Puck dreaded each time he had an appointment to take Addie to the doctor because it always brought back horrifying memories of Miranda’s last hours. The doctors worked desperately in the final moments, but there was nothing they could do to halt the bitter end. Fortunately, the appointments were frequent enough that Puck felt like someone afraid of heights desensitizing by visiting the Empire State Building every couple of weeks. The appointments became less painful as time went on.

Puck arrived at the latest checkup appointment for Addie with a new question to ask Dr. Merton. As one of the few family doctors in the Coldbrook Bend area, he was Puck’s primary physician, too. He gave advice on fighting fatigue and encouraged Puck to ask any other health questions.

Addie never feared doctors. She was always in a good mood from the moment they entered the waiting room to the sterile, disinfectant-scented examination rooms. The receptionist smiled when she saw Puck and Addie. “Is she back for another checkup?”

“Yep, eventually they get fewer and further between, right?”

“Yes, they do.”

Puck retreated to a seat in the waiting room and hoped that the extra-wide smile from the receptionist wasn’t an attempt at flirtation. He flipped through parenting magazines and shook his head at how simple the photos made family life look.

He suspected the men and women in the photos went home to their real children after the photoshoots, let their hair down and growled about who’s turn it was to take out the garbage. Then they stayed up half the night worrying about their kids driving cars and drinking at unsupervised parties.

A dark-haired woman to Puck’s right leaned slightly toward him and said, “She’s adorable, and she’s so quiet and good. How do you do that?”

Puck shrugged. “She’s always been like that. Lucky, I guess?” He turned to take a closer look and saw the boy on the opposite side of the woman balancing a small video game on the cast on his right arm while he manned the controls with his left hand. Puck said, “Wow, I broke my arm about the time I was his age.”

The woman rolled her eyes. “I guess that’s what happens when you climb onto the roof of the shed just to see if you can do it and lose your balance.”

“Oh, Mom.”

Puck said, “I got in a fight with my best buddy. I drew the short straw. He didn’t have a scratch on him.”

Puck flinched when his comment caused the woman to lean slightly away from him and cross her legs in the opposite direction. He responded by staring straight ahead and shuffling the magazines on the table to his left.

Fortunately, the nurse called Puck and Addie into the examination room a few short minutes later. Dr. Merton stepped into the room soon after the nurses weighed and checked Addie.

Puck liked Dr. Merton. He was middle-aged with salt-and-pepper gray hair and a kind face. During an earlier appointment, he said that he was a native of Coldbrook Bend. He worked for a time in Rochester, but he chose to move back home and be a family doctor where he grew up.

Dr. Merton said, “Addie is growing like a weed, and that’s the way we want them to grow. That’s much better than growing like a fussy flower.”

“I do my best to do everything like I’m supposed to. She’s an easy baby compared with the horror stories I hear from other people.”

Dr. Merton reached his index finger downward for Addie to grab. “Then you’re a lucky dad.” He turned his attention to Puck and said, “It looks like you have a question.”

Puck fidgeted and rubbed his hands on his jeans. “I know this is Addie’s appointment, but is it okay if I ask a question about me?”

“Of course it is. There’s a reason why I’m called a family doctor. What’s on your mind?”

“It’s rather personal.”

“Most medical questions are personal. It’s not the subject of casual conversation until you reach retirement age. If you’re worried about anyone else finding out what you ask, that’s covered, too. I could get thrown out of my practice if I shared your secrets. Also, I’m not a priest, so I don’t make judgments.”

Puck’s forehead furrowed. “Why would you say something like that?”

“Because ninety percent of the time when someone hesitates about asking a question, it’s something about sex, Puck. The other ten percent are usually about something they do in the bathroom. Am I on target?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Puck considered dropping the subject, but then he closed his eyes and managed to say, “Do you know anything about sex with guys?”

Puck took a deep breath, opened his eyes again, and stared straight into Dr. Merton’s face. The response was a kindly, soft smile. It was the same one Puck’s dad had on his face when his eight-year-old son asked about the origin of babies.

“Let me be completely honest. I don’t know anything from my own experience, but as far as medical matters, yes, I’ve dealt with many situations. I have gay clients, both single and couples.”

Puck breathed a sigh of relief. He said, “I’ve met a guy, and I’m considering it, but I wanted to make sure everything was safe. You know, because of Addie. She needs me.”

Dr. Merton reached out and patted Puck’s knee. He was startled by the touch, but it felt positive and reassuring. He was surprised by how much knowledge Dr. Merton shared in a brief discussion of using condoms, PrEP or even avoiding sex that could be risky altogether.

“If you can ask me these questions, I’m sure you can ask your partner frank questions about his sex life. Nothing is perfect, but if you choose condoms and use them correctly, your risk is very low. If you choose the PrEP route, you’ll be seeing me a lot more, but it makes your risk very low, too. We’ll take some blood before you leave and test it to make sure there are no surprises. And since you asked me a hard question, I’ll ask you one, too. “How are things going for you and Addie without Miranda?”

Puck knew that Dr. Merton would ask something about Miranda. He always did, and Puck always dreaded the questions. The anguish and pain were still there just below the surface, but it almost felt normal. It was getting harder and harder to remember when it wasn’t there. Puck developed his own methods for dealing with it, and he made sure they weren’t based on alcohol and drugs.

“I never know when it’s going to hurt. I still think about her all of the time, but I can go almost an entire day now without it feeling like someone is twisting a knife in my gut. Is that progress?”

“That’s a lot of progress, and it will never completely heal. There will always be scars, but time does make things better.”

“Will Addie remember Miranda?”

“That’s a more complicated question than you might think. It will also get even more complicated as she gets older, because I’m sure she will hear stories about Miranda from you, and she’ll see pictures. She might not know whether what she remembers about her mother is from actually seeing her, or if it is made up of the photos she sees and stories that she hears.”

“So is that what my dad is talking about when I insist that I know what my Aunt Lisa looked like. In fact, I remember seeing her in person, but he tells me that’s impossible because she died when I was just two years old.”

Dr. Merton nodded. “That’s a perfect analogy.”

Puck smiled. “I love those memories. So I should talk about Miranda and show Addie pictures and tell her stories?”

“As long as it’s not too painful for you.”

“After awhile, I think it’ll make me feel better, Doc.”

“Then, by all means, share all of the stories you can.”

“And take her to the cemetery?”

Dr. Merton said, “I don’t see why not. What about Miranda’s family? Addie’s grandparents?”

Puck shook his head. “I don’t want to get into it, but they didn’t want us to get married. I haven’t heard from them since Miranda died. She was an only child.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that. Are you getting the support that you need?”

“It’s been tough, but it’s getting better. I met someone.” Puck grinned. “That’s why we had the conversation earlier. I mean, we’re just friends for now, and I’m not sure what direction it will go. I just want to be prepared. And I think I’ve found a great sitter for Addie. He has a baby that’s just a year old.” Puck paused for a moment. “Do you think it’s weird that it’s a guy?”

Dr. Merton smiled, slapped Puck’s knee and stood up. “I’ve heard of bisexual people before. No, I’m not worried. In fact, I’m pleased to hear all of your news. It sounds like you’re doing all of the right things. Just keep in mind that if you hit a tough spot, and you need someone to talk to, give us a call. We can put you in touch with the right people. If you’ve got a good sitter, you might even consider getting away for a few days. Taking care of a baby is hard work. Sometimes you need a break.”

At that moment, Puck envisioned Ross’s smiling face, and it brought an idea to mind. He said. “Thank you so much, Doc. You’ve been a big help.”

Dr. Merton bent over and tickled Addie’s tummy. “You have a wonderful little girl here. Keep up the good work!”