Chapter Seventeen
Caitlin woke before the sun, the emptiness hitting her before the realization that Shane was gone. Had he slept at all, or had he bailed when she’d drifted off? The cool sheets offered no answers. Just the sharpening edge of heartbreak and a growing realization that the melted milkshake, cold fries, and abandoned shirt were all he’d left her of this thing they had. Or didn’t have, it seemed.
She’d known it was coming, so why did it hurt so much?
Because you’re falling in love with him, you idiot.
She’d put up a hell of a fight, using logic and reason once the orgasms clouded her view, but it hadn’t mattered. He’d pushed past all of it, finding a place in her heart that had never belonged to anyone else, and with her luck, probably never would.
And on the heels of that, he’d run. He might be running toward something, but she didn’t buy for a moment that there wasn’t a part of him running from her.
Damned if she’d make it easy.
His new job meant something to him. She got that. But what they had meant something, too. Something that deserved a chance. She’d never ask him to stay, but that didn’t mean she wanted to let him go. A long distance relationship sounded like the worst idea in the world—especially when she wanted nothing more than to spend every night in his arms—but people had sacrificed far more than living a couple of hours apart. They could do weekends. They could try.
They had better options than a middle-of-the-night disappearance. He owed her more.
She owed herself more than letting him get away with that.
That determination carried her to the firehouse, the bridge barely registering as it glided past her Uber window. If only Shane could be so easy to forget.
She hesitated at the front door of the station. Should she knock, or was this a public building kind of thing where she should just walk in? She opted for a closer examination of the doorway, hoping to find a buzzer, but before one materialized, the door opened.
Not Shane.
It was Jack, and he didn’t hide his surprise. “Come on in, Caitlin. I’ll let him know you’re here.”
She followed him past a small office to an open living area, where she took in a massive flat-screen television. Across from it sat the tattered remains of a sofa that looked like it had come from a frat house. Leather recliners dominated the rest of the room, which was otherwise clean and sparsely decorated. A PA system let off a few random tones, but nothing that seemed to spur anyone there into action.
She didn’t have to wait long before Shane appeared. “Hey,” he said. “What’s up?”
Well, that was…the exact opposite of deeply personal. He wanted to put distance between them—that much was clear. But he didn’t get to spend those hours looking at her like that, touching her, and just walk away.
“You left without saying good-bye,” she told him.
His stare was blank, bordering on cold. She didn’t buy it for a moment, but he wanted her to, and that sucked. “Leaving was good-bye,” he said.
“That’s not you,” she said. “You don’t run from things.” Never mind that she’d already decided he was doing that very thing. She wasn’t going to let him push her away that easily.
His dark eyes rested heavily on her. “No, I run toward them. You knew that going in.”
Going in. Like this was some experience she could have anticipated. Something she’d signed up for. She stifled a humorless laugh. “I might be learning,” she said. “To do that, I mean.” Standing here, she realized she’d have to. This wasn’t the man who’d made love to her all night. This was the morning-after version who wanted to shrug off a good time and move on.
“Explain,” he said.
His wariness gave her second thoughts, but then the memories took over, her lip throbbing where he’d bitten it, her body aching when he’d let her go. And she knew, no matter how vulnerable it left her, she had to say what she felt. “I’m…falling in love with you.”
He stared, his expression blank. She’d love to get behind that, to know what he might be thinking, but he didn’t give her an inch, so she pushed ahead.
“I’ve— I’ve never been more afraid of anything in my life.” She stammered at first, but then the words came fast, like she had to get them out there or they’d stay stuck, forever. “I know it’s soon,” she added, “but there’s something between us. I don’t think we should give it up. The last thing I wanted was a long distance relationship…at least until it came to a choice between that and losing you, and I’m not ready to do that yet.”
He just stood there for the longest time, a war waging in his eyes. One that she was suddenly terrified she’d find herself on the losing side of.
“Caitlin, I can’t.”
She blinked.
“You of all people should understand,” he said. “You wanted something—you wanted that bookstore—and you went for it. You left people behind. Your parents. Your sister. You had a dream and followed it. I have no idea why it had to be here, but I can’t let that stop me.”
She couldn’t argue his point, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. The words stung, but with any luck she’d be miles from him before she broke down. “Okay,” she finally said. “I should go.”
He stepped back so he no longer stood between her and the exit. He seemed to hesitate, and the muscle working in his jaw further convinced her he had something he wanted to say. But he won the battle against saying it, at least until she stepped back out into the sunshine.
“This was supposed to be fun,” he called after her. “No matter how hard, or how fast, it was never meant to be anything more.”
The words, though she acknowledged their truth, felt like the worst lie. What this thing between them was meant to be meant nothing. Not next to what it had become.
Nothing on earth could have hidden her hurt, but she threw him a smile with absolutely no truth behind it and said, “Then rest easy, Lieutenant. Because you got your wish.”