CHAPTER TWELVE

 

 

 

What had she done?

Seren wasn’t sure of the answer, but she knew the question was momentous. She was in serious trouble. “Gregori. Have mercy, Gregori.”

“I’m not sure you are worthy of mercy, Seren. You have committed a most grievous sin.”

At the high angel’s declaration, Seren knew. She didn’t have to ask. She didn’t have to be told. In her euphoric state of mind with Canyon, she’d been in denial.

The truck driver’s death was her fault.

Gregori didn’t wait for a confession, he began to speak. His unwavering, authoritative tone sent chills through Seren’s veins.

“A watcher never endangers the life of an innocent in the performance of her duties. You played God. You are not equipped to choose. The responsibility you owe your charge does not extend to the judgment of others. A life has been cut short because of your selfish choices.”

“It wasn’t selfish. I was saving Canyon.”

“If you’d been more focused, purer in your intent, there was a way to protect Canyon Brady and still preserve the life of Raymond Poe.”

“My intent was pure, Gregori.”

Even as Seren stated her belief, questions arose in her heart.

“Over time, your feelings for your charge have changed, Seren. They became more than allowed. We are instructed to love our charges in the way we are loved. Agape. Selfless. Sacrificial. Unconditional.”

“I did. I do.”

“No!” he shouted and the hills shook. “Your love became more. Eros. Passionate. Sexual. Selfish!”

“No,” Seren protested. In vain.

“Yes!” he thundered. “You endangered Raymond Poe. Your mistake caused him to lose his life.”

“Why didn’t you correct my mistake? It was in your power!” With little forethought, Seren fired back at Gregori.

When she did, the very air around her vibrated with his fury. “Do not question me! You set this into motion with your rebellious disobedience. You have been tested in the fire and found to be impure. Your deeds are not gold, they are dross!”

“Tested?” Seren felt as if she were standing on the edge of a high precipice. One misstep would send her careening over the edge into oblivion. “I wasn’t aware.”

“No, you weren’t aware. You were distracted. Placed in the path of temptation, you succumbed. Given the frailties of humanity, you did not rise above. Instead, you were caught in the snare of forbidden lust.”

“Love. Not lust!” she protested, knowing she was putting her very existence into peril. “I cherish Canyon. What I feel for him is not dirty, it’s…sacred.”

“Rise!” The booming edict lifted Seren to her feet.

With terrified certainty, Seren knew judgment was about to be passed upon her. And for what? For protecting and loving someone who’d been placed in her care? An emotion she felt to be righteous rebellion rose in her breast. “You made me human! You gave me the natural desires of a woman. Are those desires wrong? Are these feelings unclean?” She didn’t wait for Gregori to respond. In reckless revolt, she stood her ground. “Forever we have wondered after humanity. Amazed at their freedom. In awe of their capacity to feel…love. Desire.” In a very unwise move, she lifted her hand and pointed an accusing finger at an immeasurable force of strength and wisdom. “You did this to me…and I gloried in it! For a brief, amazing moment, the blessings of mankind were mine! I learned what it is to truly love!”

Out of a clear sky came a bolt of lightning as the ground shook beneath her feet. In front of Seren’s eyes, Gregori grew to a monstrous size until he towered over her. “Seren, Watcher of the Lord, you have been weighed in the balance and found wanting.”

Part of Seren wanted to cower before the majestic angel. However, the greater part demanded she face him without fear. Lifting her eyes, she stared into his face as it burned with a radiant holiness. “I regret the death of Raymond Poe. But…I will never regret loving Canyon. What I feel for him is the greatest miracle I’ve ever witnessed!” She could see the cloud of fury in Gregori’s expression. Closing her eyes, she waited for the final blow.

The waiting proved interminable.

Finally, his voice came to her on a still wind.

“Seren, by all rights you should be spoken out of existence or cast into Tartarus with the others who have fallen.”

Knowing she was defeated, Seren hung her head. “Do with me what you will, Gregori. Just give me one boon, one brief moment of mercy.”

“What is your request, child?” Gregori asked.

“Let me say goodbye to Canyon. Let me tell him how much I love him one last time.”

In his righteous indignation, Gregori looked down upon her. “Your request is granted.” Before Seren could breathe a sigh of relief, he clarified his judgment. “However, the terms of your punishment will be in accordance with your crime. You have left your first estate to embrace the frailty of humanity and in this frail state you will remain.” He raised his hand in testimony. “When next the sun rises, you and everyone who knew you will have their memories wiped clean. It will be as if you were never in their lives. You will permanently take upon yourself the tent of human flesh and lay aside your former glory, embracing all the sorrows and weaknesses of this Earth, never remembering who and what you once were.”

Horror struck Seren like a bullet from a gun. “I won’t remember Canyon?”

“And he won’t remember you. All traces of your former existence will be wiped away. To not remember what you have forfeited will be the only form of mercy you will receive. Transplanted memories will take the place of the ones you now possess and all the secrets of the universe you revealed to your charge will be blotted out.”

A feeling of desolation swamped Seren. “I could lose anything. Everything. But not my memories of Canyon. Please.” She fell down on her knees. “Do anything to me you will. Deprive me. Punish me. Bring me low. Just don’t take away my memories of the one I hold most dear. Please let me remember. I can’t lose him this way, I just can’t!”

Gregori seemed to think for a moment, to consider her request. Finally, in a roar as loud as a rogue wave, he called forth his sentence, “Very well. Your petition has been granted. Not out of mercy, however. You do not deserve mercy. What you think will be a blessing, will turn into the cruelest curse. To forget would have been compassionate. To remember will be torment.”

“So, I’ll remember everything, but he will remember nothing.”

“Thus is the judgment.” He knelt and drew something on the ground that Seren couldn’t see. “After the cloud has been drawn over his eyes you are strictly forbidden from revealing any of the past to him. If you break this commandment, the punishment will be multiplied beyond what you can bear.”

“Is there no recompense, Gregori? No reparation?” She knew better than to ask for mercy.

He sadly shook his head. “Redemption is not meant for such as we. Mankind is granted the leniency of deliverance because they walk by faith, not by sight. They have not beheld the face of God as you have. Even after living in the divine light of His presence, you chose to walk in the path of the unrighteous. There will be no reconciliation.”

Seeing all hope vanish before her eyes, Seren closed her eyes in defeat. “Was what I did so terrible?” she cried, then shook her head. “I never intended Raymond Poe to be hurt. I would’ve given my life for him as quickly as I would’ve given it for Canyon. I know we are mere servants of God. But what I did with Canyon?” Her whole body stiffened with resolution. “That wasn’t wrong. It was beautiful. The most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced – on Earth or in heaven.”

Before the last word slipped from Seren’s lips, a flash of lightning struck nearby, making the bright sunshine all around her seem pale and dull in comparison.

“What’s done is done,” Gregori proclaimed – and then he vanished in another flash of blinding light, leaving Seren standing alone.

 

*  *  *

 

“There, that does it,” Jacob murmured as he held the panel steady for Canyon to tighten the last screw. “Good job.” He patted the side of the trailer. “I think this old gooseneck has another hundred thousand miles on her, what do you say?”

“I think you’re right,” Canyon agreed. “I’m just glad that job’s over.” He winked at Jacob as he rubbed his sore shoulder. “Maybe next time you ought to give some of those big bulls of yours a good dose of Benadryl to calm them down.”

“That’s a thought.” Jacob took off his gloves and stuffed them in his back pocket. “Wonder where your little girlfriend got off to?”

Canyon glanced around, wiping the sweat from his brow. “I don’t know. Not far, I’m sure.”

“Canyon! Jacob! Help! Help!”

The insistent cries for aid put wings on both men’s boots.

“That’s Nathan’s voice,” Jacob muttered. “Something’s wrong.”

They both ran outside to see the youngest McCoy brother heading toward them. “Where’s your phone?” he yelled at his older brother.

Jacob looked blank. “I don’t know. I guess I left it my truck. What’s wrong?”

Canyon stood close by, trying to read the concern on the younger man’s face.

“There’s been an accident on the lake. A duck boat with fifty passengers has gone down. The first responders are paging all rescue units. Aron and I are going along with you to see if we can help.”

“I’ll go too,” Canyon announced as he took off after Jacob. He’d no more than made a few steps before he saw Seren making her way in from the pasture with a dazed look on her face. “Hey, where did you disappear to?” When she didn’t answer, he pointed ahead of him. “I’ll be back in a while, there’s an emergency on the lake. A boat sank with fifty people on board. I’m going to help.” Knowing she couldn’t drive, he suggested, “You can either wait for me here or ask one of the McCoy ladies to take you home. I’m sure they won’t mind.” Even though he was in a rush, he expected her to make some form of protest, to argue about going with him. When she didn’t, he almost told Jacob he wouldn’t go. “Are you okay?”

Composing herself, Seren nodded. “Yes, I’m fine. Be careful.” How lame and impotent the words of instruction felt on her lips. Knowing their time was short, she wanted to beg him to stay. There were only hours left until he wouldn’t even remember her anymore. In another way, she was somewhat grateful for the reprieve. Maybe by the time he returned, she’d have found the words to tell him goodbye.

 

…A few hours later, Canyon felt like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. They’d managed to save forty-two people, but eight had drowned. A sick feeling made him weak. He’d personally carried the bodies of two small children to their grieving mothers. Seeing their devastated faces brought back all the pain of losing Matty to the surface. “Why did this happen?” he asked Jacob as they watched a rescue tug tow in the remains of the duck boat.

“A sudden isolated storm is what they said,” Jacob spoke softly, the sad moment affecting him as well. “There was an accident like this one up near Hot Springs several years back and they found inadequate maintenance was the main cause, along with inadequate reserve buoyance, and the continuous canopy roof over the passenger cabin inhibited escape. Life jackets weren’t required for the passengers either. In this case, they won’t really know until a complete investigation is held.”

“Some lessons are hard to learn.” Soaking wet, Canyon was decidedly uncomfortable. “Well, is there anything else I can do?”

“No. We’ve done our part. Best to leave the rest to the experts.” Jacob waved his hand toward the professionals who were handling the situation. “Oh, by the way, Jessie drove Seren to your house a few hours ago. She’s home safe and sound.”

“Good.” Tugging his shirt from the damp skin of his chest, he started for his truck. “I’m going to change clothes and head home.” He needed Seren. Canyon knew if he held her in his arms, she’d ease the hurt he felt in his heart.

 

…At Canyon’s, Seren didn’t know what to do. She paced the floor, crying so hard she couldn’t see. Every few minutes, she checked the time, watching the clock eat up the last few hours she could spend with the man she loved. Unsure whether or not to pack the clothes he’d bought her, she put them in bags and placed them in the garbage. If she just disappeared, at least finding the women’s clothing articles wouldn’t alarm him. The only comfort she could find in all of this was that he wouldn’t be harmed. As she wore a hole in the carpet, Seren tore at her hair. “Surely, he’ll be home soon. You have a decision to make. Best make it quickly.” Did she tell him or not? “What good would it do? He’s going to forget you anyway.” Why put them both through the emotional turmoil?

Walking to the window, she gazed out into the growing darkness. Seren leaned her head against a pane of glass, finding some solace in the coolness next to her heated skin. “I have to. I have to tell him I love him one more time. I have to tell him goodbye.”

Why? Why did she feel this need to pour out her heart? There wasn’t anything he could do to change things. So, why do it?

She knew why.

Yes, he would forget her. All memory of her would be erased from his mind as if she’d never been. The possibility of this wasn’t a farfetched idea for Seren. Gregori wasn’t omnipotent, but he was beyond powerful. No, Canyon’s brain would not retain the memories – but his body might. His heart might. More than anything, Seren longed to imprint herself on his soul, the same way he’d imprinted himself on hers.

After she’d exhausted herself with worry, Seren turned on the television to see if she could hear any mention of the accident. The local channels were full of it. Journalists were at the scene, reporting on the sad situation. In one clip, she rose to her feet, her hand over her heart as she watched Canyon carry a child from the water in his arms. The little girl wasn’t moving and Seren knew in her heart she was dead. “Oh, Canyon.” How this must have hurt him.

Unable to watch more, she flipped off the television. To pass the time, she kept herself busy, doing all the things she could for him – one last time. She put on a meal to cook in the crock pot. She cleaned the living room. She touched his things, burying her face in the fabric of one of his shirts. At one point, she considered writing him messages and leaving them around the house, in hopes they would survive the purge of her presence. But she didn’t. Seren couldn’t endanger him by bringing down the wrath of Gregori on his head. This was her sin, not his. Canyon was the innocent in all of this.

After another hour or so, she had supper ready – and the only thing left to do was wait.

Going out on the front porch, Seren looked out into the night. She’d always thought of this place as home. Sitting in the swing, she memorized the sounds of the night. Crickets. Frogs. Night birds. The breeze filtering through the oaks and cedars. Covering her eyes with her hands, she admitted the sound she would miss most was Canyon’s voice. How could she continue without him? Seren couldn’t imagine how she would survive. Every moment of every day, he’d been her focus. Her world. Her reason for existing.

And now, she was about to give him up. Forever.

With renewed sorrow, Seren stood and moved to the railing, grasping onto the banister for support. What made it worse? It was her own fault. She’d done this to both of them. She’d let her judgment lapse and reacted out of pure instinct rather than wisdom.

As she stared blindly into the shadows, the lights from an approaching vehicle cut through the blackness of the night. “He’s home.” Despite everything, Seren found herself smiling. “Okay, let’s give him a night to remember.”

Only…he wouldn’t remember.

Pushing aside her sorrow, she hurried down the steps to greet him.

Canyon saw her coming and felt a thrill rush through his chest. “There’s my angel,” he whispered. In the beams from his headlights, he could see her rushing to him. Her beautiful hair was flying out behind her and love shone on her face like a welcoming beacon. “I’m glad to be home.” Over the past years, since Matty’s death and Kim’s betrayal, he hadn’t felt a sense of home anywhere. Now, he did – and Canyon knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that it wasn’t the house or the grounds that felt like home.

It was her. It was Seren.

Only four days had passed since he’d found her, but it felt like far longer. He felt like she’d been with him forever. Canyon smiled at the thought. In a way, he guessed, she had. As he cut the engine and reached for the door handle, Canyon marveled at the way his understanding of the world had changed. Now, he knew anything was possible.

“Canyon! I’m so glad to see you!”

The moment his feet touched the ground, Seren launched herself into his arms and held him so tight he could scarcely breathe. “I’m glad to see you too, baby.”

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I know it was hard for you.” She kissed him on the neck repeatedly.

“Yea, it wasn’t easy. Brought a lot of things back.” He let out a long breath. “I’m home now. I need a bath and some food.”

She linked her arm with his. “I have food ready for you. A pork roast and sweet potatoes. Sound good?”

“Sounds fantastic!”

And so…Seren set out to make the remainder of their time together special.

As he showered, she prepared his plate. Once she heard the water cut off, she carried a towel to the bathroom that she’d heated in the oven. As soon as he opened the shower door, she was there to wrap him in warmth.

Canyon groaned, framing her face to kiss her as she hugged him dry, moving the cloth on his body to absorb the water droplets. “What did I do to deserve this?” he asked as she went to her knees to dry his legs.

“You’re the most wonderful person in the world,” she told him with unabashed adoration. Seeing his manhood began to fill, she took him into her hand and kissed the head. “Later…I will make you glad you’re a man.”

If the mention of food didn’t make his insides weak, he’d have insisted Seren begin her demonstration ASAP. “Let’s eat fast.”

His obvious enthusiasm at her proposal made Seren smile through the sheen of tears in her eyes. “Not too fast. You don’t want to get indigestion.”

“You worry about everything don’t you?” He accepted the clean clothes she handed him and dressed quickly.

“I guess.” Seren stood back, watching him closely, memorizing every move he made.

Once he was dressed, they gravitated to the kitchen to sample the meal she’d prepared. “Thanks for everything. I needed this.”

“You’re welcome.” She only took a bite or two, having very little appetite. With the anvil of fate hanging over her head, Seren was at a loss as to how to carry on a normal conversation.

Canyon enjoyed the food, but his mind kept going back to the senseless loss of life he’d seen that evening. When he’d pulled the lifeless body of the little girl from the muddy waters, he’d been catapulted back in time to the last time he’d held Matty in his arms. “You know, I just don’t get it.” He glanced up at Seren. “Why is there death? Why do we have to die? I mean, everyone says they want to go to heaven, but no one is ever ready to go. Right?”

Seren felt so helpless. It wasn’t that she didn’t have answers, she did. “Only because they don’t fully understand what awaits them. Death is a transition to something better. Death isn’t punishment, it’s a door.”

“Maybe, but going through that door can be horrific. Painful.” Thinking of the children drowning, fighting for air in their last moments of life filled Canyon with such regret. And Matty…he’d hurt so much. “What purpose does that serve?”

Seren wished she could take away all his pain. “Yes, there can be pain, but compared to the sweet release of death and the joy that comes after – there is no correlation.” Knowing her words sounded meaningless, she tried to refine them. “When a child dies, he never walks through the valley alone. Their angel is there every step of the way. Sometimes, the angel takes their little spirit away before the moment of death occurs. In other words, the soul is gone before the body takes its last breath.”

“Sometimes?”

Seren shrugged. “There’s a lot of factors involved.”

Canyon frowned. “Does everyone have a guardian angel?”

“Every child does.”

“Yet, I’m not a child and I have you.” Canyon strove to understand, needing to find some peace in the situation.

“The all-knowing decides those things. Nations have angels. Cities have angels. An individual with a great contribution to make in the future receives extra protection from one or more angels.”

Canyon scoffed a bit, wiping his hands on a paper towel. “I can’t see myself making some great contribution.”

Seren shrugged and laughed sadly. “Well, you only had me.” She sobered and closed her eyes. “But I did the very best I could. And who knows? Your art may change the world. There’s no telling what the future may have in store for you.” Would he receive another angel after she was gone? She felt torn, the thought bringing her pain as well as peace.

“You’re amazing.” He pushed their plates aside. “I wouldn’t trade you for anything or anyone.”

Rising from her chair, Seren went to her knees at his feet, lying her head in his lap. “Canyon…” She searched for the right words to tell him what was about to happen.

He picked up her hair and let the dark waterfall run through his fingers. “You’ve brightened my days. When I saw you running out to meet me tonight, I felt a great sense of homecoming. I want you to stay with me. I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

All of the explanations and confessions died on Seren’s lips. She couldn’t tell him. She couldn’t burden him, even for a little while. Longing to give Canyon the world, the only thing she could give him was a few hours of peace and pleasure. “You’re not alone. I’m here with you.” Standing, she held out her hand. “Come with me. I want to make love to you.”

Canyon needed no more encouragement. He let her lead him to the bedroom, then he stood mesmerized as she undressed him slowly, kissing every inch of his flesh she revealed. Before his adoring eyes, she undressed, revealing her more than perfect body, offering herself to him. A gift he gladly accepted.

Once they were unclothed, Seren urged him to the bed, where he lay supine, waiting for her attention. She took her time, admiring his strength, committing to memory every facet of his being. “There is no one like you, Canyon. No one.” With great tenderness, she began to kiss and caress him from head to toe.

Canyon writhed with pleasure as she loved on him, fusing her lips to his, kissing him tenderly – hungrily – kissing him like she’d never get enough. Several times he sought to take control, but she was insistent, giving him a possessive look that let him know without words how much she needed this. Beneath her soft lips and fingers, he shivered at every touch, amazed at how she could make him feel. Never had he thought this type of intimacy existed with another person. He loved being with her – and not just for the sex – even though she rocked his world every freaking time. No, he adored everything about Seren and he enjoyed just being with her – at home, shopping, sharing meals, watching television – everything. Lord knows what he’d do if she left him now. “Seren,” he entreated as she licked his chest, the brush of her hard nipples against his abs making his cock impossibly hard.

“Hmmm?” she asked as her lips skated over his collarbones, around his pecs, then down his happy trail.

“I love how you touch me. You’re giving me a heart attack, angel. I think my dick needs CPR.”

To hear his teasing voice made Seren want to scream her sorrow. Instead, she used her tongue to trace the sexy vee below his abdomen, that Adonis belt that just drove her crazy with desire. When he hissed his pleasure, she licked a path upward, taking a bit of time to suck his nipples until he shook like a man with chills and fever.

“You’re torturing me, aren’t you? What’s your price?” If she didn’t put her lips on his cock soon, he’d lose his mind.

“My price is…” She couldn’t think of anything. “No price. This is a gift.” Seren enclosed his fully erect cock in her palm, smiling when it jumped in her hand, seeming to beg for more attention. “Oh, you’re anxious, aren’t you?”

Canyon prayed for strength, lifting his hips, eager for her to begin. “About to lose it, actually,” he growled, his eyes locked on her face as he waited with bated breath. When she gave a soft sigh of happiness as she took him in her mouth, Canyon felt an onslaught of tender feelings fill his chest. She held his gaze as if nothing made her happier than loving him.

Clawing the blanket beneath him, he gave himself over to Seren as she kissed him – licking the shaft, teasing the head. When she took his cock in her mouth and swallowed him to the root, he lost his fucking mind. The age-old primal hunger for release changed him from a man capable of carrying on a decent conversation to one who could do no more than grunt, groan, and beg. “God, yes. Fuck me, please. More, baby.” And still, she held him tight, giving him everything he needed while he pumped his hips into her face. Finally, he froze – muscles tight, fists clenched, bellowing his pleasure as he came. She stayed with him, swallowing his lifeforce, milking him until he was finished and weak with ecstasy.

Canyon thought it was all over, but he was dead wrong. After releasing him from her lips, while he still trembled with bliss, Seren began rubbing against him, lifting her breasts to his lips, using her whole body to entice – to seduce – to reward. In no time, he was rock hard again – then she brought herself over him, sank down on his erection, and rode him to heaven and back.

When they were both spent, she nestled against him. “I loved doing that for you, Canyon.”

He held her to him, stroking her silky back, unable to keep the truth silent a moment longer. “I love you.”

Seren went completely still. Had she heard right? “What did you say?”

“I mean it, Seren. I think I’ve loved you from the first moment I laid eyes on you.”

“I love you too.” She repeated the truth she couldn’t deny. The seeming unfairness of it all raged within her. The gift of Canyon’s love, a gift she would’ve died for – had come too late. “I’ll always love you. I’ll never regret loving you.”

“I won’t let you regret it. There’ll never be another day when I don’t show you how much I love you, Seren. I’m not sure how we’re going to work all of this out – but we will. Aside from my Matty, your love is the most wonderful gift I’ve ever received. I’ll never understand the miracle of how you came to me – all I know is that heaven’s loss is my gain.”

“Oh, Canyon,” she sobbed, her arms wrapped around his shoulders. The hopeless, helpless tragedy of it all overwhelmed Seren. “Hold me. Hold me tight.”

“Done, baby.” He cradled her close to him. “I’ll never let you go.”

As he stroked her back and kissed her face, Seren prayed as she’d never prayed before. In her heart, she begged, Please, don’t make me leave. Please let me stay. I love him so much. I intended no one harm. Don’t take him away from me. Please. Please.

All the other times she’d prayed for something, her answer always came as a sense of peace. This time, no matter the sincerity of her plea, Seren received no such assurance. With a sinking heart, she closed her eyes and they remained locked in one another’s arms until the sun of a new day began to rise.

 

…As dawn broke and the bright rays of the morning streaked across the eastern sky, Canyon rolled over to stare at the clock on the bedside table. “Time to get up.”

He stretched, laying there for a moment – waiting. He breathed in a sweet fragrance, bringing the spare pillow over his face to find the source of the intriguing scent. “Hmmm, something smells good.”

For long moments, Canyon lay there.

Waiting.

For what he didn’t know. What was different?

He let his mind wander, striving to remember the reason for this sense of loss that was making his chest ache. “Hmmm.” Coming up empty, he sat up, slinging his legs over the side of the bed.

“What the fuck?” He picked up a gallon pickle jar half full of water. “I must have really been thirsty during the night.” Shrugging, he set it back down. “What’s the deal, Brady?” He felt like he’d forgotten something important.

After a few more moments of contemplation, he stood. “Odd. It’ll come to me, I guess.”

Even stranger, his arms felt empty, but he had no idea why.