Dominic approached them the next time they sat at the café, pulling up another chair and resting his elbows on the table while quizzing Edwin. Shawn couldn’t help but to smile; Edwin patiently endured the friendly concern and confirmed he would, indeed, accompany Shawn to Dominic’s play. “Good,” Dominic said. “Now I don’t have to blind pair him with someone I know he’s going to end up hating.” It didn’t take long for Dominic to stand, leaving the promise they would double-date soon. Within a week, he made good on it.

Shawn went to work and came home like usual that first week. By the second week, though, he woke up beside Edwin in his loft more times than not, and when Edwin packed for a visit home, he emptied out one of his dresser drawers. “In case you want to keep some clothes here,” he said, a roguish smile on his face.

“Wow, a drawer,” Shawn said with a laugh. “Are we ready for that commitment so soon?”

Edwin shrugged, giving Shawn a kiss and leaving the invitation where he had placed it. While Shawn spent Edwin’s time away at his own apartment, he dared himself to bring an extra set of clothes when Edwin returned. It only took another month, but by then, he had taken over the entire drawer.

In the meantime, their lives established a new rhythm, accommodating their different passions. Shawn sat with his guitar and notebook on Edwin’s couch, plucking melodies and penning lyrics while Edwin painted. Occasionally, while pausing to think through a song, he watched Edwin splash color onto canvas and smiled when Edwin showed him his other art. Woodcarvings, blackened at the edges and etched with a small torch he kept at the ready. “You really have a thing for fire,” Shawn observed at one point, looking over Edwin’s shoulder while Edwin focused intently on a new carving.

With a chuckle, Edwin shot him a quick glance. “How is the song coming along?” he asked and while Shawn recognized the deflection, he allowed the other man to focus on him instead. The question had been forgotten not long afterward, and never revisited once Shawn recognized it reflected some part of his soul Edwin wasn’t ready yet to surrender.

Instead, it became one more peculiarity in a growing list. Shawn saw them as idiosyncrasies and treated them with affection, writing one song about them which garnered a laugh from Edwin when Shawn sang it to him at the coffeeshop. At Edwin’s suggestion, Shawn sang it at his next performance, which Edwin attended dutifully just like Shawn did his gallery showings. Spring turned to summer with life’s rhythm unbroken. While the City of Brotherly Love cooked under the July sun, Shawn and Edwin made day trips to nearby creeks and ponds, to cool off.

“I should take you up to the Poconos one of these weekends,” Shawn said while they laid out on the grass during one of these trips, drying off.

Edwin smirked. “That’s not a bad idea,” he said, settling into a comfortable position and shutting his eyes. Shawn turned the idea around in his head while Edwin drank in the sunlight, almost as if he was basking. He returned to the city with Shawn, lighthearted, and prodded Shawn mischievously until they found themselves in bed. It wasn’t until a spirited round of lovemaking that Edwin finally settled, looking Shawn in the eyes while playing with tufts of Shawn’s sex-ruffled hair.

“I don’t think I’m going home this month,” he said, breaking the extended silence. “I think you and I should take a trip up to the Poconos together instead.”

“Are you sure about that?” Shawn asked. “I know how much those trips mean to you.”

“Yes, I know, but you mean a lot to me as well.” Edwin flipped onto his back, sprawled on top of the comforter while laying his head down on his crossed arms. “I want to share something with you. I think you might finally understand it.”

Shawn raised an eyebrow. As he crawled closer to his lover, Edwin shifted to gather him inside his arms. “What do you want to share?” Shawn asked, placing his head on the crook of Edwin’s shoulder.

“It’s a surprise,” Edwin said. “I promise, it’ll be worth waiting. Do you think you can get the time off?”

“They owe me some, so I don’t see why not.” Shawn chuckled as Edwin resumed playing with his hair. “You’re cute when you get romantic.”

“If only you knew.” Edwin left the comment hanging in the air, his lighter disposition turning heavier while he reflected in quiet thought. When he spoke again, his voice became gentle; almost apologetic. “I’ve told you a lot about myself, but I still have so much more to say. And I think I’m ready to.”

“You’re a secret agent, aren’t you?”

“Would you still love me if I was?”

“Of course, I would.” Shawn rested his hand against the back of Edwin’s neck. “I’d love you no matter who you are or what you needed to tell me.”

“Same,” Edwin said, and though he breathed that word with a sigh of relief, the heavy kisses that followed led into another intense round of love-making, with Shawn falling asleep curled up against him, body pressed against body. Edwin woke him several hours later with breakfast in bed and although his actions bordered on suspicious, nothing but soul-deep affection marked each one. Shawn walked with him to the café and while Edwin sketched the people who entered, Shawn worked on the lyrics of another song. A kiss punctuated Shawn’s departure for work, and as he walked back to his apartment, he wondered when the day that he no longer went to a separate place would happen.

He thought of it again later while plopping on Edwin’s bed, still dressed in his work clothing.

“They gave me the time off,” he announced, victorious.

“Good,” Edwin said, rolling on his side. “I’ll call and make reservations. I promise you, Shawn, this is going to be a weekend you won’t forget.”

Shawn had laughed at Edwin’s declaration, but as they wound through the lush trees of the Pocono Mountains, he remembered how much of his life had been spent in the middle of bricks and asphalt. Everywhere around him, nature gave birth to beauty, declaring it summer with bright greens and swaths of colorful flower patches. While Edwin drove, Shawn admired the scenery, making casual mention to Edwin that he was glad they had brought their guitar and sketchpad.

“I’d feel naked without it, even if full moons are usually a little hectic,” he said, stealing a glance at Shawn before directing his attention back to the road. The way he paused left something unsaid, even when he added, “If I don’t get to do anything this time, maybe next time we can take an extra day and I can sit by the lake and sketch.”

“That would be great.” Shawn looked at him and couldn’t help but to hear the slight edge of nervousness in Edwin’s voice. While they turned from the main road, traversing a winding road that led toward a series of cabins, Shawn opened his mouth to ask the notorious question again, but shut it when he realized he would probably get the same answer.

‘What has you nervous?’

‘You’ll see soon enough.’

‘But not a secret agent, though?’

‘No, no nothing like that. Just keep an open mind, okay?’

Shawn had done everything in his power to assure Edwin he would. “If it has to do with showing me how you practice your faith, I promise I won’t judge you,” he had said, and though Edwin seemed to appreciate it, something in his eyes spoke the same uncertainty Shawn saw present while in the car with him. The temptation to press the matter came and went, quickly swallowed up when they drove up to the office for check-in. Edwin paid the girl at the counter, then drove them to the cabin he’d rented.

“How about dinner?” he asked while pulling his backpack from the trunk. “Technically, there’s a restaurant down the road, but I’m in the mood to cook.”

While nodding, Shawn reached for the cooler containing some of the provisions they packed, opting to help with that first before coming back for the rest of their things. Edwin hefted a grocery bag filled with more food on his return trip and while Shawn unpacked, Edwin started to bang around the kitchen. It wasn’t until he had a frypan heating on the stove that he began to settle down.

Shawn climbed onto one of the stools positioned at a bar counter which divided the kitchen. “So, tell me what’s usually involved in your rituals,” he said, reaching for an orange and digging into it with his nails.

Edwin chopped up vegetables while Shawn peeled his orange. “It’s not like a ritual,” he said, keeping his focus on the cutting board. “It’s more like a prayer. I thought maybe we could sit by the lake and build a fire. I can show you what prayer is like for me and my…” He trailed off, as if the word he was about to say disagreed with him. “Anyway, it’s kind of more like communion with nature if that makes sense.”

“Sort of.” Shawn broke open the fruit once it had been peeled and popped a segment into his mouth. “I’m having trouble visualizing it.”

“I know. I’m dancing around describing it.” Edwin sighed, the action directed inward. Gathering the cut vegetables into his hands, he deposited them into the hot pan and seasoned them first before looking toward his lover. “Sometimes, we go running. Sometimes, we swim or roll in the grass, but we’re always enjoying nature somehow. It feels… amazing in the moonlight.”

Raising an eyebrow, Shawn continued eating his orange. “What about it being in the moonlight?”

“My folks always said this meant one of the Goddesses were looking down at us and smiling. Something about the warmth and energy that flows through you being some evidence you had her blessing.”

“I guess I can see that. Makes more sense when you say it that way.” Edwin walked closer to him once he’d given the vegetables a flip. Shawn held out an orange slice, grinning when Edwin gobbled it up. “It’s strange to see you so worried,” Shawn said.

Edwin winked, but turned his back to Shawn. He heard the deep breath his boyfriend took, and as he slid down from the stool, he left the rest of his orange on the counter, in favor of walking over to Edwin and rubbing his shoulders. Edwin sank into the feeling, paying casual mind to the food while also remaining still enough for Shawn’s hands to continue working. “I’m sorry,” Edwin said. “I’ve never felt the way I do about anyone else and it has me scared shitless.”

“Not even the other guy you dated?”

“No, not even him.”

Shawn leaned forward, reaching to place a kiss on Edwin’s neck while his hands slid from his shoulders down to the small of his back. “You’re stuck with me,” Shawn whispered. “Better get used to it.”

“I could really get used to it.”

“Nothing to worry about, then.”

“When you say it that way…”

Edwin tensed when Shawn nipped at his neck. Reaching for the stove, he turned the dial and shut off the burner before turning to face Shawn. For a split second, Shawn saw something wild and untamed in Edwin’s eyes before being scooped into the other man’s arms and carried over to the couch. While Edwin climbed onto him, Shawn reached for him and pulled him down into a deep kiss.

Both men worked hurriedly to disrobe the other. Despite the ceiling fan turning above them, their bodies glistened with sweat by the time Edwin pushed inside and as he took Shawn with frantic urgency, Shawn rode every wave of pleasure. Edwin shook and clutched at one of the couch cushions, holding onto it so tightly as he came that his knuckles turned white. When he finally lifted his head from Shawn’s shoulder, Shawn saw a glimpse of something he’d almost forgotten, blinking when the golden glint in Edwin’s eyes faded and the normal hue of his irises returned.

Edwin kissed him before he could mention it.

And even when he suspected the truth, Shawn still couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud.