I slam the door to my Jeep and then walk around to the back to gather my bags of things. I’m frustrated and angry, and I take it all out on the door as I slam it shut. I throw the back door open and sling bag after bag over my shoulder until all six bags are slung over my shoulder. I then slam the back door shut and start walking up the driveway to my house.

As I walk, at least half of the bags begin falling off my shoulders. I try to grab them to keep them from falling, but they don’t stay up.

“Why the fuck do I have so many bags?” I curse loudly to myself, and then I look around at my neighbors’ houses, afraid that they might have heard me even though I don’t think it is possible.

I live in a very nice area. So nice that I doubt any of my neighbors have ever cursed in their lives. If they heard me, I’m sure I’d be kicked out of the neighborhood. But, thankfully, our houses are too far apart for them to have heard me. At least, I hope so.

Still, instead of yelling, I whisper the rest of the string of curse words that continue to fall from my lips as I try to carry the bags inside my house. I only make it halfway from my car to the front porch when I just can’t take it anymore. I let the bags fall to the ground and just leave them there. There are a few medical supplies, a bag or two of my clothes that I have been meaning to bring home from the clinic and finally did, and a few bags with dog and cat toys for my pets. Nothing important in any of the bags. Nothing I need tonight.

And I no longer care what the neighbors think of me. Let them kick me out of the neighborhood. Honestly, now that Luca knows where I live, I’m not sure I want to live in Albuquerque anymore anyway.

I walk up to my door and put the key into the lock before I realize the door has been unlocked the entire time I was gone.

Shit.

“Please let all my pets still be inside,” I plead before I push the door open.

I smile when I get attacked by my three dogs, happy to see me home and showing it by jumping on me, slobbering, barking, and wagging their tails. I have a pit bull mix, who is full of energy; a Great Dane, who is scared of everything; and a Chihuahua, who rules them all.

“Hey, guys. You have no idea how happy I am to see you.”

I pet each of them and give them the attention they have been desperate for all evening. I don’t leave them alone very often. I usually have a dog walker stop by, or I bring them into the clinic with me.

“You’re all here. Now, how about your kitty friends?”

I start walking into the house with the group of dogs following me, and I call for the two cats. I spot one on top of my cabinets in the kitchen, and the other is under my bed. I take a deep breath when I find them. I won’t be searching the neighborhood for any lost pets tonight.

“You guys hungry?” I ask to the dogs mainly.

My cats couldn’t care less. They can find their own food via mice and so on if they really wanted to.

Zoey, my Great Dane, starts drooling immediately at the mention of food. Nala, my pit bull mix, starts turning circles. And Duke, my Chihuahua, starts jumping up and down.

I go over to the pantry that is filled mainly with dog and cat food and feed them. I then walk over to the counter in my kitchen where my fish tank sits and feed the fish. Then, I walk to one of the spare bedrooms where Jill, my turtle, lives.

“Hey, Jilly Bean, you hungry for dinner?” I gather her food to pour into her tank, and then I freeze. “Jill?”

She’s not in her tank.

Shit.

I look all over the floor of the bedroom but don’t see any sign of her anywhere. I walk back to the hallway where all the dogs are sitting, staring at me, and even the cats have come by to see what all the yelling is about.

“Who let the turtle out of her cage again?” I ask like they are going to answer me.

They all look back at me with guilty looks on their faces. I sigh. Even though I think animals can understand humans for the most part, they can’t use words to talk back. So, asking them is really not that helpful. I spend a few minutes searching the house for the turtle but can’t find her.

“Okay, Jill, come out when you’re ready!” I shout like she is listening.

Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time she has gone missing. She turned up about a week later last time.

Who knew a turtle would be the hardest animal to keep alive out of all the animals I have?

I walk to the kitchen and open the fridge. I have plenty of food, and most of it is even healthy. But I don’t want any of that tonight. I open the freezer and pull out a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, and then I pull a bottle of wine off my wine rack. I grab a glass and carry everything to my couch.

I pour a large glass of wine and then start eating the ice cream while my animals curl up in various places around me. Some are begging for ice cream while others know better and just lie down.

“Today has been a horrible day. I no longer have a boyfriend, and my ex-boyfriend, Luca—you remember him, Duke and Nala.”

They perk up when I say their names.

“Luca came to the clinic today. I don’t know why. I don’t know what he thinks he will accomplish by coming back into my life. He lied to me. Not just once, but over and over and over again. Our whole relationship was one big lie.”

Nala licks my hand.

“You’re right. He was a nice guy to you. Even though he hates animals, he pretended like he didn’t. I don’t hate him. I just hate that he came back into my life and is trying to fuck everything up. I should just give up on men altogether. That’s what I’ve decided. I’m happy without a man in my life.”

Nala nudges my hand again.

“I know,” I say, sadly looking down at her. “I know. It hurts. I still love him, but I can’t be with him. He hurt me so much. After him, it took me over a year to even go out on a date with another man. It took me longer than that to trust another man.”

Nala growls.

“Okay, you’re right. I don’t trust men. I might never again, and it’s because of him. Maybe this is my push to learn to try to trust men again. I have to give it a chance. I have to learn to trust men again.”

I pull out my phone, and I text Skye.

Me: I need you to find me a date.

Skye: When?

Me: As soon as possible.

Before I let Luca slip back into my life, I think.

Skye: One boyfriend coming right up. ;)

I smile. Thank God for Skye. At least I can trust her.