweat beading on his forehead. When the front door opened and closed, Brody took a deep breath and walked out of the kitchen. Owen’s gaze met his, an electricity humming between them—and just like that, Owen steeled his face, shuttering his emotions.
Okay, you can do this Brody. “Owen, I wanted to talk—”
Owen held his hands in front of him and said quickly, “Me first. Look, Brody, what happened yesterday was a mistake. I was tired and frustrated, and I shouldn’t have let that cloud my better judgment.” Brody felt the wind get knocked out of him. “It can’t—no, it won’t happen again. I don’t think there’s really anything left to say.” With that, Owen walked around Brody and headed upstairs, closing himself off in his bedroom. Brody was left standing there, his mouth hanging open, words on the tip of his tongue. Who was he kidding? This was never going to happen. Owen was never going to forgive him, no matter how hard he tried.