A New Letter

(Violet)

When the morning swept over me, welcoming a new day, I woke up in Mason’s bed. Not a big deal at that point, except for that fact that it was during the week. That was sort of a no-no rule of his. I was alone in bed, too. I popped up and looked around, trying to find out what time it was. I had a few days off before the official launch of the app. For Victoria, that meant nothing much. For me, I had to be basically on-call just in case there were any problems and glitches. I was nervous, but spending time with Mason helped to keep me calm.

I reached across the bed to his pillow, wanting to smell him. The room smelled like him, but not as much as it used to. Maybe I had been staying there too much. Maybe I was invading…

My fingers touched something.

Under his pillow.

I looked and saw it was a piece of paper. Folded up.

I sat up in bed and opened the letter.

It was a new letter. It was dated yesterday. It even had a time on it.

Two in the morning.

“What?” I whispered.

I started to read…

Dear Kate,

You’d be pissed if you knew how late it was and what was racing through my mind. Things with the shop are getting a little crazy. I’m trying to understand what’s coming next in everything. Ever get to a point where you think everything is changing and is out of your control? Of course you have.

I remember being there when you got the news. Sitting in that doctor’s office. You already knew, though. I tried to talk you down, tried to pass some good vibes. But you knew. I wanted to be angry at you when the truth came out, but how can I argue what someone knows? I remember wanting to storm out of the room. Wanting to destroy everything in my path. I was close to doing just that too. But then you started to cry. It had been a long time since I’d seen you cry. And I finally had the chance to be there for you.

Damn, is that selfish? I hope not.

Everything around me is changing right now. I didn’t ask for it. I can’t control it. It’s driving me insane. I made you some promises, Kate. I’ll keep to all of them, but if I do, my life is a one track life. That’s what I’ve been doing. But something has threatened to knock me off my track. Amazing how I could bench press more than most guys at the gym. I’ve beaten my body so hard that it’s grown to a crazy size. Yet all it takes is the right woman to push me off that path.

I have one foot off, Kate. I’ve stopped moving. My world is turning, but it’s at a slower rate. She knows about you, but not everything. There’s pieces of our life together I’m not sure she can know or she could understand. I don’t want to hurt you by telling her everything. Yet when I look at her, she’s comfort to me. She makes me want to give her everything and finally take a damn breath. But how can I do that? The last time I did was with you. Look how that turned out.

I’m going to end up hurting her, Kate. Because that’s what I do to people. It’s this inevitable force around me. I hurt you. I hurt everyone. I’m like a runaway truck, you know? Sometimes I wish she would leave me alone. Sometimes I wish I’d see her bring a guy home. But if she did, the jealousy… and where would that come from? I’m not a jealous person, but she’s found a way to stick a finger into my heart and twist. Her nail cutting me open, making me bleed, proving to me that I’m alive. That I’m capable of feeling something.

I almost hate her for it. I’ve done all I can to get her to hate me yet she keeps coming back. She’s like you Kate, always there for me. No matter what. Until you were gone. Once you were gone, you were…

Shit.

I’m writing this in the middle of the night. She’s sleeping in my bed. She’s going to be reading this in the morning and I’ll be at the shop. I don’t know what she’s going to think. Or do. I don’t know how much time someone can waste on another person. If she left, it would hurt. But I wouldn’t hold it against her. If she kept coming after me, I can’t promise a thing. I know that if I keep falling, it’s going to end bad. I’m going to self-destruct and destroy anyone around me.

That’s what I do, Kate. You saw it for years. You were there with me when I did it.

Now you’re gone. You never have to worry about me doing that to you again.

I’m not sure it’s fair, but I almost want her next to me when I self-destruct. So I can prove myself right and show her that she needs to run like hell. Or maybe if I self-destruct and she stays close, it’ll matter.

She took me to meet her parents. She has a good life. She’s a good person. Her heart is amazing and as beautiful as her smile and her eyes. She should have someone that reflects that. Not some fucking project like me. I get it. I’m the mirage of the bad guy who needs to be saved. But the thing is, Kate, I don’t think I want to be saved. Fuck that. The hate spreads easier and feels better. Love makes everyone vulnerable. I loved you and I lost you. I was caught up in a tattered mess of feelings that not a single person could ever understand. Feelings that were so real and raw that it tore us apart.

I want Violet to wake up next to someone who takes care of her. Someone to look at her and smile. Someone that will comfort her, not just with the size of his muscles or his ability to fuck her, but comfort her with his heart. We all have a heart, but some just aren’t good. I remember being in grade school, right after everything happened. Staring at all these punk kids who had their parents. I remember the urge to do bad. And then when I did it, it felt good. I wanted to feel guilty. I wanted to be sorry. But it felt fucking good.

So what do I do, Kate? I wish you’d come back, even for a damn minute, and just tell me what to do. I’m going to hurt her. I’m going to push her away, maybe even off the ledge. Maybe only then she could stop being so damn blind to who I really am. You could sort of see through it all, Kate, but you were still there for me. Until you broke.

She’s in my bed, Kate. And that’s right where I want her. Yet, I can’t be there right now. Not with her. I’m one step away from going off the path completely. And if I do that, I break my promise to you. But I guess I’m good at hurting people, even when they’re not here. That’s just my curse. The curse of pain. The curse of hate.

Maybe it’s better off if everyone stays away.

I should have never learned her name. I should have never pressed her buttons. I should have never fallen in love with her.

There, I admit it.

• Mason

The last few lines of the letter sank deep into my heart. It actually stole my breath for a moment. I was in complete and total shock. Mason admitted he loved me. In a letter to a woman he once loved. A woman he lost. The date tattooed on his chest tied into that woman somehow.

I folded up the letter and climbed out of Mason’s bed.

I walked through the apartment in silence. I already knew he wasn’t going to be there. He wrote it in his letter. He was at his shop. But doing what? Sleeping there again? Doing everything he could to avoid me?

He loved me. I loved him.

It should have been easy. Just like my parents. It didn’t matter about his past. It didn’t matter where I came from. All that mattered was how we felt at that time. That moment. That spark that ignited something wild and deep.

By the time I went to my apartment I knew what I was going to do. I was going to barge right into his work, into his office, into his personal space, and I was going to demand some answers. He didn’t have to open his heart about Kate. I wasn’t asking him to do that. I wasn’t sure how I felt about the Kate situation or how to deal with it. That was tough, but I could manage. I would figure it out. Because Mason was worth fighting for and figuring out. He wanted to self-destruct around me? Fine. Do it. Blow up. Hurt me. Whatever you want, Mason.

I half expected my car to magically not start, but it kicked over just fine. All Mason needed was a day with my car and it was back to normal. He did that out of kindness, refusing to take a penny. All he wanted was pizza and sex. There was more pizza than sex.

The car was running and my cellphone decided to go off.

I stopped moving for a split second, hoping it was Mason.

It wasn’t Mason.

It was Davis.

A total blast from the past.

I hadn’t talked to him in years. I couldn’t believe he still had the same cell number. I didn’t even realize he was still in my phone. But he was. And his name was on my screen. It used to have little hearts because that’s what you did when you were eighteen and in love with a boy who couldn’t figure out how to be a man. The hearts were long gone, and I thought Davis was, too.

I ignored the call, figuring word traveled around town that I had been there because of my father. Everyone loved to talk and gossip. So it was probably breaking news that I was there and with a new man.

Leave it to Davis to call me at the weirdest time ever.

By the time I got to RN Custom Rides, he had called me three more times. Enough that he had caught my attention. After the last call, he left a voicemail.

Violet, it’s Davis. I, uh, I hope this is your number still. I’m sorry to bother you. I need to talk to you, though. It’s really important. It’s sort of an emergency. Please call me.

I wasn’t sure how to take the voicemail.

First things first, I needed to talk to Mason.

Deal with one man at a time.

* * *

“Violet?”

I turned and saw Hunter. He cocked his head to the side a little.

I had only met Hunter twice.

“Hunter. Where is he?”

“Um…”

“No um,” I said. “Please.”

“He’s in his office. But he’s with…”

I turned and made a line.

Hunter whistled after me, but I didn’t give a shit.

I did what I said I was going to do. I barged right into his office.

I didn’t expect to find Mason sitting on his desk, signing papers, a man in a suit with an open briefcase on the chair, turning his head, looking at me.

“Violet?” Mason asked.

“I… we need to talk.”

“Last night’s mistake?” the man in the suit asked.

Mason jumped off the desk. He slammed the papers to the man’s chest. He put the pen to the man’s neck. “Talk about her like that again, Teddy, and I’ll drain you. Now get the fuck out of my office.”

“You’re making a mistake,” the man - Teddy - said. “This is a stupid move. You’ll wind up fucking broke. I hope you end up that way. Fuck this.”

Teddy threw the papers into his briefcase and slammed it shut.

“You’re a real asshole, Mason,” Teddy said. “I can’t wait to be done with you.”

“You like my money,” Mason said.

“You won’t have any soon enough.”

Teddy hurried toward the door. He stopped and looked at Hunter. “Congrats to you. If you even know what the hell is going on here.”

“What?” Hunter asked.

“What are you doing here?” Mason asked me.

I felt like there were four conversations happening at once.

“Mason,” Hunter said.

Mason pointed. “Hunter, close the door. We’ll talk later.”

The door shut and I stood there.

“What is this?” Mason asked.

“This is me taking a stand,” I said. “I got your letter. But what was that man talking about you being broke?”

“I’m not going to be broke,” Mason said. “I just have to make some changes.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because you cut into my fucking head and heart. That’s why. I lost my goddamn edge with someone and punched him. Some piece of shit that had just a sliver of leverage. And you know what? I don’t feel like fighting him for anything. So I’m taking care of a problem. I built this business from the ground up and I refuse to let it slip away from me. That’s why Teddy is pissed. He’s my goddamn lawyer.”

“You hit someone?”

“Stupid situation, Violet. But it doesn’t matter now. That guy will get what he wants. I’ll make sure my guys here are taken care of. And for you… you’re going to end up hurt.”

“Then hurt me,” I said. “Right now.” I moved toward him. I was fierce. I was ready for anything. I grabbed his shirt and tried to shake him, but he was too big, too strong. “Hurt me, Mason! I dare you! You don’t have the balls!”

Mason grabbed my hips and spun me around. He put me on the desk and kissed me. I grabbed his face and kissed back. There was nothing like kissing him. His tongue swirling around my mouth. His hard body against mine. Fuck, I wanted him to take me right there on the desk.

Instead, Mason broke the kiss. “No.”

“No, what?”

“No to everything, Violet. You come from a good place. Good people. I don’t. I’m not going to be around for long. Not anymore. I have to do something else. And fucking fast before I lose my mind.”

“Why are you so afraid?”

Mason stepped back. “I’m not afraid.”

“You are. You loved Kate. And she’s gone. So that means you can’t even do it again? You don’t think I could live with whatever you’re hiding?”

“Don’t play that game with me, Violet. You knew what this was getting into it. I made it clear. I wanted to pop your cherry and devour you. I did that.”

“So now what? You write me a letter and toss me away?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then say something. You wrote that you loved me!”

“Maybe I fucking do!” Mason bellowed.

“Then love me,” I said. I felt my throat close a little. “Because I…”

“No,” Mason said. “I can’t hear that right now, Violet. I came here to just be here. Alone. I just signed my business over to Hunter. That’s what those papers were.”

“What?”

“He officially owns RN Custom Rides. I’m out. We’re working on the financial part of it all. So the lawsuit coming at me can’t touch this place. I want to be done with everything. From the second I saw you in that restaurant I’ve been upside down. You have great parents and a great life ahead of you, Violet. Stop trying to fix me. Stop trying to dig into my past like you could rewrite it. The pages are stained, babe, and they don’t wash the fuck away.”

Mason left his office, leaving me in shock.

I knew what was happening to him.

He thought he was losing everything again.

I went out to the hall to look for him.

My phone went off again.

It was Davis, this time with a text message.

Please call me, Violet. It’s an emergency.

I gritted my teeth and started to answer him. Hunter then appeared and I jumped at him.

“Where is he now?” I asked, holding Hunter’s arm.

“He left,” Hunter said. “Said he was going for a ride. He handed me papers… he’s giving up the business to me…”

I ran by Hunter and ran to my car.

I started it, dead set on finding Mason.

But where the hell was I going to find him?

I tried for a half hour, going up and down every road I could think of.

So I finally stopped and finally called Davis.

He picked up on the first ring.

“This better be good,” I said. “I haven’t talked to you in years. You broke my heart. You ruined me. You set me up… whatever. This really better be something good.”

Davis sniffled. “Yeah, it is, Violet. My grandmother is asking for you…”

“Your Nona?” I asked. “I haven’t seen her in years either.”

“Well, it would be nice if you could come see her,” Davis said.

“Why?”

“Violet, she’s only got hours to live…”