Shelley
“Ebony! You’re back.” I announced very obviously as she walked into the living room. “Thank goodness for that, only I’m feeling extremely fatigued and Mary is fading in and out. Could you receive the visitors while I go nap?”
She gave me some serious side-eye. “You hardly sleep anymore, and there’s no way I’m being left with your visitors. Now as they say in your world ‘grow a pair’.”
“They say that in your world too, Ebs. You live in Withernsea now. It’s okay to adapt and to adopt some of the local dialect.”
“Shut yer mouth, stop talking shit, and get ready to look pleased to see the old folk.” Ebony said trying to adopt a local accent, but it came out, ‘shoot yerrr mouth, stop talking shite, and get ready to luke pleased to seee the owlde fowk’.
She shrugged. “I tried.”
“This… my parents and this bloke from the sea coming. It’s worse than childbirth. I dread to think what’s going to happen.”
Ebony crossed one leg over the other. “What will happen is whatever destiny has planned, Shelley. It will happen whether you dread it or not.”
This was where I wanted Kim. Ebony was no good to just plain whinge at. It was always: because it’s fate. Oh blah, blah, bloody blah.
The doorbell rang and Ebony rose. “I’ll go receive the visitors while you prepare yourself for the inevitable.”
Yeah thanks.
My adoptive parents had arrived. I’d had to perform a spell on myself to keep my amusement under control because I knew I’d have a hard time not giggling at their actions. I’d seen enough of it at our wedding. My mum and dad walked in as if the floor was filled with booby traps and the air with those red laser beams they used to protect jewels. Finally they managed to get as far as the sofa.
“Hey. Take a seat.”
Polly came through the door a minute after them but she didn’t pause, she just walked straight through. “Sorry, I was just parking the car only there are paint pots everywhere.”
Ebony huffed, a disgusted look coming over her face. “I do apologise. It’s the decorator, Henry. He has no idea about tidiness or the fact there are other people to consider.”
“I can hear you.” A voice bellowed down the stairs.
“Good.” She shouted back up.
Oh dear.
Feet trampled down the stairs and Henry stuck his head in the room. He took one look at my pretty blonde younger sister and straightened his posture, a smile replacing his frown.
“Well, I’m sorry for any inconvenience caused. I’ll go tidy up right now. Do you need to move your vehicle?”
Polly shook her head. “No it’s fine now thanks.”
“Oh, well I’ll go tidy up out there anyway ready for when you leave.”
Ebony cleared her throat. I looked over, watching as her eyes went white.
My parents gasped and grasped each other.
A second or two later Ebony’s sight returned to normal, and she cackled with laughter. She looked like a madwoman.
“Ebony’s a seer, remember? Is everything okay there, Ebs?”
“Absolutely wonderful.” Ebony smiled. “Just so nice to see Henry take such an interest in Polly here. He’s about to have an interesting encounter with another ‘bird’.”
Polly shifted uncomfortably on her seat.
I looked at my parents and Polly. All three of them had made sure they were warded before they came here. They still didn’t seem to grasp the fact that I could tear their wards and protection spells down in seconds. I had to remind myself that it was a lot to ask for them to accept all the supernatural aspects of my existence. I stared down at my daughter and whispered “please don’t do your eye change thing.”
“What was that?” My dad said.
“I was just saying to Charlie please don’t need changing. I want her to behave for her grandma and grandad. You’re okay to be called that, aren’t you?”
My adoptive dad looked at my mum who nodded her head. “Yes, we’d like that very much.”
I was sure once the golden child had dropped a sprog, Charlie wouldn’t get a look in, but seeing as she had an extended supernatural family and would rule Withernsea, I was sure she’d not give too much of a damn. That was the hope anyway. If these three hurt my daughter in any way I’d turn them into toads.
“Would you like to hold her?” I asked Polly, deciding that as she was the calmest of the three she could reassure my parents that they weren’t going to be killed by the baby.
“Is Theo not around?” My mum asked.
“He’ll be in bed, Debbie, remember? He’s a vampire.”
“Oh yes of course.” My mum said facepalming her forehead.
I passed Charlie over to Polly who instantly began cooing over her.
“Oh that’s something I meant to tell you. I’m also a vampire now. I got turned a few days before Charlie was born.”
Polly stilled. My parents leaped behind the sofa. I just sat there with my mouth hanging open. Ebony rolled her eyes at me.
“I do not foresee you coming to any harm with Shelley.” Ebony looked over the back of the sofa. “So it is quite safe to come out.”
Slowly they made their way back to the sofa, straightening their clothes as they did so.
“Arrgh, for fuck’s sake. Stupid birds.” The door banged and Henry lumbered through. “Shelley, sorry to inconvenience you but would I be able to take a shower? I was standing under the gutters and a bird decided to take a poop. It’s gone everywhere.”
“Oh that’s supposed to be lucky.” Ebony said, with a shit-eating grin on her face.
Henry glared at her. I was going to need to keep these two apart. They absolutely hated one another.
“Yes, of course. You know where the bathroom is and there are spare towels in the cupboard in there. Use what you need.”
Red faced, whether through anger or embarrassment, Henry left the room and went upstairs.
“So you have the decorator in?” My mum enquired.
“Yes, he’s doing the spare bedrooms so that Theo can open his bed and breakfast.”
She pulled a face. “Do you think it’s wise, taking strangers in when you have a child now?”
“So it was okay before if they wanted to murder me then?” I quipped.
“You know what your mum’s getting at. There are some weird people around, plus thieves. What if someone steals from you?”
“I’ll get Kim to scent them down and tear out their throat. She’s a werewolf now.”
Their eyes widened.
Ebony turned to my parents. “Oh excuse my manners, I haven’t offered you a drink. Would you like one?”
“Two sherries please.” My father said, despite the fact it was twenty past eleven in the morning. My mother nodded her head vigorously.
“I thought there were other guests coming?” Polly asked, barely looking up from my daughter’s face. “I’m Auntie Polly. Hello, Charlie. I am really good at sports and so if I can help you with any of that when you’re older then just let me know. I’ll take your mum’s place at sports day if you like because she runs like someone is pushing a pole up her bum. Oh look she’s smiling. Is that because Auntie Polly is saying funny things? Pole up bum, pole up bum.”
“It’s wind.” I said a little too fiercely. I took a deep breath. “Yes, the other guests were meant to be here at eleven also. Maybe they changed their minds?” We moved onto talking about Polly’s job. She was a PE Teacher and loved it.
A loud hammering on the door indicated new visitors.
“You’d think they’d bear in mind that there could be a baby fast asleep in here.” Mum said.
“You’d think so.” For once I was in agreement with her. There was a first time for everything. I’d better ask Lucy if she could check whether or not hell had frozen over. “But I’ve never met these people before and I’m unsure of their ways, so we’ll see how it goes.” My parents shared a look. “I have it under control if there’s any funny business.” I allowed a small amount of blue webs to tingle around my fingertips.
Pained smiles dragged at their lips. “Great.” My dad said.
Ebony had left the kitchen to attend to the door. I heard loud voices, then she walked into the room. “I’m just going to finish pouring the sherry. Apparently, it is customary for you to greet the Duke of the Sea yourself and not send one of your servants.” She arched a brow.
“I’m so sorry, Ebony.” Sighing, I got up and went to the entrance where I re-opened the door.
“Greetings.” I said, completely over the top, taking the piss out of the whole scenario. ”Please welcome to my own abode Duke Brishon, and Lord Drake.” I curtsied to the elderly portly gentleman at my door, and to his blonde-haired, blue-eyed son who’d let my body know my core wasn’t as asleep after childbirth as I’d first thought.
“Oh my goodness, dear lady. You don’t curtsy to us. We bow to you.” Brishon dipped in an elegant bow, and his son followed.
“Please come in. My human adoptive parents are here, as is my human adoptive sister, and my friend who is a Seer. My husband is in bed and we also have a human decorator in. I thought I’d better let you know who everyone is so you can be prepared. Oh also my mother-in-law who’s a ghost sometimes appears.”
“What a busy household.” Drake laughed. Seriously he even sounded like a Disney Prince. I was waiting for Ariel to call at the door next asking for him back.
We wandered into the living room and I was about to introduce my guests when I realised one of them was missing. I stuck my head back down the hall to see a ghost standing as solid as ever in front of Drake.
“Ah, Drake. This is my mother-in-law, Mary. She’s a ghost.” I reminded him.
Drake scratched at his temple. “But I thought ghosts were wispy things?”
“She is when she’s burned out her energy.” I turned to her. “Mary. Can you please remember these are our guests?”
“But his hair is so soft and silky.”
God help me.
“Mary. Do you want me to invent a spell that traps you in one of the bedrooms forever more?”
She stared down at her feet and mumbled something that sounded a lot like ‘spoilsport’. I was going to have to talk to Theo about her behaviour. It was getting worse. We couldn’t have her molesting all the sexy males who came to the house. She needed a date herself and fast.
“Please, come with me to the living room.” I gestured for Drake to follow me.
“We’ve tried to introduce ourselves, but the gentleman put his hand up and yelled ‘Silence’.” My dad said, looking like he wanted to punch Brishon square in the jaw.
I pushed a hand through my hair. Roll on the visits ending so I didn’t have all this drama. Then I rethought my sentence. This was my life now. Someone help me.
My daughter made a little gurgling noise and everyone fell silent and turned to look at her. She was such a charmer.
“Okay, introductions.” I announced everyone and then Brishon walked over to the crib.
“What a beautiful baby. Now, Shelley, we have business matters to attend to. If I may speak freely?” He gestured to the rest of the people.
“Of course.”
“We should have held your coronation by now, but seeing as you have now given birth to your daughter who will be the true ruler of Withernsea, I thought we might conduct a smaller ceremony here among those assembled, rather than inconvenience a busy new mother. It’s a simple ceremony.”
“Okay. Sounds good. So what do we need to do?” Anything that saved me having to spend a day in the sea faffing around with a ‘coronation’ and the pomp and ceremony I’d expect from Brishon after his entrance here, was welcomed.
“Could we stand outside?”
“Ah, for a bit of grandeur. Of course. We have a lovely garden with an arbour.”
Everyone trailed outside although it was bloody freezing with it being the 12th of February. Oh shit! It was almost Valentine’s Day! How come Samara, one of the bloody Cupids of the world, hadn’t thought to mention this when she visited? Probably because she liked to pretend it wasn’t her job, and it was now mine, the lazy sod! Oh God, I needed to phone Kim. I bet we’d had an influx of applications to the agency. People became increasingly desperate on Valentines. I shook my head. Focus on the here and now, Shelley. I really needed to do a course on Mindfulness, so I could not look at all the chaos around me and instead focus on what was around me at that particular moment. In this case my coronation.
“I just need a few things from my car. Myself and Drake will be back shortly.”
While they were gone, I tapped my mobile phone until my biological dad’s number appeared.
“Hello, love. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, but Dad, I have Brishon and Drake here and they want to perform my coronation right now. Are they trustworthy? Is there anything I need to watch out for?”
“Just make sure you have your usual protection spells in place and you’ll be fine. Brishon’s a good guy. Full of his own importance but decent all the same, and his son is lovely.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“I thought I’d be there to witness the ceremony; be able to wear my jewelled suit.” Oh good lord, now my dad was giving me grief.
“Yeah well you got a granddaughter instead so the pay-off is her, instead of a big ceremony. I tell you what, if I get her christened you can wear your suit then.”
I hung up because Brishon and Drake were walking back over carrying a large trunk between them. They set it down on the ground and opened it up.
Inside was a crown. If I thought it would be festooned with the jewels of the sea, I was wrong. It was made of a rusted metal and dripped with seaweed.
“If everyone could gather around.” Brishon gestured with his hands.
My mum kept hold of Charlie while I stood in front of Brishon. “Please kneel.”
I lowered myself to the floor, the cold and damp soaking into my jogging bottoms.
“In front of these witnesses here present, I bestow upon Shelley Landry the rule of Wyvern Sea. I grant her access to the waters, and safe passage to her and anyone she may choose to travel alongside her to visit us in the future. All of the sea bows to thee, our new Queen. Do you accept the position? If so, please state now before our assembled guests.”
“I accept the position of Queen of Wyvern Sea.”
“Drake. If you could please place the crown on our Queen.”
The rusting, dripping heap was placed on my head, seaweed going in my eye. I very demurely moved it to one side.
“If everyone present could stand in for the people of the seas and please kneel before our Queen and pledge their allegiance.” He pulled me up to standing.
One by one my family and friends had to lower themselves before me as Brishon bossed them into saying they pledged their allegiance. My mother and father said it so quickly and at the same time that I could barely make out the words. I could see that it would be a long while before they visited again, no matter how cute Charlie was. From now on I was getting invited to theirs, it was written all over their faces. I couldn’t blame them. They’d adopted a child and got far more than they’d bargained for. Polly meanwhile was chatting with Drake; they were talking about swimming strokes. Polly had done her lifeguard training and helped run swimming lessons at a local pool. At least one of my human family was embracing the crazy. I’m sure it had nothing to do with him looking like a Disney Prince. I stared at them both. Polly looked like a Disney Princess. If only she could live underwater they’d have been perfect together. Jesus, I was still matchmaking, even now.
“Okay, one final thing. This is for you.” Brishon lifted out a golden coloured box that was intricately painted with pictures of fish. Each one had jewels for eyes. Oooh, a present. Now we were talking. The box was about the size of two shoeboxes. God was it filled with jewellery? I was so excited to find out.
“If you could lower yourself towards me, I will do the rest. It shall be my honour.” Added Brishon. He was so pulling out a proper crown and a necklace, and maybe a jeweled staff that folded up to fit in the box. I lowered my head and Brishon opened the box, lifting it and hurtling the contents towards me with force before I had a chance to see and escape. Fish, starfish, shells, seaweed, and dirty sea water coated me from head to foot. I rubbed my eyes.
“And that concludes the ceremony. Let us applaud Queen Shelley of Wyvern Sea.”
Everyone slow-clapped while trying not to laugh, I could see it in their eyes; except for Brishon and Drake who applauded with enthusiasm.
I could only thank God that Kim wasn’t here because there would have been some quip about the Duke having made me wet.
Walking back to the house Brishon took my arm. “I would like to make a proposal to you, my Queen, if I may?”
Ah, here it came. The very thing Ebony had told me I must turn down.
“Yes, Duke Brishon?”
“I wonder if I may put forward my son Lord Drake as the future intended of Charlene Landry?”
Drake began to choke on his own saliva. “Dad! She’s a baby.”
“Thank you so much for your kind offer.” I said to Brishon. “But Charlene will choose her own suitor when she is of age, by which time I am sure such a wonderful son as yours will have been snapped up by an equally wonderful woman.”
“Humph. It’s quite rude to so overtly turn down your Duke you know?” I swear the man pouted.
“I am not turning you down. Merely saying Charlene will choose. If your son remains single or you have a grandson in the next year or so, who knows what will happen. But I will not set up my daughter. That is one thing as Queen I will not change my mind on.”
“Very well. Drake? It’s time for us to leave now. Our business is concluded.”
Drake looked at Polly, and Polly looked at Drake.
Brishon was wrong. I didn’t think business was concluded at all.
I looked across at Ebony who was also watching the two of them. She gave me an enigmatic smile, and I knew there was a possibility Drake would become family after all.